A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What's the deal with gorgeous girls dating ugly guys?I'm a 20 year old male and VERY good looking. I'm not big headed about it, just stating what is an objective fact. I can say this and still claim to not be big headed, as I don't feel proud about the way I look, just neutral, and it's not like my looks have helped give me any breaks in life or boosted my confidence in any false way.The thing is, I'm lonely. I have had opportunities to have girlfriends in the past but never taken them. It seems to take a lot to get me initially attracted to someone. And yes, the girls I've had crushes on tend to be very beautiful, but not in the stereotypical blond, blue eyed glamour model mould. The ones I like have been brunette or had black hair, with curvy figures although not overweight, and pretty faces. If a girl doesn't conform to this image, I find it hard to get interested enough to take the next step with her. Shallow though this may be, I can't help it and it's the truth.As I said, I'm lonely, and what really gets me down is that on the rare occasion I see a woman I'm attracted to, she's always got a boyfriend, and many of these lucky guys are either average looking or even ugly. How the hell did they get these girls when I'm permanently single?? A mate of mine who's the same age as me has slept with over 10 women, and while I'm looking for a relationship not loads of short flings, it does annoy the hell out of me that he gets laid so often while I'm still a virgin, as he's definitely in the 'ugly' category!I know they say that to women, personality is more important than looks blah blah, but surely there still has to be some initial physical attraction to make them bother? I've got a couple of close female friends that I love very much, but find it hard to imagine developing "romantic love" type feelings for them as there's no inital spark, and I don't 'fancy' them.I don't know what to do, and feel such a loser. I can't face a life of being permanently single, and need some advice. Thank you.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose  +, writes (3 July 2012):
 All I've got to say is, just because you say someone is "ugly" , doesn't mean that EVERYONE ELSE thinks that way.
Honestly, I wouldn't give a damn about that Taylor Lautner guy. He's not my type, and his muscles just don't fit well with me. He's kinda blegh... IN MY OWN OPINION. But I'm not going to go around labeling him ugly, as if every single person on the face of the earth thinks he's ugly too.
So stop whining about how guys you don't think are as good looking as you think you are are getting girls, and actually go out and talk to a girl. Get some confidence, and remember to be nice!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): You sound very conceited to me. I wouldn't date you. Learn some humility and don't call the guys who have the girls you desire ugly because otter beauty isn't everything and you need to learn that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): OP forget all this "women look deeper and love personality" nonsense, that's all bullshit and you know it. Women are as superficial and shallow as we are initially because that's how it works. They don't look around a room at guys personalities.
What's the first thing that attracts one person to another, it's their physical appearance, their demeanour, how they interact with others, body language etc.
How is it that guys like me formerly fat, bald and short can date, shag and have relationships with nearly a 100 women? Simple, because I try. No magic tricks, no special personality, nothing particularly special nor amazing, I just have balls and supreme confidence because I'm a trier.
While you're standing there admiring girls from a distance and wondering why it's not happening for you, I'm over talking to the most beautiful girl in the room, showing my personality and judging her worthiness for me and not the other way around.
You tell me what you're going to do. Are you going to just stand there and watch or are you going to do something about it and join the hunt? It's not hard, you just do it. You accept rejection means nothing and you move on to the next girl when it happens. People who think it's difficult are the ones that think too much. I could go out now and find a girl take her home with me today. The simple reality is women want to be asked out, chatted up, flirted with and tried on with. But it's not going to happen unless you get up of your arse and start doing it.
Don't want flings? Then get numbers and have proper dates. But don't be afraid to have a kiss and a cuddle at a party either, you can always stop it before it progresses too far and most women will really appreciate the fact that you stopped and asked them for their number and a date instead.
Why do ugly guys get girls, because it's the easiest thing in the world. They want us just as much as we want them.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Thank you for calling me gorgeous. My fiancé is short and snaggle toothed. He wears a military fade hair cut.. (he’s not military) he wears glasses.. when we started dating he was too skinny now he’s pot bellied and getting worse… LOOKS are NOT what it’s about honey.
I left a man who was very tall and a great lover who had NO self-confidence for a slightly crazy short lousy lover arrogant CONFIDENT man…. Confidence is so sexy…. You don’t have that.
In addition, you yourself say that your “type” and taste in women is very limited… finding a dark haired curvy but not overweight girl (read tiny waist, big boobs and full butt) is difficult… I also assume she has to be 18-22 or thereabouts… SMALL POOL to fish in… it’s ok to have a type and a taste… that happens to be my fiance’s taste too… Dark hair and curvy… I was a freaking skinny flabby redhead when we hooked up…. He went outside his comfort zone… I’m much older than he is as well… do you get what I’m saying?
Do you understand that it’s NOT that the ugly guys get the girls… it’s that the NICE guys, the confident guys, the accepting guys get the girls… The men that look past the “she must be xxxx, have dark hair, big boobs, etc…” are the men that are NOT lonely.
What attracted me to my fiancé at first was his personality.. I watched him from afar for a year before I made the move on him…. His personality was charismatic…
Let yourself be open to new experiences and new people and stop slotting them into neat little spaces in your life…
The fact that you deem your friend UGLY tells me that I would probably find him attractive. My fiancé did not find me his type at first but we were open to fun and games (that’s what our plan was at least) and his friends who are even younger than he is would say “it’s old and it’s not that attractive” meaning ME… and at first he took that… NOW he thinks me the most beautiful sexy woman around…and I’m HIS!
Do you even SEE how contemptible your thought pattern is? You see yourself as “all that and a bag of chips” and you deem your friend UGLY…. Why? What’s UGLY about him?
You are so missing the point… the truth is that YOU are ugly…. Because of how you view the world and others… until you see the beauty of a person’s soul regardless of their wrapper you will find discontentment in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): It sounds like you really picky with the woman you choose to date maybe if you considered dating woman for their intellect rather than their looks you wouldn't be so lonely. Furthermore ugly guys as you put it are not shallow they have amazing personalities, they treasure their woman and appreciate them.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 June 2012):
IMO, the thing that women are most attracted to in a guy is confidence (if not a touch of arrogance - many women will deny this, and then within an hour be talking with the most arrogant guy in the bar.)
Looks help, but nothing brings in the ladies like loads of self-confidence.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I asked my husband, "Honey, why is it that the ugly guys, such as yourself, get the gorgeous girls?" And he said,"Shut up".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Women like good looking guys, but we like personality, humor and guys who are sure of themselves.
You have a certain type and it's NOT working for you, what does that tell you?
You say & I quote:
"I know they say that to women, personality is more important than looks blah blah, but surely there still has to be some initial physical attraction to make them bother? "
Yes there has to be some kind of physical attraction, but it doesn't mean that it's "handsome" that a girl is attracted too.
I don't think it's your look, that doesn't get the girl.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 You're permanently single because you are caught in a "logic" loop. You aren't asking girls out because you only find a small select few attractive. Then when you do see one that is attractive, you perceive her as being taken. So you limit your dating pool and then you give up right away. Then you show resentment, so any girl who may find you good looking won't see you as attractive because you are emanating negative feelings.
If you are sitting back waiting for girls to come to you, you may be sitting for a long time. There may be some who would ask you out, but if you only like a certain type, well, if you don't go after what you want, you'll never get it.
I knew a lot of good-looking guys in college. There were lots of them. Some of them had girl friends, some did not. The thing is, you see, someone can be really good-looking but not be attractive for one reason or another. They might be cold, or overly arrogant about their looks, or they might be boring and dull and dumb as a pile of bricks, or they may not ever make eye contact and smile and get perceived as being stuck up and snobbish.
There's 'ugly' as in not perfectly physically formed, and then there's 'ugly' as in mean of spirit, resentful, or other negative psychological traits.
You are stuck in the realm of the physical. Appearance is all, it seems, for yourself and the women you wish to date. That's fine if you take steps to meet and date in that realm, but you don't seem to be doing that.
Go get a job as a male model. They get to go on model shoots with female models. You'll have a better chance of meeting your physical ideal there.
At some point, you realize, looks change, beauty fades. Those gorgeous greek gods of my college years? Many of them are now fat, bald, frumpy men. It's shocking, actually to see them now. The women change too.
Beauty and physical appearances change over time. Why not throw out your expectations and simply start dating women whom you find mentally stimulating and not have any great expectation of falling for them? Just get some practice in? Then when a woman whom you find attractive does cross your path, you have some practice in dating and relating to women in a date setting?
What do you have to lose? You're miserable now, why not change up your approach?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): "What's the deal with gorgeous girls dating ugly guys?"
Maybe gorgeous girls would rather date personable, considerate, respectful guys than narcissistic, shallow, condescending a-holes, no matter how "VERY good looking" they may be.
"I don't know what to do, and feel such a loser. I can't face a life of being permanently single, and need some advice."
You feel a loser because you ARE one, and it's entirely YOUR doing. You come across as egotistical, vain, and self-absorbed with an insufferable sense of entitlement and an insufferable sense of superiority. No girl with any sense or self-respect is going to waste her time on such a full-of-himself blowhard as you currently are.
You need to take a cold, hard look at yourself and realize just how mirror-shattering ugly YOU really are, otherwise you do indeed face a life of being permanently single. The rest of the world doesn't have a problem, you do.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Because looks aren't everything. AND, people who aren't as confident might have a problem dating someone who is better looking than themselves (or more successful than themselves) because they will always compare themselves, or think that others will compare them, to you.
I've noticed over and over how the round and short, a bit on the heavy side or overweight girls, THEY are the ones who get married early. Men don't want high style, high class, maintenance girls. They see a pretty thing and think "too much work". Same with women and pretty men. They look at a good guy and think "He'll cheat on me, he's too pretty to stay faithful as girls will always come on to him." Or: "He's so pretty, he'll expect me to be just as pretty all the time and it's so much hard work to keep his attention".
You got to be the one to pursue a girl though, either way, because women in general want the guy to do the work. You need to show interest, and I think in your case you just need to show that you do NOT want to fool around, that you are serious, and committed, and faithful, and that you haven't let your looks get to your head or have a big ego. That's the sad side you see... 9 times out of 10 a good looking guy has an enormous ego and just want women to give him free blowjobs all the time while he gets to be lazy in bed and not do any work. Sorry, but that's the reputation you're going to have to work against.
I think you should find a girl you LIKE first, someone YOU feel the spark with. You wont go through life as eternally single, trust me. Every young boy or girl thinks that when they haven't had a relationship yet, but most people don't start dating until they are your age. And I bet your friend is lying about how many girls he's slept with too. Guys DO lie about that, to look popular and have other guys look up to them. Just don't get impressed by it and it'll lose it's meaning.
But as for you, find a girl YOU like, then approach her, pursue her, seduce her, and make her yours. Don't wait for a girl to chase you down or batter her eyelashes at you, that wont happen. You're the man, you're the hunter. Remember the bad rumour pretty boys have and work to prove you're not like that (in a subtle way mind you).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): For start off you say you don't claim to be bug headed yet by what you write you clearly are and the reason you can't get a girlfriend is because they don't 'conform' to your high standards. Physical attraction is part of it of course but your gonna hear it cause it is the truth but personality wins over all, you can be the nicest looking guy on the planet but if your only as deep as a puddle you are not going to get anywhere. Your trouble is because you see yourself as so good looking it's like you think you are owed a girlfriend or something, change your attitude and your way of thinking then you will get a girlfriend - good luck
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A
male
reader, slipper164 +, writes (21 June 2012):
Hey anonymous if I got this right you are a good looking 20 year old male and you still are a virgin. Just to let you know There is a woman for every guy out there. There are probably 10 women for every guy out there. What I like about what you said or should I say what you didn't say is you already have an image in your mind of the woman that you want. My advice to you is stick with that image. You are still young and vibrant take your time and good things will come to you, Do not comprmise what you want out of life and you will get it. Don't worry about the ulgy guys or the ugly woman, even though I perfer ugly woman because they try harder to please there man. That was alittle humor if you didn't get it. Before I close just another piece of advice.What women want and probably what you are seeing when you say what are those good looking women doing with those ugly ass guys. Excuse the french. Those ugly guys probably have an education and a good job. A serious woman wants security in her life. I know times are diffrent now and women make there own security on there own terms. I think what you want out of life when it comes to relationships is a woman that will give you a challenge not only phisically but mentally, ugly or pretty it dosen't matter. So in closing anonymous don't give up on your self and good things will happen take care.
William Tell
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A
male
reader, Datsun73 +, writes (21 June 2012):
You obviously don't get it unfortunately. Looks are only skin deep work on your inner personality and thought processes and then work on being a better person from the inside out because you might have the looks but from what I read it looks like you might need help with your personality and I'm sorry if I bursted your beauty bubble but you need to work on your personality and kindness
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A
female
reader, MissFest +, writes (21 June 2012):
You seem to have a few confidence issues, judging by what you've written. A lot of girls are attracted to confidence, and is the same for guys looking for girls.
If these guys are confident then that may be a reason you are getting overlooked. The most attractive thing you can be is self-sufficient, not needing another person to complete you. Ironically this is the sort of train of thought that has potential partners running your way in droves.
Try to concentrate on being happy in yourself and not analysing the relationships of others. It is good that you have set standards for the type of girl you are looking for.
However, looks are not permanent, look deeper.
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