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... Send *arrellG a private message | | | *arrellG's profile:I am a 36 y/o single male. I have extensive life experience and have taken a course in Christian Counselling which I passed.I am also internet savvy and am Editor In Chief of a popular blog.
I take an active in interest in gaming, tv, films, politics and theology and sport. I enjoy helping people as much as I can. |
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I kissed a girl and my boyfriend didn't like it, what do I do?
Q. My partner and I have been together for 2 and a half years. During this time we've both expressed desires and fantasies in the bedroom and things we want to do. My boyfriend asked if I would have sex/be sexual with a girl while he watched, or have ...
A. 28 May 2018: OP, I think others have answered your points well to be honest. Of course, he didn't make you do anything but he put you up to it and now, hypocritically, disowning you. You can think what you like about his fantasies but to disown you becau... (read in full...)
I kissed a girl and my boyfriend didn't like it, what do I do?
Q. My partner and I have been together for 2 and a half years. During this time we've both expressed desires and fantasies in the bedroom and things we want to do. My boyfriend asked if I would have sex/be sexual with a girl while he watched, or have ...
A. 27 May 2018: Stop beating yourself up. It isnt helping. The 'good' news is your both equally to blame. Everything you say is right of course, about yourself, but your boyfriend is equally culpable. I sense your not an unfaithful person by nature. If anyth... (read in full...)
Should I accept the Bible as the final authority on sex before marriage?
Q. I am in the path towards spirituality and I have been reading the Bible and would like to be baptized one day I am not a born again Christian but I realize in the difficult times life has failed me and I need salvation - I need prayer and I nee...
A. 25 May 2018: WisOwlE is essentially correct. Pope Francis like all Popes is a heretic who amoung other things, in direct contravention of God's Law, sits on and hoards a vast amount of worldly wealth while prating about the plight of the poor etc and telling ... (read in full...)
He’s been giving porn more attention than me!
Q. Hey. So me and my boyfriend have been going together for 6 yrs now. Our relationship is pretty good for the most part. However the past couple of months he's been giving porn more attention than me. It's made me a bit insecure, and I'm starting...
A. 24 May 2018: Similar thing to what I said in another question. The first step is getting him to realise what is going on here and that is that he is an addict. Nothing will change until he comes to the point of realising that because he wont see it as a problem. ... (read in full...)
I'm constantly worried my boyfriend has/will cheat on me and I'm going insane thinking what on earth happened while he was on that cruise without me
Q. My boyfriend went on a cruise ship with his (male) friends last week. I expected it to be hard. I was a bit moody during the first day he was there, but the remaining 6 days I felt fine about the fact that he was having fun. He kept in touch wi...
A. 23 May 2018: Well no your not insane because your feelings have a rational root in the fact that he lied to you. It is therefore only natural for you to suspect him now. This is why when someone lies to me it is a long way back for them because I start to wonder ... (read in full...)
Can a devout Catholic male can be friends with a transgender girl?
Q. I am wondering if it is possible that a devout Catholic male can be friends with a transgender girl (she was born a boy but transition to a girl)? I did not know she was transgender until after we got to know each other. I enjoy her company but...
A. 23 May 2018: I am writing now as a Christian, albeit an Anglican. Can you be friends with this person? Absolutely you can. If we are looking at Scripture a romantic involvement would be more questionable. There is a clear injunction in Paul not to 'yoke' with ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend ignores me for computer games, should I be upset?
Q. Hi, I feel like this is a bit of a strange question and I'm not sure if I am allowed to feel this way or not. Hopefully you can shed some light for me. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years and recently moved in together 3 years ago. I fe...
A. 17 May 2018: No you most certainly are not being unreasonable. Personal space is important in relationships but not to the exclusion of the actual partnership. Put simply, he is an addict. Just because it is not drugs or alcohol does not make it any less corr... (read in full...)
Why does it seem like my boyfriend is stringing along his ex ?
Q. My boyfriend is 31 his ex is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even ...
A. 15 May 2018: I rather fear he is more likely to be stringing along you than his ex so the title is somewhat badly worded.
Going to be really frank, probably painfully so, I would get out now before your boyfriend ends up really hurting you. There are several ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I have very different views
Q. I have very different views of life to my partner. We get along great, I am very comfortable with him, he goes out of his way for me, we like each other's company, he makes me feel attractive and is into me. However, sometimes he says things t...
A. 13 May 2018: Hmmm well I think you need to ask yourself a hard question here. I dont think you are as compatible as your first paragraph makes out you are and you are maintaining this relationship principally because it makes you feel good which is ok but not ... (read in full...)
Was I doing to right thing to cut him off? Was I being not "open-minded"?
Q. I recently stopped being friends with a guy (let's called him C) for several reasons. I knew him for 5 years. He said we are friends but every time we see each other, we end up making our or sleeping with each other. I told him I don't do friends...
A. 10 May 2018: You were doing absolutely the right thing because he was using you in the most callous cold way imaginable. He exploited the fact you have feelings for him to get sex and he did this knowing you are currently in a relationship so he did it without ... (read in full...)
I like him but can't take the disresect anymore.
Q. Hi. I met a guy recently and we stared talking online . He said he is looking for something serious with me and is not here to waste time. At first I tried to invest my time in him by answering his calls in the morning and at night which ruined my ...
A. 9 March 2018: I have some sympathy for this guy because i used to be very much like him. He is doubtlessly a nice guy which equally doubtlessly why you like him but he is clingy, insecure, needy and broken and the plain and brutal truth is that this is not right ... (read in full...)
Why is my husband still here?
Q. In 2016 my husband had affair whole that year I also fell pregnant with our third child during the mid of his affair. He ended it with mistress because he said he wants life with me and kids. Its now 2018 and its just hard for me now to understa...
A. 4 March 2018: I would strongly echo what Honeypie said in many ways. Having said that it is completely natural and understandable that you feel the way you do. You didn't fail. He did. He failed to live up to his vows to you and whatever may have been wrong with ... (read in full...)
I need insight and advice on coping with my mother!
Q. I don't even know where to start... I just want to know if I'm crazy and overreacting or a horrible daughter. And what I can do to fix things or make things better, or at least regain my sanity. So the most recent event is that I got an am...
A. 27 February 2018: I have to be honest and you probably wont like to hear this but there seems to be a deeper problem than depression here. It is often the case that depression is a symptom of a deeper problem. The reason I say is that there seems to be no logical ... (read in full...)
Can this violent, abusive relationship be saved?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years now. We have a house together and before we moved in, we had a great time. However when we moved in, he kept throwing parties and his friends would strip naked and jump into our bed, be ...
A. 30 December 2017: Dont doubt yourself that is what he wants. I have no doubt that this is a seed he has planted in your head by something he has said and subtly he probably does it alot of the time. It is another mechanism of control, its mind control.
Of course h... (read in full...)
Can this violent, abusive relationship be saved?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years now. We have a house together and before we moved in, we had a great time. However when we moved in, he kept throwing parties and his friends would strip naked and jump into our bed, be ...
A. 30 December 2017: I will answer your second question first. Sadly, the answer is no, unless he takes responsibility for his actions and recognises he has the problem he wont change because he doesnt see the need too in the first place. Even if he did I would ... (read in full...)
We are both married but we love each other
Q. Help me. I'm in love with a man who is not my husband. I'm very confused and even though I love my husband and he is a good man I can't stop thinking of someone else. We talk a lot and we have met up personally. We are work colleagues. I think he ...
A. 25 December 2017: I think you need to explore the why of this, what is your husband not giving you that this guy potentially is. Before breaking your marriage asunder, something you will not be able to undo, you need to ask yourself is this really love? Could it be ... (read in full...)
Am I a terrible person for wanting an abortion?
Q. I'm 18 in my first year at university. In week one I met this guy and we became friends, and then really close friends, spending a lot of time together and when we weren't together, talking on the phone and texting. As you can imagine, we got ...
A. 24 December 2017: I am not going to hide anything. I am pro-life so while I cant agree with your decision for obvious reasons neither am I going to condemn you as a terrible person. Your just as flawed, broken and occasionally idiotic as the rest of us are. Plea... (read in full...)
How do I choose between my two men?
Q. I'm in love with two men one ive known for four years and one ive been with 10 months and I cant choose and its starting to depress me and stress me out having to choose the right one to settle down with, I keep thinking what if I make the wrong ...
A. 24 December 2017: But you arent with the four-year guy in an actual relationship? Am I right? I presume he is a long-term friend? I think Aunty Bim Bim is right but she has it the wrong way around. Your in a relationship with the 10month guy right? Well the four-ye... (read in full...)
I know I don't have any claim on him so why do I feel bad?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and my bestfriend, who I work in the same office with, started hanging out with this guy we also work with. The guy works in the field so we only get to hang out when he is in town, which happens about once a month. Anyway...
A. 22 December 2017: I wouldn't go quite as far to say irrational but I would say they are somewhat muddled and unjustified.
Lets start from the top. You had your chances with this guy and you pushed him away despite the fact that the way you are feeling now clearly ... (read in full...)
My dad is in an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do.
Q. I'm pretty sure my dad is in a psychologically abusive relationship (as far as I'm aware of) and I don't know what to do. He has been with her for 15 years. They met when I was already an adult, off at college 1500 miles away so I've had minimal ...
A. 4 October 2016: All I will say is that if the OP was describing the same situation but it was her mother I think the responses would be radically different.
... (read in full...)
My dad is in an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do.
Q. I'm pretty sure my dad is in a psychologically abusive relationship (as far as I'm aware of) and I don't know what to do. He has been with her for 15 years. They met when I was already an adult, off at college 1500 miles away so I've had minimal ...
A. 3 October 2016: I have to disagree with WiseOwl quite vigerously on this one. He may well be 'happy' and even say he is and mean it but that doesnt mean he actually is and in these situations someone looking from the outside is often a better objective judge than ... (read in full...)
My dad is in an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do.
Q. I'm pretty sure my dad is in a psychologically abusive relationship (as far as I'm aware of) and I don't know what to do. He has been with her for 15 years. They met when I was already an adult, off at college 1500 miles away so I've had minimal ...
A. 3 October 2016: Well everything you say here does suggest you are right and your Dad is in an, at least, emotionally abusive relationship. As to what you can do, that is very difficult to answer. Your Dad has been in this relationship a long time and althoug... (read in full...)
Why did he have to come into my life and hurt me like this?
Q. family help me understand where I went wrong? How do I move on? My heart is broken I can't stop crying:( so my bf and I were dating for 11 months, he pressured me to get married. We started our wedding plans but I said we should stop cause he ...
A. 30 August 2016: Agree with PuffinMuffin, you need to use discernment and not get distracted by what is going on on the surface, I understand you seeking the commonality but that doesnt mean it is right. ... (read in full...)
Why did he have to come into my life and hurt me like this?
Q. family help me understand where I went wrong? How do I move on? My heart is broken I can't stop crying:( so my bf and I were dating for 11 months, he pressured me to get married. We started our wedding plans but I said we should stop cause he ...
A. 29 August 2016: I think we can safely say that his man did not come from God and that in keeping him away, I am more than happy to say yes, God is clearly working to protect you as his child. I make no apologies for speaking to you as a fellow believer now because ... (read in full...)
Is my ex boyfriend taking advantage?
Q. Am I being taken advantage of?. My ex boyfriend started doing some painting in my apartment. He has done two days work so far. He doesn't decorate for a living. He just said he would help. He got in touch with me on facebook, after not contacting me ...
A. 24 August 2016: Well, the short answer to your question is YES, he is taking advantage. Generally paying for things should be 50/50 with the proviso that yes, sometimes people are ahead and sometimes they are behind so if one partner pays all SOMETIMES that is ok. ... (read in full...)
It's all wonderful except for his new attitude about our religion!
Q. Can two people be together long-term if they have different religion? I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and I love him very much. He has some flaws but he is a good match for me physically and emotionally. we can talk for hours on end...
A. 5 August 2016: Well my first piece of advice would be to consult Scripture. Essentially your bf is an unbeliever, and if your Christian, then yoking to an unbeliever is Scripturally speaking ok, indeed provision is made for it in that the believing partner ... (read in full...)
We broke up since months ago so why is my ex suddenly checking up on me?
Q. I split up with my boyfriend 6 months ago after a rocky relationship. Within a couple of weeks he was in a new relationship. We've not stayed in touch and we're not linked via any kind of social media. My ex has started looking at my LinkedIn acco...
A. 1 August 2016: I agree with Honeypie, with the proviso that what he does is irrelevant to your life...*unless*....you have unresolved issues here which is why you are wondering this in the first place........ (read in full...)
Should I go back to my high maintenance friends? or should I learn to appreciate non materialistic things?
Q. I have this need to go out all the time for the last three years I have gone out from Thursday - Sunday (yes as ashamed looking back at it partying) while have a corporate job. It was non stop glitz and glamour waisting a 100 dollars a night on...
A. 1 August 2016: As an ardent Protestant, on one level, it ill behoves me to recommend Catholicism ;) On the other hand I would say this. Your therepist is saying a wise thing about learning to be alone (and incidentally, with God, you are never truly alone) and all ... (read in full...)
Is she just an attention seeker? A flirt? Where so I draw the line with her?
Q. Where do you draw the line when you're a very flirty person and like the attention? What I mean is my work colleague is a very flirty person, the touchy feeling type. But where do you draw the line without making the person your flirting with g...
A. 31 July 2016: Stop. Rewind. She has a boyfriend? Well if she has a boyfriend and is behaving like this with you, and btw I am by no means convinced she wants things to go further, then that should set alarm bells ringing straight away. I am inclined to be reall... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex what happened?
Q. We had been together for two years and they have been great but then recently we had started to argue over petty little stuff and his parents were basically forcing it on me to forgive him and that ended up in me just building anger up. We were ...
A. 31 July 2016: Okies. Tell him because you will just end up feeling bad about it and it will eat you up and you havent really done anything horribly out of line. This guy is a creep btw, get rid of him out of your life and get as far away from him as you can. Ok, ... (read in full...)
Does he want a relationship or does he just want to fool around?
Q. Been on 2 dates with this guy. Date one: we went to the cinema. He didn't wait long into the movie before he made a move and kissed me. After the film, we took a small walk to a roof garden. He kissed me a lot there. Then he messaged me after th...
A. 31 July 2016: Op,
Id trust your judgement here, you say:
"I feel it's always very physical and that I'm not getting to know him."
I think you either express those feelings and see what he says (and be prepared to give up if the response isnt that great... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex what happened?
Q. We had been together for two years and they have been great but then recently we had started to argue over petty little stuff and his parents were basically forcing it on me to forgive him and that ended up in me just building anger up. We were ...
A. 31 July 2016: Before you tell your ex anything I think you should tell an adult you trust because I, for one, find this post disturbing. Why?
Well you say:
"we did we got separated I tried to call her but he basically said if I did that he'd take my phone." ... (read in full...)
Does he want a relationship or does he just want to fool around?
Q. Been on 2 dates with this guy. Date one: we went to the cinema. He didn't wait long into the movie before he made a move and kissed me. After the film, we took a small walk to a roof garden. He kissed me a lot there. Then he messaged me after th...
A. 31 July 2016: Op, Lets take this in order: Date 1: Bit narcisstic there I think, did he ask about you, did you enjoy the film etc? Everybody is a bit nervous after dates and wants to know what the other thinks of them but that was his first comment, seri... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't let me touch her. What do I do?
Q. Hi there. I'm looking for some guidance. I've been seeing a girl for a couple of months now and she barely touches me. I think I should maybe point out I am a very affectionate guy. I know I have a very high sex drive. My previous relation...
A. 31 July 2016: Id ask her as Andie says but be prepared for an answer you wont like. Andie is right that 2-3 times may be too much for many but I dont think thats the issue here because there is disjuncture between her past practice and her current practice if she ... (read in full...)
Will moving to another state bring me to a happier place than all the drama I've endure here?
Q. Hey I need some advice Lately I've been going through alot of bad things. I know it's life and everyone goes through things some point. But I feel like it's only me at the moment. I'm extremely frustrated!!!! I've never been this frustrated bef...
A. 31 July 2016: OP, You tend to feel its only you when you are in the place that you are but as has already been pointed out to you that is most definately not the case. I can understand why you took the decision that you did though I wouldnt agree with it, ... (read in full...)
Is it fair that I don't want my boyfriend to go drinking with his female colleagues?
Q. Hey guys :) so I've boyfriend for 6 years now, we are usually very happy, and we've been living together for 1 year. Neither of us go out drinking a lot (we are both very homely). Well recently boyfriend started a new office job, and his team has...
A. 30 July 2016: I think the problem the OP has - in her slight defence - is that she is noticing sudden changes in her bf and this is at the root of her insecurities - I think she has been used to spending alot of time with him - him being homely and that has ... (read in full...)
Social media signs are worrying me
Q. I'm friends with a female at work and was on Facebook, but she deleted me from her list of friends due to a misunderstanding, which has since been sorted out. She said she would put me back on her list of friends on Facebook but nothing has ...
A. 30 July 2016: I am really tempted to say stop worrying about social media. The problem is there is actually very little you can do really. If she doesnt want to add you she doesnt want to add you and you cant make her. Its annoying she has told you she would do ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's personality has changed, should I address this? And how?
Q. I'm with this guy for a year and a half now. And he had just broken up with his abusive ex of 5 years, by the time we met. He was very frail, little things could upset him greatly, and it took a few months for him to be himself again. But he was ...
A. 29 July 2016: If I am reading this right though he was affectionate at the beginning - something he now allegedly doesn't believe in which is puzzling because you're looking at something a bit different there - your talking about a change in beief system as ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend struggles with lusting after other women
Q. My boyfriend struggles a lot with lusting after other women. He sees beautiful women and wants to be with them and gets jealous of their partners if these women are with someone else. He then ends up feeling really terrible about lusting after other ...
A. 28 July 2016: No guys are not like that. People dont stop noticing beauty in a relationship on a shallow and aestetic level (though I would argue they only truly see it in their partner if they are faitful) but your BF is way, way over any reasonable line. Your ... (read in full...)
How can I believe there is good in the world?
Q. I can't stop wishing badly on people that have done me wrong - I fee like I'm stuck into waiting for karma to get people back that I'm watching my life waste away. I have been wronged very wrong end by a lover and friends and I've been a pushover or ...
A. 28 July 2016: I understand how you feel. It is a normal, a-typical, human response to suffering and pain. However, these emotions are literally eating into your soul and killing you. I dont believe in Karma, but I do believe in judgement and I do believe that ... (read in full...)
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