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... Send *heeler a private message | | | *heeler's profile:I am from Mississippi, and have lived most of my life here. In the past I was not particularly excited about living in a rural state, but over the past few years have come to realize the good things about the South that made me who I am.
I now live in San Antonio.
I am from a big family, seven kids.
Just like all of you, I am trying to navigate through life's many ups and downs, and relationships certainly provide plenty of these. Personal relationships bring more fulfillment to life than anything else. How much does it mean to have a beautiful home, plenty of money, and success if you are alone?
Thankfully, we can get through all of it together!
I have been through some crazy situations in my life, and will gladly offer any advice I can to help someone else.
I don't pretend to know more than anyone else, but I do know that whenever you are inside the problem it is much harder to get perspective. And that is why we are all here!
Hopefully I can give back just a portion of what has been given to me.
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Should I ask about that kiss from years ago, or not?
Q. Years ago, I was engaged when I met this guy, he was one of my brother's friends. He knew I was engaged and I was simply enjoying talking to him but after that, at the club, I let him hold my hand (probably a bad idea looking back now) but after se...
A. 3 September 2016: Women, for better or worse, lead with their heart. Whether it makes sense, or is the best idea, is often irrelevant. And this may seem like a negative observation but it absolutely isn't. Women's intuition is a powerful thing.
Men too often ca... (read in full...)
My boyfriend rushed our goodbye and did not even kiss me. Should I feel bad?
Q. My BF and I work together. We left early today as our company lets us off early every other Friday. He is my manager and our relationship is kept professional at the office. And it is our private business outside the office. He is ver...
A. 3 September 2016: Do you guys spend time together outside of work? To put it more bluntly, 30 minutes after you leave work are you both at either your house of his house, spending time together? The obvious answer is no, so you will have to provide some more ... (read in full...)
How does one juggle switching back and forth between feeling romantically towards someone and feeling platonic instead sometimes?
Q. Has anyone else had issues with switching back and forth between feeling romantically towards someone and feeling platonically? I broke up with my boyfriend over the summer because over the summer, we're long distance and that's hard, and I felt l...
A. 3 September 2016: It seems clear that your feelings are enough to continue seeing if there is something there. But not enough to make or change any future plans.
It is important to understand that there is no pressure to make a decision immediately. Perhaps ... (read in full...)
Considering breaking up, so why do I feel like crying, as if I'm losing something?
Q. Dear Cupid I'm dating an guy for past 3 months, I connect with him so well it scares the hell out of me. I really like him, he never said anything about liking me, he is not really vocal in showing affection; his action also confuse me Fo...
A. 26 January 2016: The parts of the brain that are triggered during a break up are the same parts of the brain that react to the death of a loved one. This is why, when going through a break up, it literally feels like a loss, with those same feelings of grief and ... (read in full...)
He didn't remember my birthday
Q. I have been talking to this guy for a few months, our birthdays are several days apart. I got him something for his birthday and he seemed to love it. He told me how grateful he was, how good it made me feel and he was going to make my day special ...
A. 25 January 2016: I will admit to being one of those people who are BAD at remembering important dates. I am one of seven kids, so there are nine birthdays to remember and I guess I just gave up eventually. So, I often forget birthdays, and that sometimes upsets ... (read in full...)
Its been almost 3 years since we broke up. Why can't we move on?
Q. After 2yrs 10months of trying to get over him, I finally decide to. The next day he calls. I'm really in a state of confusion. Well I'm with someone else, for a year and three months nos. I love my boyfriend. Maybe not as much as I love my ex. But I ...
A. 25 January 2016: Many times in these situations unresolved feelings for past bf's or gf's can be traced back to how the relationship ended. Did it end in a blaze of glory, with other people being brought into the middle? Did one of the two move away? Was cheating ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my boyfriend will compare my privates to his ex girlfriends and won't like what he sees!
Q. Hi all I'm a 16 year old virgin with a major concern, my left inner Laos is stretched and hangs down past the outer lips by quite a way, while my right labia is normal? The stretched on is also like a purple colour and rubs against my underwear and ...
A. 19 January 2016: Well, I cannot offer any real help with the first issues because I am a guy. ;-)
That does, however, make me qualified to answer your second question.
In this regard, guys are easy. They are not NEARLY as critical of body parts as women are (I ... (read in full...)
Help me deal with heartbreak after a break up
Q. A few days after Christmas, my now EX of three months invited me to her place for lunch. When I arrived she seemed a little distant, and started crying. I knew right away that whatever it was we had, was now over... She said that she wasn't ready...
A. 14 January 2016: The greatest advantage you have at this point is that you didn't date her for long. Oftentimes, though it may not SEEM like it at first, there is a correlation between how long you date and how long it takes to get over the relationship. Because you ... (read in full...)
Am I putting too much worth into text messages and missing the big picture?
Q. I've recently asked a question, but for my new question I need more advice on how I've been feeling on a deeper level. I'm in a LDR where I temporarily live in China for work and my boyfriend in US (13 hr time difference). I've known him for 4 ...
A. 10 January 2016: You stated that the two of you worked together and knew each other for four years prior to you moving to China and then beginning a LDR. Why, do you think, did the two of you not start a relationship until AFTER your move?
The reason I ask is t... (read in full...)
I'm so overwhelmed by how I feel about him that I feel I'd ignore any red flags
Q. I met what I believe is the one online a month ago. I know realistically it’s too soon to confirm what anything is but, what I feel overwhelms me so much so that I don’t want to mess it up. My dating history is that I’ve been single for 6 years ...
A. 10 January 2016: "Can anyone help me make sense of this or help me figure it out?"
Well...since you asked!
I am going to say some tough things, but I think that is necessary for you at this point, and much more helpful than just saying "Go for it!!!"
The re... (read in full...)
I'm fed up and tired of my girlfriend and her drama. There's a new woman on the scene. How do I approach her?
Q. Hello, I have been in a relationship with my gf for almost three years. However throughout those years it's been good and it has been REAL bad. She has a short temper and gets mad real easy. She also loves to argue. When I ignore her she comes back ...
A. 10 January 2016: There is a little bit of confusion about exactly who you are talking about when you say "she" at the end of your explanation. Specifically when you say you are not sure whether she really likes you of just wants to be friends. I assume that part ... (read in full...)
I am not sure if I am being insecure or disrespected, I expected more from a relationship!
Q. I have dated my boyfriend for about 8 months and am 28. Things on the most part are amazing. I have been cheated on before and I can be insecure. I never accused my boyfriend of cheating or stop him from doing anything. I have questioned him a...
A. 9 January 2016: Well, after a nearly three year hiatus, I have returned! Glad to be back!
Okay, now for the question. First, I need some clarification. You wrote that you have been dating this guy for around 8 months, and that you are 28. Assuming he is at least... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my long term boyfriend? He's lovely but I think we are incompatible.
Q. How do I know whether to break up with my boyfriend? I know that sounds like such an idiotic question. But we've been together for 8 years. I've never had a boyfriend other than him. We get along great. He's lovely to me and treats me really w...
A. 3 November 2013: I recently saw a movie, Hemingway and Gellhorn, about the marriage of Ernest Hemingway to the great journalist and writer Martha Gellhorn.
At one point in her narration she states, "People say that jealousy is the greatest enemy of love. They're ... (read in full...)
Is this "friendship" break doable or should we take a real break to reevaluate our relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I are taking a friendship break (a break from our relationship, not talk except the day we would hang out once a week as friends, and not see other people) Hopefully for not more than 2 weeks. We love each, but fight a lot. So he ...
A. 3 November 2013: It seems you are saying that actually being in a relationship is the cause of your relationship problems? I may be oversimplifying it, there are probably many specific issues that have not been resolved.
From personal experience, reluctan... (read in full...)
Stay single, date the ex, or date the new guy?
Q. I need some advice. I have been divorced for two years, this was my second marriage I had two children from my first one from my second. My second marriage was abusive. I got the strength together and rebuilt my life without help or assistan...
A. 3 November 2013: First of all, from what you have said there seems to be a consistent pattern to your relationship with your first husband. And the pattern is very familiar to almost anyone who has decided to revisit troubled relationships of the past. It is safe to ... (read in full...)
Do abusers ever leave you alone?
Q. I recently just got out of an abusive relationship. My family and friends are fully aware of it and absolutely support my decision and want nothing to do with this man themselves. It has been a few weeks since the break up. I have him blocked on ...
A. 28 October 2013: Your reaction to his efforts to reestablish communication or proximity will go a long way in determining how long he continues to try and be in your life. If you do not budge, he will most likely begin to accept that he has lost any opportunity to ... (read in full...)
Should I trust my friend's judgement and possibly skip some heartache?
Q. So basically I like this guy at my college who's into music and stuff,but I've been way too nervous to talk to him. I told a friend of mine (who he happens to hang out with)that I liked him, and I joked that she should give him a hint that someone ...
A. 22 October 2013: Trust your intuition, and trust your friend. Honestly, it won't matter if she still drops the "hint", just an opportunity for you to let his reaction further confirm what is likely his attitude.
Your friend has your best interest in mind, an... (read in full...)
He's withholding emotionally and romantically.... Advice please??
Q. My bf and I have been together 3 years. We're both in our early to mid 30's. We don't live together but usually spend weekends together and sometimes during the week if we can work it out. He used to be emotionally/physically available to me until ...
A. 18 October 2013: It is good that you are bringing your dilemma here, because it seems that you need some perspective. For those on the outside looking in, it really does seem like this relationship should have ended already. Perhaps it is difficult for either of you ... (read in full...)
How can I figure out if he would be interested in getting into a relationship with me?
Q. dear cupid, soo, there's this guy (he's 25, and i'm 20) that i've hung out with a few times and have talked to nearly every single day since i met him a little over a month ago (only one day has gone by without us at least saying hii and asking w...
A. 21 September 2012: Well, if you still aren't sure about how he feels about you i guess he could rent a jumbo jet and have it drag a football-field sized banner saying "I like you", or get one of those neon signs, or find a puppy and attach a note to it's collar. Or ... (read in full...)
I am in crush with a straight guy
Q. hello there. i am a student from china who is now exchanging in france. i met a guy who is from another school at the public canteen and he is very very handsome. that day he approached me and say he was new in town and do not know anyone. we had a ...
A. 21 September 2012: You may save yourself an awkward conversation by just determining if he is straight or gay as best you can first. If he has previously only dated women, never expressed interest in men or you (sexually), and not sent any vibes that his sexuality is ... (read in full...)
With so many men who claim to need porn should I even bother with a relationship?
Q. I don't even really know how to begin this but, here we go, I am confused about relationships. Mainly about if I am good enough. Everyone always says guys like to look, many of them watch porn, have nude magazines, some like strip clubs. I know ...
A. 21 September 2012: You are asking a lot of different questions, which is okay! But I'll try to answer a few of them. (And they are big, important questions, too.)
First, let me make an important distinction between a guy looking at "porn" and a guy going to see or b... (read in full...)
What exactly does 'take a break' mean?
Q. What does "do you want to take a break" mean?? My boyfriend and I are having some ups and downs at the moment, and he asked me this. I don't even know what that entails. ...
A. 21 September 2012: You could always ask him to explain exactly what HE means by that. It could mean just that, take a break from spending time together or talking. That could mean a few days, a week, a month even. Sometimes that's what someone says when they don't ... (read in full...)
My threesomes have come back to haunt me
Q. I am really in a bind and I don't know what to do. A little over a year ago I met my now fiancé. When we met we clicked instantly and became an item right away. He is charming, intelligent, attractive, educated and an all around great guy. About...
A. 21 September 2012: This is your opportunity to have a necessary and very important conversation with him. You said at first you had not told him everything about your sexual history, then later that you had. Maybe I misunderstood, or got the timeline wrong.
Eithe... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 21 September 2012: Take this as a gift and close any remaining avenues of communication. Believe me. He clearly has no ability to provide a meaningful relationship, and is only interested in what he can get out of you. Don't worry about what he owes you, as having him ... (read in full...)
Am I just wanting something I can't have or am I in the wrong relationship?
Q. Im a 24 year old with a little girl. I'm feeling extremely mixed up at the moment. I recently got back together with my little girls daddy (he is 42) who I've known for the last 8 years. In that time we've had an awful lot of problems, break up, ...
A. 31 March 2012: You won't get anywhere trying to figure out both situations at the same time, believe me! There are unique issues inherent to both relationships.
Which means you will have to focus on one of the relationships first. And it is always my belief t... (read in full...)
I want my ex to know the relationship is over!
Q. My ex and I have dated for a little over two years. I sort of ended our relationship the last week of February by email. We had broken up twice before than and had always reconciled, which the best idea. But, I was in love for the first time, in m...
A. 21 March 2012: In virtually every break-up it is resolution that is most sought after and least found. This is because break-ups are by nature confusing, the result of months or years of behavior and emotion that has stacked up and festered. We are all complicated ... (read in full...)
Dumping a guy over pornography use?
Q. Has anyone here ever dumped anyone over pornography use? How bad was it? I want to find a man who doesn't use it so I can feel special for once....
A. 20 March 2012: I'm interested in the research methods used to determine that 30% of men do not "currently" look at porn. Does that mean that 30% of all men are not looking at porn THIS INSTANCE? :-)
Does it mean that 30% of men haven't viewed porn in the last... (read in full...)
Dumping a guy over pornography use?
Q. Has anyone here ever dumped anyone over pornography use? How bad was it? I want to find a man who doesn't use it so I can feel special for once....
A. 20 March 2012: This has been a somewhat polarizing topic in the past, so I can say with confidence that men and women see it VERY differently. Something you should really commit to understanding is that men do know the difference between porn and reality (in most ... (read in full...)
Getting increasingly concerned about my girlfriend's friendship with a guy who fancies her....
Q. Been with my partner for 5 years things have been great and have not really had any issues with jealousy until now, my gf is constantly talking/hanging out with this male school friend of hers from high school who does fancy her and is single (she ...
A. 20 March 2012: Sorry about the "br's" in my posting, I'm on a public computer and it didn't work as intended! :-)... (read in full...)
Getting increasingly concerned about my girlfriend's friendship with a guy who fancies her....
Q. Been with my partner for 5 years things have been great and have not really had any issues with jealousy until now, my gf is constantly talking/hanging out with this male school friend of hers from high school who does fancy her and is single (she ...
A. 20 March 2012: It is going to be difficult to give advice that won't make you more paranoid or suspicious, but so be it.br
brFor each kind of relationship there is acceptable and unacceptable behavior by your partner. When you first begin dating someone there ma... (read in full...)
Should I even try to talk to this guy about my feelings?
Q. Hi people, I have been in a very weird, complicated relationship for two years - I am not even sure it can be called a relationship . I loved the guy and I still do. I respected him and still do. I also think of him as a very good, kind heart...
A. 5 November 2011: There is a lot going on here!
You stated that you don't want anything from him, but that is almost definitely not true. Although you don't say it outright, you want his love. You want a relationship with him. You want him to either reciproc... (read in full...)
I don't have a job or a man in my life, my ex dumped me for someone younger, my best friend is doing great in her life, while I spend my days in bed and nights crying
Q. Ok, not sure where to begin, just turned 31 and life is shit! Really bad!!! I have always had an ok job, men and good body, looked good...but in the last 6 months lost all that. Big time!!!! I've put loads weight on (despite going gym, my a...
A. 4 November 2011: Well the short answer is no, of course you can't give up!
I am 31 years old myself, and have been through some very trying times so far this year. I own my own business, and there were times that I wondered how I would keep the electric... (read in full...)
We argued, and now he wont reply to my texts and I can't get in contact with him!
Q. I had an argument 3 days ago with my boyfriend of 3 years. It was such a stupid little argument, so supid that i don't see the point in writing it here. After the argument, he walked away and went home. I texted him soooo many times telling hi...
A. 2 November 2011: You said that in the past you've had arguments but that they are resolved quickly because you are quick to forgive. And that these arguments are usually started by him.
Based on that pattern, I would guess that he is doing something very obvious ... (read in full...)
Am I being a doormat for her ex?
Q. Here is my agony. I was in a long-term relationship with my partner for six years, when I met a girl online that I developed a great friendship with, after about 15 months of corresponding daily we started developing feelings for one another. These ...
A. 5 October 2011: Something does not sound right about this situation. I am not sure exactly what, and I don't want to plant any seeds of doubt where none should be, but I feel there are red flags here.
First of all, I have NEVER heard of going to counseli... (read in full...)
Guys -- looks or personality?
Q. Hello all I have a question for the guys out there. Would you rather have a super hot woman with a pretty face and nice bod but dumb and needy. OR Would you rather have a sweetheart with a kind and generous heart but average looks and weight. ...
A. 4 October 2011: Well, I think you should ask yourself the same question. Would you prefer a decent looking guy with a great personality? I am sure there are guys thinking the exact some thing as you. Guys that aren't Brad Pitt, but are loyal and honest. Guys that ... (read in full...)
Was I Wrong for Talking to Another Guy?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago. We were having some troubles about a year ago and just took a break for about two months. In that two months he talked to other girls and i talked to this guy. I had a crush on him and so di he. We ...
A. 4 October 2011: This seems to me to be a clear lack of maturity on his part. He is not mature enough to handle you being emotionally involved with someone else.
Giving you the silent treatment is probably the only way he knows how to try and hurt you. And that... (read in full...)
Am I just another good-hearted loser in this world?
Q. Hey Everyone, When it comes down to dating, sex, and the opposite sex I'm a very confused man.I have had at least 7+ females tell me in a blunt, sincere, and point blank manor that they find me to be physically attrracive and claim that they rea...
A. 4 October 2011: First of all, you are still very young, so the idea that life has already passed you by is not reality. The reality is that you are a well-rounded individual with a lot to offer. If you haven't met the right person so be it!
As for your question... (read in full...)
Is my ex-fiance playing games or is he just too embarrassed to admit he screwed up?
Q. Is my ex-fiance playing games or is he just too embarrassed to admit he screwed up? My ex left me a yr. ago after 7 yrs. together basically, for someone else although, they did not get together until after he ended it. He also, denies she was the ...
A. 27 August 2011: Has he directly contacted you stating he still has feelings for you? You have to let go of trying to figure out the intentions or motives of all the friends and family that have contacted you. That will get you nowhere.
You also have to take wit... (read in full...)
I love the attention of my BFF and feel bad when he has a girlfriend. What does this mean?
Q. How can i know if i'm in a emotionnal affair with my male bff (i've known him for one year)? I adore my boyfriend but i like the attention i get from my bff he listens to me and notices me more than my bf it seems. I'm addicted to it I think like a ...
A. 27 August 2011: So often we look to others to find whatever is lacking in our relationships. This is understandable, and often necessary as it is difficult for any one person to be all of the things we need.
One question I have for you is has the new relation... (read in full...)
How do I end a 7 year old relationship?
Q. Hiya. I am 26 and I have been in a relationship for 7 years now. It isn't a healthy relationship, and for the past couple of years I have been waking up at night, from dreaming about meeting somebody new and falling in love. At the weekend I me...
A. 26 August 2011: Although you may think this will come as a surprise to him, there must also be thoughts in his mind that the relationship is not even close to "okay".
Start with what you know you know: The current relationship is going nowhere, it doesn't ... (read in full...)
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