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I'm shy and not sure how to work out if this could be more than a friendship.
Q. Hello I've recently met a guy at my workplace I'm gay and I'd like to know if he's just being friendly or maybe likes me or just want to be friends because a few days ago we walked together and a girl approached me and greeted me and not him also, ...
A. 2 January 2020: I know it's hard to meet dateable people - especially once you're out of school - but I would admonish you NOT to date anyone at work. It can only complicate things... even if he is in a different department.
... (read in full...)
Does my wanting to perform oral sex on a man make me Gay/Bi?
Q. Hello, I have posted here before about a similar issue but it never got resolved and the sexual idenity confusion cycle continued. My question is does my persistent fantasy of wanting to give another man oral sex make me gay/bi? In the past ...
A. 19 December 2019: If you find that you are more physically &/or emotionally attracted to men... then you are probably gay. If you find that you are more physically/emotionally attracted to women then you are straight. That being said. You can be BIsexual ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for a guy at work, but I'm married
Q. I'm 54, married with children (grown up) and I've become obsessed with a guy at work who is younger than most of my children. I get on so well with him, but for some time my feelings toward him have become sexual. What the hell do I do??...
A. 16 May 2014: Unless you've had homosexual fantasies all your life... and just not 'acted' upon them... have suppressed them this whole time. You probably need to re-evaluate your feelings for him.
On the other hand, if you've been suppressing fantasie... (read in full...)
Even though I'd never do anything about it, is this attraction wrong?
Q. I am in high school and I play football. Since it is a high school football team, we have players from 9th grade to 12th grade. I am friends with a lot of the players in all grades. The problem is that I am beginning to be attracted to one...
A. 21 January 2014: I'm sure you're well aware of this... but SHOULD you get physically (sexually) involved with the young man YOU could be in for a world of trouble if anyone finds out.
Remember, you are 'legal' now and if you do anything with anyone underage... (read in full...)
I just can't deal with falling for a friend who is incapable of ever feeling the same way about me. What should I do?
Q. I suppose I'll jump right in. I'm a 23 year old, gay, college student. I've been interested in one of my friends for a while who is in the same major as me. His name is Chris. Last spring I asked him out because I knew I liked him and I wasn't 100% ...
A. 20 January 2014: I understand how you feel. When I was in college, it seemed as though all I could do was CRUSH on guys that were straight. Probably because that's all that were around me (that I knew of).
Anyway... I never told me best friend that I was gay.... (read in full...)
My son is confused about his sexuality, how do I help him?
Q. I have a 25-year-old son with Asperger's Syndrome; he is employed as a car valet at a local garage and does well at it (he used to obsess about cleaning the car when young, and now does it for a living, within what's legal on our benefit rules). ...
A. 11 February 2013: I came to accept the fact that I was gay when I was about 19, but it wasn't until I was about your son's age that I finally started acting on it... so just because your son is older than what you'd expect for someone to come out or even realize that ... (read in full...)
I experimented with my male friend, but decided to go back to females. Why is he so upset?
Q. I’m a young man and I’ve trouble with a friend. I’m very outgoing person, I like to try new things and everything new. My friend is gay and although I’m straight, I thought that I’m living only once and decided I want to try something with another ...
A. 26 January 2013: Well... try to see it like this.
What if he was a WOMAN... and you two were fooling around for a while. She develops feelings for you, not intentionally - but still, and then you 'breakup' with her to go out with some other woman. How do you e... (read in full...)
How can I deal with his insecurity?
Q. I have recently started seeing this guy for a couple of weeks now and when we are together things are amazing! We have moved really quickly- but have agreed anythinst sexual is too far for this stage. The only thing is, he is INCREDIBLY insecure. He ...
A. 3 January 2013: Although I agree with YouWish... I think you need to be tactful and supportive at the same time. Try to help him work through WHY he feels so insecure. Only when he gets to the root cause will he then be able to start believing in himself.
Insec... (read in full...)
I'm gay and I really like a guy at school. How do I get to know him better without outing myself?
Q. Hi, well where do I begin with this. I am Gay and I've known since I was thirteen (15 now) and I'm not out. I've always been a little feminine but not so much that i'd personally say it was obvious i was gay but i feel my whole school year knows ...
A. 13 December 2012: The best way... is to become FRIENDS with him first. Keep running into him 'accidentally'... maybe he'll get the hint. Sounds to me, since he smiles at you a lot, that he's at least attracted to you a LITTLE - if only for friends. You never know ... (read in full...)
Should I should embrace my gay solitude?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm a guy that is 17-years-old and I'm gay. I already came out to my friends and family and luckily, everyone accepts me and respects me. However, I have issues with approaching other gay guys. I suppose it's because I'm afraid of th...
A. 5 June 2012: I think we're all terrified at first. You'll get used to it. And trust me, no matter where you go or who you hang out with SOMEONE will always be judging you... What you wear, who you're with, what you're wearing, etc. you just have to learn how ... (read in full...)
Help me, he's been on gay dating sites and has been texting other guys.
Q. So I am in a relationship with a guy from my school.... I didnt want an official relationship but he basically begged, so a few months ago I said okay to it. A little backgroun -- we met last year, started dating, caught him using gay dating w...
A. 8 May 2012: You need to completely break up with him. He keeps lying to you... and you keep 'forgiving' him... and he keeps repeating past behavior. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Stop expecting ... (read in full...)
For gay men -- is a relationship with a closeted gay man worth pursuing?
Q. Hello agony aunts and uncles! I am experiencing a bit of a dilemma. To cut to the chase, I met this guy who is confusing. By now, I can usually tell when another man is gay. With him, the signs are there. However, he doesn't tell me he is. He went ...
A. 4 April 2012: Not if he intends to STAY closeted. He'll just end up hurting you by excluding you from family and friends that he doesn't want to 'know' he's gay.
... (read in full...)
He flirted. All the right signals and moves. Then he jumped up and ran away. Telling me he is not gay. How do I recover from this set back?
Q. ModNote: some more graphic aspects removed so the question could be posted. Tuesday 4th of April 2012: i feel so sad, depressed, in pain, humiliated, stupid and frustrated. i never thought i will feel like this ever in my life. all this mixed b...
A. 4 April 2012: Hi might 'come back' to you. Just be patient and open with him. Sounds like he's bi or even gay and just hasn't come to grips with it yet. Be there for him. You might not end up 'together' but you might end up as really good friends.... (read in full...)
How do I let this guy down if he is gay?
Q. I'm curious if this boy is gay. 1. He asked me if I thought he was 'cute'?!(Three times) 2. He texts me only at night. 3. He gets mad when I do not text him back quick enough (I do it on purpose now) 4. He was really desperate for me to send h...
A. 4 April 2012: Tell him you have a boyfriend.... (read in full...)
Fair enough she needs time to "heal" from learning I'm gay, but how long does it take?
Q. Its been about 2 and a half years since my mum has asked me if I was gay. She still don't treat me the same as she did before which doesn't help. Seriously how long does she need! She has always had gay friends she's loved her brother who is g...
A. 25 January 2012: Tell her she needs to watch "Prayers for Bobby" - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073510/
See if that doesn't change her attitude some.... (read in full...)
My bisexual/lesbian friend dislikes gay men!
Q. Dear cupid, My best friend is a female bisexual and she's great, but I have one problem and its the fact that she hates gay men. I'm so fed up with her double standards its drives me up the walls. Sometimes she calls them names like F****t and ...
A. 12 December 2011: You could always start referring to lesbian/bi women as stupid f*in lezbos, dykes, etc. They might get her to notice that she's in the very group (broadly speaking) that she's slamming.
Personally though, like everyone else here, I'd slowly b... (read in full...)
My crush is dating a female version of me!
Q. I have known my best friend/crush for years. About 4 months ago he broke up with his girlfriend of two years. I was going to let him get over her and then ask him out. I never got the chance. The next time I saw him he told me he had a new ...
A. 9 December 2011: Sounds like, to me, you need to sit down with your bff and tell him how you really feel about him. Sounds like you both might have to work things out e.g. maybe he helps you NOT crush on him so much... or maybe he dumps the rebound girl and you two ... (read in full...)
Since he defends my honor, does that mean he likes me?
Q. Hey, I'm a gay (closeted) male in my sophomore year in high school. There is this really cute guy in my class and I think he might like me but I'm not sure. We are not the closet friends but he often tries to talk to me. On occasion he also touches ...
A. 27 November 2011: The only way you'll know is if you get closer to him. So, when he 'tries' to talk to you... TALK to HIM. The only way you really get to know people really well is to spend as much time as possible with him/her. So... get out there and do it. ... (read in full...)
My Bestfriends girl is flirting with me... What to do?
Q. Ok well my best friend has a girlfriend that he has been seeing for about a year but the other day she started flirting with me. Now im 20 so I know what flirting is and how it works and she was serious. She has always been my type and has hinted it ...
A. 14 November 2011: Unless they've broken up, even if you do like her, she's HIS girlfriend. You should act disinterested until you know they've broken up. Even then, it's gonna complicate things if you the date her after she breaks up with him. Caution is advised ... (read in full...)
My son wants a civil partnership with his friend for financial reasons despite not being gay! Is this illegal? What should we do?
Q. I have a 23-year-old son, he's been in a relationship with his girlfriend for the last 18 months and everything's going well, he's got a good job, working in IT equipment sales and has a good social life. He lives with his best friend Steve who he's...
A. 14 November 2011: It doesn't matter whether the parties involved are gay, straight, or in between. Entering into a domestic partnership for financial reasons... I believe is illegal. You really sould check into Canadian law with regards to the legality/restricts ... (read in full...)
Which university should I choose to be able to come out as gay?
Q. Next year I'll be graduating and when I get to college I wanted to be myself and why I say that is because I'm gay and I'm not out the closet really no one knows and when I got to college I wanted to be alone away from family and old friends because ...
A. 13 November 2011: You SHOULD choose the school that offers the best education, not who goes there. I understand your thinking but if you can a better/cheaper education by staying IN state, then you should. You can work out your personal priivacy issue regardless ... (read in full...)
Mother found out I'm gay. Now our bond hasn't been the same since. How do I fix this?
Q. This mostly applies to people who came out to their families....i need help trying to have a bond with my mother recently i brought my boyfriend over to my house told my parents he was just a friend who was going to sleepover.. well in the middle o...
A. 13 November 2011: I'm sure that you are aware that you can't be 'fixed' through therapy despite what SOME may say, so you really only have two choices. One, as you've stated is to move out and rely on friends until you can get on your feet. This will still NOT ... (read in full...)
Has this run it's course? Lately, it's almost like we can't be in the same room without fighting.
Q. Hey guys. First of all, I'm gay and I've been in a relationship with a really great guy for 8 months. Unfortunately, he and I have been fighting a lot lately and I don't know what to do to bring us back to normal. Even though I'm gay, I'm a pret...
A. 9 November 2011: Abella pretty much has it nailed.
I would add... if you're not already living together - just break up with him. You don't need the obvious mental/psychological abuse and can probably find someone who better meets your needs (and most likely t... (read in full...)
Why does this happen? My whole body tightens up and shakes when I go to meet a guy?
Q. im a gay guy who is 19 years old and i have no problem talking to people and making friends i am one of the most outgoing people you will ever meet, im easy to get along with and im around people 24/7. i have no issues texting guys or talking to ...
A. 8 November 2011: It's a sub conscience fear of some sort. You're literally fearing something. Whether it's what you WANT to happen or what you HOPE WON'T happen only you know. You need to relax some how. Stop worrying about what you think may or may not happen ... (read in full...)
Does an interest in transexual porn make me gay?
Q. If i get turned on my 'lady-boys' 'she-males' or whatever you want to call them does it mean i am gay? or bi?...
A. 8 November 2011: I would guess that you might be bi/gay but, as HoneyPie points out, you might not want to accept it at this point and that looking at hyper-feminine men makes it easier... or it could also be that you secretly desire to be 'taken' and that it's ... (read in full...)
Meeting my online date in 2 weeks and I am nervous! Any advice?
Q. Just to set things up: I'm 18, just graduated high school in the spring and am now in college. I'm a gay guy and a virgin. Okay, here's the thing, there are no remotely gay people at my school. None. I've been to all the LGBT club meetings and I a...
A. 27 October 2011: I'm with iAmHereToHelpYou. I know there are guys out there... younger that go for older... and vice versa... but... You should take things really really slowly.
Meet, dinner, date, ok schedule another date. No jumping into the sack right aw... (read in full...)
Is he just leading me on for fun? How do I approach it with him without offending him?
Q. Hi, i'm not sure where to go with this situation. My best friend knows i'm gay, and is completely fine with it, as in it's something we talk about daily. He's not got a girl friend anymore and hasn't had sex for a few months so i know he's desp...
A. 27 October 2011: Well... If I had a 'straight' friend like that... coming on to me. I'd certainly reciprocate. The next time his hardon is on/in/near your hands... fondle him up. Not real actively at first... just a bit of nudging. If he starts grinding against ... (read in full...)
He has told me he is bi and he knows I'm gay. Should I tell him how I feel?
Q. I'm in love with my best friend. We have been friends since second grade and I've liked him since sixth. I think he likes me too but he already has two people he is interested in, both girls. I don't want to lose the friendship if my observation is ...
A. 27 October 2011: I agree with Honeypie. If your friend is actively pursuing girls... I wouldn't say anything to him... at least for now.
Perhaps at some later point, when/if you are having an intimate/personal conversation with him you might say somethin... (read in full...)
Is my crush from college gay? or bi?
Q. hey there all, and sorry if its long, I am 22 y.o. gay and yes from Cyprus. So you understand that being out of closet means shame for my family and no friends (that is why i am in the closet yet). Anyway, there is a guy at my college that i am...
A. 27 October 2011: I too have a straight friend. He's very accepting of my physical affection towards him... but he's not going to entertain any form of real intimacy other than a platonic friendship.
College is a very experimental/awakening period in life and many... (read in full...)
Girl at school told me it's just a phase. It's not. What can I do about my love for my possibly gay PE teacher?
Q. Im 15 and i love my pe teacher but he never seems to notice me, my friend caught me staring at him in the cafateria and i had to spill my guts and she just told me its a phase and i'll get over it. but i know its not and i really want him both in a...
A. 22 October 2011: Well, I don't know about laws in the UK, but here in the states it's illegal for someone over 18 to have relations (physical) with someone under 18... And it's highly unethical and very frowned upon for teachers to have relations with their ... (read in full...)
Being ignored by the first guy I ever loved, how can I fix things?
Q. I am 15 and i am a bisexual, a year and a half ago, i told a boy in my year, that i was convinced was also gay/bi, that i liked him and he cyber bullied me. It has been a year and a half later and he hasn't spoken to me at all, he has unfriend...
A. 21 October 2011: I'm sorry to tell you... but you really should just give up on him at this point. He, obviously, doesn't want anything to do with you right now. There's two reasons for this... either he's TOTALLY straight and a homophobe... or he's gay/bi and in ... (read in full...)
Is my penis normal?
Q. i need to know if my penis is normal its is a little bit dark and has a weird patch does that matter?...
A. 20 October 2011: If the 'weird patch' has always been there... then yeah it's probably normal. If not, then you need to get a doctor to take a look at it for you.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be gay. My old friend and I started doing gay things with each other. How do I stop feeling this way?
Q. I am 20 years old, My old friend and I started doing gay things with each other, we were at first just trying then it turned into anytime we saw each other. we couldn't stop now I cant even get hard looking at girls. I realize I am probably gay, but...
A. 15 October 2011: Well... if you're gay, like you say you think you are there's really only one thing that you can do. Stop trying to deny what you are and just accept yourself.
Remember... You can't truly love someone else... until you love yourself.
I know ... (read in full...)
Can't stop fantasing about oral sex with another man?
Q. Hello, i have a girlfriend and we are happy, we have a good sex life. The thing is i can't stop thinking about giving oral sex to another man, i even have fantasies about having sex with 3 or more men. I do not think of myself as gay, i have m...
A. 20 September 2011: Have ya given any thought to the fact that you MIGHT be BI-SEXUAL???
Sounds to me like you're fantasizing over guys in porn... or possibly someone that you do find attractive... but that many of the actual gay guys around you just aren't your 'ty... (read in full...)
The "stranger" bartender...
Q. Dear Cupid, I saw this guy in a pub. He is working there as a bartender. When I ordered a drink I realised I liked him. I was gazing him with such admire. But then I just gave up, I thought myself that I won't see him again in my life, probably. ...
A. 20 September 2011: Have you tried directly asking HIM what his name is... introducing yourself first of course. Perhaps you can go into the bare/pub EARLIER when it's not so busy.
Secondly, ask around... other people at the bar might know his name. Do this... ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my straight friend that I love him?
Q. Why is it hard to tell that person you love him? I'm a gay and he is straight! And of now he never answers my txtmsgs or my chat msgs. But I never tried to tell him that I care for him, because I don't want to risk our friendship and a...
A. 16 September 2011: Unfortunately, this is one of those things that you can't really do... if you expect to keep him as a close/best friend. If he doesn't fall into tat category (close/best) then it's really NOT worth telling him either.
As pointed out by CindyCar... (read in full...)
Will this plan work?
Q. Hello there :), I'm a closeted sophmore and for months now I've been trying to figure out a way to come out of the closet to my friends and family. I've thought of all the possible out comes and I have a back up plan in case things go badly....
A. 8 September 2011: I concur with TasteOfIndia. Coming out using social media REALLY isn't a good idea.
Why not just sit down with your parents... and tell them? If, as you suspect, they'll freak out doing it via FB/Twitter, etc will probably set them off even fur... (read in full...)
If I tell anyone I'm gay...I'm dead....literally!
Q. Hi, I could really use some help advice. I'm 22 and where I live being gay is a no-no, but I fear that I might be gay or at least bi, but I'm not very sure I dunno what to label myself as I'm so confused. Honestly I don't want to be either. Ever...
A. 7 September 2011: You need to do a couple of things:
1. Accept yourself - and stop hating what you are.
2. MOVE. You're old enough. Move to NY, SF, LA, Chicago, Seattle, or some other large where there's a fairly large gay population. Find out where the ga... (read in full...)
I'm gay, my wife says I can look not touch and my b/f won't be with me unless I'm single!
Q. Here it is I have been married for three years, and have a 3yr old son. Im gay but my wife thinks im bi, she tells me i can look at guys but can't touch. To top it all off I have a boyfriend who only wants to be with me if im not married. I feel ...
A. 7 September 2011: I can see how this happened. MANY gays, especially if you're from a conservative/religious background, try to straighten themselves out by getting married, having kids, etc.
You are at a critical point here. Basically, you need to tell your wif... (read in full...)
Gay dating in high school?
Q. Just a little about me, I'm an out gay sophomore, at a Catholic school, in a city that is supportive of homosexuality, though gay marriage isn't available anymore for some reason... Anyway, how am I supposed to date in high school? No sourc...
A. 7 September 2011: If you are interested in someone, whether you're gay, straight or in-between, the only way that you'll get to the point of being able to even ask them out... is to totally get to know them. At some point in the development of a friendship... ... (read in full...)
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