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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Am I wrong for wanting to know if she enjoyed it and if he wore a condom?
Q. I have a 27 year old girlfriend of 3 years and we have recently been having some issues in regards to spending time together. She has been spending a lot of time with a co-worker (going out, going to his place but just as friends as she claims). ...
A. 13 April 2015: I will answer the question for her. It was sex so of course she enjoyed it. Now as far as your forgiveness. If you forgive her, it's no longer appropriate to question her on the incident. It doesn't mean you forget, but it does mean you no longer ... (read in full...)
There is an eleven year age gap!
Q. In December last year I met a girl standing in line at a fast food place, I was standing behind her. When it was her turn to pay, turns out she forgot her money in the car. I saw this and offered to pay. After I had payed, she thanked me over and ...
A. 13 April 2015: I agree, just let it happen naturally, and don't try to analyze it. If you two have chemistry, then that's what's needed to make this work. Don't worry about age, only focus on her as being an individual as she should do the same with you. In my ... (read in full...)
I feel I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Q. Why would my mother, treat me bad, just because I'm not interested in getting in the middle of my dad and my mom seperation.I've tried keeping out of there business, yet she is now threatening to tell lies about me to my boyfriend. My heart is so ...
A. 13 April 2015: Sounds like your mom has issues that goes beyond what you can understand. She's probably really emotional now with the separation, and is trying to use you to get at your dad. It's smart and mature to stay out of their issues. I would warn your ... (read in full...)
Having sex is painful for both of us, but I still have needs and I'm hurt when my boyfriend rejects me!
Q. [Mod note: Two questions from the same poster have been combined.] I am in a 7 month relationship, I have 2 children from a previous relationship, one of which was 9 pound! I always worried I wouldn't be tight enough in my vaginal area after ha...
A. 13 April 2015: Seems your exercise is releasing hormones that is increasing your sexual desire. It's normal. Let him know you're not an addict, you simply have an overwhelming desire to be close to him. Maybe that will lighten things up a bit. You also need to ... (read in full...)
We have a lot of growing to do. Should I cut my ties?
Q. I spent a few months befriending my now boyfriend. Finally after I started to get over him he came to and we started dating. Things changed in a snap. I was no longer a bro, I was his girl. He is the sweetest guy to me. The kind girls dream of. He ...
A. 15 January 2014: I would say that if you two are meant to be, and if this relationship is a good one, leave it up to fate where to go from here, and how you two will grow. If you love him, and can see yourself being with him, why tempt that by taking a different ... (read in full...)
He is cheating on me emotionally with his ex what should I do in this situation?
Q. I am dating a guy from last 7 months. But I have recently discovered he’s been emotionally cheating on me with his ex. He broke up with his ex (as she only dumped her) nearly one year ago. Only after that he started hitting on me but now a days he ...
A. 11 January 2014: I would tell him he can have his ex and leave. Even if he's not physically cheating, the emotional cheating is his not being emotionally there with you. ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle my boyfriend's abusive behavior anymore!
Q. Dear Cupid Im with my current bf for almost 4 years, its the longest relationship for both of us. My bf was previously with lots of girls nothing lasted even for 6 months. Coming to my problem, he often becomes abusive, im not even sure whats ...
A. 11 January 2014: It sounds like you need to get out of that relationship. You don't deserve to be demeaned and threatened as he has done. You can't change someone who is abusive. Sometimes they do change, but that is up to them to take the steps to do so. You have ... (read in full...)
Fingering sometimes hurts.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and he's fingered me quite a bit. We're both virgins, so he was only inserting ome or two fingers at the most. About a week ago we tried three fingers but it was really sore so we stopped. I'm ...
A. 7 January 2014: I agree with the other poster, but wanted to add that you're still being a virgin, you should not be trying to insert 3. I also want to say that if this is happening often, you can get raw easy which will lead to irritation and pain. Taking a break ... (read in full...)
Possesive and controlling or not?
Q. Hi I'm in need of some advice about my boyfriend of only 3 months who I think may be possessive or controlling however I can't fully tell. I'm very aware of the fact he could be and I'm trying not to let my feelings deepen until I can understand h...
A. 6 January 2014: First I think jumping into sex at the beginning of a relationship is not a good idea, because then the foundation of the relationship is based on sex. Sex does not equal relationship, just sex. Even the most non-compatible couple can figure out how ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. He makes me extremely happy. He's attentive, caring, funny; one might say he's perfect. However, he doesn't have sex with me. The first six months or so we had a lot of sex. Then it sort of got ...
A. 6 January 2014: I think he's attracted to you, and I'm sure you do have a good relationship, other than the sex thing. When older, sex seems not as important. When you're younger, and still in your prime, your desire for it will be greater than his. I'm in my 40's, ... (read in full...)
She's 22 and I'm 16. But I panicked and said I was 21. How do I tell her the truth and not have a bad reaction from her?
Q. Hey, I met this 22 year old girl online. We instantly hit it off and it turns out that we both live in Aus. We exchanged mobile numbers and have been talking constantly since then, the only problem that I have is that when she asked my age... I ...
A. 6 January 2014: If it is meant to be, it will be, even with the truth coming out. If it's not, or if she chooses to leave because of the lie, then you have to accept it as a consequence of your actions. But if you really like this girl, then your being truthful is ... (read in full...)
How can I get over this, and be like we were before, or is this over completly??
Q. My bf and I had a huge arguement yest, he told me he didnt want to be with me anymore, that we were different, that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I started crying because I honestly did not think he felt this way, and he hugged me and said he ...
A. 6 January 2014: If you can't forgive what he said, then you have not forgiven him. You said, "He said that I hurt his feelings by calling him names when i'm mad. But at least I don't tell him everythig he told me." Does it really matter what names you called him in ... (read in full...)
What did he mean, "you don't have to sell your soul"
Q. Hello, I have been having an affair with a separated man. He has been separated for 5 years but remains in close contact with his wife who lives close by. She has never found anybody else and always hopes they will get back together. He has been ...
A. 6 January 2014: He meant that you unleashed an evil that resides within you. We are created to experience love, joy, acceptance, togetherness, and gratitude, etc, but having free will also have the capabilities to experience the opposite as well. Some religious ... (read in full...)
My partner betrayed my trust and I don't know what to believe now...and we have a 3 month baby so leaving him is not an option
Q. Hi I have been with my partner for 2 years. We live together and have a 3 month old baby. We are both 25 years old and we plan to get married in the near future. He is a good partner and father but I have a problem. When I had known him for on...
A. 6 January 2014: I agree that you two need couples counseling. Trust is foundation to ALL healthy relationships. Without trust your relationship with be one filled with chaos. Unfortunately if you two don't resolve these issues, you will be bringing an innocent ... (read in full...)
Is my husband gay? Or is this an outlet for his bisexuality?
Q. My husband and I have been together for 7 years married for 3 and I have always known he is bisexual which has never been an issue for me until recently. I recently discovered that he has another Facebook profile that I am blocked on which...
A. 6 January 2014: I'd say he's bi-sexual, but although you knew this when you got married, are you okay with him having his marriage with you plus sexual encounters with men. Are you okay with your children knowing their dad is not 100% faithful to his marriage with ... (read in full...)
Our sexual interests are completely opposite. Can I satisfy my needs elsewhere?
Q. I am happily engaged to an amazing man; we are getting married this coming October. He is my best friend, and an incredible person. I love him so much, and the thought of him being hurt is just too much for me to bear. However, when it comes to...
A. 3 January 2014: It doesn't make you awful, but it would make him deserve more than to remain in a relationship with you. Cheating you violate the foundation of trust and honesty with are necessary for any relationship to work out.
You two need to find a medium. ... (read in full...)
Husband and I are in the middle of our first major disagreement!
Q. I'm in the midst of my first major disagreement with my husband, and it's such a silly one I really have no idea what to do. We've been married for 6-7 months, we really just arent confrontational people so we've never argued before since we just ...
A. 3 January 2014: Congrats on your pregnancy. What I'm getting here is that his anger, and the anger within your family is not related to this single incident, but a built up, explosive anger from what your family has experienced in the past, and thus using this ... (read in full...)
I'm standing up to my controlling boyfriend and he's getting more and more mad at me.
Q. Dear all. Please help. I.ve been seeing my bf for around two and a half years. I used to chase him like mad,and initiate contact. He is a controlling person,and got used to me doing that,and took advantage. I totally changed my pattern around two ...
A. 28 December 2013: You need to end it. You can't make him change, but your changes show that you know you deserve a better, healthier relationship. Sometimes you just need to cut someone loose and move on. You don't need someone who is controlling, but you can't ... (read in full...)
Long distance, who should move where?
Q. Hey everyone, I kind of have a question and would like to see what other people think about this or if anyone can give me some advice especially from someone who has been in a long distance relationship. Me and my boyfriend met online have been...
A. 28 December 2013: Research both areas and decide what area will best benefit the two of you.... (read in full...)
Single and sexually frustrated. How can I overcome this?
Q. I am one sexually frustrated woman and don't know what to do! I would only want to sleep with someone if I really care for them or love them. I am not up for casual sex at all as I don't get anything from it. How do girls overcome this? I'm 22 an...
A. 28 December 2013: All you an really do is find someone who's good for you that you want to be with and that solves your sexual frustration. Masturbating only offers a temporary cover for satisfaction, but is never as satisfying as the real thing. There's someone out ... (read in full...)
I may have moved on too quickly, and I feel like I'm 'on call' for him
Q. I am in the strangest relationship situation I've ever been in, in my life. I am seeing a man who's nearly 20 years older than me, he's separated and has two kids. I've only been seeing him for about a month. I was in another long-term relati...
A. 28 December 2013: I think you two should talk. Dating someone older is not bad, many people do, and often find a strong connection in those relationships. With him being separated for years, I don't believe you are a replacement for him. Your insecurity is selling ... (read in full...)
We met, then nothing, then we met, had sex, and now again I hear nothing!
Q. Hi really hope someone can give me some good advice i met a man in july met up a few times had a few dates then i heard nothing for a month until a text saying he is in a awkward situation which he genuinely was we talked on Christmas eve and ...
A. 28 December 2013: Is he someone who just wants to have sex? It could be. What you need to keep in mind is that sex does not equate to having a relationship. I think you should have waited to find out what his intent would be before having sex. I'd say that if you ... (read in full...)
Problems from my past are affecting sex and love in the present!
Q. my man would like to have sex with lights on and be able to see me naked ,but I don't have any confidance in how I look I am 45 but am a size 10 ,but have issues from a rape yrs ago and in my marrage when I tried to spice things up in bedroom dept ...
A. 28 December 2013: If he were to have the issues that you have, what would you tell him? Bodies are bodies, and although you've had bad things happen to you in the past, those things don't change your body, or the attraction that someone else may have to you. You must ... (read in full...)
Is this likely to be true? Will I end up alone as a cat woman, with no one who ever wants me? How do I find someone?
Q. I can't say this to anybody I know because it really does sounds so pathetic and I know it shouldn't bother me this much.. So I am 18 years old, and I have never had a proper boyfriend (I.e someone I can connect to ect.). And it is starting...
A. 22 November 2013: Stop trying so hard. You can try to find someone with all you have, and end up causing yourself a detriment in doing so. You can end up missing the guy around the corner because you don't believe he could be that close. I hope that makes sense.
... (read in full...)
Three days ago I suffered a miscarriage. Do I tell my ex bf/good friend I miscarried his baby?
Q. My ex boyfriend and I are 11 years a part, Im 18. We dated secretly to avoid the scandel as we knew he was moving away in december. Last week he ended it early and we are still on really good terms. Its tricky when we both are attracted to eac...
A. 22 November 2013: You know if you don't and he hears it from another source not doing so could destroy your friendship, because honesty and trust are the foundation of all relationships, whether it be intimate or just a friendship. If you don't, you jeopardize that ... (read in full...)
My first date and he's 8 years older. How do I handle it?
Q. I'm going on a date with a guy who is 8 years older than me. He's 26 and I'm 18. People keep telling me to be more careful and to watch out because he's a lot smoother at manipulation and it'll be easier for him to persuade me to do things. But I...
A. 21 November 2013: Age really doesn't make a difference, what does is how vulnerable you are to being manipulated and such. I have seen girls your age who have been easily persuaded to do things they may not otherwise choose to do, just as I have seen women in their ... (read in full...)
Virginity and losing it..how do you know when you are ready?
Q. I'm 19 and a 2nd year varsity student... I've been in a relationship with this guy for over 2 years now... He loves me and treats me like a queen. We are both virgins and we are considering having sex. I would just like some sort of guidance as 2 ...
A. 9 September 2013: You know when you're ready. Like you, I don't agree that sex is a sin before marriage. I believe God created sex to experience intimacy, which is a way of experiencing the Love of God. Just be safe, and make sure, although he treats you like a ... (read in full...)
Is my paranoia from past hurt destroying my new relationship or is my new guy just a snake?
Q. In EVERY relationship I've ever been in I've been lied to, cheated on and had horrible mind games played on me. I've had boyfriends move in with other partners behind my back,get engaged,get other girls pregnant and move away to name but a fe...
A. 9 September 2013: I believe your insecurities are what's destroying your relationships. You assume guys will cheat on you, so that's what you're attracting to your relationship. I don't believe this last guy is being truthful about why he wasn't able to see you. I do ... (read in full...)
Asexual or not, either way help!
Q. I am about to turn eighteen and have been questioning my sexuality for awhile now. I have had only 3 relationships in my life, one i am currently engaged in, and the previous two have ended because i showed no intent on a sexual relationship with ...
A. 9 September 2013: You're still young. Let me explain. Although we know there are females who get horny, and want sex at extremely early ages, that is not a set standard. You know masturbation and having orgasmic experiences you create feels good and can be exciting, ... (read in full...)
My friend doesn't approve of one night stands and now she won't speak to me because I told her that I had one!
Q. So a few months ago I went home with one of my friend's roommates after a party (I was a freshman in college) and we ended up sleeping together. I don't regret a thing, but my best friend from high school doesn't really like how college has changed ...
A. 23 August 2013: I'd tell her goodbye. Why? Because she's trying to control the relationship by attempting to mold you into the values and person she'd expect herself to associate with. Silent treatment is ALWAYS the attempt to control the other. You're not in a ... (read in full...)
My husband cheated told me 10 months later and I can't get past the bitterness and hurt
Q. Husband of 26 years got approached by a prostitute when he was in Makati City, Manila. She asked him if he was alone and would like some afternoon company. He said sure and then go back to the New World Makati Hotel and have sex using a condom. He ...
A. 11 June 2013: The bitterness you hold onto is about you now, and is not about the situation or your husband. There is something within you that wants him to keep paying over and over again for the mistake he had made, and this bitterness is really because (1) you ... (read in full...)
I'm devastated after an affair and he will not leave his wife for me
Q. Hi, I decided to reach out to the users of this site because I am in desperate need of guidance and advice. I have been in an affair with a married man for exactly one year now. We used to live in the same town and his wife used to live in another ...
A. 11 June 2013: He a man with a mask, meaning that who he presents himself to his family as, is different than who he presents himself to you to be. You got duped. It happens, and it's not the end of the world. Find someone to love you who is not married, and ... (read in full...)
How do I stop from being obsessed with wanting to have a baby?
Q. I have been married to my lovely hubby for a year. We met in our 40's and it is our first marriage for us both. As soon as we married, we started trying for a family which we both dearly want. As I am 42 now - I have been seeing the doctor and f...
A. 11 June 2013: Have you ever heard that people can "will" themselves out of getting pregnant by trying to hard? With my exwife, she wanted a baby so bad, and we tried and tried and nothing, then when we decided maybe we should wait a little while, she got ... (read in full...)
Why would he want a LD FWB relationship with me when he can just go down the street and have sex?
Q. So recently I just started talking to an ex of mine. We live states away, so basically the only thing that we do is text for right now. I'm fairly content to be on my own at the moment, since I got out of a long relationship not too long ago and ...
A. 11 June 2013: Just because he can go a few houses down to insert into another girl, doesn't mean that's what he wants. There must be something about you that he desires that makes it all worth it. I do think that to properly answer your questions, these are some ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to make new friends because I don't want to get hurt again!
Q. I used to be friends with a group of girls who treated me like their doormat and who only wanted to hang out with me when no one else was around. Eventually, some of them asked to hang out again, but I said no because I knew they would only end up ...
A. 11 June 2013: You create your experience, including friendships. What I have found is that when you are with friends who end up not being good to you, it's a sign that there is something within your being that is creating the experience that you don't want. Like ... (read in full...)
He dumped me and is off enjoying his life -- why can't I?
Q. Dear Cupid I was dumped a month ago from a 3 yr relationship. He called me really nasty names while dumping me and the relationship was very abusive the last few months. I am trying to get over him, its getting difficult with each passing day....
A. 6 June 2013: You're so focused on what he's doing, you're missing what you can be doing. Breakups are hard, and after three years and the time invested, for that to end is a hard transition, but what you're doing is what's keeping you down. Your focus is still ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship progress if you see each other only on weekends?
Q. We usually get together Friday evening, spend all day Saturday, and then I go home Sunday afternoon. He's a self-employed lawyer and has had a habit of going into the office Sunday afternoons to prepare for court Monday. (He goes to court Monday ...
A. 6 June 2013: I think it can because of how your relationship is set up. You have a life that is yours, he has a life that is his, and then you two can have a life together. Those relationships end up being the strongest because neither one of you needs to attach ... (read in full...)
Sexting gone wrong
Q. I am a college student and fairly religious so I understand this post will sound really bad of me. I'm also a virgin because I'm waiting to share that with the right guy. After a bad breakup with my most recent boyfriend, I met a guy at a party and ...
A. 6 June 2013: You are a sexual person... that's okay and isn't wrong. Your desire to be sexual with him is because he's showing you attention that makes you feel good, desired and wanted. This is natural, but can be dangerous to your choices where you're ... (read in full...)
Lesbian LDR and I need help. Is our relationship going no where?
Q. Guys I need help My girlfriend says she is not gay or bi but not 100% straight neither… I am sooooo confused …Although I understand that we shouldn't be putting labels on ourselves but I just don't feel our relationship is secure. Almost all my f...
A. 18 May 2013: I think living together will not help your relationship. One accepts the girl + girl relationship, and the other denies it. Why? Is she insecure about the relationship, about her sexuality, or is maybe confused about what she really wants? I don't ... (read in full...)
I yelled at her and due to her past it's left her feeling traumatized. Now she's ignored me for 2 days. How can I make things right?
Q. in need of help... two nights ago, out of frustration and in the heat of the moment, i slightly raised my voice at my girlfriend of 6 months. this was the first time I ever did that. I simply got upset over something involving us. later on i...
A. 18 May 2013: I wonder what has happened in her past that causes her to be traumatized by what happened between you two. I say this because "ignoring" someone is a method that is common by people who have trauma personality affect that is a method of punishing. ... (read in full...)
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