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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Drama with two people at work may have undermined my position
Q. I'm in dire need of some advice on how to handle a situation at my place of employment. I have worked at my job for 21 yrs in various positions. For the last 8 yrs. I have been in the position of Site Supervisor for a Before and After School ...
A. 11 May 2014: It sounds as if you do not currently work directly with children, but supervise the aids who do. Correct?
Coworkers, especially if you are supervising, them need to be approached with tact, encouragement and honesty, as well as being willing ... (read in full...)
He said I shouldn't have "put all my eggs in one basket" after I told him what I thought about him! What should I do now?
Q. Hi everyone I split up with my bf of four years six months ago. I'm 25. The split was amicable as we both wanted different things. For two months I've been chatting to a guy online. We chat most days and I really like him. We've spoke on ...
A. 8 May 2014: So your contact was by phone and online, correct? You did not actually meet, is that right?
It sounds like it, and disapp0ointing as it is when you thought you were getting on so well, the fact is, you did not meet, plus there was a distance... (read in full...)
I find I am propping up my boyfriend financially. What should I do?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have being dating for 8 months now. What do I do? I can't afford to give him anymore money:( So my boyfriend is having finical problems at the moment and I've helped him. He works but he doesn't save for a rainy day. He...
A. 2 February 2014: For goodness sake, STOP giving him money! It was HIS choice to put all his money into buying a house without budgeting for his everyday expenses.
And now the poor baby wants to have a vacation with his friends? Aaah. Well, you give him a ni... (read in full...)
I feel I'll never attract someone of the same religion because of my looks and personality.
Q. hi... I am really a lost soul at the moment... I come from a Muslim family. My mom is moderate-liberal Muslim and my dad is relatively conservative. So I've been brought up with conflicting views... Anyways, so I'm at uni and I feel too conservat...
A. 31 January 2014: I think Sageoldguy makes a good point.
Having said that, I don't think it's necessarily your religion that's messing up your life.
You say you are loud and opinionated and your parents have pointed this out as a turn off for people. They ha... (read in full...)
He seems to have pulled back -- what can I do to fix the relationship?
Q. I made an account on linked-in few months ago. This guy added me. And we started talking. He asked for my Whatsapp. And at first I did not give him my whats app number, but then, after few weeks, I asked him to message me. So, we started messaging. ...
A. 19 December 2013: Some excellent feed back from WiseOwlE.
Yes, this man was incredibly presumptuous. He may in fact have been attracted to you right off the bat, but he obviously wanted to make you over into something that was his ideal woman - i.e., what som... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed my boyfriend's thoughtless Christmas gift to me!
Q. I accidentally stumbled across the Christmas gift my boyfriend got me (it was addressed to me). It was a very wide, hot pink watch with a heart-shaped face, from a mid-range brand. I'm a little confused, because we have been together for 1 year and ...
A. 18 December 2013: Well, if you make it obvious that you hate the watch you're likely to have a miserable time of it come Christmas. Your best bet is to be as diplomatic as possible and to say something along the lines of, "it is very sweet of you, but, you know, its ... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever out there ever cheated and changed his/her ways?
Q. I've been having thoughts of guilt because I cheated on my bf 5 months ago. He obviously found out and he broke up with me. I was aware that what I was doing was wrong, but I still kept on cheating because I didn't feel sexually attracted to him ...
A. 18 December 2013: You say you are a "crappy person that I always go back to."
You are putting labels - negative ones - on yourself and then living up to them. I notice you said your boyfriend was afraid you would cheat on him with a classmate and so you did. Yo... (read in full...)
LDR--am I just being a lonely jealous girlfriend?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been best friends for several years. We met online back in 2011 and were just good friends, later that year we finally met and knew we were both interested in each other. He lives in Iowa and i'm in minnesota. We were off and ...
A. 25 November 2013: Long distance relationships are always difficult at the best of times.
I know you said you see one another every two or three weeks and in the meantime text and Skype "constantly". would that be every day? or less?
As for his boss, he needs t... (read in full...)
Am I being taken for a mug? Should I be less intrusive? Am I too young to play the 'stepmother' figure? Can my feelings for this man actually get past all of these issues? Should I demand more from life?
Q. Hi, I recently (about six months ago) got with a new boyfriend who has a three year old child. I just want a bit of advise: He moved/ separated from his ex (mum of the child) about ten months ago and moved into his own place. 1. He still ha...
A. 25 November 2013: Sorry, but your situation sounds like an absolute nightmare!
Your bf may not have outright AKSED you for money, true, and if he doesn't have the wherewithal to buy food for his daughter, it's understandable, perhaps, that he asks you to buy food... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with my manager if he want to?
Q. I am 19 and I work part-time as a server. We have this kind of newish manager, he's 31, that started about 5-7 months ago. When he first started working there, I HATED him. I mean seriously disliked the guy. He was arrogant, rude, cocky an demanded ...
A. 31 October 2013: NO you most certainly should NOT have sex with your manager!
Do you want to lose your job and get a bad reputation into the bargain? If so, go right ahead.
However, the whole idea is completely crazy.......... (read in full...)
Red flag or not? He has an inordinate number of 20-30 yo beautiful girls as friends on FB
Q. Is this a red flag or nothing at all? I found a college friend on Facebook. He's 57 and I'm 52. Looks as if by his profile he's a nice normal guy. Loves animals. Not a million pictures of himself. Nor a million 'friends'. Posts insight...
A. 22 October 2013: That he looks at pictures of beautiful young women is nothing at all. It would be vastly different if he was actually meeting and dating some of them!
I wouldn't "approach the subject" at all unless he wants to meet you in person. There isn't an... (read in full...)
Should I consider marrying my best friend, even though I don't feel anything for him?
Q. I have a friend we have been really best buddies since 5 years and started to like me but i dont have feelings for him, he proposed me n i became mad and ended our friendship, after a year i contacted him because i was really falling apart due to my ...
A. 21 October 2013: I think CMMP has given you a good answer.
I have one thought to add: Pakistan is, for the most part, a Muslim country. Marriages are most often (as I understand) either arranged by parents, or there are, I think Muslim marriage sites where yo... (read in full...)
I've developed a crush on my dentist!
Q. I feel really pathetic writing this as I'm in my mid 30's, engaged and have developed a huge crush on my dentist! Please nobody judge as I'm not going to do anything but I do need advice. I have had to have some work done on my teeth which...
A. 21 October 2013: You're engaged and thus unavailable. What does it matter whether or not your "read anything into this? Or whether he likes you?
You're his patient; he's doing his job and if you just happened to make his Monday morning entertained, so what? I... (read in full...)
I want to save my mom from being neglected by retirement homes!
Q. Dear Cupid , my mom came home from a nursing home because of nelect I brought her back home but before then I have been looking for a job to take care of myself and my son now I think I might have the job because I am due for drug testing and ...
A. 21 October 2013: I am so sorry to hear you are going through such worry over how best to look after your mother.
Can you talk with her doctor as a first step to help her?
I just called the AARP Nurse Health line open 24/7 to see if the nurse I spoke to might g... (read in full...)
Should I try to start something with a crush that works at my school?
Q. I'm 17 and in year 13 at school, I've had a crush on a member of staff that works at the school, however he's not my teacher, he just works in the school as a social helper, he's about 22 I think and we do talk quite a lot. I'm not sure on what to ...
A. 10 October 2013: OP: If you don't plan to get in touch with him until you're out of school, why are you concerned as to whetherhesd a "social Helper" part time or not??
It's not relevant. However, it's good that you don't plan to get in touch until such time as ... (read in full...)
Should I try to start something with a crush that works at my school?
Q. I'm 17 and in year 13 at school, I've had a crush on a member of staff that works at the school, however he's not my teacher, he just works in the school as a social helper, he's about 22 I think and we do talk quite a lot. I'm not sure on what to ...
A. 8 October 2013: You're not sure what to do next? The answer is very simple: you don't do anything. It wouldn't be appropriate.
As Honeypie so rightly points out, this man is there to work and to help students, NOT to date them.
In addition there is quite a... (read in full...)
He wants lust, I want love.
Q. I'm a 17 year old girl, when I was 16 I met this guy. He was 19. I met him on a social networking site called "tagged" we talked for a bit and really got to know each other, he use to live in the town that I lived in and I use to live in the town ...
A. 6 October 2013: I'm sorry, but he's using you for sex. Pure and simple. He shows no signs of caring about you as a person. He tells you he "loves" you so that you'll keep putting out for him.
Lift your head high, stiffen your backbone and tell yourself... (read in full...)
He doesn't know about our future together. Is it worth staying with him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half. We get along great, we havn't really had a fight as we seem to be able to take conflict and talk it out, we enjoy spending time together and doing things together and we respect ...
A. 1 October 2013: I have to agree with the anonymous poster that your situation doesn't sound too promising.
You could, for instance, give it another three months and see if there's any progress:
+
-+---**-+*` i.e., if he ventures any ideas for what he wants(or... (read in full...)
Should I worry that she wants to get herself off after sex?
Q. I'm 36, I've been married to my wife for 3 years and we never had any big sex-related problem or issue. Since a few months ago I started noticing that she was not satisfied anymore after we were done in bed. Not that she would tell me before, but ...
A. 1 October 2013: Never mind about wondering if you're being paranoid.
What you need to do is talk to your wife - in other words, ASK her what YOU can do to make sex better for her and to satisfy her needs.
Would she like you to spend time (or more time) playi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated, on top of that we are of different religions.
Q. I am 23 years old and am a doctor. I am in india. I am in love with my boyfriend for 5years our relationship has been fine except for a few ups and downs . During the first year of our college my bf was dating a classmate of ours they then stopped ...
A. 29 September 2013: OP very good advice from Tisha and Xearo!
He's only giving you flimsy excuses for his cheating ("the porn made me do it"; "she's like my sister." Yeah, sure she is; right. If you believe that then there's a bridge in London I'd like to sell you... (read in full...)
My b/f of 6 years cheated on me with my friend and now I have trust issues!
Q. Hello, i am in a relation with my boy friend for about 6 years. We met in in college .He had an affair with my friend while we were together i came to know about that and told him i was disappointed because i believed him a lot, he said that he made ...
A. 18 September 2013: How long ago was it that your bf cheated? You spoke to him and let him know how disappointed you were that he would do such a thing.
He then told you he made a mistake and it wouldn't happen again. Do you think he would have admitted his "mis... (read in full...)
I am giving him a second chance although he lies and cheats.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over three years now, and it's my first long term relationship. We've had our ups and downs just like anyone. Recently we had a heart to heart, he went out to lunch with a girl who he had been deleting messages ...
A. 17 September 2013: Sorry, but I'm going to add one more comment: OP your situation with your dishonest bf reminds of those card member services who robot call you claiming, "there is nothing wrong with your account, but we are calling to help you lower your credit ... (read in full...)
I am giving him a second chance although he lies and cheats.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over three years now, and it's my first long term relationship. We've had our ups and downs just like anyone. Recently we had a heart to heart, he went out to lunch with a girl who he had been deleting messages ...
A. 17 September 2013: Thinking of giving him a second chance? You ARE?? What FOR??!
Enough said - the other aunts and uncles have given you all the feedback you need.......... (read in full...)
Am I being-over cautious about moving in with him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and to be honest we've had quite a few problems over the years. Things have been going better over the last 6 months or so, but we came very close to splitting up before that so I feel there is still a way ...
A. 17 September 2013: Over cautious?, Selfish? No, you're being sensible!
You have enough money saved to put a down payment on your own home - and that is what you want to do - whereas he has no savings, no desire (let alone the means!) to buy and is teed off at you b... (read in full...)
I think this guy I've been talking to is cheating on me! How do I handle this? Should I be mad?
Q. I'm talking to this guy and I'm in college. He lives an Hour away but he went back to his original home because he's on vacation. we usually talk everyday, but when I told him I was going home he told me he wont contact me this weekend, so I can sp...
A. 17 September 2013: Well said, WiseOwlE!... (read in full...)
I think this guy I've been talking to is cheating on me! How do I handle this? Should I be mad?
Q. I'm talking to this guy and I'm in college. He lives an Hour away but he went back to his original home because he's on vacation. we usually talk everyday, but when I told him I was going home he told me he wont contact me this weekend, so I can sp...
A. 17 September 2013: You say you are TALKING to him. Are you two JUST talking or are you in a dating relationship?
Unless you are in a committed, exclusive relationship with him, there isn't any reason to expect to talk to him every day.........both of you are free... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has contact with her ex and lies to me about it. How do I talk to her about this?
Q. I dont feel hurt by her actions, just disappointed that shes lieing to my face and not telling the whole truth. I told my girlfriend that if she had contact with her ex it would break us up and its not that i cant or dont trust her its how he b...
A. 16 September 2013: Well, firstly, don't talk to her about it while you're in the movie theater! Other patrons won't appreciate it! - But I'm sure you're probably not planning to discuss it at that precise moment.......
Having said that, she obviously wants to have ... (read in full...)
Does FWB want more?
Q. Ok.. I'm hoping someone can help... I have a kind of fwb situation going on with a guy I work with. It was him who asked me about it, as we were both single and not looking for an intense relationship, as both of us had been hurt in the past. So ...
A. 15 September 2013: Well, it's always possible that he MIGHT be thinking he wants to take it beyond strictly FWB.
On the other hand, I think if he did, he would have come out and said something directly.
Tell us: when he's asking you to come over more frequently ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex lover made me cringe when I had to see her again.
Q. I really need other people's opinion on this situation. My boyfriend and I live in his room sharing a flat with his flatmate. I knew that a girl who he had sex with 5 months ago, was coming to our small city. She needed a place to stay for one nigh...
A. 14 September 2013: It's hard to know why your boyfriend felt "horrible" about not letting her stay with you. Perhaps as you say, if she brought some things for him from his hometown (stuff he'd left behind, perhaps, or were they gifts??)
Be that as it may, you ... (read in full...)
Does she want to fire me?
Q. I started working at a doctor's office as a medical biller last week. This week I made the mistake of giving someone the wrong insurance card. The owner of the insurance card became quite cross and said she might not return to this office anymore. ...
A. 13 September 2013: OOh boy - just try to relax and not worry so much (though I can see why you would)and be extra careful in doing your work - plus, of course, if you are unsure of something don't be afraid to ask your boss! I'm sure she'd prefer you to ask her (or ... (read in full...)
Why is my son doing this, and is there any way I can help?
Q. My son is 21 years old and gay (although this situation could apply to a straight person as well). He left home in the spring to move up to a resort about 2 hrs north of the city we live in. He decided mid-summer that he was going to take a year off ...
A. 13 September 2013: Your concern about your son is perfectly understandable and justified!
Right off hand, it sounds to me as if your son so much wants to have someone special in his life, that he allows his desire to have a special companion/lover to complete... (read in full...)
I've fallen for him now but it seems he is no interested in me or not wanting to be my friend. Please help me
Q. A guy blocked me because he said i wasn't in love with him which was true i called him several times but to no respond, i then sent him an sms he called later saying "lets be real, i was faking, so were u, lets just be friends'. We were friends, i ...
A. 12 September 2013: I'm sorry, but if he isn't interested - and he evidently isn't - there is nothing you can do except to give it up as a bad job.
You'll only succeed in annoying him if you keep trying to contact him - by messaging, email, phone call, or even ask... (read in full...)
How do you let someone down gently when you were the one doing the chasing to start with?
Q. So... there was a girl I met once through mutual friends on a day out to a local town for site seeing, a spot of lunch etc... We spoke a fair bit, and quite liked her. I got in touch via email to ask her out, and had a to chase a little but manag...
A. 10 September 2013: Yes, CMMP's recommendation is top notch. She might - or perhaps might not - be too disappointed if she thinks its not turning out as she would have liked......
Good luck! ... (read in full...)
Last resort with distant boyfriend. Please help!! Need *all* the advice I can get!!
Q. Hey everyone! Let me start off by apologizing for this long post and giving many thanks to everyone who reads it. xx I really need some helpful advice to pull my boyfriend back to me. I'm 31 and my boyfriend's 35. We've been together for 3 y...
A. 10 September 2013: well, if you think that there is legitimacy to his criticisms of your behavior - and it seems that you do - what you need to do is begin easing up on him.
At present you are trying too hard - WAY too hard - to make it work. YOU know you have ins... (read in full...)
Whirlwind romance with my Portuguese boyfriend but he's going to ruin it!
Q. I'm worried my boyfriends jealousy and moody behaviour around other people will destroy our relationship, which aside from this issue is the best I've ever had and I would be devastated if it all goes tits up. Sorry if this is sleep-inducingly long, ...
A. 10 September 2013: Miss P: You missed something in the OP's message: she said he is older than her - so presumably a more mature man who really ought to know better than to be exhibiting the kind of jealous, nosy, dictatorial behavior she describes!
Unfor... (read in full...)
Whirlwind romance with my Portuguese boyfriend but he's going to ruin it!
Q. I'm worried my boyfriends jealousy and moody behaviour around other people will destroy our relationship, which aside from this issue is the best I've ever had and I would be devastated if it all goes tits up. Sorry if this is sleep-inducingly long, ...
A. 9 September 2013: You've known him for THREE MONTHS and you want to MARRY him?
What ARE you thinking?
I have to point out a few things to you: the first is that whirlwind romances may start out hot and heavy, but they can also crash and burn pretty soon. Wh... (read in full...)
He never acted like this before. Why is he acting like this?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. He still things of his at my house we dated for 5 months and 2 weeks. He moved in a month after we started dating. We had taken a break he moved out. A month ago I decided that I wanted to move on so I ...
A. 9 September 2013: It all boils down to too much, too soon - as the anonymous
poster has told you - though in more detail then the way I've put it - but then, I think she did an adequate job of advising you, and I've nothing to add. EXCEPT to say that if you are in c... (read in full...)
My LDR friend said he loved me then blocked me! Why?
Q. I'm feeling very confused and even more so after asking for the help of my friends as all of them have very conflicting opinions! So I was hoping you could offer some help and advice. I will try not to make this too long whilst not missing out ...
A. 8 September 2013: Well, we do understand you are feeling hurt and confused as to what's going on.
I think that while the two of you have had a very close connection/attraction and been good friends for a long time (seven years) if in all that time you never me... (read in full...)
I've fallen for my best friend's boyfriend. She treats him horribly and he wants to leave her for me.
Q. My best friend got her first boyfriend 5 weeks ago. And, unfortunately in that d weeks I've fallen for him.... Not on purpose though! We've been best friend for 10 years but she always made me feel worthless, she treat me like a slave and talked ...
A. 7 September 2013: Now look here: why have you continued to be "best friends" (let alone even "friends" with Lizzy when she has always treated you so badly? That's my first question for you.
The second is, no matter how badly she treats you she was dating this Fre... (read in full...)
This guy I have spoken to online is already pressuring me to do things
Q. I recently had a conversation with a guy online and he kept asking me for my email address and I told him that we just started chatting. The other guys get mad if you don't have Yahoo messenger or Skype. I'm tired of these guys getting mad at me an...
A. 5 September 2013: I guess you haven't met him in person at this point?
IF you do, make sure its in a public place, and that you arrive and leave under your own steam! It's definitely NOT recommended to give him your home address!
As blonde30s says, keep one e... (read in full...)
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