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... Send *pinnaker a private message | | | *pinnaker's profile:Yes that is me in the photo. No clip art no nothing. I love halloween and have several dozen complete costumes. In case you are wondering heh
I have been a business manager for several years and a student of psychology and human nature for several more.
If you have any questions please post them to the dearcupid website. Sorry but I will not answer questions over email.
Just some tips I have learned over the years that could help you:
(1) Wise is the person that understands the nature of things
(2) you have a right to feel how you feel. When you do not think you have that right, you are allowing someone or something to control you.
(3) The more you work on #1 the better equipped you are for #2 and any other numbers you wish to add to the list.
(4)BE consistent.
(5) never be afraid to admit you are wrong. Also never be afraid to admit you are not wrong.
(6) be honest with yourself and you will in turn be honest with others.
(7) Love is an action word - not some ooey gooey feeling
(8) Do not make promises in the moment.
(9) the Bible says "Sorrow may continue for the night but joy comes in the morning"
(10) You are not being respected because you do not respect yourself and are allowng this to continue.
(11) Men do not change and things never get better. If he is a certain way when you meet him chances are he will be that way in 20 years.
(12) You are not that important for people to always come to you. Make yourself visible by interacting.
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Is it normal for guys to tell white lies?
Q. Hi! Any help would be greatly appreciated! Is it normal for guys to tell white lies? I keep catching my bf telling me little white lies. It actually bothers me, but I can learn to accept it if all/most guys tend to be like this. Examp...
A. 15 August 2011: An old preacher said to me once that the only difference between white lies and black lies is that white people tell white lies and black people tell black lies.
They are still lies and if this person is comfortable exaggerating and manipula... (read in full...)
Is high status a turn on for women?
Q. For those women who care what others think of their BFs, is high status itself (not his confidence) a sexual turn on like boobs are for men? Eg. a TV presenter, CEO, famous musician, etc....
A. 15 August 2011: I would imagine such qualites spark interest in some women - not all. Like any other novelty it becomes less significant over time. ... (read in full...)
I sent her apology sms, but no reply from her. what should I do?
Q. I don't know what happened, but I know she's angry of what I did to her. I met this girl. The first day we discussed. I asked her many questions and she respond well. She wanted me to tell her my feelings towards her by asking me some questions ...
A. 15 August 2011: This transgression will take a while if it is ever hoped to be resolved...it is ikely this will never be resolved so do not have high hopes that your beavior will be forgotten easily.
Certainly a text message is not going to smooth things o... (read in full...)
Why do some men prefer porn over true love?
Q. I guess I am just an old fashioned girl. I have been married twice/divorced twice and am in a relationship with a wonderful man right now. We are both in our mid forties. To me, "sex" is about intimacy and love. It is about sharing the m...
A. 14 August 2011: first off you could not be more right in your sentiment about how personal sex is. Thank you for sharing this very welcome perspective on an often overlooked subject
Porn is like McDonalds - you can find just about anything you are in the mood for... (read in full...)
Are people who look at porn more likely to cheat?
Q. Hey, I'm interested to know-do you think people who look at porn are more likely to actually cheat on their partner? I'm asking because I know my bf of 1 yr watches porn videos online every 3-4 days. It used to get me down, but so many people have ...
A. 14 August 2011: Porn will dull his sensibilities toward realistic sex. There is not a woman alive who does those sorts of things on a regular basis - and this is part of the reason why pornography is so alluring.
What is likely to happen is that someone who watc... (read in full...)
Dear guys: how do you see a married man solicting cybersex?
Q. Dear guys: how low on your scale of values is a married man who never says he wants to leave his wife but complains about lack of sex and after a few weeks/months of flirting online, asks for explicit pictures, cybersex over skype phone and video? T...
A. 14 August 2011: IT is a natural result of spending too much time online and not enough time with the person that is supposed to mean so much to him. This sort of thing is very easy to fall into - though this is not an excuse.
Cybersex and emotional affairs ... (read in full...)
I took time off to celebrate his birthday, but he won't do the same for me
Q. I have been seeing this wonderful man for almost a year now. For the first time, he has somewhat hurt my feelings, and as a stupid girl, I played the "it's no biggie" card. We are in a long distance relationship. We are able to see each other a ...
A. 9 August 2011: A gift is not a gift if it is expected that it be reciprocated.
If I was your boyfriend and after all this time you bring it up to me how disappointed you were that I did not see you just as you came to see me, I would be very upset at your pet... (read in full...)
Why does he act so destructive after we get close?
Q. Dear all. Please help. I.m so hurt and confused. I,ve been seeing my bf for around 5 months. Over the last month,we have got closer,and i feel i.ve started to fall in love with him. It appears that he has too. The emotions are running very high,and ...
A. 8 August 2011: There are some deep set reasons why he is like this but such is secondary to your health and sanity. He may have had succeeded all through his life with people appeasing his drama just so they wouldn't have to deal with it.
This is a relation... (read in full...)
Planning a wedding and don't have a clue. Can anyone give simple wedding ideas?
Q. Me and my fiance are starting to plan our wedding. I've never been to one and despite a lot of trawling the net, I still have no clue what's involved! Do you have any stories or simple wedding ideas from your own wedding or one you've been to? ...
A. 7 August 2011: I don't know how things work in new zealand but at least here in the States you can take a walk down to the judge and let them marry you.
A friend of mine did that - real quiet, nice little dinner with just about a dozen people and that was it. ... (read in full...)
If your partner wants a threesome does this mean that they do not love you?
Q. Question - if you partner wants to have a threesome/experiment with others in your sex life, does it really mean that they do not love you? ...
A. 7 August 2011: I would not particularly feel loved to answer your question. Concentrate on how this makes you feel rather than what others see as comfortable.
In 3-somes someone always gets left out and neglected. Even in open relationships, there is a consiste... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has taken me back with strange condition , please help me
Q. 25 days back, my ex-girlfriend took me back after 15 months break up with her. We were together for 2 years before I dumping her in first week of January 2010 . I left her telling her to try new options in my option ... I mean dating new girls. ...
A. 7 August 2011: this is about the most ridiculous childish thing I have ever heard. Do not be surprised if she will never be satisfied or that there are other conditions that she will use as leverage on you. ... (read in full...)
If your partner wants a threesome does this mean that they do not love you?
Q. Question - if you partner wants to have a threesome/experiment with others in your sex life, does it really mean that they do not love you? ...
A. 7 August 2011: the question is would you feel loved if someone were to have a threesome or experiment with others in the bedroom?... (read in full...)
How can I show this guy that I am interested in more than just friends?
Q. I have now met an older guy .we have been out three times and get on have lots in common. He has told me by text he likes me a lot and I feel that there is chemistry there. He hasn't made any romantic move on me though and I feel confused and don't ...
A. 7 August 2011: The little things will tell him. Hold his gaze a little longer, hold that hug a little longer. During a conversation do not be afraid to touch his hand to emphasize a point.
... (read in full...)
Why does he act so destructive after we get close?
Q. Dear all. Please help. I.m so hurt and confused. I,ve been seeing my bf for around 5 months. Over the last month,we have got closer,and i feel i.ve started to fall in love with him. It appears that he has too. The emotions are running very high,and ...
A. 7 August 2011: how often do you see each other? Because it sounds like he has allowed this relationship to crowd his life - and he is taking all that out on you.
Have you asked him about his behavior? or expressed how it makes you feel?
"I become very hurt... (read in full...)
Married but still in love with my first love
Q. I am struggling in my marriage. Only been married going on three years, but I'm in love with my first love and have never stopped. I moved from my home town when I was 17, but always went back for the summers. Anytime I have struggled he's been ...
A. 3 August 2011: One never forgets the first love.
Remember that you have made a choice to be married to your husband. The only reason why you are going through the motions is because you have detatched somewhat from your husband and those feelings you should b... (read in full...)
He chats and tells other girls I'm just a helper. I love him, but I love me more!
Q. Hi, I really need advice, I m with a guy and I m happy, he says he loves me, and sometimes he says I'm the most wonderful thing that happened to him, but I know he still chatting, and looking for girls, and even said to one of them that I'm just a ...
A. 30 July 2011: to paraphrase Emperor Palpatine - your compassion for him will be your undoing
If he was not in such a pitiable state would you still feel the same about him?... (read in full...)
Do guys usually hug a girl they've just met?
Q. I just met this guy through friends at work so I went hang out some friends house where I met this guy we talked some when I left that evening he asked for a hug. Do guys usually hug a girl he just met? We met up again had dinner with friends he sat ...
A. 27 July 2011: My only advice to you is enjoy all of to your comfort level. If you feel uncomfortable pull away politely.
He will probably amp up his game over time if he is indeed interested. If you are responding positively - you will tell him you are inte... (read in full...)
He chats and tells other girls I'm just a helper. I love him, but I love me more!
Q. Hi, I really need advice, I m with a guy and I m happy, he says he loves me, and sometimes he says I'm the most wonderful thing that happened to him, but I know he still chatting, and looking for girls, and even said to one of them that I'm just a ...
A. 26 July 2011: yep time to say adios to this guy. He will hem and haw, forever leaving you on the string while you dangle and waste your time.
Cut ties and find greaner pastures. ... (read in full...)
Introverted and feel like I am missing out. Any help to get past this?
Q. Ive always been shy and not very talkative and as ive grown up this has been such a big problem. People never recognize me as im too quiet. Im too nice, i never say no to people, as a result of this people use me. I have no self confidence and i...
A. 26 July 2011: These are not problems at all - it is just the way you are. Not everyone can be the socialite. You are not in any way defective but if you seek to change certain things about yourself, then by all means.
Competence = confidence. One of the best... (read in full...)
Did he just use me for sex? How do I get over him?
Q. i broke up with my bf a couple months ago. we were together for about 4 years and things were starting to go sour... we tried to mend the relationship but it was too broken to go on. after the break, we kept it friendly, but i never stoped loving h...
A. 25 July 2011: You were probably on 2 different levels of "getting back together."
After your little pillow talk discussion of the matter and conclusion that it would not be good to get back together, all questions were irrevocably answered in his mind.
Case... (read in full...)
Qeustions for the guys ...do you prefer bigger women ?
Q. Qeustion for the men. What do you think about bigger women ? Would you ever date one, or do you prefer smaller women, do you find bigger women attractive or do find slim women more attractive ? I ask this because well im trying to start dating and ...
A. 25 July 2011: To echo the others here if you are going to go about chaning your appearance do it because you want to and not because you think you nee to.
I am very attracted to girls with a little bit of meat on their bones. I am a pretty big guy and feel unc... (read in full...)
Any advice on how I can open up to my boyfriend?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months now and we've been friends for almost a year. He wants me to open up to him so this way we strengthen our relationship. I have no idea how to open up to him. I love with all my heart and want ...
A. 23 July 2011: It is obvious you do not feel comfortable opening up to him yet. You will know what to say when you are ready. There is no technique - when you know you are comfortable in revealing secrets or information it will come up in conversation.
... (read in full...)
Do guys usually hug a girl they've just met?
Q. I just met this guy through friends at work so I went hang out some friends house where I met this guy we talked some when I left that evening he asked for a hug. Do guys usually hug a girl he just met? We met up again had dinner with friends he sat ...
A. 23 July 2011: He may he may not.
It sounds as though you are on his radar screen considering the other evidences you describe.
contact with the lower back is a sign that he is interested - most friendly hugs are around the upper back or shoulders.
W... (read in full...)
Can I make it through life without learning how to drive?
Q. every one i know including my family thinks i am unintelligent just because i can not drive a car. Ive tried and tried and just cant grasp it. i have not even made it past the permit part yet because the test to me is so confusing and the answers ...
A. 9 July 2011: You have something in common with about 3/4ths of the people living in New York City and Chicago.
While not learning how to drive may limit your access to certain opportunities, it does not mean that you will be a prisoner. You can make due and ... (read in full...)
How can I create the right moment to ask her out?
Q. Hey guys so I like this girl but I don't seem to be able to ask her out. As most of you probably know you want to wait for the right moment but it just hasn't come, there has always been something in the way. So how can I create that moment? Also ...
A. 7 July 2011: Some times you just have to throw caution to the wind and do it.
I don't know what interests either of you but I would suppose given your age you would enjoy movies. So as an example you could say "I plan to go see (x) movie friday, if you woul... (read in full...)
How can I make my life better?
Q. My problem is that i have had so many bad experiences with people, especially men, that i am finding it hard to trust people, and i don't want to socialise that much. I also suffer from depression and get panic attacks sometimes, and don't have much ...
A. 2 July 2011: Invest in yourself is the only way to better yourself
First start by doing something for yourself just to prove to yourself that you are worth it.
Might I suggest putting together a little money and getting a massage - particularly hot... (read in full...)
How can I make my life better?
Q. My problem is that i have had so many bad experiences with people, especially men, that i am finding it hard to trust people, and i don't want to socialise that much. I also suffer from depression and get panic attacks sometimes, and don't have much ...
A. 2 July 2011: Invest in yourself is the only way to better yourself
First start by doing something for yourself just to prove to yourself that you are worth it.
Might I suggest putting together a little money and getting a massage - particularly hot... (read in full...)
Why did my friends send 2 gay stripper for my birthday party?
Q. hello everyone.. i dont know from where to start. but yesterday was my birthday so i made a party to celebrate it..it was cool and so all my friends came and had fun. but they had a lil surprise for me/ they tied me up to a chair and put like a t...
A. 2 July 2011: Just one hell of a practical joke.
Your top priority now is payback so get to it!
:)... (read in full...)
She says she wants to be friends but I feel like she is blowing me off all the time!
Q. So, dated this girl a while back, but I always tried to keep in touch. She said she wanted to still hang out and stuff, but she never initiates contact.(none of my friends ever contact me, not unless they need something or something bad has ...
A. 2 July 2011: To resolve your uncertainty it may be best if you are more definitive with how you ask her out. Asking a lady if she wants to hang out or "if" she is interested in going somewhere does not grab attention and it shows indecision and uncertainty.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to know WHY exactly do I love him! What do I say?
Q. I have not been dating my boyfriend a long time but I have fallen in love with him. I told he recently. We have a strong connection and chemistry since the day we met. He means so much to me and I dont think he understands. Im thankful for the day ...
A. 1 July 2011: For the religious minded God is love. We are made in the image of God so therefore it is in our nature to love. We are of a social construction and our most precious commodity is our time and by extension the exclusive relationships we have with ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to know WHY exactly do I love him! What do I say?
Q. I have not been dating my boyfriend a long time but I have fallen in love with him. I told he recently. We have a strong connection and chemistry since the day we met. He means so much to me and I dont think he understands. Im thankful for the day ...
A. 30 June 2011: "Because I choose to." is the simple answer that encompasses it the best. If he asks why - just repeat that you choose to love him.
Your BF better stock up on Excedrin if he wishes to mull this impossible topic over for very long. Deep thinker ... (read in full...)
Sex hurts so much! How do I make b/f understand?
Q. My boyfriend always wants sex. But recently im really sore that last time we did it I nearly cried. I don't know why im sore its not like I'm allergic to him. He's always going on at me about not having sex but I just can't go through with it. What ...
A. 30 June 2011: Did you talk to him about it?... (read in full...)
GF can't make up mind where to live. Now she is moving in with this flirt who won't keep his hands off of her. Should I be done here?
Q. Are we done here? For the past couple of months my gf's living arrangements have been changing. She needs a place to live and wants to move in with me. I am not ready for this kind of commitment and I feel pressured. She has friends that I l...
A. 30 June 2011: She is one of those "addicted to Chaos" types.
Unless you wish to be sucked into the drama vortex I would suggest putting some space between you and she. If this is driving you nuts now it will not get better later. ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any advice for me until my doctor clears me?
Q. I was raped two years ago, and the guy gave me HPV. I have been cleared of the virus, but I still have cancer cells that my doctor is trying to remove. He just performed a procedure where the cells were frozen. He has instructed me not to have sex ...
A. 29 June 2011: Sorry hit the wrong button and posted.
Be mindful that it is typical for a rape victim to assume some or all responsibility for what had happened. This happens because you were an unwilling participant in a criminal act. Since you were involved... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any advice for me until my doctor clears me?
Q. I was raped two years ago, and the guy gave me HPV. I have been cleared of the virus, but I still have cancer cells that my doctor is trying to remove. He just performed a procedure where the cells were frozen. He has instructed me not to have sex ...
A. 29 June 2011: I so regret hearing of your ordeal.
What is your BF's reaction to these circumstances?
Based solely upon what you say, it does not seem your boyfriend is anything less than completely supportive of you during this.
If this is the case y... (read in full...)
Please helppp! should I try to save my relationship or ended?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He is 36 years old and I'm 20. At the Beginning of our relationship everything was perfect, we used to go out to dinner, watch movies, go for walks at the park. We had our issues along in the ...
A. 29 June 2011: Sounds to me that he is recoiling from you being so persistent in contacting him - at least that will be his rationalization behind the REAL motive in why he is distancing himself from you.
My suspicion is that he has grown tired of you and wish... (read in full...)
My GF is spending time with her ex, how should I handle it?
Q. My girlfriend met up with her ex at Glastonbury! I am having a really hard time getting my head round this and am wondering if this is the beginning of the end. My girlfriend of nearly 5 months has an ex who she finished with in Sep 10 who ...
A. 29 June 2011: Sounds to me she has not the slightest bit of respect for you or your feelings. And it also sounds like she enjoys manipulating the sentiments and emotions of others.
If after 5 months you are having this type of trouble you should cut your los... (read in full...)
What would be your interpretation of this man and the possible motivations behind this behavior?
Q. I have a good one that I found flipping through the various internet pages. In fact it is a context to a story I had read but yet poses some interesting fodder for all of you aunts if you would kindly oblige. What would be your intereptetation ...
A. 28 June 2011: What about the possibilities of a relationship between these two?
She resists falling for him while he maintains his distance simply because he contacted her because he felt she needed reached in this way.
Could this be a form of womanizing bu... (read in full...)
He says I don't make out like a girl?
Q. While making out (not sex..we havent yet..) my boyfriend says I dont seem like a girl..and I dont have that kinda feelings...what does that mean?? What should I do to be like a girl??...
A. 25 June 2011: I guess the most logical question for you to ask is who or what is he making out with that he is able to make a silly judgment like that.
You just be yourself and do not let the make out expert convince you to be otherwise. ... (read in full...)
My best friend has feelings for me, I love him too but I'm not totally over my ex. What should I do?
Q. I don't even know where to start.. Well, my first relationship was with a guy I would have given the earth to, I did pretty much anything and everything he asked me to - I completely doted on this guy because I loved him as well as him being my...
A. 24 June 2011: Getting over some one takes some time - especially getting over someone who has affected you as you say. It is not as easy as flipping a switch and moving on.
You need to allow yourself to be angry and resentful and hurt. LEt those feelings... (read in full...)
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