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Psychology degree, and ridiculous amount of life experience with emotionally abusive/drug taking/lazy/jobless ex partners with step children thrown into the mix too!
Live in England where I am now in a happy relationship :) |
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At 61 and divorced I feel I have no friends. No family either. How does one make friends?
Q. I just dont know how to make some real friends. I was brought up in children's homes so have no family as such I was divorced years ago and have had a few boyfriends since but one way and another all folded up. I have tried working in charity s...
A. 2 September 2012: Hi Im only 25 but i completely feel for you in this regard.
Ive always struggled making friends,and still do to some extent, I imagine how ever in your case the charity work you did, and the reception you got from them probably isnt helping you.... (read in full...)
How do I not ruin this relationship, due to my insecurities over failed past relationships?
Q. I have had a really bad relationship in the past that was emotionally abusive and resulted in me being very insecure. He cheated on me repeatedly, lied about even basic things and put me down constantly, when he kicked me out I was left pretty d...
A. 9 October 2011: Hi thanks for all the replies they have all been very helpful.
I have followed some of the advice, I wrote a list of the irrational things that set me off being insecure so I can remember that they are just me being irrational, I also wrote down... (read in full...)
Second date flake or genuine reason?
Q. So I met this guy online, we went out for a date, I was totally into him and I reckon he was into me. We went back to his had a bit of fun (nothing too serious). I was smitten. I texted him the following day telling him it was great to meet him, he ...
A. 16 June 2010: I agree with your own gut instinct, leave him to it and if it's meant to be he will come back. You don't know either way if it's a fob off or the truth and it's pointless guessing, only time will tell if he gets back in touch with you.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to meet this man?
Q. I feel like a bit of an idiot saying this out loud but please someone help me. I've been with my partner for 4 years. We recently migrated with his job. He works away all the time and I am struggling to get work. So i am alone, no work or frien...
A. 16 June 2010: You are emotionally cheating if your partner has no idea you talk to this bloke, and you are talking romantically, regardless of whether you sleep together or have any sexual contact with this guy you know this isn't right or you wouldn't have even ... (read in full...)
My husband sees nothing wrong with staying touch with his exs but its making me sick!
Q. My husband is very outgoing and caring of others - a fact that attracted me to him in the first place. However, we have a major difference of opinion on what is considered as acceptable behaviour. My husband has had lots of girlfriends and partners ...
A. 11 June 2010: Hi there I understand your frustrations as my own boyfriend is the same. However my reactions have only been like yours when I have felt there was something more to it than just chatting, i.e the girl still felt something for him, and infact I have ... (read in full...)
How do we break the silence?
Q. My fiance and I can sit in the same room with each other for hours and yet it feels as if we are in seperate rooms. This is a daily thing. We have tried buying games to play, getting new movies, even writting to each other, but we always seem to go ...
A. 10 June 2010: Yeah I understand my boyfriend is very much stuck in his ways, and doesn't talk much but we both love each other but can go hours and hours in the same house without really speaking to each other. I have just learnt to take it as just being him, and ... (read in full...)
My parents wont support my career choice!
Q. i have just turned 17 i left school a year ago i have only had 1 job in that time at that was a temporary job over the Christmas period. Every job i apply to reject me almost straight away i have improved my cv and covering letter and still ...
A. 10 June 2010: As awful as I am going to appear I am hardly suprised your family aren't being supportive if you have left school and made no effort to persue anything to do with racing (you state you have no race experience what so ever yet most racing drivers ... (read in full...)
How do we break the silence?
Q. My fiance and I can sit in the same room with each other for hours and yet it feels as if we are in seperate rooms. This is a daily thing. We have tried buying games to play, getting new movies, even writting to each other, but we always seem to go ...
A. 10 June 2010: Are you generally happy in your relationship? It may just be a independence thing, myself and my partner can go without speaking for hours just because we are doing our own thing but we are happy and we come together in the evening etc. Maybe stop ... (read in full...)
How do you handle your partner spending so much time away?
Q. This is a question for those people who have a tour guide boy/girlfriend or husband/wife. My girlfriend is an international tour guide and I'm dealing with a situation where she is only at home for about 7 or 8 days before she heads off on her...
A. 10 June 2010: If neither of you are willing to change your jobs and are both happy with them I suggest you make the most of your time together, emails, instant messenger and web cams, phone calls. Whatever keeps the communication channels open while you aren't ... (read in full...)
Does he masturbate to much?
Q. OK, I need some insight from the guys on a personal matter. I know that it is a private thing, but I am having a hard time dealing with how much my boyfriend masturbates. We probably have sex about twice a week on average and I would like to have ...
A. 10 June 2010: He may have a high sex drive, and if you are only having sex twice a week then this would explain why he masturbates so much. If you think about it logically, he isn't hiding this from you, and isn't it better that he is doing that rather than ... (read in full...)
I can't orgasm during sex!
Q. No matter what I do during sex I can't orgasm can u tell me why?...
A. 10 June 2010: The vaginal orgasm is actually considered a myth in most sex studies as there is very little nerve response from there. The main form of stimulation for the female comes from the clitoris so concentrate more on this, either before or during ... (read in full...)
Falling for my divorced teacher! Should I tell him?
Q. Hi.I don't know how I feel that I love my teacher.He's 32 and I'm 18. He's been married and Divorced it's not his fault though I think. He's so nice and kind and a very understanding person. I fell so sorry for him . I like him .I don't care thou...
A. 10 June 2010: Your teacher is bound by a duty of care. This means that despite you being over the age of consent it is still illegal for him to partake in any kind of relationship with you as he has a sense of authority over you. Because of this I do not think it ... (read in full...)
He sees her as much more than a friend, should I let her know?
Q. Okay, so being the caring friend that I am, i really feel that I need to step in and help a mate, but first I need you guys to help me. Basically, my mate (I'll call him Bob for the purposes of this) has a female friend, Katie (again not her real...
A. 30 May 2010: I'll be honest I would personally keep well out of it! You are medalling where really it is none of your business. Yeah feel free to bolster bob's confidence so he will be able to tell her himself, but directly telling her is unfair on them both. ... (read in full...)
Am I reading too much into his flippant comments?
Q. Hi, I need to ask a question without sounding paranoid! It's to do with my boyfriend and whether his opinions are to benefit me or him. We have been together 5 years and there is complete trust between us. We aren't a jealous couple and neit...
A. 30 May 2010: I think you are reading way to much into his comments. Men are flippant, just as women are, things come out of either sex's mouth without really thinking about what they are saying and people take it personally. He is simply trying to reassure you ... (read in full...)
Would you stick with your boyfriend if he was going to prison?
Q. I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 20 - we have been together for 3 years. She is at college studying and lives at home with her parents but spends alot of time at my place. I have a bit of a criminal record and a year ago I got a suspended 2 year...
A. 30 May 2010: You can only be honest with her, and I would do that sooner rather than later. It's bad enough that you have broken your promise by getting in to trouble again, but keeping it from her too will not go down well. It's up to her really whether she ... (read in full...)
Scars from cutting..will it put guys off?
Q. i have a bad history of sexual abuse as well as physical abuse when i tried to prevent the sexual abuse from taking place.. because of this i started self-harming. ive cut myself pretty badly and deep and have really ugly scars from it on my arms ...
A. 29 May 2010: I agree someone who truly loves you will not be put off. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has some form of imperfection, if someone loves you for who you are they wont give a flying hoot about your scars trust me. I know how hard it is I have some old ... (read in full...)
Need help to sort my head out!
Q. hi i broke up with my ex bf about a month ago and we remained friends but ever since we broke up he keeps sayin that as soon as he is single he wants 2 get bk with me n that he still loves me n misses me then these lst few weeks my m8 has been ...
A. 28 May 2010: The only way to sort both your heads out? Walk in completely opposite directions until you can both deal with yourselves easily,never mind each other. You will only carry on causing both of you hurt and pain in the meantime if you let it continue. I ... (read in full...)
I found out my dad's a cheat!
Q. Yesterday i looked at my dad's phone because the last while he's been very moody with me an my mam an other siblings, what i found was heartbreaking he's texting this girl and in the texts she's saying she loves him, i dont know what to do, i cant ...
A. 28 May 2010: I agree with C.Grant. Cheating is never acceptable, but you do not know the reasons why or what has happened fully between your father and mother, so do not judge immediately.
I would speak to your father and explain that it has hurt you and allo... (read in full...)
Did he say he was allergic to condoms just to trick me?
Q. Help... I Just had unprotected sex and i am so scared. He claims hes allergic to condoms. Can someome be allergic or did he trick me me? ...
A. 28 May 2010: I'm going to question your age as you don't appear to be 30-35. Yes you can be allergic to condoms but you can get latex free condoms so it is no excuse for unprotected sex. Seek advice from your doctor to test for STD's and pregnancy.... (read in full...)
Wife wants kids, I don't think I do anymore
Q. When I got married, my wife and I talked about having kids some day. Now I'm not sure that I want to have kids... I'm starting to feel pretty sure I don't. This is the most important question I've ever had to answer, because kids are the most imp...
A. 28 May 2010: You have answered your own dilemna you do not know yet what you feel. Until you do for sure give yourself some time to mull it over and make a rational decision. In the meantime be honest with your wife and admit your having doubts, and try to get ... (read in full...)
Will he ever forgive me for this?
Q. I've know this guy 4 five years and we've been hanging out off and on. Well everything was going fine until one night i texed him and he ignored me and i smarted off. I said u don't like 4 people 2 treat u badly, so u shouldn't treat them that way, ...
A. 28 May 2010: I think your worrying way to much about what this guy thinks of you, it will come across as needy, which is possibly why he has backed off in the first place. Back off for a while and let things simmer down then if you really want to be around this ... (read in full...)
Can I trust my girlfriend again after she left me for another man?
Q. do i trust my girlfriend again my girlfriend left me for another guy, she slept with him , then a week later told me she had made a big mistake...she was working away with him, so it took her 5 months to finish her contract and return to me..in t...
A. 30 April 2010: As blunt as this is going to seem, you do not trust this woman. So why are you together? It is obvious to me that since you have been back together, instead of letting go of the past and moving on, you have held on to it so tightly its caused you ... (read in full...)
Should I listen to what he has to say after he has cheated on me?
Q. Hi uncles and aunts! Wel, i'm just gona get on it. Yesterday my bf confessed to have been cheating on me... I'm so confused, angry and sad, i feel betrayed and lied to.. I don't knw what to do, i thought i needed to speak to someone. He confes...
A. 30 April 2010: I would give yourself some time to make up your mind on a clear head. At the moment your going through a whole host of emotions, in a few weeks, or a few months you will have a clearer picture. I don't think however if you already feel like your ... (read in full...)
Does losing his number mean we are not together?
Q. me and my boyfriend just started going out(he is my 1st boyfriendand im 14 years old and he is 17 years old).. my cousin hooked us up we spent time together (2 time only because he live in queens and i live in the bronxs) i havent talked 2 him eve...
A. 30 April 2010: If he has not contacted you in two months then personally I would say you are not together, and continue with your life :)... (read in full...)
I really want a baby, but I am confused at the whole situation.
Q. Hi I'm 19, I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now never been happier and I know he's the one he is a few more years older then me. I've always wanted a baby. Last week I had a scare, told my boyfriend and he said if you are it's good news ...
A. 15 February 2010: Hi there.
It sounds like your on the right track but make sure its an informed decision and not just based on the fact you have got a good reaction to a scare. Its great to hear that your boyfriend would be happy about a baby it shows hes truly comm... (read in full...)
He says I'm needy, is it me that needs to change, or him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been arguing because, when we are together, he often zones out and does not reply to what I am saying. I always respond to his concerns, but if he is zoning out (which happens often, even though we only see each other one day ...
A. 9 February 2010: ... continued from last answer (i clicked the button too quick.
The biggest advice i can give you is this is all down to what you can tollerate, he sounds very stubborn and very unwilling to compromise (my other half has become a lot more unde... (read in full...)
He says I'm needy, is it me that needs to change, or him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been arguing because, when we are together, he often zones out and does not reply to what I am saying. I always respond to his concerns, but if he is zoning out (which happens often, even though we only see each other one day ...
A. 9 February 2010: Hi there.
I hope I've understood you here as you seem to be in a similar situation to myself and my other half. He is very much a person who likes his own space, he can also be quite distant when im not around him and sometimes if i ask him some... (read in full...)
Sleeping problems...
Q. I have had no decent sleep in the last week and i have sleeping problems anyway as they are heridtary on both sides of my family. my mum has terrible trouble trying to sleep as do i before like 4/5 am. i can feel tired go to sleep but wake up every ...
A. 2 February 2010: it is worth seeing a doctor, as im sure since you have had it since you were 12 youve tried all the usual routes. I personally have had a tough time sleeping for about 6 months but mine is related to routine (or lack of) and a major stress and life ... (read in full...)
Does my husband want me to have a baby now?
Q. We've been married for 2 years but dated for 7 before and we're both 30 (knew eachother when kids) Hes the kinda guy who loves kids. Anyway basically whenever we are making out he always like rubs and touches my stomach and just like holds onto...
A. 2 February 2010: The only way you are going to know for sure is by bringing the subject up with him, otherwise its simply just guess work! Your married so have a stable foundation so there is nothing stopping either of you, but you still need to discuss it first!
G... (read in full...)
Can you get over being left for someone else when back together?
Q. My boyfriend liked a girl (x) as a teenager and became obsessed with the idea of being with her, kissed her once but could not be together because his close friend was her recent ex. Years past and he broke up with many girls along the way after ...
A. 1 February 2010: Have you told him you heard him, as this may help him understand your insecurities, as if he doesnt realise you know he simply thinks you still believe exactly what he told you.
This sounds like it was eating away at you anyway, and now that you ... (read in full...)
He told me he loves me but clams up at the mention of a relationship.
Q. hia, so there's this guy, and he is 19 and i am 15. Yeh i know the age gap aint great but please dont say anything about it. basicly, he lives in the place i go on holiday - but i go there like 6 times a year so its kinda like a second home. and...
A. 1 February 2010: You aren't going to take this well but hes probably just enjoying your company and saying what you want to hear. He's 19 and although yes the age gap is only 4 years I imagine the maturity level and what you are both looking for are completely ... (read in full...)
I love this girl but lied to her !!! What do I tell her to convince her that I am who she thought I was before she found this out?
Q. I'm 30 years old, divorced with one child. About a year ago my ex and I split up. Around that time I started talking more with a girl I'd known for a while but hadn't been close with. She lived a long ways away and at first it was just friendly. A...
A. 1 February 2010: Firstly reconsider your use of the word whore for the other girl, you had a choice you didnt have to sleep with her, and you used her as an emotional crutch just as much as she used you for 'just sex', so it doesn't sit well with me that you are ... (read in full...)
My ex got cheated on by a woman with her own ex. Now he has asked for contact, ..could it be he is missing me that bad?
Q. My ex(he broke up with me,we lived together for 3yrs)We haven't talked in 9mths when the other day he asked my daughter to ask me to call him. He's always been painfully shy. He did date someone while we where apart that went horrible wrong. He ...
A. 1 February 2010: It doesn't really matter what he's thinking, this one is down to you. We are quick to jump back into old relationships because they are familiar. Are you happy to see this guy knowing that he may be contacting you to restart it? Remember why you ... (read in full...)
Do I give relationships another try?
Q. Commitment Vs. Want I'm currently 27 and still a virgin, in the past i tried to get into a relationships, or just ask a girl out, but i've been rejected way to many times, when i was 22 i remember hearing this quote "Some people were meant to wa...
A. 27 January 2010: maybe not relationships to start with maybe just give girls another try, go out and do new things and give yourself chance to meet people in new situations, not only will it give you more confidence but you may just find the girl who will do more ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't she answer my question about her feelings?
Q. my ex contacted me for advice on tax (im an accountant) after few weeks of no contact (she is currently seeing someone else). i took this opportunity up to tell her how much i miss her however she didn't acknowledge my feelings just carried on ...
A. 27 January 2010: i agree with emilysanswers because she's with someone else and she doesn't want to get into that kind of conversation with you.
Personally in any kind of situation involving someone elses feelings i tend to be blunt and honest because it avoi... (read in full...)
How do I tell her I love her but can't see her anymore?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. Have appreciated your advice in the past and need it again now please. Having weighed up previous advice, I now realise I can't go on with things as they are. I am in love with my best friend (who is female) and while other ...
A. 27 January 2010: your putting the emphasis on what other people think, and she will feel like youve been discussing her at great length behind her back. Your feelings are going to come across anyway, you are better off telling her the truth, that you've developed ... (read in full...)
My heart still wants him but my head says no...
Q. My ex boyfriend and I have broken up after 2 years. He cheated on me once with his best friend (female) and I forgave him. The second time I found out he was dating her at the same time as me and called it quits. Both times did not involve anything ...
A. 18 October 2009: your heart holds on to the smallest amount of hope when you love someone. Im going through this at the minute. I was with a guy who i loved wholeheartedly and was the only person id ever felt so strong about, thought he was the one, wanted the whole ... (read in full...)
I thought we were flirting, but she was getting serious
Q. I have a serious problem I know this girl,she's 22(and has a child) and I'm 18.She really likes me and I like her too.Anyways we started to flirt.This I didn't take serious as I was only joking and also thought she was joking too. Because I k...
A. 2 October 2009: I agree, you did the right thing by not having sex with her. But you do need to be honest with her, and be gentle in the process. Like the guy above me said, she may feel a little hurt and rejected but she would feel lot worse should she think you ... (read in full...)
It's been 21 weeks, and I'm still in agony
Q. Hi, thanks for taking the time to read this..im a 33 year old gal from London, i went through a divorce 4 years ago from the father of my 2 children, until May 27th this year i was living happily with my partner of 3 years. we hit off immediately...
A. 2 October 2009: Hi.
First of all im sorry for your loss.- seems a bit strong saying that doesnt it but it is a grieving process, and its no line that it does take time.
Secondly, youve probably already figured this out but what your doing will not help either y... (read in full...)
Another "I need space" story.
Q. Hi, I just wanted to find out if you guys think I should worry or should just move on. I admit that we had some fights here and there. Just recently my girlfriend left for a internship for 5 months more than a thousand miles away and she prom...
A. 30 September 2009: I agree with what the last guy to an extent though im not sure if all girls go through this, im in the opposite situation, it seems to be the guy in my life having the whole need space issue. But the advice the last guy gave you was the best i can ... (read in full...)
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