| Latest articles: Why we cannot hold out for the real thing
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25 August 2009: In a recent article on this site, MonicaC advises young people to "hold out for the real thing". She tells us that she was focused very much on sex when she was younger and that she had both good and bad experiences. Now that she is older, her needs ...
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Husband said "you don't understand me, I don't understand you..I want out!"
Q. I'm 26, my husband's 28, I'm originally from Ontario, he's from Michigan. I met him when I was working in Michigan centre over 4 years ago, we got into a relationship and it was mostly good. Like all relationships it had its ups and downs. We...
A. 29 August 2009: I understand that this comes as a shock to you, but if your husband wants a divorce, that is really all you need to know for now. There is no point in fighting it or dragging it out, that would only add to the pain. You can only "work on a ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when your ex wants to sleep with you still, even though he has a new girlfriend?
Q. What does it mean when ur ex wants to shag u and always takes the piss and speaks to u still on the phone? Mates say that there is still something there between us but im not so sure he has a new girlfriend now Any advice sammie. xxxxx...
A. 29 August 2009: It means that if he can have two women for the price of one, he will not say no. But you should say no, because you deserve better.... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a guy to not look at other women when he's in love with his girlfriend?
Q. My boyfriend of three years has been telling me all along that he never looks at other women, and has no interest in anyone but me. I never asked him not to, or expressed a desire either way but he believes it is so fundamental in his beliefs that ...
A. 29 August 2009: Has he given you any reason to believe that he is interested in other women? If not, why do you care so much about whether he is telling you the absolute literal truth when he says he never looks at other women? I'm sure he sometimes does, he would ... (read in full...)
Husband hasn't done anything wrong but I want to leave him
Q. We have been married 22 years, and have three children 20, 17, and 14. I have always wondered if he was the right choice, even before we got married. I was an alcoholic in recovery when we met (I'm still struggling), and it seemed like the right ...
A. 29 August 2009: As you say, you don't love him and you don't feel loved by him. As you have already tried counselling and it has not helped, it is time you thought about moving on. But in your case this really does need a lot of thought, because there are your ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be hurt and upset because my boyfriend didn't get me anything for our anniversary?
Q. My boyfriend and I have always had a challenging yet loving relationship. There's a very strong mutual attraction and although I don't know if he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, I have a lot of love for him. He is pretty ...
A. 29 August 2009: See, he IS a really good guy! I hope you keep making each other happy for a long time to come.... (read in full...)
I gave head to a friend and now I have a sore throat. Could I have an STI?
Q. I recently gave a guy I know head and he shoved it right down my throat. He is not a partner and we did not use contraception. He is a mate though. Three days later I got a really sore throat and it has got so much worse and now I can not swallow. ...
A. 28 August 2009: Yes, this could be an STI. You need to go and see a doctor immediately.... (read in full...)
Do you think I could be bisexual because of my past?
Q. recently when i watched the trya banks show[lesbians it was about on this episode] i have been wondering to myself are you a lesbian!but to me i aint cuz i have a boy friend and stuff! so now im wondering if im a bisexual becuz when i was small...
A. 28 August 2009: I understand that you want to tell your boyfriend, but really that should not be your primary concern. You say you've already told a teacher. That was a good first step, although I don't understand why this teacher has not, so far, acted on this ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant, but I'm not sure which guy is the father!
Q. Im 26 and just found out Im pregnant. The thing is, I have slept with 2 men - one 4 weeks ago, just a day after I finished my period and someone else 2 weeks ago. Im unsure who the father is but I think it is more likely to be the guy I slept wi...
A. 27 August 2009: In terms of probabilities, you are right that the second man is the more likely candidate, especially if your period is very regular. But in terms of possibilities, the first man could also be the father as sperm can survive up to seven days under ... (read in full...)
How can I get my husband to see that he needs to work full time for us to be able to live comfortably?
Q. i have been remarried for almost a year now , my problem is my husband just wont work a full time job, but has very bad spending habit, he loves to eat out , i am a very good cook and he says he enjoys my cooking but he would rather eat out , we ...
A. 27 August 2009: You are not going to change a man who has been living like this for forty years. I am afraid your only choices are to accept him the way he is or to get out of this marriage.... (read in full...)
I spend my life dreaming of life without him...
Q. I have been married for 10 years and am completely miserable. He's a lovely guy however we don't seem to have any common interests, everything I do seems to irritate him and he never wants to have sex with me. I spend my life dreaming about b...
A. 27 August 2009: Your marriage is over. Of course that is sad, especially as you both seem to be good people treating each other with care and respect. But you don't love your husband anymore, not in the way that people in a relationship must love each other for the ... (read in full...)
I lied and told him I'm a virgin and now I can't tell him the truth!
Q. hi i need advice from anyone out there. im engaged getting married in a few months he thinks im a virgin i told him that i had a medical procedure and they kind of broke my hymen so i dont think i have a hymen told him its easy for me to insert my ...
A. 27 August 2009: You don't want us to advise you to tell him the truth, but I have to tell you that in my experience, relationships that are built on lies don't last. Although I can't really understand why, I am aware that for some religious people virginity is a ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin but I told him I'm not
Q. ok im turmoil here :( Im seeing my bf, we both in love, making future plans together ect... thing is im lying to him. Im still a virgin! even tho i've told him im not. Infact im lying to everyone about this, im like the 40 yr old virgin. i hate it, ...
A. 27 August 2009: If you've tried to have sex before but couldn't because it hurt too much, you should see a doctor. There are cases where the hymen is thicker than normal and does not break by itself during the first intercourse. In this case, it may have to be ... (read in full...)
Do you think I could be bisexual because of my past?
Q. recently when i watched the trya banks show[lesbians it was about on this episode] i have been wondering to myself are you a lesbian!but to me i aint cuz i have a boy friend and stuff! so now im wondering if im a bisexual becuz when i was small...
A. 27 August 2009: You are not bisexual. You were sexually abused and then went on to sexually abuse someone else (although you were probably far too young to understand this). You need to seek out professional help to work through this. You also need to report your ... (read in full...)
Why would my wife be taking testosterone?
Q. For the past 5 weeks my wife's been getting moody, irritable and fed-up and I've had no idea why. Talking didn't help, she just ranted. I, however, found out why, on a day I had off from work (it was a training course, but I didn't need to att...
A. 27 August 2009: There are all kinds of reasons why women might take testosterone supplements (with or without a prescription). These range from increasing one's sex drive over alleviating the effects of menopause generally to treating certain side effects or after ... (read in full...)
Does one person have to control a relationship?
Q. In my relationship my boyfriend controls everything for the most part. We broke up a few times..and he is always the one to break up with me. He always chooses when he wants to see me. Neither he nor I are working right now so he never wants to go ...
A. 27 August 2009: It does not have to be that way at all. A relationship cannot be built on control and dependency, but only on mutual love and respect. Your boyfriend sounds as though the only person he loves and respects is he himself. Let him go. This may be ... (read in full...)
I don't like the fact that he has slept with about 40 women. But I'm falling for him. What should I do?
Q. So i have been talking to this guy for three weeks. He tells me he really likes me and wants us to be together but we are taking things slow. We get along great and he has shared things about his childhood and life with me that he has never shared ...
A. 27 August 2009: First, if this man is roughly the same age as you, his claim to forty sexual partners stretches the limits of what is believable, so I wouldn't attach too much importance to this figure. He could be telling the truth, but men tend to overestimate ... (read in full...)
I'm having second thoughts about trying to conceive right now because my husband is sometimes cold with me and his daughter is going to move in! What should I do?
Q. I've been married for one year now... and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last 6 months and is not happening. He has a daughter with another woman, she is 10 yrs old and is coming to live with us. She is a 'good" girl but i ...
A. 26 August 2009: It would be interesting to know something about the sequence of events here. Did you tell him that you did not want his daughter to move in and THEN he became cold towards you? Because that would be the most natural reaction in the world from a ... (read in full...)
What do you think of the emails my boyfriend and his ex exchanged?
Q. Annoying emails! Hi again, So my boyfriend and I got together he has been split up from his ex a couple of months, but he broke up with her and was not over it, so she started to stir a few rumours up. I told him i thought he should email he...
A. 26 August 2009: He is honest with you and those emails state quite clearly that they are talking about the past. For now, this does not seem to be something that you need to worry about.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with an old friend!
Q. I'm in love wit an old classmate of mine so i decided to tell her.she said she doesn't feel like having a relationship wit anyone.i asked why but she wouldn't say why.i tried to convince her that i really love her but she said she would only prefer ...
A. 26 August 2009: She does not return your feelings and she does not want a relationship. That is all you need to know. Back off and look for love elsewhere.... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be hurt and upset because my boyfriend didn't get me anything for our anniversary?
Q. My boyfriend and I have always had a challenging yet loving relationship. There's a very strong mutual attraction and although I don't know if he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, I have a lot of love for him. He is pretty ...
A. 26 August 2009: Let's put it this way: He came to see you after what was probably a fifteen-plus hour workday for him so that the two of you could celebrate your anniversary. Is that not in itself a token of his love? Why would a cheap bunch of flowers make you ... (read in full...)
My verbal abuse has caused my ex to become a different person, how can I fix this?
Q. In my past relationship, I verbally abused my wife. At the time I apparently never noticed what I was doing and I've finally come to terms with this over the past few months and I've been working on it tremendously. What really concerns me though... ...
A. 26 August 2009: Apparently you still talk to each other, so just tell her! Tell her that she is, and always was, a great and wonderful person and that you treated her like you did because YOU were insecure, immature and selfish. Tell her that you know there is no ... (read in full...)
Recently divorced: will I be able to move on?
Q. I was married for 3 years I got divorced recently because I caught my husband cheating on me........ and ever since the divorce my friends are pushing me to go on dates but I just can see myself with anyone right now, I am still hurt from the ...
A. 25 August 2009: Yes, you will be able to move on, but give yourself some time to recover. Clearly, you don't feel ready to go on dates yet, so don't! Look after yourself for a while. You will know when the time is right to think about dating again.... (read in full...)
How can I improve my self-confidence?
Q. I believe that most of my problems are rooted in a low self-esteem...I just came out of a 2 day seminar about giving presentations where the teacher gave me a pretty deep feedback in saying I was overall an ok presenter but reminded him of a little...
A. 25 August 2009: Ah, that's just typical communication training talk. These people make money teaching seminars for people like you so they feed your insecurities. So you're a bit nervous when you give presentations. Big deal, aren't we all. That does not make yo... (read in full...)
3 way relationship not working so well. Where do I go from here?
Q. I'm having trouble deciding on what to do here. If anyone could help me with some suggestions it would be much appreciated. I recently started a 3 way relationship and I am the 3rd person to join into an already 2 way, but my intentions were not to ...
A. 25 August 2009: This arrangement is clearly not working for you, so let it go. It may be painful at first, but not as painful as letting the situation continue to make you unhappy. You deserve love and respect and you are not getting it from these men. But ... (read in full...)
Head over heels in love with my step-brother. Stop, or see where it leads?
Q. So my mother and step father married when I was 11 years old my mother has two children, my sister and myself. My step father has three, one older than I, and then two younger. My step brother is only six months younger than me. This past summer he ...
A. 25 August 2009: This is not legal advice as I am not a lawyer, but as far as I know it is not illegal since you are not related by blood.
However, you grew up together for a significant period of time, so I am not sure that this is an entirely healthy thing fr... (read in full...)
Cheated just before we got married, and now he wants a threesome to even the score!
Q. I cheated on my husband 2 years ago a few months before we got married. I had sex with another man one time (the biggest mistake of my life). Now he wants to make me feel the same way that I made him feel back then by having a threesome this weekend ...
A. 25 August 2009: "Now he wants to make me feel the same way that I made him feel back then by having a threesome this weekend with another female." and "I feel uncomfortable with this whole as is and I told him that but he still wants me to just relax and have ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he's 20, is this ok?
Q. ok i am 15 going to be 16 in 2 weeks and i have been dating a guy who is 20 we have been together 4 2 months now is that ok ??? cause sometimes it doesn't feel right when we first met we didn't talk much but we liked each other a lot from the moment ...
A. 25 August 2009: karasu10, don't scare the girl! What she is doing would be illegal in the US but she's in Greece, where, as I've pointed out, the age of consent is 15. It would be perfectly legal for her to have sex with her 20-year-old boyfriend. Whether it is a ... (read in full...)
Is this an STD? Cancer? I'm scared!
Q. I am 16 and about 3 months ago me and my boyfriend started having sex. The first time we didn't use a condom (I know it was stupid, please don't lecture me on it :/ And he withdrew before he was about to finish) We were both virgins and had ...
A. 25 August 2009: You need to go and see a doctor. I doubt that it is cancer and if you were both virgins, it can't be a sexually transmitted disease, but it is clearly an infection of some sort. The sooner this is treated, the better.... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to not want my wife to see naked men?
Q. My wife went to school for massage therapy. She was in childcare, but not certified, so not making much money,, and wasn't happy. She's now working in a massage place. Not a seedy place with oriental showers and the such you might think of, ...
A. 25 August 2009: What kind of a massage place is this? An erection is definitely not a natural response to a regular, non-erotic massage (it can happen once in a while, of course, but not "almost always")!
You are right not to want your wife to be in close co... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he's 20, is this ok?
Q. ok i am 15 going to be 16 in 2 weeks and i have been dating a guy who is 20 we have been together 4 2 months now is that ok ??? cause sometimes it doesn't feel right when we first met we didn't talk much but we liked each other a lot from the moment ...
A. 25 August 2009: According to Wikipedia, the age of consent in Greece is 15, so you should be safe:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Greece
Of course, that is just the legal side. You also need to think about the psychological side: are yo... (read in full...)
She told me I must get her pregnant in the next few weeks and we've never had sex!
Q. I'm 18, left college, going to university in September, my girlfriend's 17. She's told me I must get her pregnant in the next few weeks. I told her this is just not going to happen, and I said I will leave the relationship if she attempts this. ...
A. 25 August 2009: I would suggest you immediately confide in your parents or some other adult you trust and then you should contact her parents too.
I see two possibilities: Either your ex-girlfriend is pregnant by someone else and she wants to pin this on you, so ... (read in full...)
Too young to be engaged & in love with someone else, what do I do?
Q. I am 19 years old and engaged. I have also been in love with a different man for almost 6 years. Recently, the man that i've been in love with for 6 years confessed how he wants to be with me and has had mutual feelings for the same amount of time. ...
A. 25 August 2009: Break off the engagement. It will hurt your fiancé but better to clear things up before you get married than continue with this charade and make life miserable for both of you.... (read in full...)
Cheating by texting....I need advice
Q. My husband and I have been married for over 4 years, we were together for 4 years before we got married. Across our marriage we have the normal peeks and valleys but i have always trusted him 100% in regards to being faithful to me. We still have ...
A. 25 August 2009: You have already diagnosed the problem yourself: your marriage has settled into a dull routine and clearly this has let to feelings of inadequacy on the part of your husband. If you want to save this relationship, you need to work actively on making ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be angry over lack of contact in a long distance relationship?
Q. Hi everyone, I just want to get something clarified in my head and would like some opinions. To cut a v.v. long story short, about 16 months ago i was in a very happy and loving relationship with someone for 2.5 years. Then 16 months ago, I de...
A. 25 August 2009: You are both to blame for the things that happened, although if you are honest with yourself, you will realize that your share of the blame is larger than his. Granted, he should have written more often. But after all, you were the one who went ... (read in full...)
Secretly in love with a girl who has a double personality!
Q. my best girl friend which I love and adore has sort of a double personality. When she is with me she is sweet and adorable! However, whenever she is with her friend, which I think is a bad influence, she become this wild party girl who jump any hot ...
A. 25 August 2009: She doesn't have a double personality, she is simply acting differently in different situations. When she is with you, you are helping her with her studies -- in this situation, it makes sense for her to show restraint and focus. When she is with ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a twisted love triangle with two of my best friends!
Q. I'm stuck in some kind of twisted love triangle with 2 of my best friends and I feel it's going to ruin all of our friendships but I don't know what to do. Me and Leanne* have been best friends since birth and Ste* is our closest boy friend, we'v...
A. 25 August 2009: You are not stuck in a love triangle. Two of your friends are attracted to each other and Leanne is trying to hide this from you because she knows you like Ste too and she does not want to hurt you. However, Ste is obviously attracted to HER, and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend answered his phone during sex! Why is he acting so weird?
Q. My guy never answers his phone for me when he is with his friends, but, When we are together he is texting and he has even answered the phone in the middle of sex! He has been acting really weird lately. He also just told me a few hours ago that "He ...
A. 25 August 2009: Let him go. Why would you weigh yourself down with someone who cannot handle your sadness over losing your father? You are not a loser! You are a human being with dignity, who deserves love and respect. Take your time to sort out your own problems ... (read in full...)
I don't want to make him choose between me and the mother of his baby but I don't want to be the other woman either!
Q. I Have been friends with a guy "R" for almost 9 years. We Met in school. We had plan on dating the summer after we met but are life's got complicated so we decided not to add more drama. We stayed friends but never brought it up again. We never ...
A. 25 August 2009: If you don't want to be the other woman, then don't be the other woman. This is exactly what you are going to be, though, as long as this man stays with the mother of his child, regardless of whether he loves her or not. So stay away from him. ... (read in full...)
In love with my teacher and nervous about going back to school!
Q. I know I know I have already put a comment up about my love for a certain teacher, but we have been off for 6 weeks, we go back in a week I'm nervous as hell, I have been counting down the days til we go back and now I'm like scared. Can anyone give ...
A. 25 August 2009: I don't mean to sound patronizing, I do remember what it is like to be young and to be discovering one's sexuality, but this is a schoolgirl crush. You are in love not with this man himself, but with your idea of him. Think about this: what do you ... (read in full...)
I cant cum when we have sex!
Q. My boyfriend of new says that he loves everything about me but I can not come with sex. He is use to getting off quick then going a second time for even longer. With me he has no urge to continue a second time. He also says its not that I am not ...
A. 25 August 2009: If I understand you correctly, the reason you do not have an orgasm is that your boyfriend has his long before you are close to yours. He claims that he is "used to going longer a second time", but that with you he has "no desire" to do so. It ... (read in full...)
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