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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Parner has gained so much weight I am not attracted to her. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Q. Am I still wrong? Around 4 years ago I came here because my partner was complaining about her weight, size and not making any effort. I said I look after myself and I wanted her to do the same. She feels insecure when out with friends meaning ...
A. 25 August 2024: You feel what you feel or what you don't feel. Most people have a certain look or type that they are attracted to and lets be honest, in most relationships physical attraction plays a part at least initially. Its not hard to understand why you have ... (read in full...)
Do I lend him the money for her engagement ring?
Q. My friend has been with her boyfriend for 5 years. He is a really nice guy - I would not say I know him really well but we have hung out on a fair few occasions and he’s easy to talk too and I know he treats my friend well. He contacted me the...
A. 9 July 2024: Dont lend the money. Follow your instincts. Maybe he should have planned better..put the ring cost before vacation. Not your problem. ... (read in full...)
How soon is too soon to date a widower?
Q. Sorry if this post comes across as heartless as I really don’t mean it to be…. Around 12 years ago I used to work with this guy - I had the hugest crush on him (actually in think I was in love with him) he was married with kids (I was and sti...
A. 23 June 2024: There is no answer to your question because it will be different for every person. My mother and my mother in law both had been married for over 50 years and they both started dating within 3 months after their husbands passed away. we were all ... (read in full...)
Was what I did that bad?
Q. I was joking around and maybe gossiping but not in a mean way about one of the managers sexuality and I asked a couple coworkers I thought were friendly if they thought she was gay or not. Part of me was being nosey and the other was curious because ...
A. 19 May 2024: Yep what you did wasn't cool. I would feel very hurt if I was that woman and not trust any of you. I don't think that just you should be called out though. ... (read in full...)
Girls preference on guys pubic hair
Q. Hey girls, I was curious of your personal preference when it comes to a guys grooming down below? Also, what are your thoughts on chest hair?...
A. 13 May 2024: I think its most attractive to be neat and trimmed. I personally think men with no chest chair is the sexiest. Back hair is just plain yuk. Some women love hairy men that can pass as a bear but I'm not one of them. ... (read in full...)
Am I weird for wanting this lifestyle?
Q. My whole life I’ve never wanted the traditional family life - ie getting married and having children of my own. I’ve always wanted to marry an older man with grown up children and be part of their life, I guess I’ve always wanted a ready ma...
A. 9 May 2024: It doesn't matter what others think its your preferences. You aren't hurting anyone so who cares? Be happy and don't care what others think. They dont have to live your life. You do.
Just my own experience but I would not go out with an older ma... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with me skipping my high school reunions?
Q. My 20 year high school reunion is coming up in a few months. I never made any of my reunions (5 year reunion, 10 year reunion, or my 15 year reunion). I was bullied by a few students and most of the students just acted like I didn't exist. T...
A. 22 April 2024: No there is nothing wrong with not wanting to go. You are a grown man and really don't need to make excuses to people other than to say "I don't wish to go". Some people have very fond memories of high school, some don't. I had some friends in high ... (read in full...)
3 years into the relationship I find out my boyfriend lied about his age
Q. Hello I found out after being on a relationship for 3 years that my boyfriend has lied about his age by 4 years. When I confronted him he didn't even bother to give an explanation. Which has made matters worse. I'm questioning if he has told other ...
A. 16 April 2024: It makes you wonder if he lied about his age, did he lie about other things and if so what did he lie about? The fact that he didn't even try to explain is very worrisome. Bottom line is can you trust him? I doubt if I would. This would be a deal ... (read in full...)
My aunt embarrassed me in front of everyone at the wedding & I dread facing everyone now!!
Q. Basically what happened we all attended a family members wedding last week. After the wedding breakfast and before the evening doo my aunt decided she wanted to go back to my house to freshen up - she left a change of clothes at my house as I...
A. 13 April 2024: Your aunt was over the top and I'm sure most if not all of your family would agree. She was ridiculous. I wouldn't concern myself with this matter anymore and if anyone should bring it up just laugh and say "well you know...she just grabbed out of ... (read in full...)
Neighbors haven't been supportive since the death of our dog!
Q. We have known our neighbors for 12 years and have always got on well- we both had dogs which we took walking together, plus we’d look after each others dogs from time to time. 4 years ago their dog died, as soon as my husband and found out w...
A. 10 April 2024: First off, I am sorry for the loss of your fur baby. To pet owners, losing a beloved pet is like losing a member of your family. I have had dogs and cats my entire life and have such wonderful memories of each and every one of them. They were all my ... (read in full...)
My friend/roommate went through my anxiety medication and told everyone.
Q. TW: mental health concerns My roommate confronted me while we were drunk the other day. She told me she went into my room "by accident while looking for me" and "accidentally" came upon my anxiety/depression medication. She said that because she...
A. 9 April 2024: She isn't a friend and you would be very wise to find a different room mate. She crossed the boundaries of trust in more ways than one. I'd get away from her ASAP. Definitely get a lock on your door or lock up anything that is personal. She has no ... (read in full...)
Am so sexually frustrated that it's destroying me in mind, body, and soul.
Q. Please give me some advice about how to deal with sexual frustration. I cannot STAND it anymore, I am so sexually frustrated. I have morals, so casual sex is off the table. I need sex so bad that I can't freaking sleep. I am a young woman. ...
A. 5 April 2024: There is an expression "god helps those who help themself". Are you just fantasizing about having a nice man or are you doing anything to make your dream come true? If you think a man is just going to drop into your lap he's not. Put yourself out ... (read in full...)
I got involved with engaged co worker and made her choose
Q. Hi everyone! Here's my situation: two and a half years ago a new coworker arrived into the company I've been working with for the last 7 years. A couple of weeks after she arrived, she started to flirt with me in a real intense way, I mean, she...
A. 31 March 2024: why would you want to stay with her? Shes a cheater and you cant play innocent because you know about the fiance. There's alot of trouble brewing around you. Are you oblivious to it? You were messing around with a co worker and another man's woman. ... (read in full...)
Did I handle things wrong? Need some encouraging words
Q. Back in December I attended a Christmas work party. They had hired some hostesses to go around the party and offer different food and drinks. I spoke to one of them and she seemed more receptive to conversation than the others. I spoke to her a few ...
A. 27 March 2024: It isnt that you handled anything wrong, its just that the girl wasn't interested and didn't want to cause a big scene or feel uncomfortable so she basically slipped out the back door. She didn't want to come right out and say no so she snuck out. ... (read in full...)
Partner's cousin is having a wedding, but don't want to attend. Title (e.g. My husband is
Q. Hello all, My partner's cousin is getting married this year, but I am not overly thrilled about the idea of going. However, I feel like I need to go for my partner's sake and, well, because my partner is basically saying I have to go. The reas...
A. 26 March 2024: I understand your feelings completely. I was married for years to a man that had some very disagreeable family members. I truly couldn't stand being around them but there was always hell to pay if I put up a fuss and didn't attend events. I usually ... (read in full...)
Why does she want a black dildo
Q. Hi, my gf 27, me 34. recently mentioned she wants a dildo. So I said I will look for her. When we were looking she pointed she wanted a black one. We are white. So it made me think is she into black men? She doesn’t watch porn but I don’t know if ...
A. 18 March 2024: The only person that can answer this is her. Why don't you ask her? ... (read in full...)
Would it be acceptable for my cousin to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?
Q. When I was 19 years old, I had a one night stand with a friend and ended up pregnant. My parents, who always been judgemental and verbally abusive kicked me out when they found out. My cousin, Justin, who is a year older than me, was always close...
A. 15 March 2024: Its your wedding and your day. Do what makes YOU happy....I'm sure your cousin would be touched. Its a very sweet gesture and it shows how much he means to you. As long as your hubby is cool with it, I would ask your cousin. Congratulations! I hope ... (read in full...)
Friend temporarily staying with me is costing me money and she isn't considerate
Q. My friend is living with me temporarily until her apartment is ready. She went through a break up last year so had to sell her house and needed somewhere to stay until her new living place is ready. She’s been with me 2 weeks and it will pos...
A. 4 March 2024: The only thing probably worse than this is loaning money to a friend or family. Yuk...icky sticky situation! Its going to be an uncomfortable situation but you are going to have to sit down with her and explain that you really just can't afford to ... (read in full...)
My husband buys the worst gifts
Q. It’s my birthday next week and I know my lovely husband has bought me an expensive gift. Unfortunately it’s not something that I want. I know that sounds so very ungrateful and even childish, but he does this every birthday, every an anniversary and ...
A. 3 March 2024: I don't think that most men mean to buy bad gifts its just that they are clueless. Isn't it easier to buy for your girlfriend sister mom than your husband or dad or male friend? Men usually just don't know. I was so lucky..my husband was so ... (read in full...)
Should I be suspicious of his ex-wife?
Q. Friend with benefits just got out of the hospital for open heart surgery. His ex-wife has been at his house twice a day to cook breakfast and dinner since he came home, though I offered to help. Should I be suspicious that something more i...
A. 18 February 2024: If you are just FWB then what he does is really not your concern. If you want more and don't want to be used as you say then you'd have to talk to him. FWB relationships don't normally work because one person gets feelings. Basically in a FWB you ... (read in full...)
They sold their house without giving us a chance to make an offer!
Q. My husband and I are a little upset with our neighbors and no idea why what happened, happened… We have been living in our house for 6 years. One of our neighbors who lives in our cul de sac has a beautiful bigger house. We’ve al...
A. 4 February 2024: It could be so many things maybe you did not make it clear maybe they thought you were being polite asking?? Or even just nosey..who know? At the end of.the day its their home and they can sell to whomever they want. They dont owe you anything. ... (read in full...)
My husband s a hoarder of cars and computers
Q. Dear Cupid I am married to my spouse for last 6 years and been together for 10 years. No pets and no kids. I love my husband dearly. We both work full time and share our house workloads. Everything is great, but he has been hoarding cars an...
A. 31 January 2024: I think the best thing that you can do is to sit down and really have a heart to heart with your husband. If you have tried before you need to try again and make sure that he realizes how very much his hoarding is upsetting you. Maybe he truly ... (read in full...)
Should I limit exposure to my family for my mental health?
Q. I am the youngest in a family if four. My sister's are 10 years older than me and brother is 5 years older. All I heard growing up was that my brother wanted a brother and a bike for his birthday. Well I was born on his birthday, but was a sister. ...
A. 29 January 2024: Yes you should absolutely put your mental wellbeing first and dont feel badly about it! The members of your family sound toxic. Why deal with people that make you unhappy. Just because they are family doesnt mean they are nice! ... (read in full...)
Curiosity killed the cat
Q. Curiosity got the best of me. I am almost certain she isn’t honest but I feel bad because I don’t think she’s comfortable but I asked my friend indirectly if she was gay. It’s several reasons why I want to know and think she is. Anyways when I asked ...
A. 22 January 2024: She obviously didn't feel comfortable to discuss the subject and then you talked to others about it and she didn't like that. She doesn't want to be friends because it would appear she doesn't trust you. ... (read in full...)
Something just feels off about him
Q. I started seeing this guy at the end of November 2023. On our second date, he asked me about my dating history and he proceeded to tell him his. He told me he still talks daily to his most recent ex and that she is always asking him to get back ...
A. 22 January 2024: He at least is honest that he is dating someone else. Its hard to say what his true intentions are. Do you like him enough to hang around and wait to see? Or do you want to be the only one he dates? It would be easy for me. I don't want to be a ... (read in full...)
Unhappy with hairdresser should I call and tell her or put it on social media?
Q. Been going to the same hairdressers 2 years now, Before that I went to another one for longer. I always get my roots done and a wash and blow dry and it costs £60. The one I go to now is never been as good as the one I went to years ago. This hai...
A. 19 January 2024: I would be polite and reach out to the hairdresser first. Its not really fair to trash her without at least giving her a chance to try to make you happy. Honestly? I'd stop going there. What is the point of saving some money if you are unhappy every ... (read in full...)
Friend's style changed dramatically after breakup
Q. Concern over friend Friend recently had a break up about 6 weeks ago. She works at a school and went from dressing very girly/feminine like skirts and dresses everyday. She still wears dresses but now dresses in all black daily and wears litera...
A. 2 January 2024: This happened to my daughter after her divorce. She totally changed her appearance. She cut and dyed her beautiful strawberry blonde hair black, then red and kept changing the style. She started dressing far differently than she had before. It ... (read in full...)
Difficult parents to support
Q. Hello, I am very tired dealing with my mum because she has been complaining about my dad and the marriages for years. They have been married for more than 50 years and she never been happy but have stayed with him, He is very controlling, she...
A. 26 October 2023: There comes a point where you just have to accept that people often like to complain but don't want to change things. Its almost like they love dwelling in their misery. My story is similar to yours. My parents were married for 53 years before my ... (read in full...)
FWB not working out and I want more
Q. I stopped sleeping with FWB recently because he insulted me. He said I wanted more and was into drama because I questioned him about a woman that was in his vehicle (ex wife) because they had to take care of a bank issue. Not questioning WHY she was ...
A. 20 October 2023: FWB relationships rarely work out because one person cant just leave it for what its supposed to be...sex only. Its pretty natural but doesnt bode well for the fwb aspect. Someone is always going to get hurt. I honestly don't know how people can be ... (read in full...)
Our neighbors sold their house and never told us
Q. We lived next to our neighbors for 15 years and always had a good rapport so it came as a bit of a shock when my husband and I came back from 2 weeks away and found they had sold their house and we had new neighbors. They never mentioned ...
A. 10 October 2023: There could be many reasons why they didn't tell you about the sale. Maybe they couldn't afford to live there? Maybe one of them had a job transfer? Maybe they didn't like the neighborhood? Perhaps they were embarrassed to tell you? I certainly ... (read in full...)
We are in love but worried what our families will think of our relationship
Q. I’m 40 and for just over a year I’ve been seeing a man who is 66. We are both divorced. I have no children (and not planning or wanting any). He has 2 grown up children and a 14 month old grandchild. We have kept our relationship quiet as we...
A. 2 October 2023: Life is short. Everyone deserves to be happy. The kids are adults and should be mature enough to deal with the situation. You shouldn't have to be hiding. Tell people and if they don't like it or can't accept things..well that's on them, isnt it? ... (read in full...)
Colleague ruined spa day. Do I inform management of her behavior?
Q. My workplace paid for myself and a colleague to a spa day last week as we were the top 2 in our team with the highest sales records. Often they treat staff members who have hit target with things like this and this was both our first time. ...
A. 27 September 2023: I can see two ways of handling this. Ask to speak to your manager in private and explain things and tell them that you had a good time but the co worker made things uncomfortable. or, if the two of you are together, you could say "Well I certainly ... (read in full...)
Why is my fwb being so disrespectful
Q. I've been seeing a FWB for sometime. We do things together. Hang out, go out in his boat, go to dinner sometimes. Lately he seems irritated by something. We went to his condo on the beach in his truck. It was really a hot day. I asked if he could ...
A. 19 August 2023: This is the problem with FWB relationships. They start out as no strings attached and then invariably one person grows feelings for the other. These relationships normally don't work out and one person walks away hurt. You can't make someone care ... (read in full...)
Neighbors keep interfering since we put our house up for sale…
Q. My husband and I have put our house up for sale as we are looking to move away to a different town due to my husband’s job. We have lived in our house for 12 years. Our neighbors (who lived there long before we arrived) are nice enough but just ...
A. 18 August 2023: I will just reiterate what others have said. I don't think your neighbors mean to be pains in the butt...although they are! Older people sometimes have too much time on their hands and too much energy. Its understandable that they are ... (read in full...)
Shall I confront my neighbor or not?
Q. My neighbor, on several occasion, whilst I have been away has looked after my indoor rabbits. I’ve never had any issues with her coming to my house and looking after them. My bunnies have their own allocated big room downstairs which is rabb...
A. 11 August 2023: I guess it depends on how good of terms you wish to stay with your neighbor because regardless of you being right and having proof, I highly doubt that the conversation would go very well. More than likely they will try to deny it or laugh it off ... (read in full...)
Do I deserve my punishment?
Q. just over a week ago we broke up from school i am 15 me and some of my friends went out and drunk some alcohol we then became loud and started the throw dustbins around by this time we were all drunk, the police were called and i was put in the ...
A. 2 August 2023: Yes you do. Your parents are actually being alot more lenient that other parents would be. Are you the girl who constantly gets into trouble and then writes on DC wanting us to feel sorry for you? I'm pretty sure you are.
Advice? Stop being a ... (read in full...)
Why did my friend's daughter think I was going to surprise her with something I couldn't afford?
Q. Not really a question but just an odd situation i found myself in…? My friend invited me to join her and her 11 years old daughter to a trip to the zoo. Her daughter really wanted to do an animal encounter but it was ridiculously expensive so...
A. 1 August 2023: Wow I don't know if I would call the woman a friend. She set you up and now you look like the bad guy. I think I'd be backing away from this friendship. How horrible to do this to you and her daughter. Who knows wht she told her daughter! I think I ... (read in full...)
Should I just accept the way things are with my family?
Q. I’m really struggling right now and need some help, advice and a bit of love please, Cupid friends. I just feel like my life is falling apart. Especially when it comes to my family. It’s super complex, but I have alcoholic parents who were very em...
A. 25 July 2023: There are movies about the perfect family and yes, some people seem to be lucky enough to have the perfect family but most of us do not. Some families are far worse than others. Its hard when you are a child, because you don't really have much say ... (read in full...)
His remark has me wondering if I should end our friendship?
Q. I'm a 51 year old woman who is currently single (been divorced 10 years now). I had a relationship with another man two years younger than me straight after I got divorced - a rebound I guess - but this ended up with me finding out he had gone back ...
A. 19 July 2023: He sounds like a smart aleck. Maybe he's trying to be funny but whatever he doesn't seem all that grateful for you being there when he needed someone. I wouldn't continue on with the friendship. He does not appreciate you. ... (read in full...)
Should I text him and ask where we stand or should I end it?
Q. My boyfriend asked me for space and time after we had a misunderstanding and it’s been a month now of no contact. When I see him at public events he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking but he makes no effort to come talk to me and doesn’t ...
A. 18 July 2023: I would say its over and he wasn't man enough to come right and tell you. Block him, delete him whatever you need to do. You deserve better. Don't spend too much time thinking about him. He isn't worth it. ... (read in full...)
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