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... Send *uman_male a private message | | | *uman_male's profile:Forty three years old. Single. Living in Auckland, NZ. A few personal problems of my own, like anxiety and depression, and more than my share of lonliness. I've never had a girlfriend and I don't believe I ever will... women just don't see me in that sort of way. That's all there is to it.
It's hard, but I feel better if I can help others. And who knows, maybe my situation gives me a perspective that allows me to help others and give good advice.
I know what sort of man I want to be, and I draw confidence and self worth from being that. So being a good person and helping others is as much about helping myself as it is them.
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I feel lonely and alone.
Q. Basically I feel very lonely and alone in life. I unfortunately lost my mother a few years ago and it's just me and my father. I'm grateful for my father but he is literally the only person in my life. A lot of my family live in different states and ...
A. 27 March 2014: I really feel for you. As has been said you really need to make an effort to expand your social circle and meet new people. Ok, that's easier said than done but try. There are sites like meetup.com you could try, or church (it doesn't matter if ... (read in full...)
Can I never trust a guy after this?
Q. Please help me. In January I met a guy in Facebook and we both started chatting. After few days of chatting we both exchanged our contact number and he started calling me. After few weeks we decided to meet at one of his friends home. We both wer...
A. 27 March 2014: Don't feel bad because of how someone else acted. You can't control other people's behavior, so don't feel bad because of what he did. You didn't do anything wrong.
That being said, and please know I'm saying this as gently as possible, you were... (read in full...)
Difficulty ejaculating.
Q. So I've had a real issue with ejaculating during any sort of sexual activity with a partner throughout my whole life. I can ejaculate eventually, but it just seems to take a long time (1hr+). For the longest time I was pretty happy about it, I can ...
A. 27 March 2014: I suggest you go see a doctor as well.... (read in full...)
Is it really a platonic friendship when the other person wants more?
Q. Hi maybe somebody can help me I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year. He's a very great guy and good looking. The thing that has been bothering me is he has a few female friends who are really into him. I hate to sound selfish, ...
A. 9 March 2014: I think you're going to have to get used to the fact that your good looking boyfriend is going to have other girls after him. If you don't like it find a less appealing boyfriend.
You either trust him or you don't. Find a way to deal with your ins... (read in full...)
Why don't I receive much attention from men?
Q. Why do I not receive much attention from the general male population? Before you proceed to trash this email, thinking it comes from some innocent 22-year-old who is fishing for compliments to feed into her sky-high ego, I assure you I am fairly e...
A. 9 March 2014: This may be way off bat and not particularly helpful but it might be worth keeping it in mind. It's a common misconception that the men make the first move. They don't. Women make the first move by giving a man a signal that it's ok to approach her. ... (read in full...)
Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while?
Q. Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while? Maybe this Isn't the case with all women, but it seems to be like a continuously notorious pattern in my relationships. Women lose interest in sex but I still want it....
A. 26 February 2014: I've wondered if it's because when men are married or in long term relationships they want to do things for their wives and please them as much as they can, and women don't respect a man that does that. And no woman can be sexually attracted to a ... (read in full...)
Would telling her I find her attractive be a better way to move things forward?
Q. Hello Cupid I was wondering if it is good idea to tell a girl you like her if you want to move things forward with her . I know the girl for about three months and I want to take things forward by telling her how I feel. I have decided to...
A. 20 February 2014: I think it's best to be honest and upfront from the beginning. I wonder if it might be a bit late since you've known each other for a while and become friends. Women don't like it when men pretend to be their friends in the hope of getting somewhere ... (read in full...)
My confidence has really taken a hit, what can I do to bring myself up?
Q. Hi there, so not really sure what the question is, but I feel just awful. After trying online dating my confidence has hit rock bottom. I joined in the beginning of December 2013 and straight away hit it off with a bloke (somewhat older then mysel...
A. 20 February 2014: Why the hell should you feel bad? You didn't do anything wrong. You met a guy who turned out to be a complete jerk but you can't help still liking him. I don't think you're the first young women to be in that situation. I'm sure you will get over it ... (read in full...)
I need some help with talking, opening up, and nervousness?
Q. I need some help with talking, opening up, and nervousness? Every time I attend to approach this girl lets call her Amber I freeze up or everything I was getting ready to say just disappears. I know I like her a lot and I've been working on self ...
A. 4 February 2014: I think you just need more practice talking to women in general. The best way to do that is in a relaxed situation where there is no pressure. Like work, church, activity groups ect. There are no tricks. You just have to do it enough so it stops ... (read in full...)
Rejected Too Many Times
Q. Hi. Lately it just feels like I'm a reject. Nobody wants me. I'm not too bad looking either. I have light brown/ blonde-ish shoulder length hair and I'm sort of skinny. It feels like I'm just completely undesirable and worthless. Why has every guy ...
A. 13 January 2014: That's terrible. I can't imagine anything worse than something literally fleeing from you when you ask them out. And I can't imagine what the problem is. I'm sorry, I just don't understand it. The only thing that I can think of is are the guys ... (read in full...)
What do I need to do about the fact that I seem to attract verbally abusive men?
Q. This evening I ended my relationship with a guy who was becoming more and more verbally abusive towards me. I told him I couldn't take any more. He got into the habit of calling me names and making personal put downs about my appearance and ...
A. 9 January 2014: You're not attracting men like that per se, you're just tolerating it way too long.
Don't tolerate it at all.... (read in full...)
I feel worthless and need advise.
Q. Please help this is lengthy so if anyone's willing to read and advise I would be so grateful I really don't like myself I have extremely few friends and am extremely harsh and negative about myself I'm 39 in 2 weeks and live at home I feel li...
A. 5 January 2014: I think this post is inadequte for what you're going through but it's the best I can come up with. I wish I could help more.
I think you need to get some help immediately. If you can't talk to your doctor go to a different one. It's not hard to ... (read in full...)
I have no experience of the fliriting, dating world!
Q. My question here is about making the first move in the dating world. I'm 19 and I still suffer with a lack of confidence. I'm very mind-oriented, and by that I mean my thoughts overtake me and prevent me from taking any action. Everything comes with ...
A. 5 January 2014: If it's possible for you, look into doing a course of CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. One of the things it teaches you is to recognise and challenge "unhelpful thoughts" and "negative self talk". I did a couple of courses and one section was ... (read in full...)
I want to find a special girl but I am too shy!
Q. Hi everyone, bit of a long question here. So I am a 22 year old male who has never dated or even kissed a girl. I hadn't really thought about it until recently. Seeing quite a few of my friends getting into relationships be it through Facebook ...
A. 1 January 2014: I would keep doing what you have been doing in trying to put yourself out more, but don't worry about dating or asking someone out just yet. Get into situations where you can meet and talk to women platonically. Try interest groups or church or ... (read in full...)
Why are gay women so picky?
Q. I am a gay female, quieter, average looking, feminine and looking for same,dating (which makes it harder) friends I don't care. Am not into the bar and club scene, am getting too old for it and am a non drinker and dont feel comfortable around h...
A. 11 December 2013: I don't think the issue is with gay women. I encounter the same sort of thing with straight women. Women are picky. Period. lol. If you feel socially awkward then maybe work on that instead of focussing on meeting someone. The more you practic... (read in full...)
Is it bad to be straight to the point?
Q. Is it bad to be straight to the point? From what I hear and what I see it feels like most of my friends have gotten into relationships by "Playing it cool" and a lot of the interactions is set out like a game. Its probably not done on purpose ...
A. 8 December 2013: I think if you're comfortable and confident enough with the straight to the point approach thats great. There is a thing as coming on too strong too soon though. That's something to keep in mind but it doesn't mean you should play games like your ... (read in full...)
How do I suggest improvements without making him feel bad?
Q. I asked my boyfriend to finger me the other night which I thought was reasonable because I've gone down on him a few times. It was his as well as my first time. I thought it would feel good, but it hurt a bit and I was bleeding. He went really fast, ...
A. 8 December 2013: Don't tell him that you didn't like what he did. Instead next time you ask him to do it take control; take his hand and guide him so you control how fast and deep he goes, and give him constant feedback "that's nice" "not so fast sweetie" ect. Lots ... (read in full...)
How do I ask him out?
Q. What's the best way to ask out a shy guy? I talk to him every day and really like him. I asked him the other say if he wanted to go bowling and he said yes but he can't till after Christmas, however, that was just as friends I think. What should I ...
A. 8 December 2013: Good on you for going for the shy guy! While you're chatting just ask him out somewhere casual, meet after school for a burger or whatever the young people are doing these days. You're already there. You're talking regularly, you've made plans to go ... (read in full...)
Which is more important in a partner: being physically attractive, or being good in bed?
Q. I have a general question for everyone. Do you prefer a partner who is good looking but boring in bed, or a partner who is average looking but good in bed?...
A. 8 December 2013: If I had to pick one or the other I'd pick good in bed as well. Though somewhere in the middle would be nice.... (read in full...)
Men aren't interested in dates these days, they just want to shag!
Q. What is wrong with guys these days?? I am a newly single woman on my 30s. I ve been married for many years since I was 21, and have a teenage son. I meet men often, I started going out, but I don't only meet guys in bars, but just randomly ...
A. 8 December 2013: Honeypie suggested courses or through hobbies you may have. That's a good place to start. Or through friends. Or church. Anywhere you are introduced and can interact socially without the sexual element.
Remember, everyone here is only trying t... (read in full...)
Men aren't interested in dates these days, they just want to shag!
Q. What is wrong with guys these days?? I am a newly single woman on my 30s. I ve been married for many years since I was 21, and have a teenage son. I meet men often, I started going out, but I don't only meet guys in bars, but just randomly ...
A. 8 December 2013: I think you've received some good advice and you've successfully torpedoed nearly all of it. You've stated that the problem you're having is that all the men you meet are trying to initiate sex too quickly for your comfort. And from what we can... (read in full...)
Has any female been in a relationship and later found out that your boyfriend or husband was gay?
Q. Has any female been in a relationship and later found out that your boyfriend or husband was gay? How can you tell if he is? I have a suspicion that my almost ex husband may be gay and I'm just curious if anyone else has been in this situation. ...
A. 20 November 2013: I know this isn't what you asked, but I'm curious as to what led you to suspect he's gay. This might not be relevant to your situation but keep in mind that someone may be interested in some same sex elements, but they may not necessarily be gay, as ... (read in full...)
Gay and ginger, is there any hope?
Q. Hi all, I would be very grateful for any advice so here it goes. Im a 22 year old guy and I have just accepted that I am gay and I'm not out to anyone. I'm also very unfortunate to have Ginger hair too. I have been a quiet and shy guy all my life ...
A. 27 October 2013: I don't see a problem with being ginger. I don't know what it's like to be a young gay man who's just come out so I can't comment on that, but I know there's nothing wrong with it.
Starting out dating doesn't come easy for most people. You just... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to ask their girlfriend for gifts at the start of a relationship?
Q. Is this normal for a guy to ask his girl friend to buy him gifts at the very beginning of their relationship and telling her what to buy for him? If she says no to buy then he remarked her as money minded? And if she buys, he becomes very happy and ...
A. 27 October 2013: No that's not normal, and I don't think that's acceptable. And I think anyone would be stupid to tolerate it.... (read in full...)
I just feel like I don't belong anywhere and my life is passing me by.
Q. Ok, I know this isn't a relationship question but I need help. I'm not quite sure how to put this but my life just sucks right now. I feel like it's passing me by, and it's really pathetic. I'm not sure quite how to put this, but there's a vo...
A. 15 October 2013: Why do you feel that your life as a musician is over? Just because you got kicked out of one band? So what? If it's what you want join another band. Or start one of your own. Or just play by yourself if that's what you love. Maybe also look into c... (read in full...)
How late is too late to start dating in the modern world?
Q. How late is too late for guys to enter the dating game and start looking for a relationship. 25? 30? 35? I mean, to really just START! Never been on a date before, never had sex, maybe never even kissed a girl. This could all be due to many combi...
A. 30 September 2013: I'm personally hoping it's never too late. I'm 43 and I haven't dated much and I've never had a proper girlfriend.
But I'm hopeful. I'm working on what I think is holding me back like confidence, social anxiety and lack of opportunity. So start wo... (read in full...)
If I'm a lovely guy then why haven't I had one date?
Q. I've had replies from here before but nobody could suggest anything that worked so I'll try again. I'm 37 now and have never been in any kind of relationship in my entire life. No woman has ever been sexually attracted to me and I have never ev...
A. 26 September 2013: Why does his attitude stink and why does everyone jump to the conclusion that he's only going for women out of his league? You could be me, dude. I'm in the same boat and I know how baffling and confounding it is. I have the occasional date ... (read in full...)
Do I text her or message her online? or is this weird, help!!
Q. Was wanting to ask sthing... Ive been messageing a woman online for a few wks, shes only after fship, which is ok, i really need new friends. We seem to get along ok online, we decided to meet for coffee, public place, have seen each oth...
A. 23 September 2013: If you've texted her she has your number doesn't she?
What I would do is send her a message asking her to meet. Be specific with a time and place. If you don't hear from her go anyway. If she doesn't show up or reply forget her.
I don't think... (read in full...)
Shouldn't we get to know each other a bit more before we actually meet?
Q. Hey fellow aunts and uncles, i started online dating about 6 months ago and i was a bit disappointed with it as it was always older men or creepy messages i got :( However this really cute guy messaged me, just the normal how are you?. We started ...
A. 19 September 2013: I don't think it's fair for him to leave it up to you like that. I don't know what it says about him. Even I know women like the man to take initiative. But I don't think there's any harm in meeting him, and you never know he might just be super ... (read in full...)
Would a penis pump work?
Q. I've thought of getting a penis pump. I'm not big, between 4.5 and 5.5 and not very thick either. I wanted to know if i use a penis pump and pump it up say just a half inch bigger everyday over a long period of time would it grow to say 6.5/7 and ...
A. 19 September 2013: I don't have any hard facts on this but I would bet no.... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble coping with anxiety.
Q. This isn't really a relationship problem but my complete lack of a love life is a big part of how I feel. I suffer from depression and anxiety... depression about my lack of a love life and anxiety about my work life. I was in a pretty shitty jo...
A. 18 September 2013: You're right about the comfort zone thing CMMP, and it's a good point... why worry about fucking something up when I'm already unhappy. But I felt I need to clarify I don't have anxiety about women. I have no problem talking with them or asking them ... (read in full...)
Should I tell them that I am also dating other people because at the moment I am not looking for a relationship, I am just enjoying myself as I am not sure what I am looking for?
Q. hey, just some quick advice really... I have been dating 2 girls, one girl I have been on a few dates with over the past few months and another girl I have dated a couple of times. Should I tell them that I am also dating other people because ...
A. 18 September 2013: Personally I think you should be honest and upfront about it, but that's just me.... (read in full...)
Shouldn't we get to know each other a bit more before we actually meet?
Q. Hey fellow aunts and uncles, i started online dating about 6 months ago and i was a bit disappointed with it as it was always older men or creepy messages i got :( However this really cute guy messaged me, just the normal how are you?. We started ...
A. 17 September 2013: If you're not prepared to meet someone what's the point? I say go for it (but be safe). He's obviously interested or he wouldn't be sending messages. Maybe he's just not one for emailing back and forth for ages. And he might be reluctant to go into ... (read in full...)
How can an ugly man attract a woman for dating?
Q. Best way of attracting interest from women with my 0/10 looks? I am 45 and have never dated or had sex and have had no opportunities to do either. I have been called ugly since the age of 14. During my 'day' of clubs, bars etc the only women who t...
A. 17 September 2013: Also, women our age expect a man to have his shit together by now, a house and a good job. So if you've got that sorted that's one big plus in your favour. You're doing better than me. I bet you get a result before I do.... (read in full...)
How can an ugly man attract a woman for dating?
Q. Best way of attracting interest from women with my 0/10 looks? I am 45 and have never dated or had sex and have had no opportunities to do either. I have been called ugly since the age of 14. During my 'day' of clubs, bars etc the only women who t...
A. 15 September 2013: I'm in the same boat as you except the sex part, but I've only been with escorts. I've never had a girlfriend. I used to blame my looks, but the problem there is ugly men get women, so it can't be that. In fact I was out last night and a rather a... (read in full...)
I want to date but when I look at men I feel sick
Q. hi aunts and uncles, its been awhile since i have wrote and asked a question. first off, im doing sooooo much better now since my divorce. my husband had left me for a woman in her early 20s and he was later 40s, and he had a baby by her in june. ...
A. 10 September 2013: I think a dating site is the last place you should look.
Maybe just concentrate on making friends. If you meet some nice guys friends it might help you get over the strong feelings you have when you come to realise not all men are bad and are goin... (read in full...)
Do I keep a good man even though he's terrible at sex?
Q. Hi:) I need some advice on what I should about my boyfriend because I'm really on the fence... I'm in my mid thirties, divorced( i was with my ex for 13 years)and no children and really want to find the one and settle down and have a family et...
A. 10 September 2013: Maybe instead of leaving it up to him and putting all the pressure on him you should take the reigns. Right now he's thinking the same thing you are... sex is bad because he's bad. Why is it always up to the man? Sex can be bad if the woman just ... (read in full...)
I want to make friends and become more comfortable in social situations, any advice?
Q. I am the individual with Asperger's Syndrome who asked these questions: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/where-do-i-meet-these-particular-types-of.html ttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-become-better-at-dating.html As for the part abou...
A. 10 September 2013: I had chronic social phobia and depression a few years ago. The first thing I did was seek therapy and took a course on cognitive behavioural therapy. That helped me somewhat. Here is a website that might help. You can download different modules for ... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend saw me with my new friend!
Q. I was in a relationship for a year and I recently broke up with her. Its been about two weeks and we only talked once. I broke up with her because she cheated on me. She blacked out and I guess from what she told me she made out with another guy ...
A. 10 September 2013: You sound very confused and you don't really know who you should be with. Do you think you were hasty breaking up with her? If I were you, and I genuinely cared about her I would have been more worried about her safety and the potentially dangerous ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified that I'm going to come off the wrong way or say the wrong thing and someone won't like me. I know it's silly and that not everyone in the world is going to like you but I just worry.
Q. Here's the thing; I'm not exactly what you would call a social butterfly. I am however more like the caterpillar in its cocoon that evolves into a butterfly. By that I mean I'm very shy, but once I am friends with someone, I can talk and talk for ...
A. 9 September 2013: Look into something called cognitive behavioral therapy. It can help you cope with anxiety.
... (read in full...)
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