A
female
age
41-50,
*pumie
writes:Dear all. I was visiting my boyfriend today. We were having a good time until cell phone rang. The first time it rang he ignored it saying it was his friend who want him to go to a party so he's not interested. The phone rang again an there was a message left. He refused to show me the message that's when he started to say I'm accusing him of cheating as I told him that we need to trust each other because there must be something going on. He told me to go home. I don't know what I can do. He has done this before. By mistake he opened the message. That is when I found out that he was cheating.The message said:'hi babe its me.....'She wrote her name. How can I trust him when this has happened before?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): Girl I'm from your home country and I know so very much about home loans. Go to your Bank this morning: its Monday morning here: go to a consultant and ask them to put a hold on verything. If they don't write to the Ombud or go onto helloPeter and nail them. Why have this 20 year bond over your head as well as with a cheating bf? Its not the time to buy property unless you really do need one or unless you have oodles of money. Its not a good investment right now. Contact the attorneys and halt everything: its not gone to the deeds office yet. If there are any penalties so what: perhaps r grand for admin work??? Enforce the cooling off period. We also have new legislation: customer protection. So know your rights
After your visit to the bank then you drive to the police station and tell them that bf will And has gotten violent previously: protect yourself.
The fact that your boyfriend told you to get out of his home tells you that he has no concern for you. He doesn't respect you. He is manipulative.
Look I can tell you so many things but I will be wasting my time if you don't visit the bank and the police station. That is step one.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 June 2012):
 Contact a separate lawyer NOW. Do not try to reach him until you have spoken with an attorney and have taken qualified legal advice on this purchase. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 June 2012):
 be careful with this financial issue. Get your own legal advice immediately separately. He may flee -leaving you with a big SeXually acquired debt. Find out urgently if there is a cooling off period.
This is very serious. Legal advice is urgent. Find out if there is a free legal advice service for abused women as you may qualify for that.
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A
female
reader, mpumie +, writes (24 June 2012):
mpumie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks iloveblue. He called just now saying how sorry he is that's when I told him that I'm so tired of trying something thay will never work. Imagine we even to buy a joint bond as we are growing older thinking we are going to have a future together. It was approved and we have signed with the lawyers. Will it be possible if I cancel it? The house might be ready around november. Will there be any penalty for a breach of contract. I will try to find out tomorrow. I've just sent him an sms that says its over. Cause I can't tell him face to face cause I'm scared he will kill me as he is very abusive when I say something. He can destroy anything if you are in front of him.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (24 June 2012):
 I can relate sooo much to what you are feeling now. I can still feel the pain myself as this was how I learned about my cheating bf (now my ex). I experienced the same thing with my ex and they will deny until their death until they can deny no more. And when they admit it, it's like you're the one who's at fault.My advise: run away as fast and as early as you can! I know it's easier said than done but you cannot escape this situation without pain and without suffering. This too shall pass.Do not let a guy who's such a liar use your time anymore. You deserve more than him. They never change, to be honest! Some people succeed in changing their partners behavior but that is very seldom, most of the time, the moment you forgive them, you are instilling in their minds that you are allowing them to treat you like a rug. And you are allowing them to take you for granted knowing you can't live without them.The fact that he has denied what you have seen with your own eyes is very disrespecting, very unbecoming of him. Show him you wont let yourself be treated like this and teach him a lesson. The more you stick there beside him afterall he has done to you, the more he will not respect you. Why? he knows you just love blabbering but you are helpless yourself. Prove to him he is wrong.Good luck dear, if you need someone to talk to, just PM me. Really, it hurts but don't be what I was before. If I had known I could get over my ex, I should have done it sooner. I was just a coward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): Once again abella knocks one out of the park.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 June 2012):
You are correct, it is a big strain on you if you find you love the wrong person.
And it is even worse if you love the wrong person TOO MUCH for your own good.
When Trust flies out the window the relationship can only start to go downhill from then on. It does not seem that he is observing the same rules he imposes on you.
Could it be that the lady who phoned is the mother of a child fathered by him? was she reminding him that he can come over to see her, and see a child (who he may have fathered) to celebrate father's day with her?
I think most women would (naturally) just freak out if a strange woman phoned to wish a man 'Father's Day'
Simply because it is so inappropriate.
And he certainly has not explained himself well enough.
And he recognised her phone number - but gave you the 'party' excuse.
Because it would be the lady who phoned and then left a message where she called him 'Babe"
You man has Egg all over his face and he does not want to admit it.
You need to consider your own Self Respect.
If he cannot show you Respect then he will only start to lose respect for you the more you put up with a Lack of Respect.
It IS difficult - I realize that. But you need to be able to hold your head high and face the world.
When he treats you with disrespect it deameans himself too.
But it certainly does not help you much either.
You deserve to be properly Respected by your partner at all times
Do what is right and do what Best Supports you. Use options that Respect you for the Good person you are.
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A
female
reader, mpumie +, writes (24 June 2012):
mpumie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks abella. I've been through hell with this guy but still he doesn't want to change. Thank you very much. I'm crying right now cause it hurts. He always checks my fone and tells me that I shouldn't have friends that are males. I listened to him cause I thought I was respecting him. Last week sunday a lady called wishing him a happy father's day and when I asked why a woman is calling him. Cause his the who said I must stop being friends with males. I'm so angry and sad. Its so hard to love a wrong person.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 June 2012):
This man is being dishonest with you.
he knew immediately WHO made that phone call to him on his cell phone. So he ignored it as he was with you.
Then the message. He refused to show it to you. And then he went into Defensive mode. Attack is the most often used strategy by Cheaters. He started telling you that you were accusing him of cheating. As if he was INNOCENT. Clearly he was not innocent or he would not have become as defensive so quickly.
He most certainly has been showing some interest in another woman, and perhaps for some time if she is familiar enough to call him 'Babe' they may have some history together.
And him telling you to go home? That was so he could get back to talking to the other woman.
You know the truth here. You know you CANNOT trust him. He has done it before.
He will do it again.
And you also run the risk that he could bring home a Sexually Transmitted disease. He is potentially dangerous to your health. You do not know how many other partners the women he is seeing will bring to the relationship and next he will bring the problem home to you.
Make yourself unavailable to him. After all he has the other woman. Let him go to her.
Any man is NOT better than NO man if the ANY man is a CHEATER.
Find a kinder, more stable, gentleman who is determined to be respectful and not cheat. Yes, they are not easy to find, but they do exist. A man who cheats will only cause you long term pain as he shares himself out with who ever is willing to be with him,
Even if he is charming, good looking, very sweet when he wants to be, if he is a CHEATER he is not yours 24/7.
And he will tell you lies and those lies will break your heart.
A Cheater is never worth the tears and the pain in the future.
I am so sorry but he was not truthful, he tried to cover up the truth, and he lied to you.
You do deserve much much better than being treated like that.
My Best Wishes to you for a happier future.
When will some men (the Cheaters) realize that a real man Honors the Contracts he makes. Whether that is a Business Contract or a Personal Contract with a woman he professes to love.
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