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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
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Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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My husband left me because he thinks I cheated, but I found texts from a man to my husband saying 'I love you' and suspicious receipts for restaurants.....what is going on?
Q. My marine husband of 4 years who by the way was abusive verbally and accused me of cheating when he got back from Iraq. was always paranoid. He said we had orders back home where i grew up. 1 day after closing he said he got orders changed to go to ...
A. 2 November 2012: Get a divorce attorney lined up, ASAP. You need to ensure your interests are protected.
I have a website and its forum site that may offer specific support for someone in your situation: http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php and http... (read in full...)
He's been talking with women on webcam when he promised he wouldn't do that anymore!
Q. So, i've had this problem of my boyfriend looking at naked women on webcams. He promised me that he wouldn't do it again because it made me feel so hurt and not good enough for him. Well, i know i shouldn't have but i snooped through his computer ...
A. 27 June 2012: Person12345 has great tips there for you as you move along in this new phase of your relationship with him. Good luck to you.
... (read in full...)
He's been talking with women on webcam when he promised he wouldn't do that anymore!
Q. So, i've had this problem of my boyfriend looking at naked women on webcams. He promised me that he wouldn't do it again because it made me feel so hurt and not good enough for him. Well, i know i shouldn't have but i snooped through his computer ...
A. 26 June 2012: So basically, he's dodging the issue because he knows if he just acts like an ostrich, the issue will go away because you'll forgive him because you love him. So he knows there will be no consequences other than you'll be upset for a while?
H... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend, but have feelings for my female friend!
Q. ok, so. i have this friend, shes a girl. ive been tryin 2 decied if im ballenced(BI), or totter(STRAIGHT). ive been having mixed emotions about her. she dresses like a guy acts like a guy. idk what 2 do. i have a bf that i love sooo much. I try 2 ...
A. 26 June 2012: How old is she? If you are friends, just talk to her. Tell her about your bi feelings. Maybe she will tell you if she is as well. Good luck.... (read in full...)
My Mother seems obsessed about trying to break up my brother's relationship with his Gf. What can I do?
Q. ok my question is in regards to my brother and my mom. My brother A has always been a mamas boy and she has ALWAYS been obsessed with him and in his business. A is the dream kid, has always just let her be her over bearing self and smiled and s...
A. 26 June 2012: Well, maybe let them sort it out... you can't manage either of their feelings, nor can you manage their behavior. It's a waste of your time and energy to worry about something that you can't alter, fix, repair or otherwise influence.
You sound very... (read in full...)
The boy I fancy is going out with my best friend, help!
Q. I am 13 and this boy ive liked for 2 years is now goin out with my best friend wat should i do (by the way every says that hes a player and they wont last)...
A. 26 June 2012: So, let me ask you, what do you think your choices are here? Or are you just sad about this and want to vent a bit?... (read in full...)
He's been talking with women on webcam when he promised he wouldn't do that anymore!
Q. So, i've had this problem of my boyfriend looking at naked women on webcams. He promised me that he wouldn't do it again because it made me feel so hurt and not good enough for him. Well, i know i shouldn't have but i snooped through his computer ...
A. 26 June 2012: Life's too short to be with a guy who thinks chatting to women on webcam isn't cheating. Sorry you had to find this out but go ahead and end the relationship. There are lots of guys out there who won't do this.
Be brave, end the relationship and ... (read in full...)
I've had anxiety as we had a threesome and his condom fell off!
Q. hi. my girl and i recently had our first threesome with another guy , and the rule for the other guy was to wear a condom. well, while he was in the middle of things, his condom came off. now, im ok with the fact that we did the threesome, but not ...
A. 25 June 2012: As this appears to be an irrational mind buggy out kind of thing, I doubt anything we say will have much of an effect. But here goes anyway...
So the thing to realize is that our cells replace themselves every so often, some areas more than othe... (read in full...)
He 'doesn't know what to do,' now that his wife does not want a Divorce. What should I do about my Bf''s response to his wife's edict?
Q. My boyfriend's ex wife has said she still loves him and doesn't want a divorce. We have been together for 18 months and are very much in love but now he said he 'doesn't know what to do.' He was married for 30 years and still feels guilty about hi...
A. 25 June 2012: "Sorry to hear that. Well, as you don't know what to do, I will give you time to decide. I am not comfortable with living in limbo, so I am going to go on a break from you, while you sort out what you want to do. If you do decide to divorce and ... (read in full...)
My husband left me because he thinks I cheated, but I found texts from a man to my husband saying 'I love you' and suspicious receipts for restaurants.....what is going on?
Q. My marine husband of 4 years who by the way was abusive verbally and accused me of cheating when he got back from Iraq. was always paranoid. He said we had orders back home where i grew up. 1 day after closing he said he got orders changed to go to ...
A. 25 June 2012: What's going on is that you need to acknowledge that your marriage is essentially over. Get your ducks in a row NOW, as honeypie suggests. Go see a divorce lawyer ASAP and learn what steps you need to take to protect your child's financial future. ... (read in full...)
My head is going in circles, is my wife cheating?
Q. hi im 54 and my wife is to , this is killing me we have sex once a week now and for some reason she wont let me suck on her nipples like i use to never real got that rough where it leave scab on the base of her breast where the nipple start to ...
A. 25 June 2012: She may have an infection or a skin condition that needs medical attention. i think redness or scaliness of the nipple or breast can also be an indicator of breast cancer.
Stop worrying about cheating and start worrying about her health. Get her ... (read in full...)
How do I rid myself of this obsessing over celebrities?
Q. I tend to share this peculiar obsession about celebrities. Whether they're just "pop" celebs like an actor or singer. OR a figure of intellectual reverence such as a literateur, artist or scientist. I tend to think about them obsessively for a few ...
A. 25 June 2012: Well, the first step is to become aware of when you are obsessing. Then start to observe yourself as you obsess. Become aware of the thinking pattern. Watch yourself, become your own diagnostician.
I have a website that may help you take an obje... (read in full...)
Is he really serious about a future together?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, I'm 24 and he's 26. A couple of years ago I told him I'd like for us to live together, but he said he wasn't ready yet and he'd reconsider the following year. That came and went, and there was no ...
A. 25 June 2012: You've been dating long enough to have developed some kind of communication with him, presumably, so why not simply ask him?
"Babe, I notice when I talk about the future, about us living together, you stare fixedly at the floor and the silence is s... (read in full...)
My Mother seems obsessed about trying to break up my brother's relationship with his Gf. What can I do?
Q. ok my question is in regards to my brother and my mom. My brother A has always been a mamas boy and she has ALWAYS been obsessed with him and in his business. A is the dream kid, has always just let her be her over bearing self and smiled and s...
A. 25 June 2012: Have you spoken to your father about your mother's behavior? It seems to me that he's well aware of her actions, and perhaps your mother needs a reminder on how to treat people with courtesy?
The situation will resolve one way or the other, your... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend, but have feelings for my female friend!
Q. ok, so. i have this friend, shes a girl. ive been tryin 2 decied if im ballenced(BI), or totter(STRAIGHT). ive been having mixed emotions about her. she dresses like a guy acts like a guy. idk what 2 do. i have a bf that i love sooo much. I try 2 ...
A. 25 June 2012: If you are having uncontrollable feelings, perhaps that's a sign you are not in the right relationship for you. Why not end things with your boyfriend, which will leave you free to explore that other side of yourself? It may be hurtful to your ... (read in full...)
Marriage makes sense because of my military situation, but my parents won't approve
Q. Me and my girlfriend have a somewhat unique problem. We have been going out for roughly 8 months now, and dated a few years ago for about a month. We were good friends in between those years. I am in the military and we have been dealing with the ...
A. 25 June 2012: I think that dating for 8 months isn't really enough time to move in together, let alone get married. If the reasons for getting married are purely logistical, it's really not getting started with the best possible situation.
You know your fami... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me he feels that our relationship is a waste of time?
Q. Well yesterday me an my boyfriend was barely talking he send me an message an he takes forever to text back. So lastnight he finally told me we was sleeping,i told him i love him which he said it back. The last text he sent to me was text me in the ...
A. 25 June 2012: I agree with SVC. I'd take him up on the 'taking a break' offer and see what happens. He sounds like he's either lazy or not all that interested in making the relationship work. He wants sex, you don't.
You two aren't really on the same page, are ... (read in full...)
Am I reasonable for being upset over this?
Q. Ive been really annoyed with my boyfriend lately. We just started dating and our relationship is relatively new but yesterday I asked if he wanted to hang out later on in the day and he said sure do. It was around 6 o clock and i texted him and ...
A. 25 June 2012: SVC covered this well, so I'm just going to add a few relationship tips:
If you have something that makes you angry, get it out. Don't seethe. Don't sit and stew and create more drama in your head. That's pointless and just adds more fuel to the ... (read in full...)
When I cum it looks like I've wet the bed
Q. I've got a quite embarrassing problem, when my boyfriend is pleasuring me and I reach my climax I seem to realease a large amount and it goes everywhere as if I've wet the bed, I don't know if this is a problem or if theirs anything I do to control ...
A. 25 June 2012: If you are very concerned about this, you could try having had a climax earlier in the day, reduce your hydration levels and see if there is any difference. If there is not, why not just relax and be thankful you can reach climax/orgasm? So many ... (read in full...)
My ex told me my boobs are small and I can't get over it. Is bigger really better?
Q. My ex, the only guy I've ever been sexual with, told me my breasts are too small and I still can't get over it. I know he's not the only man on earth, but I've heard my other male friends talk about breasts and it's always a case of "the bigger the ...
A. 25 June 2012: Your ex, to put it bluntly, was an ass. Why are you giving another moment's thought to what an ass's opinion might be?... (read in full...)
Worried that we are not intellectually compatible?
Q. I am in a new relationship with a man who makes me laugh like nobody else, is affectionate, hard working and very patient. We are living together and planning to go away travelling together. I'm very physically attracted to him, I trust him, fee...
A. 25 June 2012: Okay, I have to ask the question, if this is a new relationship and you aren't sure of it, why are you living with him? Why can't you just continue to date him and take a bit of time to figure this out?
I do like the idea that you will go on a trip... (read in full...)
How can I trust him when this has happened before? he received a text from a woman calling him 'babe'. He got defensive.
Q. Dear all. I was visiting my boyfriend today. We were having a good time until cell phone rang. The first time it rang he ignored it saying it was his friend who want him to go to a party so he's not interested. The phone rang again an there was a ...
A. 24 June 2012: Contact a separate lawyer NOW. Do not try to reach him until you have spoken with an attorney and have taken qualified legal advice on this purchase. Good luck.... (read in full...)
He likes it when I'm jealous
Q. My bf and I have been together for almost three months now. He's a really charming guy but it really gets on my nerves when he tells me about other girls hitting on him and being smug and all about it. He says he likes it when I'm jealous and it ...
A. 24 June 2012: Next time he mentions another girl hitting on him: "Oh how nice for your ego, that must be a huge boost. Are you still feeling low about your ex? Well, when you get over that, I'm sure that will a great day. So, now that we've talked about that ... (read in full...)
Was it right to leave like that? Did I react right? or was I too harsh on her?
Q. First off I'd like to say I really, really appreciate that you are reading this lengthy story/question. *question at end I promise!* Me and this girl had a thing together and I told her how I felt and she said she couldn't date me because I w...
A. 24 June 2012: When you wrote this: "I've got a lot more to say but what's the point, you're going to pretend to listen and care just so you wouldn't be the bad person, but just tell me the truth, honestly why you can't and don't worry I've heard it all, I'm not ... (read in full...)
Over-protective Mum cut me off from my friends now I'm too scared to talk to girls. Can Someone help?
Q. Ok, so here's my problem. I'm a guy and the part of Ireland that I'm from, there's a whole lot of pressure about kissing someone or as they call it here 'meeting' someone where you baiscally go out and snog someone then the two people decide whether ...
A. 24 June 2012: It seems to be me that the issue lies with your mother keeping you from the typical social life experienced by teens in your area.
Do you have any idea why she is 'overprotective'? Is she worried about something in particular for you?
You could tr... (read in full...)
What is hot?
Q. By watching TV and looking at magazines, you can tell what is attractive about attractive women (if you are a man anyway). Does this mean you can tell what is attractive about attractive men by watching TV and looking at magazines? Or is...
A. 24 June 2012: You can ask this question of 100 women and get 100 different answers. This is all in the eye of the beholder. Most women aren't as appearance focused as men--our libido doesn't necessarily start in our eyeballs, like it seems to in men.
I don't unde... (read in full...)
How do I handle insulting people who think I look too young to be a Mother? I'm twenty six.
Q. Hi everyone I was just wondering how people in a similar situation deal with this I have a son who is 4 later this year. I had him when I was 22. My partner left me when I told him I was pregnant but I look very young for my age even though I am 26 ...
A. 22 June 2012: Have a card made up that says: "Due to repeated insults and comments on my appearance, I have resorted to having this card printed. I had my child at age 22. I am not a teen mum. I appear to be younger than I actually am. If people like you would ... (read in full...)
Irrational fear of my boyfriend masturbating
Q. Over 2 years ago I was sexually assaulted. A few months later I met my current boyfriend. After maybe 6 months of us being together, I found that he had looked at porn. I dont know what happened in my brain but I totally lost it and honestly it ...
A. 22 June 2012: Find an English-speaking doctor ASAP. No messing around. Your mental health should be your top priority at this point, everything else is secondary. ... (read in full...)
New boyfriend admitted he can't get an erection because of my weight and I'm devastated....Help!?
Q. I have an incredible new boyfriend I really like, but he has trouble getting and keeping an erection, and the reason is.....my weight. We are incredibly drawn to each other on so many levels- intellectually, emotionally, etc. He says he finds my ...
A. 22 June 2012: The other aunts have done a great job answering your question, I just have one I want you to ask him.
Why are you trying to make me feel bad for your ED?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend coming home to look after me, but...
Q. My boyfriend lives and works overseas and he comes home every 6 weeks or so. The last week I have been very ill and have spent two non-consecutive nights in hospital. He's coming back this weekend to take care of me. His condition, however, is for ...
A. 22 June 2012: Hm. I guess it would help me if I know what illness you were suffering with.
I'm getting the feeling that he doesn't really think it's all that serious if he's putting 'conditions' on visiting with you. A boys' night out and a night sitting by the ... (read in full...)
I had a sex dream about his teenage sister! Why?
Q. I am 27 years old male. I have a friend, Stephen, that is a 23 years old male (I played football with him in high school). The problem is that I had a sex dream about his 16 years old sister, Lisa. In my dream we were in her room making out ...
A. 22 June 2012: I have had dreams in which I was toothless, or losing teeth. I've also arrived for a final in a class I never attended, flown over rooftops, was invisible to people, was walking toward things that I could never reach, hung out with various ... (read in full...)
He is not looking for a relationship - should I go out with him anyway and hope it turns into something more? Could we end up as a happy couple?
Q. hi cupids I have this dilema and would like some advice were possible. I have over the past year had a crush on my bus driver ( I know pretty out there ) lol and one day I became a bit brave after a few dutch courage drinks and wrote my phone n...
A. 21 June 2012: I think Cerberus has it summed up, actually. Though I do want to add that I think it was brave of you to take the initiative. At least you know, now, just remember that you had the nerve to actually try to make the connection.... (read in full...)
Lost virginity to two Malaysian hookers. Should I feel bad?
Q. I am in the navy and am 21 years old. When i was in Malaysia a couple years back, me and my friends were partying at a club in downtown Kuala Lumpur. We were all drinking and getting pretty drunk. Then late into the night, the club started to ...
A. 21 June 2012: First of all, thank you for your service in the military. It's a big sacrifice you are making and I just want you to know that many people appreciate it, including me.
So, on to your question.You know, most of us don't go around telling ever... (read in full...)
Very frustrated with the men I am meeting, and to make it worse the one guy that I like has a girlfriend and is a lot younger than me!
Q. Oh, where to start? I am 54 years old, work 2 days in a beauty shop and 3 or 4 days as an in home health aide. I am struggling, even working 2 jobs. After going from couch to couch for 6 months last year, I finally saved enough to get my own tiny ...
A. 21 June 2012: So the parameters of the situation are that you are in a neighborhood with few dating prospects, a church with few dating prospects, jobs with few dating prospects as well, and not a lot of spare cash, along with a set of friends who don't honestly ... (read in full...)
I want to ensure my long term relationship will last. So what are your thoughts on my theories on what might work?
Q. this is a question going out to all the ladies out there who are in love with their partner. 1) do you prefer your partner to be more dominating/controlling in the relationship or 2) do you prefer them to be more distant and less controlling,...
A. 21 June 2012: Thanks SVC, I wonder why he never did a followup on the other question? The aunts there took the time to answer his question and he didn't acknowledge it and instead writes another question. Hm. I guess he didn't hear what he wanted to hear?... (read in full...)
How do I tell the man I love the awful truth about my past?
Q. When I was 12, I found out that I was the unfortunate result of my mother's adultery. My "dad" was disappointed and extremely disturbed by it. Growing up I had always felt different and I was never given the love I felt my 2 half sisters were and it ...
A. 21 June 2012: If you have to ask this question, you really do need professional help, please do go do the best thing for your future. Be well.... (read in full...)
I want to ensure my long term relationship will last. So what are your thoughts on my theories on what might work?
Q. this is a question going out to all the ladies out there who are in love with their partner. 1) do you prefer your partner to be more dominating/controlling in the relationship or 2) do you prefer them to be more distant and less controlling,...
A. 21 June 2012: Your point number 2 comes from a standpoint that someone in the relationship bestows freedom and the other one is granted freedom. Is this some sort of notion that the man gets to decide what his partner can or cannot do?
Or when you say free... (read in full...)
Very frustrated with the men I am meeting, and to make it worse the one guy that I like has a girlfriend and is a lot younger than me!
Q. Oh, where to start? I am 54 years old, work 2 days in a beauty shop and 3 or 4 days as an in home health aide. I am struggling, even working 2 jobs. After going from couch to couch for 6 months last year, I finally saved enough to get my own tiny ...
A. 21 June 2012: To add onto Eyes' suggestion, I have a website that may lead you to meeting people with interests like yours. http://www.meetup.com/ For an explanation of what it is, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meetup
The young man and his girlfriend are a remi... (read in full...)
He is not looking for a relationship - should I go out with him anyway and hope it turns into something more? Could we end up as a happy couple?
Q. hi cupids I have this dilema and would like some advice were possible. I have over the past year had a crush on my bus driver ( I know pretty out there ) lol and one day I became a bit brave after a few dutch courage drinks and wrote my phone n...
A. 21 June 2012: Is it possible that he's attached, has a girlfriend or partner or wife? It's possible that the line "I'm not looking for a relationship" is code for "I'm actually attached but am willing to flirt a bit, no strings attached, but at the end of the day ... (read in full...)
How do I tell the man I love the awful truth about my past?
Q. When I was 12, I found out that I was the unfortunate result of my mother's adultery. My "dad" was disappointed and extremely disturbed by it. Growing up I had always felt different and I was never given the love I felt my 2 half sisters were and it ...
A. 21 June 2012: Do not stop, do not do anything else but go get that professional help today. You have many issues that need coping with and the sooner you get to qualified trained help, the sooner you can begin interacting with people in the way you'd like.
B... (read in full...)
Irrational fear of my boyfriend masturbating
Q. Over 2 years ago I was sexually assaulted. A few months later I met my current boyfriend. After maybe 6 months of us being together, I found that he had looked at porn. I dont know what happened in my brain but I totally lost it and honestly it ...
A. 21 June 2012: You do need professional help, sorry to say. As you have realized, you are trying to cope with irrational thoughts which were triggered by a traumatic sexual assault. You likely have PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, as well.
I don't think tryi... (read in full...)
I have a little crush on my friend, but could never date him because he is overweight! How do I talk to him about his weight so he can be the perfect guy for me?
Q. Hi guys. I would really love some thoughts and opinions on my situation. First off i am 25 years old and after some horrible relationships iv finally found peace in being single and living life. I have joined volunteer work to void some of my ...
A. 21 June 2012: Suggest outings in which you do some fitness type of things, hikes, brisk walks, bicycle rides. This will send him the message that you are an active and athletic person and are looking for an active and athletic partner. He can then choose to join ... (read in full...)
The ugly guys get the girls!
Q. What's the deal with gorgeous girls dating ugly guys? I'm a 20 year old male and VERY good looking. I'm not big headed about it, just stating what is an objective fact. I can say this and still claim to not be big headed, as I don't feel proud...
A. 21 June 2012: You're permanently single because you are caught in a "logic" loop. You aren't asking girls out because you only find a small select few attractive. Then when you do see one that is attractive, you perceive her as being taken. So you limit your ... (read in full...)
I can't fall asleep without drinking alcohol
Q. i have a problem with alcohol and i can't stop, i feel i must drink it. every time i don't i can't fall asleep at all. i always drink to sleep or forget but i don't know what to do now. it has gotten somewhat bad for me and i need advice....
A. 21 June 2012: So you have bigger problems that you are trying to get away from by drinking alcohol to sleep.
Sorry to hear of this very disturbing situation. Please contact one of these organizations to get a local referral for someone who can help you: http... (read in full...)
I have to go to College but we want a baby together. What should I do?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been best friends since middle school. I am 17 and about to start my senior year of high school. We want a baby but I have to go to college. What do I do?!?!?!...
A. 21 June 2012: You'll need to pay for child care while you are commuting to and from school, in school, and if you need to study and can't have distractions. Expecting someone to look after your baby for free isn't a viable child care strategy--this means you ... (read in full...)
Fear of using public toilets, how do I overcome this?
Q. I know this question isn't really on topic to what this website is about, and it's a pretty stupid question anyway, but I can't find anything else this helpful and anonymous on the web. I absolutely hate using the toilet at other peoples houses a...
A. 20 June 2012: Your disorder has a name: paruresis. There is a website devoted to helping people in your condition: http://www.paruresis.org/
Tell your family doctor as you may have some treatment options that will help.
You are not alone and there is help and... (read in full...)
I can't fall asleep without drinking alcohol
Q. i have a problem with alcohol and i can't stop, i feel i must drink it. every time i don't i can't fall asleep at all. i always drink to sleep or forget but i don't know what to do now. it has gotten somewhat bad for me and i need advice....
A. 20 June 2012: You need to tell someone about whatever happened so you can get the help you need. Alcohol is not the answer. Ask for help, there are all kinds of places designed to help people in crisis, okay? Be brave now and get the help you need.... (read in full...)
I have to go to College but we want a baby together. What should I do?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been best friends since middle school. I am 17 and about to start my senior year of high school. We want a baby but I have to go to college. What do I do?!?!?!...
A. 19 June 2012: Save up. I ran what you'd need to get the child through to 6 years, childcare and groceries and all the incidentals and you need $113,000. That would be on top of whatever expenses you may have, such as college tuition.
Unless you have at least half... (read in full...)
I can't fall asleep without drinking alcohol
Q. i have a problem with alcohol and i can't stop, i feel i must drink it. every time i don't i can't fall asleep at all. i always drink to sleep or forget but i don't know what to do now. it has gotten somewhat bad for me and i need advice....
A. 14 June 2012: The problem with using alcohol as a self-medication to avoid confronting a problem is that it leads to even bigger problems.
You have to tell someone, ask to see your doctor and tell him or her. Be very honest and upfront with the doctor and he o... (read in full...)
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