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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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How to deal with people that look you up and down and stare?
Q. I am a self conscious person, quieter at times, and hate confrontation. Whats the best way to deal with people who look you up and down and/or stare when they meet or see you? Yes, yes we all stare a little.. but you know those peop...
A. 3 April 2014: If you go out into the world and assume that everyone who looks at you is judging you, it's going to be a pretty miserable life for you.
People will look at you, firstly because you are 'there' in their field of vision. If they never met you befo... (read in full...)
Can anyone who has had an abortion provide some words of advice?
Q. I recently got an abortion. I've been with my boyfriend almost two years. I'm 23 my bf is 26. I made this decision because one I'm in college, I still live at home, my legal status in the US isn't complete which means I can't work and I believe I'm ...
A. 3 April 2014: However people feel about abortion it's completely insignificant when compared to the thoughts and feelings of any woman who chooses to have one.
Having an abortion is nobody's business but the woman who is carrying the pregnancy.
I think you h... (read in full...)
Did my suggesting a daytime date put him off the idea? Should I cancel?
Q. After chatting online a guy asked to meet for dinner. I was happy to and we had a nice evening. We paid half each I had no problem with that. He since suggested I go to his for an eve meal. I feel this is too soon as he is an hour away to drive so ...
A. 3 April 2014: He's a grown up. If he doesn't know that asking a woman to his place after only two dates doesn't imply he's after sex, then he's an idiot.
the whole 'big sigh' texts makes him sound like a complete sulking douchbag in my opinion and a decent, ... (read in full...)
Simply homesick or seriously time to call it quits?
Q. Hi All, I've been in a lovely relationship for 3.5 years now. Two years ago I took a big leap of faith and moved halfway across the world to be with this man (the first year we were both in the same city). Most days I am rather happy with this lit...
A. 1 April 2014: You are truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Not happy in the relationship and nothing much going on at home.
Where do you feel most happy?
I think the worries over him are a little more than cold feet but you know the second you ... (read in full...)
Can a man control his arousal?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have decided to get married before sex. This is his decision. I am divorced on my mid thirties and he is on his mid twenties and saids to be a virgin. Well turns out he's religious aswell. When we kiss and fondle heavily , ...
A. 1 April 2014: I wonder why you are marrying someone who you barely know anything about??
... (read in full...)
We've hooked up twice but have yet to make it past second base, and now I'm wondering if she's not that into me!
Q. So I'm in college as is the girl I've been very interested in for over a year. I've been working hard at getting on her good side, texting her almost every day "randomly" running into her between classes. If I had to guess it's been pretty obvious ...
A. 31 March 2014: I am with Cindy.
I think she just doesn't want to get used for casual sex and even though she's hooked up with you, she's resisted going all the way.
It's hard for girls
Too much sexual contact too soon and we are branded a slut, too litt... (read in full...)
How do I rescue this friendship without crossing the line?
Q. I have a female friend who is in a relationship with a good male friend of mine. She has been a great listener when I have a problem and both her and her partner are valuable friends for me. The problem I have is that I have been single for a lo...
A. 31 March 2014: Hmmm it's a tricky one.
If you confess, it's likely your male friend is going to get all territorial and either scale back the friendship or even end it.
We cannot choose who we fall for and I think you are right that this woman has given ... (read in full...)
He was more supportive before the FWB started
Q. First I live in a foreign country and in a small town and luckily for the past five years I have had a male friend who I have spent a lot of time with. In the past I have helped him with many things and last year when my Mum was diagnosed with ...
A. 30 March 2014: Sex changes thing...especially friendships. You have gotten more clingy (expecting him to support you through an emotional time) and he has gotten more distant (because he wants to make it clear that he isn't your boyfriend or friend anymore)...
... (read in full...)
How can I turn my life around? What can I do about all of this?
Q. Hey everyone well I'm sorry that this is going to be a long complicated sob story but I'm in desperate need of advice and I know you all give great advice. I'm 21 years old. I'll start off by saying I was abused a lot by a lot of my family growin...
A. 28 March 2014: If you dropped out of school, perhaps you could start there and find a course that boosts your general education so you CAN get a place in college. You are young, you have loads of time to walk to path but you probably need to start with baby steps ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems more interested in crossdressing than in me
Q. My boyfriend and I were dating for 2 years and we had sex every day then everything stopped and nothing happened negative between us. I was shocked and beyond upset one day I found erotic pictures of him dressed completely as a woman. He started ...
A. 28 March 2014: He's probably been this way his whole life so you have to consider that he has not been honest with you about who he was right from the start of the 2 years.
Some men can be incredibly selfish, they want a girlfriend but they also want a secret l... (read in full...)
I'm annoyed at my B/f and his family's attitude especially when they know about our financial situation. Given this scenario, should I just not go for his mom's birthday dinner?
Q. I was invited by my boyfriend to join in with his family on Mother's Day as its also his Mum's birthday same date. I've known my boyfriend for 18 mths he is 39. I have met his Mum maybe three or four times and she seems nice so I agreed. However ...
A. 28 March 2014: I am sure it wouldn't upset everyone if you didn't go, plans change, people get over it.
I don't think your boyfriend is really doing anything so bad by asking you to pay for your meal. I would have thought it was simple logic that if you have mor... (read in full...)
I want a child and can't gamble more time on dating and ending up alone. Should I have a baby with this guy even though he doesn't want a relationship?
Q. I have been sleeping with a guy from work he is 32 years old and I am 38. and it just keeps going on and on and he says that he doesn't not want a relationship and he cannot be my boyfriend yet we spend weekends together and I go to his parents for ...
A. 27 March 2014: Good luck on your date xxx... (read in full...)
Should I give it another try? Really miss him, but he's still broken over his ex.
Q. Ive been seeing a guy for 2 months, and i really like him, but hes not over his ex girlfriend. She dumped him and she is now seeing one of his best friends, so he's really hurting from it still. However we had an amazing 2 months together spe...
A. 26 March 2014: There have been so many posts of late on DEAR CUPID of the same problem. Not sure if it's you OP or lots of different people.
Woman in shortish relationship with man, have a few good times then he fesses up that he isn't over the ex and says he ... (read in full...)
How can I control the jealousy I feel when he visits his daughter from a previous relationship, especially now that we have a child of our own?
Q. Me my boyfriend have a child together and he also has a child from his first relationship... often he goes to spend time with his other daughter and it's really getting on my love. He loves his daughter very much but sometimes I hate the fact th...
A. 26 March 2014: You need to research the word 'compassion' and what it means. You need to understand that you own nobody and you have no rights to deny a daughter her Fathers love.
How would you feel if he left you for someone else and that other person resented... (read in full...)
I want a child and can't gamble more time on dating and ending up alone. Should I have a baby with this guy even though he doesn't want a relationship?
Q. I have been sleeping with a guy from work he is 32 years old and I am 38. and it just keeps going on and on and he says that he doesn't not want a relationship and he cannot be my boyfriend yet we spend weekends together and I go to his parents for ...
A. 26 March 2014: You need to ask him if he wants a baby with you...I guarantee, he will drop you like a sack of dirt. Sorry but maybe its the only way to cure you of your addiction to him. If you get pregnant without his knowledge, you also will most likely not see ... (read in full...)
He's not ready to date anyone, and I want more. What do I do now?
Q. We've known eachother for nearly 5 months, but in fairness we've only met a couple of times. So in person we still have much to know about eachother. However, our chats on facebook got us very close, which we ended up having a couple of dates. After ...
A. 26 March 2014: Don't wait for him, it's the worst thing you can put yourself through and it's a waste of your time. If he's ever going to come back (and I doubt very much that he will) he will do it of his own volition and you pining and waiting for him wont make ... (read in full...)
He's not ready to date anyone, and I want more. What do I do now?
Q. We've known eachother for nearly 5 months, but in fairness we've only met a couple of times. So in person we still have much to know about eachother. However, our chats on facebook got us very close, which we ended up having a couple of dates. After ...
A. 26 March 2014: No it's not contradictory to want to get to know someone as a friend, but this guy confused you because he's probably been sweet talking you through facebook and texts but up close and personal, he backed off and went the no relationship route. It ... (read in full...)
Should I stay friends with him after this?
Q. I meet a guy from a group just after xmas last year, like a hobby group, we meet up on Sunday morning every week.we added each other on fb not long after we met, and we have been chatting everyday, early February he told me he's in limbo from a ...
A. 26 March 2014: He wasn't being very responsible when he had sex with you and now you know that sex will not lead to a relationship.
If seeing him isn't going to be painful for you, it's probably best to play it cool, acknowledge him but don't be over friendly... (read in full...)
Feels like no one is genuinely excited about our engagement. There are challenges. What can I do to cope with it all?
Q. It feels like no one is genuinely excited about my recent engagement. I've been dating a wonderful man for about 6 months and he recently proposed. We are in a long distance relationship, and there are a lot of challenges to us being together-t...
A. 26 March 2014: So even after you get married, you can't live together?
Perhaps that's why your family are worried?
People dont really get excited about second marriages, they are usually quiet affairs. I am sure your family will wish you and your new husband... (read in full...)
He's not ready to date anyone, and I want more. What do I do now?
Q. We've known eachother for nearly 5 months, but in fairness we've only met a couple of times. So in person we still have much to know about eachother. However, our chats on facebook got us very close, which we ended up having a couple of dates. After ...
A. 25 March 2014: Well it's a good thing, forget him and keep your chin up x... (read in full...)
Should I stay friends with him after this?
Q. I meet a guy from a group just after xmas last year, like a hobby group, we meet up on Sunday morning every week.we added each other on fb not long after we met, and we have been chatting everyday, early February he told me he's in limbo from a ...
A. 25 March 2014:
SOOOO....right off the bat:
He flirts but tells you absolutely that HE IS NOT OVER HIS EX and HE DOES NOT WANT a relationship.
You ignore this, you disregard this information and don't take him at his word.
You invite him to stay at... (read in full...)
How do I extricate myself from this toxic relationship?
Q. I really need some advice on how to emotionally detach myself from my boyfriend (ex?). We've been together 4 years and things have gotten so horrible. He's not in love with me anymore therefore he treats me like shit. He doesn't care what he say...
A. 25 March 2014: Going no contact is like building a wall.
On your side thing will seem strange, like you are missing something and you will want to break the wall down and let him back in
On his side, he might periodically attack the wall and if he sees a hol... (read in full...)
How do I extricate myself from this toxic relationship?
Q. I really need some advice on how to emotionally detach myself from my boyfriend (ex?). We've been together 4 years and things have gotten so horrible. He's not in love with me anymore therefore he treats me like shit. He doesn't care what he say...
A. 24 March 2014: So what is it that you actually want?... (read in full...)
He's not ready to date anyone, and I want more. What do I do now?
Q. We've known eachother for nearly 5 months, but in fairness we've only met a couple of times. So in person we still have much to know about eachother. However, our chats on facebook got us very close, which we ended up having a couple of dates. After ...
A. 24 March 2014: Sadly he has given every excuse possible to let you know he doesn't want to date you and you need to take him at his word.
He's come out of one relationship and does not want to get into another at this time and I think he's been very fair and... (read in full...)
How do I extricate myself from this toxic relationship?
Q. I really need some advice on how to emotionally detach myself from my boyfriend (ex?). We've been together 4 years and things have gotten so horrible. He's not in love with me anymore therefore he treats me like shit. He doesn't care what he say...
A. 24 March 2014: The reason why you go back time after time is because you are trying to prove to yourself that you are valid, that you do have the power to make this guy love you and treat you with respect and that you have the last word in whether the relationship ... (read in full...)
I don't like the engagement ring he gave me
Q. I'm disappointed with my engagement ring. I feel like a horrible person. I love my fiance to death, but he picked out a gorgeous ring, with a sapphire as the centerpiece stone. It really is a beautiful ring-but I am very traditionally mi...
A. 24 March 2014: You are in good company with a Sapphire ring. The Duchess of Cambridge has a sapphire for her engagement ring to prince William (his Mother Princess Diana's ring)...
Her's was a hand me down! AND a Sapphire! and it's also a HUGE ring!...... (read in full...)
I still have feelings for my ex, but she didn't reply to me. I deleted her number; what should I do next?
Q. I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. We broke up 6 months ago. I asked her out for drinks tonight; she said she will let me know but she never text me back. I am here over thinking and trying to get my mind off but I am going crazy. I ...
A. 23 March 2014: You are avoiding the issues because you dont want to hurt or get hurt...but you are both already hurting???!!!!
Why can't you start a family with her. I work for maternity services and we have loads of women who have children with their same sex... (read in full...)
I still have feelings for my ex, but she didn't reply to me. I deleted her number; what should I do next?
Q. I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. We broke up 6 months ago. I asked her out for drinks tonight; she said she will let me know but she never text me back. I am here over thinking and trying to get my mind off but I am going crazy. I ...
A. 23 March 2014: Why arn't you being honest with her?
You need to tell her how you feel. It seems you have confused her by wanting to be her girlfriend but by not coming out, it's creating a barrier for the relationship to go forward.
I guess it's a difficult... (read in full...)
Is this much older man giving me signs that he wants me again?
Q. Hes 47, im 23. Yes big age gap but we clicked in the first instance, i fell for him and him for me i believe. But we had a big falling out when i said i did not fancy him. I ws trying to protect him from office rumours, we fell out and he made my ...
A. 22 March 2014: 'i fell for him and him for me i believe. But we had a big falling out when i said i did not fancy him'
How can you fall for someone but not fancy them???
I think it's a game you are both playing. It's a distraction in the workplace and ne... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has saved hundreds of images of women on his phone! Normal or no?
Q. My bf of 7 months saves photos of random nameless girls in his phone. A few of them are pornographic but most of them are girls in their lingerie. It isn't just a few photos but hundreds of them. Is this normal? ...
A. 22 March 2014: It's obviously normal for him but not so normal for you.
Images are everywhere!! and so easy to download and conceal, so I bet there are a lot of people making 'private collections' because we live in a society where we can pretty much indulge ... (read in full...)
Dating an ex of a family member...right? wrong?
Q. Do you think it is wrong to fall in love with your cousin's EX husband? We have been friends since him and my cousin got married 6 years ago, and they've been divorced for 4 years. They have a 6 year old son together, who my cousin hasn't se...
A. 22 March 2014: So you would be allowed to see her child but she wouldn't?...
and would she know about this?
It just seems a little complicated.... (read in full...)
I didn't want this breakup, how do I get over it with my dignity intact?
Q. I've been dating a man for almost a year. On numerous occasions, over the past year, he has asked for time and space bc he is dealing with something stressful with work or his family. I have respected this and have done my best to give him what he ...
A. 17 March 2014: I think you need to take of those rose coloured glasses for a few minutes and take a good hard look at this one year relationship you have been in.
You have been kind, loving and faithful...but he has NOT, he's been flaky, selective with his time... (read in full...)
We normally talk every day but last night he didn't answer my phone call!
Q. Hello im in need of help! I just want to make sure im not over reacting. Yesterday me and my boyfriend talked and texted back and forth for most of the day, until about six o clock. We normally talk ever day but last night around 830 I called but he ...
A. 16 March 2014: I second Ciar's perfect answer, it's bang on target so OP take note!!
(5 stars)... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this? I feel left out on facebook, cant help it! my siblings talk to each other and not me!
Q. My brother and sister and sister in law and I are all adults over 30 with our own lives, we all live in different places. They are younger than me, are quite close and will often comment/like or post things on each other facebook walls. ...
A. 14 March 2014: I dont think you need to feel bad over this and I don't think it's your fault. I have a similar thing with my family and I no longer speak to my brothers and sister or my parents because I came to realise that with us all living so far apart and ... (read in full...)
Has he been leading me on, and if so, what should I do now?
Q. I have been talking to a guy I really like for about 2 months now. He always texts me first every single day and calls me a lot, and we talk for hours. He has taken me on a couple dates and he says he really likes me, and he compliments me a lot. I ...
A. 14 March 2014: I agree with YOUWISH
OP you can learn a very important lesson from this event and it's a really good one:
Learn to NOT get involved too deeply with blokes who are not over an ex!!(and for blokes...avoid girls not over their ex's)
It's fi... (read in full...)
I'm struggling with what he calls his dry sense of humour
Q. I love my boyfriend who is 40 of 7 months but don't like aspects of his personality. He can be very sarcastic and make derogatory comments about my weight. I'm a size 12 Uk and run and ramble, bike on the Downs etc. He makes comments about women ...
A. 13 March 2014: To be honest, a lot of blokes still really enjoy making really sexist degrogatory comments and pass it off as humour, most people can see it for what it is and the bottom line is that such men are just morons who feel entitled to their views(which ... (read in full...)
Tax credit awards. Is my dad taking all the money?
Q. I was not born in the UK I moved here when I was 8. I thought that if a child is not born in this country then they can't get child benefits or tax whatever. A letter can through today from HM revenue and customs about tax credits award wi...
A. 12 March 2014: Tax credits are awarded to those working with a low income and dependents (children). The person working gets some of the tax that they pay back. The amount of tax credits recieved is worked out on the previous years earnings so if your dad or mum ... (read in full...)
Should my friend's fiance pay rent or not?
Q. Ok so my friend and i are thinking of moving in together. Her fiance stays over 5-6 dys a week. I think its fair that he contrubutes to sum of the bills but she says no. She says firstly there is no way in hell he will pay as he dont earn that much ...
A. 11 March 2014: You should find someone else to rent a place with. She is wrong if she thinks he can live there while you pay half the rent. Saying he doesn't earn enough money is like saying he can go shopping and not have to pay.
If she wants to live with him... (read in full...)
My crush invited me to her wedding!
Q. So I get emails from a girl who I used to hang out with a year ago (She knows I had feelings for her). I asked her whats new in her life since we had not been communicating for a while, and she says she is getting married and would like if I came ...
A. 11 March 2014: If you are no longer speaking and you have gotten over the crush then I don't see any reason why you should have to go to her wedding, unless you just want to go out of curiosity.
She's a little cruel to invite you if she knew you had strong f... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone I can't be with.
Q. Dear Everyone, Some of you may say I'm a sad loser, but I'm really needing some advice. It's been almost 2 years since I split up with my girlfriend. I've never been so in love with anyone in my entire life! I've tried to move on. Dated oth...
A. 11 March 2014: I sympathise. I was in this situation with someone I was involved with for 6 years...it's very hard, it takes over your life if you let it.
He had moved on but I hadn't. I pushed other people away because my mind was so attached to him. I realised... (read in full...)
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