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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Husband wants to leave all his money to our kids and none for me
Q. I was recently talking to my husband about our joint life insurance which we took out over 4 years ago. we are over 5O and wanted to leave something for our 3 grown up children and if one of us dies before the other to have something to live on. we ...
A. 11 November 2020: I think you take things a little too literally !
I can't swear it, of course..but I would say that your husband was just joking. Just bantering. Just trying to get under your skin ( and he succeeded beautifully ! ) Sure this is not the best... (read in full...)
Why won't my remaining family ever acknowledge that I am an artist?
Q. I come from a working class family that was originally fairly large but now there are few family members left. My background was abusive and my career path has not been at all straight forward. I was always 'top of my class' in school and was ...
A. 11 November 2020: I wouldn't take it so personally.
The real question is the first one :" Why does this bother me ?", although it's quite conceivable, from what you say about your upbringing and early life, that the acknowledgement you yearn from your family is n... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend told me I sext him too much, focus on sex too much, and he prefers more intellectual conversation!
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles. Would appreciate some advice here with my situation. I am currently in an LDR. My boyfriend lives in Peru, South America. For the last few weeks we have been having good discussions about our relationship and our future ...
A. 11 November 2020: You are certainly trying too hard. You may be a good sex partner but you are not being a good listener. He told you, fair and square : you are trying too hard, doing too much. As a matter of fact, what does it matter even if Dear Cupid or your ... (read in full...)
I'm against the idea of my girlfriend wanting to have a three day disco party in our house!
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 years and recently she's told me she wants to have a three-day disco party in our house with music non-stop and all money donated to COVID-19 causes. She claims "it's all for a good cause". In fact, her ki...
A. 11 November 2020: Frankly this sounds to me just like another of those bogus , invented questions we are being riddled with lately. Maybe someone got their work hours cut down and they need to pass their time somehow.
Either that, or you and your girlfriend are ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I had a fight and he told me to go and have sex with other men!
Q. My boyfriend and I got into this huge fight the other day. I accused him of flirting with someone. I had my reasons. Without getting into all the details, it ended with him telling me to go away. He told me to go fuck myself and to go and fuck ...
A. 11 November 2020: I think that first of all you should give us some background. It all depends...
For instance, recently we had someone with a question very similar to yours.
This lady had decided to join a motorcycle club- without owning a motorcycle, just to ... (read in full...)
My FWB has stopped having casual sex with me but we are constantly in touch
Q. So im really confused. Before lockdown I was in FWB with this guy. However lately we are not sleeping toegther. Last time we just cuddled. He was fine but later messaged saying this is how feelings develop and wasnt ok with it because he cant commit ...
A. 6 November 2020: I would not put my hopes up too high, if I were you. I think this guy has been crystal-clear about what he does NOT want, i.e. a relationship with you. I also think that , if now he is more chatty and affectionate, that is, at least in part... the ... (read in full...)
How do I get over being angry at my husband and support him?
Q. I am angry at my husband. He was falsely accused almost 4 years ago by a man, who claimed that my husband had run him over. It was an open and shut case for the police, there were witnesses and the man had no injuries. However, he keeps dr...
A. 6 November 2020: By being logical. Who tells you that countersuing would have put a stop to your problem ? countersuing, as a deterrent, only works if the other part has got something to lose ( big money, or, at least, professional reputation ) if found guilty.
... (read in full...)
Why does he stare at me but not talk?
Q. Hello.. It may seem trivial but i would love some insight into why a man stares and makes constant eye contact with me- however when i returned the eye contact (a bit more subtly) smiled a couple of times- blank, no smile nothing.. To put into co...
A. 5 November 2020: I think too that you are reading too much into this staring thing.
He may like to look at you , because you are easy on the eyes , and because working in a gym is generally a boring job whose drudgery people try to distract themselves from... (read in full...)
Boyfriend no longer speaks to me, says he's too tired!
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I live together and I noticed right away that we had no dates any longer and just coexisted, so to speak. It was a downer on the romance. I brought it up, and we've done several things to still feel like a couple and not j...
A. 5 November 2020: Thanks for the update...particularly if you are the Aunt
( or ex Aunt ) that I think you are. The one who had trouble choosing her wedding dress :)... In that case, big congratulations are in order, because we know that your child...took his ... (read in full...)
New GF enjoys strip clubs and looking at other men whilst in a relationship
Q. My new gf of 6 months told me that her and her friends have been to a few male strip clubs and that she enjoys them and would continue to do so. She also said that she enjoys looking at other men and does it even more so when she's in a relation...
A. 3 November 2020: Nightclubs ( and stripclubs too ) have been closed *in UK* since when Boris Johnson declared a national lockdown in late March, and they were still closed at the time when the OP posted his question.
So, if his (ex ) GF enjoys male stri... (read in full...)
I'm tired of playing games. Should I end it with my girlfriend?
Q. I asked my girlfriend to meet up for halloweeen and she said we can’t this year because of COVID-19. It’s Halloween, I am working and she has just told me that she won’t be around evening as she is going out. I’m stuck with work (as she told me ...
A. 2 November 2020: I think too that you may need someone more in sync, but- fair is fair. She did not stop you going out for Halloween, you stopped yourself. When she said she was not going out because of Covid ( btw not going out for Halloween in Covid times is ... (read in full...)
How can I make my family accept that I want to give birth alone?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a dilemma that has now become a pressing issue. I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my second child amd am being pressured and made to feel guilty for not wanting to take the father or my mother into the delivery room. When I had my first...
A. 2 November 2020: Since when mom , and brother !, are supposed to have a say in how, where, when ,in front of whom a woman gives birth ?!
I am all in favour of adult children's moms ( I am one of them ) but this is a precedence case which is easy to solve in t... (read in full...)
How to deal with a pregnant friend who is constantly seeking attention?
Q. How to deal with a pregnant friend who is constantly seeking attention? Hi aunts and uncles, I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with a friend who's been constantly seeking attention and her recent pregnancy has made it even worse...
A. 25 October 2020: Sorry but I think that, if you consider yourself her friend, and if you have decided it's worth to keep her friendship even if she is obviously a difficult person.... you just need to be more patient and allow her little pregnancy "me me me " ... (read in full...)
Weird Friendship Got A Whole Lot Weirder
Q. Hi Cupids and Aunts, I am here with another of my relationship issues. I've known this woman(whoms I shall call B.) for over 20 years now: I don't know what I am to her but she's always been something between a good friend and a cousin to me. L...
A. 25 October 2020: I agree completely with WiseOwlE. A quick wellness- check has nothing to do with the situation you are talking about ( although, if you ask me, yes , frankly , it had been me, I would have considered also the " wellness " check somewhat on the ... (read in full...)
Was he my friend or was I played?
Q. Can someone please help, as my head is in a mess. I’ve being friends with a guy for the past year. I met him through work and we really got on well. We don’t work together all the time just occasionally. The past couple of months we’ve being mess...
A. 22 October 2020: You posted recently ( Oct. 13th ) about this episode with this guy and I don't think you are going to get different answers.
As for me, for instance, I still think that his standoffish behaviour seems to confirm that he does not want you to get ... (read in full...)
He says he just wants to leave things as they are. Does that mean he's not interested?
Q. Guy I’ve been seeing has just broke it off saying he’s just not ready for a relationship at the moment and wants to leave things as they are for now. Does this mean he’s not interested at all? He’s had a lot on with work and his mum being ill but ...
A. 22 October 2020: Forget about him.
Why should you wait for him ? Oh sure , things change and he might change his mind at some point and decide that , after all, he wants to be with you.
But this could happen next week... or next year ...or in 10 years or... (read in full...)
How would other have handled the relationship I was in?
Q. I have the highest respect for the aunts on this website. So any tough love is more than welcome. A year back I met a guy who works in retail. Three years younger than me. I have a STD. He doesn't. So it seemed like a fairy tale. He earns mu...
A. 19 October 2020: How would others have handled the relationship the relationship you were in ? Who knows, OP. Probably, as badly as you did , or worse... the first time.
Note : the first time.
In life I think the important thing is not never ever to make any... (read in full...)
I cheated got my ex pregnant. Should I attend the birth of the baby?
Q. I cheated on my girlfriend months ago with my ex partner. My ex and I have a child together. My ex is pregnant and says its mine. If it is I will take full responsibility. My girlfriend has forgiven me. Under the circumstances should I attend ...
A. 19 October 2020: Maybe this is not a compassionate answer, but, FWIW, I wouldn't.
You don't know if this baby is yours and you won't know it until you take a paternity test, after the birth.
Attending a birth is no picnic in the park anyway, and until you know... (read in full...)
Why can a guy cheat and it's ok but not ok if his gf does it!???
Q. Maybe somebody here can tell me why a guy who cheats on you when the opportunity comes up cheats on you but gaslights the hell out of you every time? Why does he do this to you? Why does he profess his love for you and try so hard to hold onto you? ...
A. 19 October 2020: They do because you are utterly dumb. This is a generic "you" of course. Then, if the shoe fits.. ( shrug ).
They do because some people are selfish, more selfish than average, and , if they can, they'll take what they want without giving back... (read in full...)
My new love wants children or child I don't how can I tell him no and still marry him?
Q. Afternoon everyone, So I'm back in the dating world and my children disapproves of it especially my son my daughter acts happy but I sense differently.So me and my now love are engaged now we have plans to travel move in together and just living ...
A. 19 October 2020: Your update unluckily does not make things clearer. If you told him already that you don't accept getting pregnant again , so he knows already that you won't give him any children... AND he still wants to marry you - then what's the problem ? ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is happy with sex every 3 months. I want more!
Q. Hello, in my early sixties, my girlfriend couple years younger, well it happened agin tonight, i wanted to make love, she just said go to sleep, only once in three months, she says i should be slowing down, been together three years, i still ...
A. 18 October 2020: Yes, if you have an affair you still are a no good son of a dog. If for you the most important part of the relationship is the sexual one ( and I am not saying that you are wrong or that it should not be so- just that you need to choose your ... (read in full...)
He has ptsd how can we make things work
Q. Hi. Me and a friend decided to have a relationship 3 years ago. its been a bit rocky from after 2 month of dating things were always on and off with him and after a couple of years he started opening up about his past things I didn't know of and ...
A. 17 October 2020: I am glad that Honeypie can bring her own real life experience of how ptsd works, while mine only comes from things I have studied , many many years ago as for that , but I was going to object the same : but ptsd does not turn you into a ... (read in full...)
Old friend has been talking behind my back and is ignoring me. I don't know why and it's making me feel sick with anxiety
Q. I recently met up with an old uni friend who I hadn't seen for over a year. He took a picture of us together and sent it to a group chat. It turns out that 3 out of a group of 4 of us from uni had set up a group but I hadn't been invited to it. He ...
A. 17 October 2020: OP, ... it's not all about you. It's unfortunate that you have to suffer from depression and anxiety and I am sure that being in your shoes is uncomfortable. Still, having this problem does not give you permission to make a pest of yourself and ... (read in full...)
My long term boyfriend ghosted me, had a fling and now has come back telling me he loves me. Should I believe him?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles. Long story short. My boyfriend of 5 yrs left me back in July. We were having some problems at the time except we always used to work them out. But that day, he just gave up on me and ghosted me. I couldn't even get him to talk ...
A. 17 October 2020: No, you should not believe him. Particularly knowing how he can be a self-serving liar when his convenience dictates it.
It's pretty obvious that you are plan B, "old-reliable" upon which to fall if plan A ( the other girl ) does not work out.... (read in full...)
I feel numb and can't get into relationships until they have ended. Am I depressed?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles I’m in a rut in my life and need some help. Bit of a backstory I grew up as a child and in my teens around abusive relationships. My mom and dad divorced when I was young and my dad use to beat my mom. My mom then...
A. 16 October 2020: We cannot give you a diagnosis, we are not medical professionals. FWIW, you do show °some° symptoms of depression: persistent " empty " or " numb " mood, loss of interest or pleasure in activities and social interaction, feelings of worthlessness, ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be in a relationship where I would be the one serving and then die not knowing what it's like to be cared for... should I just break up with him?
Q. Hello, My boyfriend and I are both in our twenties and have been together for a while now. We both had a discussion last night about how our future. I live with a medical condition and so I want to live a good life because I don't know when I woul...
A. 16 October 2020: I don't think he is precisely saying that if you were married you should have to serve him and dance attendance around him all the time.
I think that what he is trying to say, in a clumsily diplomatic way, is that he has doubts about the succ... (read in full...)
I need to know if people are capable of change when it comes to cheating?
Q. I need to know if people are capable of change when it comes to cheating? I broke up with my partner of 10 years and father to my child 18 months ago. We had a good relationship. There were a couple of niggles - he was slightly stricter bringi...
A. 15 October 2020: We cannot exclude that cheaters may change ; they can- it just does not happen very often.
People can change if they want to, if they have a strong motivation to change. I've known , not just heard of, people who have ditched old , entr... (read in full...)
I went to a stripclub my girlfriend broke up with me because of it
Q. I need advice. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me after she found out me and my guy friends went to a stripclub and got lap dances. I mentioned to her that they were pressuring me into going but told her that i did not really care to go. But ...
A. 14 October 2020: What to do ?...
I'd try to apologize, in fact grovel if you have to, one last time, trying to show her that you understand what you did wrong and why she has cause to be upset. Because I am not very sure that you °did° understand so far...
I me... (read in full...)
I’ve been talking too much about politics and now I’ve upset a friend! How to make this right?
Q. My best friend just started dating this guy and he seems to be actually a really nice person. Only unusual part is that he's a real live Republican (guns, God Bless the USA, etc) and we're all raving mad Democrats (including my best friend). All ...
A. 13 October 2020: To begin with, I'd be curious to know what's so unusual about being a " real live Republican ": I don't live in USA anymore-and also when I did, I did not follow politics much - and yet, you don't need to be a political analyst to know that about ... (read in full...)
I slept with my best friend and regret it!
Q. Three nights ago I slept with my best friend - male. We had arranged to meet up, go for food and drink and he would stay at mine. We had a really good night as we always do but we both got drunk and he started telling me He fancied me and how much ...
A. 13 October 2020: I agree with the unbiased observer WiseOwlE- this guy is a being a d!ck.
Mine is just a hunch, a sensation, I have no scientific evidence to show you... but my idea is that he sort of used you for sex. "Sort of" because it wasn't exactly pre-... (read in full...)
Should I buy a condo with my partner?
Q. Hello, I have a question about cohabiting. If I purchase a condo under my name and decide that my boyfriend would live with me later on, would it be wiser to just have him sign with me as opposed to just myself? I am planning to propose to him next ...
A. 13 October 2020: No no, don't buy a condo with your boyfriend.
You can always add his name to the deed once you are married. Much safer .... (read in full...)
Am I dumb for thinking she keeps my stuff private?
Q. Hi, Got a concern with my girlfriend - I am a private person by nature and my concern is this. My girlfriend sent me a screenshot of her girls chat. Her friend is talking to someone and slept with him. The chat was them saying how he stayed th...
A. 13 October 2020: Eh it's not a girl's thing only. It's not either a guy's thing only, although "locker room talk " may very well include the report of personal experiences. Here in Italy, at least in small provincial towns - guys gather at the local sidewalk ... (read in full...)
I'm unhappy with where we live. Should we wait it out or move?
Q. my husband and I live on a road that you have to drive up a steep hill to get to. we have been here 16 months. we both don't like the hill but have put up with it because when we were looking to move this was the only nicest house we came across ...
A. 8 October 2020: Are you by any chance a lady who wrote us before (... the peculiarity in spelling are the very same .. ) , the last time about the birthday celebration which husband, son and daugther were planning for her and which she was not happy about ?... ... (read in full...)
S there anything I can do to get my family and my sister-in-law's family to leave me alone about celebrating my birthday?
Q. My birthday is in about two months and this year, it is on a Friday. My family (parents, brother, sister-in-law and my sister-in-law's family) keeps on trying to talk me into having a get together at my parents place (they own a camp). The ...
A. 8 October 2020: I guess this will sound like a lame advice, but... what about simply telling them clearly.
Without getting mad or confrontational. You simply tell them what you told us, that you are not a birthday type of guy, you don't like birthday part... (read in full...)
Am I overthinking what he said?
Q. During the middle of August I started talking to this guy who was also single, we have now met up around 10 times we do the most random thing like driving around and even once watching the stars, we get on so well and he's been round my house 3 ...
A. 7 October 2020: Well, I suppose you'll °have° to have a proper talk, if whenever you ask him if he wants a relationship, he says " yes if you want the same ".... and you never say yes or not.
You are disappointed because , when you asked him if he can see hims... (read in full...)
How can I approach her about sex without putting her under pressure?
Q. Hello I've been dating a girl casually for nearly a year now. During that time we have been on about 10-12 dates. Obviously Covid meant we weren't able to see each other for a few months and before that I lived in a different city which is wh...
A. 6 October 2020: Why couldn't / wouldn't she stay over at your place ? Why do you think that suggesting a hotel would be an as valid, or less awkward, alternative, once that you've got your own place ?! ( unless we are talking about a special night in a luxury ... (read in full...)
My friend says he is straight but he has done things with me that lead me to believe otherwise
Q. I have a male friend who claims he is straight but one night we was joking around then he let me pull his pants down just for a joke then one thing led to another he let me play with his dick and feel his bum he was naked I was fully dress he as a ...
A. 6 October 2020: " only does it when his ladie friend is not about why this"
Well, don't tell me you'd expect him to do this stuff WHEN his ladie friend is around, right there , right under her nose ?.... When else you'd expect him to fool around with another pers... (read in full...)
My ex dropped out of my life for 2 years with no explanation and now he's back
Q. Hello and thanks in advance to all who take the time to reply. Two years ago my partner( not married) kind of disappeared on me. I contacted him a few times seeking explanation and closure but no response. I had my pride and stopped.As you c...
A. 5 October 2020: Lord-love-a-duck ! Eight years, and he disappears on you without even a " by your leave " ?...
That makes it even worse, - this is quite a scumbag move , unless he was abducted by aliens.
I changed my mind, don't accept the invitation, - just d... (read in full...)
I'm worried that our new neighbor might be one of my husband's exs
Q. I am worried about a new neighbour who as moved in with her partner. I worry that my husband might know the woman even thou we have not seen her yet and this happened when another neighbour who is a woman moved in next door to us months ago. I worry ...
A. 5 October 2020: So what even if your new neighbour should be one of your husband exes ?
It depends from where you live, of course if you stay in Tokyo or New York it's a super weird coincidence if you end up living next door to your ex, but if you live in a... (read in full...)
What would you do if a video game or game on their phone came ahead of you in their lives?!?!?
Q. Well tomorrow is me and my guys 8 year dating anniversary. And I won’t lie, most of the relationship has been a very bumpy road. After he proposed to me is when he chose to go behind my back and start talking to other women and even sneaking out ...
A. 4 October 2020: What would I do ?... Well, if I were you, and I had been living with your bf for a while , and I had seen the way he is treating me in general all this time.... I would not be surprised at all. Upset, maybe . But not surprised. I would expect ... (read in full...)
My ex dropped out of my life for 2 years with no explanation and now he's back
Q. Hello and thanks in advance to all who take the time to reply. Two years ago my partner( not married) kind of disappeared on me. I contacted him a few times seeking explanation and closure but no response. I had my pride and stopped.As you c...
A. 4 October 2020: Did this man ghost you two years ago... and now ,after two years, he pops up as cool as a cucumber ,asking you out for dinner ?... What a nerve !
I feel the only logic decision would be to decline his invitation- with no explanations either from... (read in full...)
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