A
female
age
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Tisha-1
writes:I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin...First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimulating and what an orgasm feels like. Seriously. I know that may sound crazy to a young man, but for guys, things in that area are a lot easier to figure out. For girls, well, we're told not to be too easy and are discouraged from exploring our bodies and frankly, lots of us at that age didn't have a clue what to do.Second, she may be so worried about this that she simply can't relax and enjoy the feelings of being stimulated. I think that it's a lot easier for a guy to just 'let go' and not let the brain get in the way of feelings, but for lots of girls, there is so much worry built into the system, like, does he really like me, am I really pretty, and I know I should be feeling good but I'm so worried that I can't feel anything but I know I should be feeling something, and omigod what if he wants to go further, I don't want to, but I like him so much and I don't want to lose him and... You see? Her thoughts may be getting in the way. Once this train of thoughts is started, there's a whole lot of things that get in the way of her just relaxing and enjoying the moment.You said she was shy and didn't have much experience. I can almost guarantee you that she is having these thoughts.Third, now that you understand that her brain is part of all her sexuality, you can begin to understand what she is feeling. And I think that for lots of guys, rough is good, firm hands, hard motions, that kind of thing. But for girls, well, we tend to want things a bit gentler, not always and not all the time, but if we're new at this, gentle is better. If you are going in there and rubbing her like you might rub yourself then she's probably not feeling anything but a bit of pain. The thing to pay attention to, and this is very important, this is the whole key for you to understand, the thing to pay attention to is how she is touching you. This is a big cue for how she wants to be touched. If she is touching you with soft gentle hands then that is how she would like to have you touch her. I know that you may be being driven crazy by her not just 'going for it' but, if you understand this, you will be a wonderful lover.Fourth, she really may not want to be going as far as you want to go yet. She may be going along with you to please you, because she cares about you. So please keep that in mind!! And don't rush her.Fifth, there is no fixed timetable for how long it takes for a girl, especially an inexperienced, shy one. I don't care if you can time yourself with a stopwatch, I know for certain that she never has. If I were you, I'd make sure that she really wants to even fool around first, then I would make sure that she feels loved, cared for, kiss her all over and NOT PRESSURE her! Again, I am so happy to hear that you care about how she's feeling, and I think that is the sign of a truly good lover. You've taken your first steps, now don't go and push too hard, okay?Kiss her lots and let her know that she is wonderful and beautiful and don't push her into things she really doesn't want yet. It may be frustrating and sooooo hard but in the end, you both will be much happier for taking things slowly and gently...All the best, and one more auntie thing. Safe sex, okay? :)
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 July 2009):
Tisha-1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yawn. Post a reply when you're not feeling so lazy.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 July 2009):
Tisha-1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere's the original thread: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-long-does-it-take-a-girl-to.html
Someone suggested that I submit the answer as an article, so I did, without too much editing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Now now now, don't be getting your tit in a ringer. I have seen responses to women on this site that can't take a little criticism. I remained anon so the childish don't flood my mailbox. It didn’t take you long from the time I posted that you came out fighting. Can’t take criticism? I bet you couldn’t have a two-way conversation with a man if your life depended on it.
Take care, and prosper.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 July 2009):
Tisha-1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, and I just wonder why you have to be 'anon'? Are you concerned about your statistics? I don't bite, really.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 July 2009):
Tisha-1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question-Wow, to imply that a man parts are easier to understand is fairly naive.
Well, it's a lot harder for some people to find the clitoris than it is to overlook the penis.
-I suggest you don't be talking to young men, because you are missing the point.
This young man asked for advice from people to help him in his first sexual encounter with his virgin girlfriend. Having been a virginal teenager, and having some memory of what it was like, I wanted him to think about what SHE might be thinking and feeling. MIGHT being the operative word.
-No reason to elevate men to some pedestal when for the most part, they are in the same boat as these young women: men too have been sold as to dirtiness, don't touch yourself, it is evil, a sin. Talking like this, just seperates the communication right off the bat.
I think it can safely be argued that for many generations, the onus of responsibility of preserving virginity has fallen to the female. "Don't let him into your pants!" "Men are just after one thing!" "Don't let him near you!" I would argue that this particular societal message is much more directed at the female than at the male. Take for instance, the gender bias in names for people who have had multiple sexual partners: the male gets "stud", the female gets "slut". The counterpart words don't exist.
So it is disingenuous to suggest that I am separating the communication off the bat; I'm just trying to start from the reality of the situation, not the ideal situation, where everyone starts from a level playing field.
-For the five levels, it just implies that young women are purely airheaded and can't think for themselves.
I have to disagree with you on this, I think it implies that a woman thinks differently than a man. The point is that the statistics regarding the number of women who do not have orgasms until their 20s or 30s or NEVER have an orgasm at all are much much higher than they are for males.
-Is this how you want the boy and girl to react to one another? Very immature, sorry.
If you mean that I want the boy to have an understanding of what girl could be thinking as she's lying there about to have her first sexual encounter, I am guilty of that particular charge.
I didn't set out to read a man's mind, I set out to explain what could be going through the mind of a young girl about to have her first sexual encounter. If you think you can do better, go ahead and lay it out. I'd be curious to read some actual advice from you rather than merely criticism. It's much easier to criticise than to create, I think.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Wow, to imply that a man parts are easier to understand is fairly naive. I suggest you don't be talking to young men, because you are missing the point. No reason to elevate men to some pedestal when for the most part, they are in the same boat as these young women: men too have been sold as to dirtiness, don't touch yourself, it is evil, a sin. Talking like this, just seperates the communication right off the bat.
For the five levels, it just implies that young women are purely airheaded and can't think for themselves. Is this how you want the boy and girl to react to one another? Very immature, sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): Tisha, that was an absolutely outstanding response! Where were you in 1979, anyway?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): great advice tisha hun very thoughtfull and well written sweetheart love n hugs mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 May 2008):
Tisha-1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the nice feedback, everyone. If you have any thoughts to add, thank you Wizard of Waz for your acute observation, please feel free to add helpful comments too! I just wanted to give the young man some perspective from the girl's point of view.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I'm so glad that a girl lke me says what exactly i feel.I'm a virgin...So guys be nice with me i have feelings!Love that!!!!
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A
female
reader, Aunt tilly  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 I think youre article was absolutely fab tish, very straight forward. Brilliant
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