Is there a good reason for people to find out you've had sex?
Q. is there a good reason that people have to find out u've had sex? because i want to have sex with my bf, he wants to have sex with me, but we r concerned about getting caught and him going to jail since he is 18 and im 15. but i thinks its impossib...
A. 27 March 2009: Just to be clear, when it comes to your body, *you* always have the final say in it.
Just saying.
:-) Take care, and stick up for what you know is right. That's part of being an adult.... (read in full...)
Failed marriages...
Q. Anyone out there who has had a failed marriage? Why didn't it work? Did you try to make it work, but then get to a point where you just gave up? I feel like I'm about to shut down and stop trying....
A. 17 March 2009: There's a book called "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail", if I recall the title. Published maybe 10 years ago by a couples counselor. It was short, and wasn't fabulously interesting to me, but it was on precisely this topic so you might find it ... (read in full...)
What should I do in this situation?
Q. Ok i apologise if this question is a bit complicated but i'm confused about things, and need a bit of help. A few weeks ago, me and my bf (we'll call him J) split up, and i was devastated. The weekend after i dealt with things in a bad way by going ...
A. 9 March 2009: None of the above. You can do much better.... (read in full...)
He just won't take the hint that I'm not interested, what do I do?
Q. Hi there, I recently went away on vacation for a week to another city about 2 hours way from where I live. I stayed with my best friend, and the frst night I was there, I went out clubbing and met her cousin. I was completely drunk and ended up ...
A. 9 March 2009: Answer is in the question. Guys usually don't take hints, so don't hint.
Say what you mean, clearly and directly. Works like a charm.
You can dress it up with, "I feel terrible saying this because I don't want to hurt you or be mean, but ...... (read in full...)
A date turns into a FWB, but I'm confused as to WHY?
Q. I dated this guy for 2 months, we had sex on the first date and continued to date for several weeks. i was unsure about him the whole time, and he kept hinting that i could see him and date others. about two months in, he became a bit distant and ...
A. 9 March 2009: At the risk of maligning many decent men out there, if a single guy is not in a relationship, and a woman whom he finds sexually attractive is willing/interested in having sex with him, he will often take advantage of that opportunity, regardless of ... (read in full...)
What do I do with his "boys" while giving a blowjob?
Q. how do i suck my bfs testicles during a blowjob? ive never done it before so im a little nervous as far as what to do with them. do i lick them? suck them? and my bf says he enjoys the blowjobs i give a lot but i want to make them more enjoyable. ...
A. 9 March 2009: *gentle* massage (cupped) is very nice. One hand is fine. Slow strokes with the other, or pressure on the part of the penis that extends back below the testicles towards the anus.
I understand sucking/licking of testicles is nicer for her when... (read in full...)
Is it back for him if I touch his penis after he comes?
Q. when you are having intercourse with a guy and he orgasms, do you keep going if you haven't come or do you have to get off of him immediately? i heard that if you touch the penis after he comes, then it hurts him because it is so sensitive at that ...
A. 9 March 2009: For me, manual and oral stimulation after orgasm can be uncomfortable. Vaginal stimulation is fine, pleasant, though like Tux says, the erection will generally fade in a minute or so, for a few minutes.
So if you are close, you are welcome ... (read in full...)
What does my ex telling me all this stuff mean??
Q. ok so me and this guy dated for about 2 months then he ended it because he said he didnt feel the same. it was very rough on me for some time, but me and him ended up becoming very good friends. whenever we talked we would talk for hours on end, ...
A. 9 March 2009: My gut instinct? I'd ask the ex if he wants to date you, to try again.
Not as in, "I'm asking you to try again"
But rather, "I'm close to someone, and I also still have feelings for you, and if this thing between us is going somewhere, I nee... (read in full...)
He's hiding porn in the ceiling, should I just leave him?
Q. My husband lies about porn, he hides them in the ceiling and an unfinished room wall. I've caught him several times and he lies to my face. Then just pretends everything is OK. To top it off he has every excuse not to have sex We are 43 years old...
A. 9 March 2009: To expand on martini's 3rd choice, if your husband views masturbation/pornography as his primary sexual outlet, and he perceives his options as (1) lose his partner and way of life, (2) do without his sexual outlet, or (3) fudge it by ... (read in full...)
My pregnant girlfriend left me
Q. Ok here is my situation. My pregnant girlfriend has left me and is claiming that I verbally and sexually abused her. We had been together 8 months and she was 2 months pregnant when she left. She is 24 and I am 34. She has a four year old son from a ...
A. 9 March 2009: If she is asking you for suggestions about baby names, I would treat it as a chance to have some normalcy in the relationship. Remember that for a relationship to work, you need to have a lot of good interactions for each negative one.
So I ... (read in full...)
What does she classify as sex?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 1 year and we dated for 2 years before we got married. We were both virgins and we were saving ourselves for marriage. We both cherrished our virginitys and think its something special. We gave our virginitys ...
A. 8 March 2009: There are many different definitions of virginity. There's no official answer that is relevant for your situation.
Her sense of the word, that you lose your virginity when you have sexual intercourse, and that she never really had one, is to me... (read in full...)
My pregnant girlfriend left me
Q. Ok here is my situation. My pregnant girlfriend has left me and is claiming that I verbally and sexually abused her. We had been together 8 months and she was 2 months pregnant when she left. She is 24 and I am 34. She has a four year old son from a ...
A. 8 March 2009: John,
Just remembered one other factor. The whole shower scene. Depending on how things go, at some point you are going to be talking to her father again.
My counsel would be, unless and until she says she wants you in her life, you don't ... (read in full...)
My pregnant girlfriend left me
Q. Ok here is my situation. My pregnant girlfriend has left me and is claiming that I verbally and sexually abused her. We had been together 8 months and she was 2 months pregnant when she left. She is 24 and I am 34. She has a four year old son from a ...
A. 8 March 2009: John,
I'd think your best chance is a combination of (1) demonstrating that you understand and can articulate something important that she doesn't think you understand. This gives her an upside. And, (2) showing that you have restraint and can ... (read in full...)
Why did he want sex when he was angry?
Q. Okay me and my bf,have lots of fun together.But i get worried about him when he goes on this temper thing.One time i was over at his house,and lets just say this wasn't one of his great days.He was angry,then he started saying babe please can you ...
A. 8 March 2009: For one thing, guys often find the release of orgasm to be calming, and so they seek sex when they are stressed. So that is why he might want sex when he is angry ... in the same way someone might reach for a beer or a cigarette.
But there is... (read in full...)
Will masturbation affect my health in the future?
Q. Will masturbation affect the future or health of a boy who is 18...
A. 8 March 2009: I respectfully disagree with the anonymous poster below. Masturbation is a natural process that most people do. Some people associate sexuality with impurity, and think that whenever sexuality exists outside the narrow confines of (for example) ... (read in full...)
I went on his myspace account to see what he was up to
Q. me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year, this is the second time we've dated. the first time, he left me for his ex-girlfriend. but, i figured out his myspace password a couple months ago. i wanted to go on so bad and see w...
A. 8 March 2009: Unfortunately, I suspect you do know what to do, but don't want to do it.
I suspect you want a way to have this not hurt, to still trust him, and to be happy with him like you once were.
However, he seems not to be the person you once thought... (read in full...)
My pregnant girlfriend left me
Q. Ok here is my situation. My pregnant girlfriend has left me and is claiming that I verbally and sexually abused her. We had been together 8 months and she was 2 months pregnant when she left. She is 24 and I am 34. She has a four year old son from a ...
A. 8 March 2009: It sounds like a bad situation. Basically she was feeling that it was sex or lose you, and she didn't want sex, but she didn't want to lose you. So she was willing to have sex to keep you (figured you recognized this consciously or ... (read in full...)
My pregnant girlfriend left me
Q. Ok here is my situation. My pregnant girlfriend has left me and is claiming that I verbally and sexually abused her. We had been together 8 months and she was 2 months pregnant when she left. She is 24 and I am 34. She has a four year old son from a ...
A. 8 March 2009: John,
Having just now read your update, I think the thing you say that probably gets most under the skins of some (and I've been in this situation so I know), is your belief that even if they don't feel like it, partners in some sense "owe" it... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to make love but I'm not ready yet.
Q. Im 13 and my girlfriend is 14 and she says lets make love i said i want to wait what should i do? a=Do it b=wait Please help...
A. 8 March 2009: Another vote for not just too young, but way too young.
Not that there is any "right" age, but if you were 16 or 17 asking me this question, I'd probably try to find out more about you, and about your relationship.
But not at 13 and 14, no wa... (read in full...)
My pregnant girlfriend left me
Q. Ok here is my situation. My pregnant girlfriend has left me and is claiming that I verbally and sexually abused her. We had been together 8 months and she was 2 months pregnant when she left. She is 24 and I am 34. She has a four year old son from a ...
A. 8 March 2009: Let me try to find a helpful middle ground.
Clearly in any relationship there are going to be times where both people are not on the same page sexually. A pregnancy, especially one with difficulties, is one of these.
Also having a child, ... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to be abusive in public!
Q. Thank you for the help given at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/husband-wants-me-to-use-very-abusive-language.html Regarding the abusive language, my husband actually wants me to be abusive to him in public but I find it odd. He wants it full-sc...
A. 7 March 2009: Gina hit the key point.
Does he accept that this is a romantic weekend for *both* of you? How does he feel about the fact that this makes you uncomfortable? Is he willing to compromise, for example trying things out in private to find out whet... (read in full...)
Her past doesn't add up!
Q. hey guys, I have been seeing this girl a lot and we recently became boyfriend and girlfriend. We are realy comfortable around each other and can talk about anything. She is a great girl and has been through a lot especially with her dad dying on ...
A. 7 March 2009: While I respectfully disagree with kaylagal's opinion here, I do agree with her in the following sense:
If you care about the number of her partners, feel she is less valuable for having dated other guys, and consider virginity as a sign of "stan... (read in full...)
What a boring sex life!!!
Q. I have a boyfriend and we have been having sex quite a lot within these 18 months. The problem is, every time we have sex, we are just simply kissing and caressing each other's genitals. Then, my boyfriend will be on top of me and poopps! He comes ...
A. 7 March 2009: Once again I have to echo Emily. It's a golden rule that if you aren't ready to talk about it, you aren't ready to do it.
Not that you can't do it, but that you will almost inevitably end up in situations like this.
As to how to talk about it... (read in full...)
He thinks my body BELONGS to him!!!!
Q. My boyfriend of 4 months says I'm his... therefore so is my body, supposedly we love each other. He says he does, his hands are always all over me, alone or not! Once we are in a private place and he wouldn't stop! I don't mind that but I do mind ...
A. 7 March 2009: "How on earth can I get him to understand that this is my body, that he should respect if Ii don't want him doing that to me."
Actions speak louder than words. You get him to understand it by (1) explaining that if he doesn't change his behavior... (read in full...)
We had a heated argument and she said to let it go. Should we?
Q. I've been seeing a lady for several months now. We recently got into an heated argument, very rare for us. We didn't talk for several days and when we did we ended up starting a conversation that to me seemed like it was long overdue and very ...
A. 7 March 2009: Loving arms is right, the relevant question is whether this is something that is going to continue to bother you or not. If not, then it is fine to let it go. But if you believe it will still be there nagging at you, then you owe it to both of you ... (read in full...)
Her past doesn't add up!
Q. hey guys, I have been seeing this girl a lot and we recently became boyfriend and girlfriend. We are realy comfortable around each other and can talk about anything. She is a great girl and has been through a lot especially with her dad dying on ...
A. 7 March 2009: A woman is not a math problem.
More to the point, if she likes you, and you demonstrate to her that you judge her based on (including caring excessively about) her past relationships, you can expect to get a version that she thinks presents... (read in full...)
Completely confused...Who's to blame?
Q. I have been dating an older guy for about 7 months now. He is 37 and I am 22 but somehow mentally, I think we meet each other in the middle at 30 lol. Things were going great between us. We love each other and have talked about marriage in the near ...
A. 7 March 2009: One clarification for the record - I mentioned "and you are unwilling to ignore that behavior" ... I think it would be unwise of you to simply ignore the behavior, on the basis of what you have told us.... (read in full...)
Completely confused...Who's to blame?
Q. I have been dating an older guy for about 7 months now. He is 37 and I am 22 but somehow mentally, I think we meet each other in the middle at 30 lol. Things were going great between us. We love each other and have talked about marriage in the near ...
A. 7 March 2009: I agree with the other advice here, so I'm gonna take a different angle on your question (as a guy of similar age to your ex).
First the women friends thing.
If his phone calls etc with him friends (male or female) are substantially in... (read in full...)
I think my little brother is gay!
Q. I think my little brother is gay. For some time, I think I was subconsciously worried about this ever since I saw him listen to Britney Spears songs on my ipod. I'm not saying that's an automatic signal for homosexuality, but my reaction to that ...
A. 7 March 2009: Full disclosure: I used to play with my cousin's Barbies as a kid, and know the words to almost every Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. A mate once told me even in college that he was surprised I was straight, after seeing me dance with a woman.
And I... (read in full...)
Saving ourselves for marriage but want to spice up things
Q. so ive been with this amazing guy for almost three years now and i love him to death. the thing is, we're always together but dont have much alone time so when we do, we want to make it count. we're both saving ourselves for marriage but we need ...
A. 7 March 2009: Cat - married, 16-17? Say it ain't so!
*sigh*, member of the "nobody should get married til 30" krewe.
You haven't said what level of physical intimacy you two have, or what level (short of intercourse) you are comfortable with, so it's ha... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to use very abusive language on him during our romantic weekend!
Q. I'm a 34-year-old businesswoman, my husband's 36, and our son's 11 years old and in High school. Last night me and my husband were talking about ideas for making our sex life hotter and having a romantic week together as we haven't had one ...
A. 7 March 2009: His insistence is troubling to me; part of any romantic roleplaying is trust, and someone who is bullying (or nearly so) makes it harder to understand which is the real part and which is the play.
I felt that needed to be said, and perhaps ... (read in full...)
Terrifying nightmares about the male friend I love. What can I do?
Q. I keep having dreams about my best friend, who I am in love with. I don't think he is romantically attracted to me and it may be why I am so deeply troubled by this, since every night I have a different nightmare about him. In my dreams he's alwa...
A. 7 March 2009: I'd guess the dreams are your subconscious trying to deal with your fears of losing him, if you tell him how you feel.
Worrying is trying to make decisions without enough information. Persistent nightmares might be similar; your subconsc... (read in full...)
How to cope and get past this?
Q. I know this may not seem like that big of a deal to some of you... but I still feel very ashamed. Me and my boyfriend have had an on and off long-distance relationship for 2 years. So, since I was 15, I'm 17 now. He's came to see me for a month o...
A. 7 March 2009: The vast majority of us (guys and gals) are with partners we love, who have had sex with other people. People they may not like very much in retrospect.
That may violate some people's sense of romance or propriety. Everyone is entitled... (read in full...)
Where can we doit?
Q. This is a pretty weird situation I guess, well getting too it, i've got a boyfriend, been with him a while, had sex 3 times over a weekend away, now we're kinda stuck for where to have sex, and we're going to go to shit if we don't keep the sex life ...
A. 7 March 2009: "we're going to go to shit if we don't keep the sex life up"
I'm not sure that I understand this, but if you mean that you think you will lose him if you don't have sex with him regularly, expect a lot of people to (rightly) be concerned that you... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex's new girlfriend that he asked me for sex?
Q. Should i tell my ex new gf that a few weeks ago he asked me if i wanted sex with him, that he would offer his services 2 me, i said no but he also said he wanted 2 suck my tits a few days before he asked me for sex Im now wondering if he really m...
A. 7 March 2009: Tempting though it may be to get involved, my sense is that you probably don't want to get dragged into that drama.
Now if she were your best friend, the answer would be different. And if you knew that your ex had an STI/STD from sleeping... (read in full...)
What can you feed a man so his sperm isn't so salty or sour?
Q. What can you feed a man so his sperm isn't so salty or sour? It doesn't have to taste like candy or anything....
A. 6 March 2009: Lotsa pineapple.
Basically you want more sugar in his diet, so fruits are good. You also want less meat and especially dairy (such a shame). Some vegetables are also known to give a funky taste ... asparagus?
So throw out the moldy cheese in ... (read in full...)
Does interest fade in ALL serious relationships, or should I take it as a sign to move on?
Q. I'm looking for opinions from married people or people in long term serious relationships.... I'm trying to figure out if what I'm feeling/not feeling for my boyfriend of 2 years is "normal", or is it an indication that we shouldn't get ma...
A. 6 March 2009: Not sure I'll do these interesting questions their justice (good for you for asking), but I had a few thoughts I thought I would share.
The three you don't have:
1) Sex life. I'm torn whether to echo satindesire's sentiment. I suspect all hi... (read in full...)
Can my husband investigate into my computer?
Q. Hi, I'm going on a trip, and would like to know if my husband can get into my computer to find sites I've been on. I have a password and erased my history, but can he bypass it all to find out everything? I once saw a show about computer forensi...
A. 6 March 2009: It completely depends on how techie and how interested your husband is.
As a rule, if someone has physical access to your computer, they can get into it. Without a password, that generally involves mounting the disk, such as via a Linux boot dis... (read in full...)
Do men like women who are a little hard to get?
Q. Do guys like women who aren't too anxious to talk with them...in other words those who play a little hard to get more than those who seem like an anxious puppy waiting to hear from them again? Is this a matter of individual preference or it it a ...
A. 6 March 2009: Individual preference. I've heard both perspectives. Also a matter of maturity; men and women alike fall especially hard for "hard to get" when younger, as they judge worth based on things other than their own judgment.
... (read in full...)
I am so confused... I think I'm gay but I don't want to be...
Q. I am a 13 year old boy, when I masturbate, I think about boys feet. I know I have a foot fetish. When I look at girls they don't turn me on... I tried to watch a hot girl on tv and masturbate but I couldn't, Am I gay? I really don't want to be...
A. 6 March 2009: Without meaning to offend those who dislike the idea, acceptance of homosexuality has been increasing steadily for decades. Things like civil unions, which would have been unthinkable in most places twenty years ago, are often proposed by opponents ... (read in full...)
I am so confused... I think I'm gay but I don't want to be...
Q. I am a 13 year old boy, when I masturbate, I think about boys feet. I know I have a foot fetish. When I look at girls they don't turn me on... I tried to watch a hot girl on tv and masturbate but I couldn't, Am I gay? I really don't want to be...
A. 2 March 2009: Short answer, and you'll have to trust me (and other folks here) on this, but you'll know well before you are married.
Once your hormones really kick in (anywhere from ... dunno, 13 to 17?), something or someone will probably be giving you erec... (read in full...)
I am so confused... I think I'm gay but I don't want to be...
Q. I am a 13 year old boy, when I masturbate, I think about boys feet. I know I have a foot fetish. When I look at girls they don't turn me on... I tried to watch a hot girl on tv and masturbate but I couldn't, Am I gay? I really don't want to be...
A. 2 March 2009: Hi Anonymous.
My short answer is, I think 13 is too young to tell. Not that there aren't people who know at 13 that they are straight, or gay, or bisexual, but rather I think there are a lot of people who don't know.
Sometimes there is a diffe... (read in full...)
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