A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi cupidsI have this dilema and would like some advice were possible. I have over the past year had a crush on my bus driver ( I know pretty out there ) lol and one day I became a bit brave after a few dutch courage drinks and wrote my phone number on his arm ( had no paper ) anyway after a week he text me and we have been texting eachother ever since. however the last two days his been texting me all day and its been fun I really like him, and im guessing he likes me too, however his has asked me out for a drink this weekend, but said he is not looking for a relationship, should I go out with him and hope that maybe in time he will change his mind and we will end up a happy couple? or should I just let this one go maybe his after something else ? or am I just over thinking and should go with the flow. I would hate to think his only after fun ( because I would not be up for that) I have too much respect for myself, But I must say everytime I see him I get butterflies in my stomach, and pulpatations like you wouldn't believe. And he has eyes that are as tempting as galaxy chocolate. what to do......!!!!!! thank you in advance for your help and advice.xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah I been thinking about over the weekend, and im just going to do a wide birth on this occassion :( shame as he really is a nice guy. oh well back to reading novels instead, loving my 50 shades of grey right now lol
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): "they still both get jealous if either one of them go out for a date."
Ouch, I hate when that happens, especially seeing as that means they're still far too close to each other and he's not over her at all.
On the upside it was very nice of him to be so honest and forthright about the situation. You dodged a bullet there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason he dont want a relationship ( sorry i should have mentioned this earlier) is because he split up with his long term girlfriend about a yr ago, and was honest enough to say even though he would not want to get back with her, they still both get jealous if either one of them go out for a date. his actually quite shy in some ways, but i get a real strong feeling he does like me but is scared of anything other than friends right now :( so actually i think i have just answered my own question, also with the help of you guys/gals....i think i will bow my head and walk away from this one.
thank you all for your input.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (21 June 2012):
Ive seen this movie played with different actors many times. The ending is always the same.
Like someone else said, what he is telling you is he will use you as a slam piece as long as you will let him. If you're fine with that, go for it. My hunch is no though.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I think Cerberus has it summed up, actually. Though I do want to add that I think it was brave of you to take the initiative. At least you know, now, just remember that you had the nerve to actually try to make the connection.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): I don't want a relationship = I don't want a relationship with YOU, but I'll stick it in you if you let me. End of story. That will never change. If there was even a slight chance he would not have closed off the possibility so early on.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I have to give credit to a man who comes right out and says he's not looking for a relationship. Take his words at face value. If that's what he says, that is EXACTLY what he means. Don't go trying to read more into it..its not there. As the other aunts/uncles have said, he might not pass up sex, but he does NOT want a relationship. Don't expect what he isn't going to offer. Move on. You are not going to change him and going after him expecting more will only get you hurt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): why don't you ask him, if he's not looking for a relationship, what is he looking for?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 June 2012):
 he won't change his mind even if you sleep with him.
he was up front and told you the truth that he's not looking for a relationship. do not expect to be able to change his mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): If he has already mentioned, at this early stage, that he is not looking for a relationship I would be very wary. He gives you the 'butterflies' effect, but if he is just going to be using you, and let's face it, that's probably what is on his mind. Having marched up the hill, I would say to him that that you are, ultimately, looking for something on-going, it may not be him at the end of the day but then see if you hear any more from him. Why is he not looking for a relationship - is he already in one, and if not what's the problem. You don't tell someone you fancy that you don't want a relationship before you've had one date - no, all may not be good.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): If you have respect for yourself like you already said, then let it go and find someone who`s not out for freebies.
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female
reader, kata1l +, writes (21 June 2012):
I agree with everybody else. You are setting yourself up to be taken advantage of and used. Don't do it.Don't play his game. Keep yourself available for someone who wants what you do. Check out a great website called Baggage Reclaim that is all about women empowering themselves away from unworthy and bad relationships. It has been a life saver. Don't settle for less than you deserve.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2012):
 No, he won't "magically" want a relationship. If you want to hang out with him (no sex) do so but don't get unrealistic hopes up.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 June 2012):
Is it possible that he's attached, has a girlfriend or partner or wife? It's possible that the line "I'm not looking for a relationship" is code for "I'm actually attached but am willing to flirt a bit, no strings attached, but at the end of the day I'm going home to my longtime partner."
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 One thing all women should learn at a very early age - YOU CAN NEVER MAKE A WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. He either does want a relationaship, or he doesnt - you cannot change is mind no matter what you do.
So no matter how beautiful, smart, funny, sexy you are, you will NEVER be able to make him 'want' a relationship. If he has made it clear to you that he wants to take you out for a drink, but doesnt want a relationship, then he wants a friends with benefits type relationship and that is all.
If you are looking for a relationship, and he is not - then you are not compatible and it is best to move on. If I were you I would send him a text explaining that you would like to go out for a drink with him, however you are eventually looking for a relationship so if this is not going to ever progress into a relationship then it would be best if you called it a day now. See what he says - I bet he wont stop you though, he will just be looking for a bit of fun and that will be it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 June 2012):
 As long as you keep sex out of picture I would meet up with him. See what happens. Stay sober and don't leave your drink unattended for a second. At your age you should be able to tell what his intentions are pretty fast.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): You're throwing yourself at him, give him your number, after a week he makes an attempt and invites you for drinks but says he does not want a relationship. Listen to his words:
He does not want a relationship.
So if you're happy to meet for drinks, to keep it casual, to have fwb, then carry on, however if you want more than that, and expect more for yourself, then leave him be.
He only made an effort after a year, after YOU gave him your number. If he was really interested in something decent, he would have asked you out long ago.
Don't sell yourself short.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 IF you are looking for a relationship, and he is not... then you risk looking desperate and clingy if you pursue him....
THAT gives him (any guy) all the motivation he needs in order to take advantage of you (read: "have s*x with you")... then leave you down-and-out and feeling used...
Why risk it? Good luck...
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