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... Send *andleman a private message | | | *andleman's profile:Hi,
My wife got me into this site. It got addictive.
The best attributes I have to help people are my instincts and ability to see all sides of a problem. Most of the questions I answer require an analytical logic which is my strength.
I approach most of these questions w/ a Darwinist outlook as human nature, though it is varied, often times repeats the same patterns, has the same motives etc.
I'm middle aged (37), and I have experienced a lot from heartache, loneliness, love, death, addiction etc. I've met a lot of people, heard a lot of stories and can remember a lot.
I'm very open minded and would call myself a Darwinist Liberal (I think I just coined a new term there.)
I also like helping people. I've spent an hour on one question before. I'll look things up on websites or books to get the information that might help another.
Well, thanks for reading. Best Wishes |
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Are these signs that my ex wants me back?
Q. Does my ex want me back? These are the signs. - After me telling him i didnt wanna talk to him for the rest of my life because he didnt want a relationship, he sent me an email apologising and telling me he wanted us to be in good terms. - I asked...
A. 30 October 2009: If you two weren't a serious couple prior to this then all the things like hanging out, sex, and cuddling means that you two end up at the same place which is a FWB type of relationship...unless he has changed his mind or is starting to.
Hop... (read in full...)
Am I considered "too skinny?"
Q. Hi, im 20 yrs old, i am 5'6 and I weigh 110 lbs. Would most guys consider this to be too skinny? Ive tried gaining weight but im a runner and i cant force myself to overeat. thanks....
A. 29 October 2009: Medically speaking, you are considered underweight for your bmi. Just a bit though, so I wouldn't get too worried about that especially since you are running. I would worry more about getting the proper nutrients in your diet.
As far as sex ... (read in full...)
Stamina problem
Q. I really hate having sex with my girlfriend because I have... stamina issues where i uh finish early. I really love her though and don't want to disappoint or lose her. What can I do?...
A. 25 October 2009: You need to understand how the sex process works. You go through three levels. A. Arousal. B. Plateau C. Orgasm. Both male and female go through this.
Right now, you're just starting out. Don't add the pressure of trying to make her have an o... (read in full...)
I am not happy in my relationship so should I leave?
Q. i have a fiancee that had a relationship with his first cousin and they had kids together 3 and one died. when i first met him he had a picture of his cousin in his wallet, after we started our relationship, i told a few of my friends about him and ...
A. 24 October 2009: Up until two weeks ago, I would have been on the side of the majority who would be frowning upon the cousin relations. But someone on this website provided this link and I must say that it opened my eyes a bit in regards to cousin relationships.
... (read in full...)
Sex hater.
Q. I am 20 years old and have been with my bf for 2 years. before we got together i enjoyed sex alot. but now i hate it we start and after a few min i ask if he is almost done. i hate oral sex and i hate for him to touch me. i thought maybe it was him ...
A. 24 October 2009: In order to fix a problem, you have to be able to define it. Once it is defined, then you develop a plan or set of plans to try to fix it. Right now we have part of the definition. You hate sex. The goal is to try to figure out the because.... (read in full...)
What are healthy boundaries when dealing with a Narcissist?
Q. A friend introduced me to the term "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" and boy did it open my eyes. My father has been an INTENSE narcissistic, an especially sly one, ever since I can remember.. and until recently I thought he just had issues and ...
A. 22 October 2009: Howdy, I'm glad you don't fit the definition. Just remember that you don't have to fit all criteria of a label in order to benefit from the insight provided. It is always good for people to analyze themselves and see where they have proble... (read in full...)
What are healthy boundaries when dealing with a Narcissist?
Q. A friend introduced me to the term "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" and boy did it open my eyes. My father has been an INTENSE narcissistic, an especially sly one, ever since I can remember.. and until recently I thought he just had issues and ...
A. 22 October 2009: Hi,
I am linking you an article by a psychologist who actually coined a term co-narcissist, similar to the notion of co-dependent.
I am seeing the patterns of what you are describing being told in this article so I believe you will... (read in full...)
Should I confide in my teacher about my problems at home?
Q. Alright so for the past couple years I've been having trouble at home with my dad and fights every couple of weeks would either result in me getting kicked out for a couple of weeks or me leaving my house for a couple of weeks. Now somehow 3 of my ...
A. 22 October 2009: Just thinking of you. Have you told him yet?... (read in full...)
I wanna lose weight... fast.
Q. I wanna lose weight... fast. What is a way I can lose a lot of body fat and tone my body up fast?...
A. 22 October 2009: Losing weight is one of the hardest things on the planet to do. There are weight loss surgeries which are very expensive and have risk associated w/ them. They are only for people morbidly obese. Here is a link, please look at the risk involved. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend had a one night stand with a professional athelte before we met.
Q. My girlfriend recently told me that a few months before we met she had a one night stand with a famous professional ball player. She wanted to be open and I think that is a great thing. We have a great relationship, we are madly in love and its ...
A. 21 October 2009: OK. I want you to clear your mind. Answer this question w/ out thought, w/out analyzing. A simple Yes or No response. An immediate response. OK...
Pretend you are single....
You're at a bar and a married smoking hot, superbly fine f... (read in full...)
Could too much sex cause his testicles to hurt?
Q. Okay here we go, I have a few questions all wrapped in one. Me and my husband are going through a rough patch. I told him I didn’t like him watching porn he said he would stop a week later I saw him masturbating to pictures of his ex. He said he ...
A. 20 October 2009: Howdy,
Three issues, 2 questions. As far as the testicles. I've never had that happen to me before or enough to where it stands out. You'll get more feedback on this from others. If it persist, I would go to a urologist to be safe. I'm alwa... (read in full...)
Is oral sex as bad as I imagine?
Q. What does oral sex feel and taste like? Previously, I fingered a girl and smelt my finger after and it was horrible so I havnt even tried to use my mouth. Can anyone give me advice on what to do? thanks to everyone that hel...
A. 20 October 2009: Considering the location, if the woman hasn't washed recently down there, it can be a tad bit funky. Anytime you have oral sex, it is usually best for the person receiving to wash up first. That will fix the problem most of the time. Its still ... (read in full...)
My husband finishes too early!
Q. ok first off all i love my husband we've been together for two years, im 20 and he's 27. but lately he doesnt please me, he finish waay to early. im pretty sure he knows because he asks me if im mad. i dont know how to talk to him about this im sooo ...
A. 20 October 2009: What Double M said is good stuff.
In order to work on this, you need to confront him about it. Do this in an understanding way. I would have him give you oral sex and others things that gives you an orgasm as you are working on this in order to... (read in full...)
Should I get back into contact with my mother?
Q. My mom moved out about 2 years ago, stopped talking to my siblings and me, and we have only heard from her to help herself gain money or dirt on our father for the divorce. She's crazy in quite a few ways, very unstable, and she thinks she's doing ...
A. 20 October 2009: This is something only you can decide. There are people who have gone both ways. If you decide to cut off ties with your mom, then you have every right to do so considering all that she has done to you.
It comes down to self-preservation. If b... (read in full...)
Should I confide in my teacher about my problems at home?
Q. Alright so for the past couple years I've been having trouble at home with my dad and fights every couple of weeks would either result in me getting kicked out for a couple of weeks or me leaving my house for a couple of weeks. Now somehow 3 of my ...
A. 20 October 2009: Did you want to share your problem w/ us here? Its good to get these things out you know. Get others opinions. Other than that, all I can do is prod you to talk to him tomorrow. What if he never brings it up again? You just gonna hold ... (read in full...)
My cousin wants to have sex again! What should I do?
Q. I whent to see my cousain yesterday me and her realy like each other and we've had sex before safe sex ofcouse but she won'ts us to have it again and I don't no what to say should I or should I not plzz help me ...
A. 19 October 2009: I wanted to add that I checked out Uncle Phil's link and was blown away at the statistics of inbreeding which has enlightened me to the fact that our society has created this myth. I usually look things up to make sure my facts are correct.... (read in full...)
He say's his saying bad things is training to see if I can be his wife!
Q. I'm worried,me and my fiance are born again christian and we have been together for ten months now.at first we were fine with each other and and loved one another so much,but these days he becomes too hard on me,he is every day quarraling and says ...
A. 19 October 2009: I met my wife and for the first year (we began living with one another early) we had 1 argument. I kid you not, 1 argument. Year 2,the 'honeymoon' was over and our true selves came out. All the pet peeves and negative things about ourselves ... (read in full...)
Is it heathy for us to get bakc together?
Q. Here's my situation....broke up with my ex over 5 years ago. I've dated a lot since then, but nothing even remotely serious. We've been hanging out again for a few months...I'm almost 30 and I realize that if I get involved now...it means long term ...
A. 19 October 2009: I don't have enough information to make a complete analysis. Major red flags are coming through though.. 1. The biggest is that she just got out of a two year relationship. Even without a negative past w/ this woman, you are treading dan... (read in full...)
My cousin wants to have sex again! What should I do?
Q. I whent to see my cousain yesterday me and her realy like each other and we've had sex before safe sex ofcouse but she won'ts us to have it again and I don't no what to say should I or should I not plzz help me ...
A. 19 October 2009: Hey look, you are not the only person that has had sex w/ their cousin. In fact, there was a time in the not so distant past that marrying of cousins was an accepted practice.
The royal families throughout Europe were big on this. The most... (read in full...)
Golden Showers: I don't like it but my partner does!
Q. Okay so my problem is my Fiance likes peeing on me and to be honest I can't stand it as the smell just makes me want to gag, I just have this thing about urine to start with so I have tried it and every time now we even get close to having sex it ...
A. 17 October 2009: This condition, Urolagnia, is listed as a paraphilia which is essentially a fetish that can cause distress in a persons life or those living with the person. It seems your options are a. find some way to incorporate this into your sexlife, b. ... (read in full...)
Should I confide in my teacher about my problems at home?
Q. Alright so for the past couple years I've been having trouble at home with my dad and fights every couple of weeks would either result in me getting kicked out for a couple of weeks or me leaving my house for a couple of weeks. Now somehow 3 of my ...
A. 17 October 2009: Before I begin, I just want to say that if you have a crush on this guy, more than just someone that you look up to, then do not expect this guy to be your savior in that fashion.
Now that that is out of the way...
Don't be embaras... (read in full...)
Will my girlfriend bleed when we have sex?
Q. Hello. my girlfriend and i are at different colleges and she is coming to visit me soon. after dating over a year, we are planning on having sex for the first time. i have 4 durex condoms, i already tried one to explore how to use it ect. My ...
A. 16 October 2009:
Unless she it is around or during her period (which obviously she will be bleeding or blood will be present), the only blood that could possibly show is if the act causes her hymen to seperate.
http://en... (read in full...)
Misreading women
Q. I have a situation where a young lady has started to flirt with me (in an office environment at her workplace). She is very nice and it is light flirting. I have been going there for about 4 weeks and initially I did not pay much attention to her. ...
A. 16 October 2009: The things you were describing are definite good indicators of an interest. Something happened to make it stop. Stop worrying about what it is and be more aggressive. If she was showing you the positive signs then you have a good chan... (read in full...)
In love with my best friend, she's getting engaged. Do I tell her or not?
Q. hi there everyone..first of all, i'd like to thank all the people who actually take time in reading these posts. Your answers are usually very helpful and much appreciated. Ok so here goes. I'm in a real messed up situation. I'm in love with my best ...
A. 15 October 2009: Chetz,
I recommend getting her alone, not in a public place. Invite her to dinner or something. Sit her down and tell her. Make it the first thing that you do. Don't string out the whole evening setting this up. The sooner you do it, the sooner i... (read in full...)
Was I taken for a ride by a younger woman I met online? I'm heartbroken..
Q. I am a male approaching mid 30s and I met this young woman (early 20s) on an asian e-dating site about 5 months ago. We were just chatting and talking on/off until about 2 months ago, and that's when I started having some sexual relation with ...
A. 15 October 2009: Hey bro,
Yea, you got taken for a ride. You let your heart over ride your reason. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Hot young Asian girl, early 20's, family has money...all the warning signs that your feelings were strong... (read in full...)
We are both sexually inexperienced, can you help me figure out why he cant feel anything during sex?
Q. Well, this is the first time i ever post something...and... i must admit i am a bit nervous. My boyfriend and have been together for about a year and a half. We truly believe we are meant to be. Since the beginning of our relationship we ...
A. 14 October 2009: It very easily could be the condom. I hate the damn things for the lack of sensation, and am glad I am with a wife who is on the pill. I would consider getting birth control pills. Talk to your doctor. Now they do have sensitive condoms ... (read in full...)
18 year old girl unsure about her sexuality
Q. (I'm an 18 year old girl) For the past few years I've been unsure about my sexuality. I find certain guys (usually gay guys or metrosexuals) goodlooking, but I'm too scared to have sex or get into a relationship. I always blow them off..I was in ...
A. 14 October 2009: Do you masturbate? If so, what is in your thoughts when you do so? This could help you understand your sexuality more.
So the thought of a relationship is something you don't see yourself in. By relationship, it is assumed the traditio... (read in full...)
Broke up with my b/f, can't stand living with my parents, no job -- help!
Q. Hi everybody. I am broken hearted girl now. I just broke up with my boyfriend for 3 days. I used to live with him and now I broke up with him and I moved back to my parents' house. My life is kind of mess now. I have no car, no job, no money. My ...
A. 14 October 2009: Love happens on its own. It's virtually impossible to predict, can happen when you least expect it and is never guaranteed.
Your biggest problem right now is to get your life in order so that you can become more independent and not have to ... (read in full...)
Does my ex still want me back?
Q. well this might take long so bare with me. my ex dumped me 7 months ago because she thought i was being a bit pushy towards her. but then 2 days after when she dumped me she started going out with someone else and i was hoping it would be a rebound ...
A. 13 October 2009: Hey bro, I think you should reconsider the reason that she broke up with you. To go out w/ someone so soon after the breakup usually means that this other person was the cause of the breakup. There are two things that you need to conside... (read in full...)
Should I give it a shot and hope for the best?
Q. My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. He moved across country but we've still maintained contact over this time period. We both started dating other people and actually discussed with one another that it was preventing us from moving on as we talk, e...
A. 13 October 2009:
Here's what my insticts tell me. If you two are able to communicate for this long and it is actually keeping you from moving on, then it seems like there is a chance at the relationship.
You have to remember though that it is completely di... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend a little too friendly with her brother?
Q. I was just out with my girlfriend and her brother the other day. Her brother is homeschooled and a pretty physically friendly guy, but the other day when we were walking around, he had his arm around her a good part of the day, even when I had my ...
A. 13 October 2009:
Yea man, that's weird. I've never seen this before. My first thought is that he is gay. That's just a thought. What ethnicity are they? There's an off chance it could be this. When I went to Romania a lot of the girls who were friends were hol... (read in full...)
Is this love?
Q. Hi all! Really sorry about the rambling to come; if you don't like long questions, it's best to stop now! Well, lets start with the basics: I'm 20, I have (in my opinion) the best bf in the world whom I met in county badminton and at the moment I;...
A. 13 October 2009: The problem w/ love is defining it. To come up w/ one, all encompassing definition that everyone will accept is virtually impossible. Look up the definition on wikipedia to get a feel for this reality.
It is rather an interesting area of stud... (read in full...)
Why has he all of a sudden started to ignore me?
Q. Hope you can help me out because im so messed up. A guy mate of mine has always been a bit strange with me. All throughout college we didnt talk much because people used to say stuff about us and they didnt like us being friends(a girl in particular ...
A. 12 October 2009: You are not specific as to how much time you spent w/ this guy past university.
Also it seems like you are hoping for more than just friends with this guy. That you really want this to be a bf/gf relationship.
One of your problems co... (read in full...)
Am I in "best friends for life" territory?
Q. hello everyone, i'm probably in 'best friend for life' territory with a girl i know from uni. i'm 21 (soon 22) and she's 20. i have feelings for her, massively. i told her over the phone in summer, and she took it very well. we're not together but...
A. 12 October 2009: Damn bro, you got two things against you. 1. How long does it take her to cleanse herself of these feelings? and 2. Does she want to get into another serious relationship at this point?
What's the chances of her running wild for a bit in order to... (read in full...)
Please help me ! Is sweet guy really sweet or just really smooth ?
Q. Ok, so this is going to be long and drawn out, so bear with me. So, I got out of a 5 year relationship about a month ago. There is a guy that I work with and have been friends with for a few months that started showing genuine interest (I am in my...
A. 12 October 2009: This one is in that grey area. Part of me thinks you are over reacting and then there's the cautious side of me that wonders why the abrupt change.
Now, is the time he wants to spend w/ you dimishing w/ a bunch of excuses as to why he can't me... (read in full...)
How do I prove to my Mom that I am still a virgin?
Q. okay first of all i know i am too young to be thinking about this stuff. my boy friend is almost 18. i love him to pieces he's my world i cant live without him. i want to loose my virginity to him but not for like a good few years. my problem is ...
A. 12 October 2009: You're mom is probably wanting the doctor to check your hymen and see if it is intact. This has often been a method of determining virginity in the past.
The problem w/ this is that it is really not an accurate method. See link to website I ha... (read in full...)
Which is worse and how to move on?
Q. I have been with my fiance for over three years now. At the beginning of our third year together I made a few mistakes. I once gave my number out to a guy, but told my fiance on the same day and didn't know why I did it. I then developed a crush on ...
A. 10 October 2009: Regarding why you told your fiance in the beginning... I can understand the phone number more than the crush. The phone number was something that the guy could have called and then it gets out. The crush though is a little harder to understand. ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with me if I don't enjoy oral sex?
Q. So I have a boyfriend and we've been with each other for just over 7 months now. We've been having oral sex for a little while now as I'm not really ready for sex yet and he's fine with that. But, the problem is when he gives me oral sex I don't ...
A. 10 October 2009: Most likely its the inexperience of your boyfriend and your inexperience and shyness of telling him what you want. Now, since you don't really know what you want, then you have to experiment. That's the fun part. Now, keep in mind that... (read in full...)
Am I in "best friends for life" territory?
Q. hello everyone, i'm probably in 'best friend for life' territory with a girl i know from uni. i'm 21 (soon 22) and she's 20. i have feelings for her, massively. i told her over the phone in summer, and she took it very well. we're not together but...
A. 10 October 2009: The biggest question you need answered is if she could have feelings along gf/bf line.
You've come this far with your feelings, I'd take it the next step. Say hey, every day that goes by my feelings for you get stronger and stronger. Can you ... (read in full...)
How do I make it obvious that I like this girl? I'm shy!
Q. My problem is little long. Well i am 20,still single. My first luv rejected,from then i never found any girl attractive till last week. I go to college, so there is this new girl in my class . I liked her a lot. Its kinda luv at first sight or ...
A. 9 October 2009: Find out if she has a boyfriend...
If you trust this friend, then perhaps tell him what's up and see if he'll back off and give you room. Other than that, then you just need to speak up. But, I would worry more about getting the key question... (read in full...)
In love with my best friend, she's getting engaged. Do I tell her or not?
Q. hi there everyone..first of all, i'd like to thank all the people who actually take time in reading these posts. Your answers are usually very helpful and much appreciated. Ok so here goes. I'm in a real messed up situation. I'm in love with my best ...
A. 3 October 2009: I don't know. There's a big difference between looking at someone as a potential boyfriend and someone as a friend. What you described as far as a massage and shaking her shoulders is really hard to put a label on. It could be one or the other. ... (read in full...)
In love with my best friend, she's getting engaged. Do I tell her or not?
Q. hi there everyone..first of all, i'd like to thank all the people who actually take time in reading these posts. Your answers are usually very helpful and much appreciated. Ok so here goes. I'm in a real messed up situation. I'm in love with my best ...
A. 3 October 2009: Here's the deal. If you tell her and she doesn't share the same vibe, then you're probably going to lose your friendship. That, and the ripple effect w/ mutual friends could ruin these friendships as well. Consider what life will be like if you ask ... (read in full...)
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