| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Is my mother cheating on my father?
Q. I have known for a while that my mother talks regularly to another man, other than my father, and although I don't like it I've found that it's only ever been friendly. However, I recently found out that my mother has been talking to this same man ...
A. 20 December 2014: The first thing you have to try and remember is that your parents' marriage is just that - their marriage. And there might be things you do or do not know about that have happened in the past that may have caused a rift.
That said, I think you shou... (read in full...)
He says I should just get over his behaviour with these other girls
Q. Part of me wants to end my relationship with my bf of 2 years, yet I don't know by doing this, am I making the right decision? He used to flirt with a friend of ours a lot, so much so I felt uncomfortable. They texted everyday, she sent him her...
A. 27 November 2014: You should have dumped him two years ago. There are men who do behave like this - they treat women like dirt, and some women unfortunately don't have the confidence to walk away. He's worked this out with you. Whatever good things you see in him, ... (read in full...)
Should I fake liking sex?
Q. Hello everyone so I need an advice, I'm 23 years old and have been living with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 kids. I love my husband we recently got married through church (Catholic). Anyways so here's the thing, he has been the only man in my ...
A. 27 November 2014: I don't think it's a good thing in a relationship to fake liking anything, especially something as fundamental as sex. As you have found, it can cause trouble. A sizable amount of problems in a relationship can be traced to sex.
I think what is more... (read in full...)
Marriage isn't turning out like the fairytale and I'm so unhappy and unsure what to do!
Q. Looking for some advice.... I got married in May to my partner who I have been with for the past 5 years. Before we got married we did have some issues due to my insecurities and also what I feel to be a lack of care on his side. The las...
A. 8 November 2014: You must never think that by staying, you will be better for it or those around you will be better for it. Nor must you compare your situation to your brothers'. If you are unhappy in your marriage and you want to end it, then you must do it for ... (read in full...)
If domestic violence, in the past, has affected me, then where do I go for help in the UK to deal with it?
Q. Okay, so I haven't been on here for a while and after having a lot of thinking time I think I have finally cracked the code of something which I have been trying to work out for a long time, and it is very sensitive to me so please don't be too ...
A. 7 November 2014: I think that the best organization that may be able to office you help and support is this one in the UK:
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
This charity is dedicated to assisting with the things that you have been through, and they may be able to h... (read in full...)
Cheated on and now stalked
Q. I broke up with my on/off bf of 5 yrs in mid sept. He was acting weird so I let him go. I found out in Oct he cheated on my with at least 2 girls this summer. We still were hanging out and he wanted to get back together but after finding this out ...
A. 6 November 2014: Let everyone know - friends, family, work and the police. You must not allow this man to have any more of your time. The more people that know he's nuts, the better because then you'll have people looking out for you.
With regards to the poli... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to take a polygraph?!
Q. Okay so I've been seeing this guy for 10 months, before him I went through a really rough yime after I went through a bad break up with my long term bf, where he cheated. After I did not deal with it well I had dated people and had ended sleeping...
A. 6 November 2014: Dump him. You've been through enough already with rubbish men. You don't need yet another one stepping in to ruin your esteem. He has no reason whatsoever to do this. None. He has no right. You've been as honest as you're prepared to be, which ... (read in full...)
I want what's best for my daughter and myself
Q. I was a few months away from getting married when I found out my now ex had been cheating on me with a mutual friend. She was going out with a friend of mine, and my ex and this guy were like brothers. Basically it all came out when her boyfrie...
A. 6 November 2014: Nowhere in your post do you mention that you want to get back with him for your own sake. You would only be doing this for the sake of your daughter, and that isn't a good enough reason to go back to someone.
You are doing what si right for your... (read in full...)
He hit me again - should I leave?
Q. Hi dearcupid, My boyfriend and i have been together for 10 years but have only lived together for 12 months (because we were both at uni and persuing our own career goals). Since we've started living together its all gone downhill though and we ha...
A. 3 November 2014: You need to walk away from this man immediately. This will only get worse. It started with yelling, then shoving, now hitting. It will get worse, and you must leave.
If you need help, use this site and call them:
http://www.wo... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting to the photo of his ex?
Q. I have been with my partner for two years and his ex girlfriend has been an issue for a lot of that time. This isn't a recent ex, if it were I could maybe understand, but a woman he split up with 10 years ago, they don't have children or never ...
A. 18 October 2014: You're not overreacting at all. If anything, you've not reacted nearly as much as you should. This man isn't over his ex, and I am wondering whether he ended it with her, or she ended it with him and he's lying again.
This man started treating you ... (read in full...)
Involved with flat mate and not sure what to do about it?
Q. I wrote in yesterday about having an affair with my flat mate he's 28 I'm 44 he came to see me yesterday to use my toilet he came out the bathroom belting up his trousers I couldt help but look he then said why was I looking at him we then was play ...
A. 17 September 2014: I agree with the post below. I think he's indicating that you are a friend with benefit, but not anything more at this stage.
Have you thought about sitting down with him and asking what he wants, or where you think is going? At the very leas... (read in full...)
I think he's using me -- should I end it?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy for a year now and he has been unemployed for 8months. He has a visa stay in Italy but he can't find a job cause is hard there. I live in the UK and I've been sending him money and visiting him. But now I'...
A. 9 September 2014: I agree with the post below. Ditch this man asap. He's using you. ... (read in full...)
I'm in a high-risk pregnancy and he wants me to start earning?
Q. I have been married for 2 years,I had thought happily. After we got married, my contract terminated for my job. All very stressful but we started trying for a baby straight away. Well the upshot is that all was okay with me but there were male ...
A. 4 September 2014: Oh dear. I'll be honest, this sounds pretty bad to me. No man in his right mind would treat his pregnant wife like this at a time like this. My advice, urgently, is for you to speak to your doctor and see if they can have a word with your husband ... (read in full...)
He didn't reply to my messages -- should I leave it?
Q. Hi. On Sunday I was talking to a guy on Grindr, we were really getting on well, albeit for the short time we were talking, and he definitely my type, and its nice to speak to a guy my own age on there. After a while he went offline, and stayed that ...
A. 4 September 2014: I would leave him. He knows that you've messaged, and if he he's not got back then he's probably not as interested as you are. Also, for future reference, don't apologise for messaging. It comes across as a little underconfidenent and that might ... (read in full...)
He bullied me into an abortion last time, so how do I tell him I'm pregnant?
Q. Can anyone help!! I think i just need someone to talk to and not judge! I have been with my on off partner for 3 years. At the minute u could say we have been casual...just dating. Last year I fell pregnant and he bullied and manipulated me over th ...
A. 4 September 2014: I think that perhaps you need to speak to someone independent like a counselor,or a very trusted friend, in order to just off load to someone in real life. This must be hard for you, and I think you'd benefit if you had someone to talk to you who ... (read in full...)
He tells me he's looking for a divorce, but ...
Q. Hi I've been seeing my ex boyfriend behind his wife's back for almost a year now. I was very much in love with him at one time. He dumped me and got married. We were together 13 years. He comes to my home and is very comfortable. He told me he was ...
A. 3 September 2014: You know, don't you, that he'll never leave his wife. I'm afraid that you are very much the woman on the side, who offers extra comfort in addition to everything his wife offers.
You have a decision. Either you can accept what you have, and acce... (read in full...)
I wanted to go slower than he did and asked him not to contact me
Q. I went on a couple of dates with a guy 18 months ago but he wanted the relationship to move faster than me at the time so I cooled it right off. We had both just got divorced and I wanted space to process things. We stayed in touch from time to ...
A. 3 September 2014: I would say that this is a man who wants more than you do. He was very keen, and you weren't so keen. When you started with contact again, again he was keen and you weren't so. So, he probably has moved on as he may assume (wrongly) that you're ... (read in full...)
12 years together..will he ever marry me?
Q. Will he ever Marry me? We have been together about 12 years, we have 2 kids (6 and 8). I think I have finally come to except that he will never marry me. I don't want that to be true, but I keep bring it up and he keeps giving me excuses. The ...
A. 2 September 2014: I read somewhere that most men propose within 2 years. The next batch is withing three, the final batch within 4. After that, the chances are that he won't marry you.
After 12 years, he's not going to get down on one knee. He didn't even marry you ... (read in full...)
I had an affair with a younger man and I wanted to hurt his girlfriend so I told her about what we did. I thought this would break them but they're back together. What do I do now?
Q. I've been very stupid. 6 weeks ago I started to talk to a man 11 years younger than myself, he was at work when I met him and I asked for his number for a job that I needed doing in my home. I text him and it started off innocently, I ne...
A. 2 September 2014: Let it go. You're the one who will be hurt the most in the end. The real point is why did you have this affair in the first place? I think you need to take a look at yourself and get some perspective again. You're better than this mess. ... (read in full...)
I'm irritated that this girl who is pretty vile personality wise and isn't even that attractive seems to have my crush attracted to her
Q. I feel pretty stupid writing to an agony aunt site but i feel like i have nobody i can talk to about how i'm feeling. There's a guy at work who i have a sort of "crush" on. I've been talk that he likes me, although he's never said it to me. Appare...
A. 2 September 2014: I think you're overlooking a key point here- the man you like. Perhaps you are the one with rose tinted glasses, and you're seeing things in this man that aren't there? If he really thought that you wouldn't be interested, and he now likes this ... (read in full...)
Greiving and my boyfriend is ignoring me.
Q. I hope someone can help. i am greiving for a family member and my boyfriend has, in the last two days, started to totally ignore me. Ive sent him some horrible messages to him today out of desperation for a response and he still will not reply to ...
A. 31 July 2014: To be honest, he doesn't sound like he can cope with your loss or feelings at all. He sounds like he is only really available at the times where everything is perceived as happy and fun, or where he needs you. If you need him, it's clear that he ... (read in full...)
Should I confront her about why she deleted me from facebook?
Q. Small question.. Just finished college ive just noticed one of my friends from college has deleted me of Facebook, no idea why, we were quite good friends as far as I'm aware. I thought maybe it was because we had finished college and she felt she...
A. 24 July 2014: I would let it go. I don't like Facebook at the best of times - too easy to have fallings out and various other issues. In this case, if she's deleted you, perhaps you were right about the friendship ending because college has ended.
Let this go, ... (read in full...)
It's been 2 days since he sent an email, what is he playing at and what should I do?
Q. Ok so there is this guy that i really like and we just broke up for the summer hols. He took my email before we left and signed my shirt as we are leaving school. He sent an emmediate email to me with a load of random letters. I replied saying what ...
A. 24 July 2014: Are you sure he's not gone away? Do you have his phone number at all?
If not, give it another few days and email him again, just asking him how he is and how his holiday is - and if you're feeling brave, ask if he'd like to meet. You might as well... (read in full...)
I'm already prepared to put my marriage on the line, that's how sick of his family I am. What should I do?
Q. In a few weeks time I am due to go and stay at my husbands parents house, they are a muslim family. I have not met them before only spoken to them by phone and skype. His mother seems to be boss and interfering and has already made som comments that ...
A. 24 July 2014: I think if you feel that strongly, you shouldn't go and you should tell your husband why. At the very least, you owe him an explanation as to why you won't go.
More worrying, however, is that you think he's controlling. That;s not a good sign.
Pe... (read in full...)
Should I hope for the best? Or allow my insecurity about my breasts be enough to put me off being intimate with a partner?
Q. I recently got into a long distance relationship with an exceptionally charming man. We have made plans to meet in future but I am afraid of getting intimate for one reason: my breasts. I know it sounds silly, but I am very self conscious about ...
A. 20 July 2014: I honestly don't think you need to worry in the slightest. You sound like a totally normal woman to me. And from a male point of view, this is not the sort of thing we notice (especially when the woman we like is naked in front of us - our mind is ... (read in full...)
How do I handle this? Holiday booked with Bf but I don't want to go.
Q. My boyfriend and I (both in twenties) have been together for 5 years but we're having our first holiday abroad this year. He can be very snappy at times and I've found he's been doing it a lot recently, I've talked to him and he's said he will sto...
A. 14 July 2014: I'm not sure you should go to be honest. He sounds like a nasty piece of work. Any chance that you can cancel and get money back (insurance at all)?
Seriously, he sounds like a bully to me. I think the holiday is the least of your issues. He seem... (read in full...)
In Love: At what point can I make a move on my University Lecturer? After I finish my MA?
Q. First post in here, I really need help. I'll get straight to the point; I'm in love with my university lecturer. He's introduced me into a whole new world of my subject area that has inspired me to carry on my education and we can have conversatio...
A. 14 July 2014: My Dad was a lecturer at college, and he was always polite and mannerly etc, just like your lecturer is. And he had the same problem (even at 50 odd!) that sometimes a student would fancy him.
It never went anywhere. For all his faults (and ther... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to lose weight, I have no job, no friends, no talents, my partner keeps pulling me down and I feel trapped
Q. I'm feeling really down in the dumps at the moment. For a while now i just keep getting upset. I'm unhappy that I'm struggling to lose weight, i have no job, no friends, no talents, i really do hate myself. Of course i know there are alot of people ...
A. 13 July 2014: I would strongly urge you to go and speak to your GP (even if you've done this before), and tell them what you have written here. You sound terrible depressed, and that can't possible be doing you good. Your GP may be able to get in touch with ... (read in full...)
How does one avoid date-rape and why DON'T some dates/boyfriends accept "no" for an answer?
Q. **Please mods, I think I ask a lot of important questions here and while I do mention date-rape, I put it in the cleanest way possible. Is there a way to share my experience and questions without it getting deleted? ** There are a lot of posts l...
A. 9 July 2014: I suppose when you truly sit there and think about it, you come to the conclusion that there is actually next to nothing that a woman can really do about the date rape, or rape of any kind if a rapist has made his mind up to commit the crime. It ... (read in full...)
I was wrong, I cheated and how do I turn things around?
Q. I cheated on my wife with another woman, she's 29, and now the thrill has worn off. She moans about bills and laundry, and once in anger said "Go back to your ex-wife". Well, I'm still legally married to her, but I quit the marriage for this other ...
A. 30 June 2014: I'll be honest and say that I don't think you should be either either woman. At all. Clearly you weren't happy with your wife, and she wasn't really that happy with you otherwise you'd have been able to work it out before the affair. Even now, it ... (read in full...)
She has a boyfriend but should I tell her how I feel?
Q. Every day I can't stop thinking about this girl I like. But she has a boyfriend, she has told me they aren't to serious. Every time I'm alone with her I feel like I should tell her how I feel about her, but at the same time I don't. What should I ...
A. 30 June 2014: I don't think you should. If she really liked you that much, she would have dumped him some time ago. It would be disrespectful of you to say anything to her whilst she has a boyfriend. I think unless she dumps him and is single, you shouldn't say ... (read in full...)
When should you stop thinking about a crush?
Q. When should a crush subside and you stop thinking about them? I have barely seen this guy, and it's been like 9 weeks! I keep dreaming about him. We never went but i sensed sexual tension. Should I stop or just wait until i see him again and be ...
A. 30 June 2014: I think for your own sake it would be best to try and find out if he's remotely interested in you. You've not seen him, but you still fancy him, so maybe when/if you see him again you should just jump in and talk to him. If nothing else, you'll know ... (read in full...)
I feel like I have had a snapshot of my B/f and his life and want out of the relationship.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend about 5 months now and over the last couple of weeks I have been staying at his while some major repairs are being done to my home. I noticed some 'odd' behaviours in my boyfriend (who is 39) right at the start when I ...
A. 10 June 2014: I think at 5 months, and you feeling this way now, you know he's not the one for you. I would probably say that his behavior largely speaking is because he;s been single for a long time. But there is no excuse for the debt, and I don't think it's ... (read in full...)
Is this long distance relationship worth sticking with?
Q. I'm in a LDR I see my boyfriend 20-25 days in a year, I'm feeling like he doesn't care too much anymore. It's all about his work, where he wants to leave and I'm expected to be happy with that. Is it worth being in a relationship like that? ...
A. 4 June 2014: It wouldn't be so bad if her was interested in you, rather than just himself. But from the small amount you've written, it's already clear that he's more about his work and his lifestyle than he is working out what he wants with you.
I think it's... (read in full...)
Is my Bf's outlook on ever or never having children normal?
Q. So my boyfriend loves kids, and he's so cute playing with them etc. however we've talked and he's on the fence about actually having kids. He's absolutely fine with having them if I want em but he just can't see where people find the time for it. ...
A. 26 May 2014: This is entirely normal, for both men and women I think. I have the same sort of attitude as your boyfriend does, and I know men and woman do. Essentially, should children come along they'd be more than welcome, but if they don't it's not the end of ... (read in full...)
I am fit and petite but I have no boobs. He's a boob man. Is there any chance that he'll consider me attractive?
Q. Would you find a woman with a squatting bum, defined stomach/ faint abs and slight thigh gap attractive, even if she was basically flat chested? I only ask because I'm going to a pool party with the guy i'm dating this weekend and I don't want him...
A. 26 May 2014: You're asking the wrong question really. You should be asking yourself whether you want to be with a man who would judge you just on boobs.
I am hoping that he is a decent enough guy to see that you're a perfectly normal woman, who isn't just a pa... (read in full...)
How can I even things out sexually?
Q. So I've been feeling incredibly hormonal lately. I've never felt this hormonal before but all that's on my mind for the past week has been sex. My boyfriend is lovely and is more than happy to have sex with me and does enjoy sex immensely though ...
A. 15 May 2014: I think the best thing to do is talk to him about how you feel, and see how he feels. To be honest though, it sounds like he's having a good time, so don't worry too much. ... (read in full...)
Where am I going wrong?
Q. Can someone tell me whats wrong with men today? I was dating a guy i met recently. He was a shy or quiet person anyway and when i text him i would get very dry responses and I ask him had he plans for the weekend. It seems I have offended him and...
A. 1 May 2014: It's not men - I promise. I'm one and I'm not so bad, I hope. I think though that sometimes it's very easy to fall into the pattern of liking the same type of person, even if you don't think you are making that mistake. You appear to be drawn to men ... (read in full...)
He was rough during sex and I bled from it. How do I bring this up?
Q. I met this guy and we slept together but he was quite rough and I bled, I know why I bled, it's because I only lost my virginity a few months ago and I've only had sex twice since. He doesn't know this and assumed I was just coming on my period, how ...
A. 30 April 2014: I think you should just tell him that you need him to be a little more gentle. You need to tell him the truth. Don't be afraid to say that it, because it won't do you any good to be having sex in a way you don't want to have it, and it won't do him ... (read in full...)
I asked him to delete his ex's number ...
Q. I am seeing a guy for two months and i found out that he texted his ex last week saying how much he misses her and how she would feel if he got a new girlfriend. Ex said it'll be weird but nothing I cant get over and I'll be happy for you. He ...
A. 19 April 2014: You're being unreasonable to yourself.
You shouldn't be asking him to delete her number. You should be deleting his. His texts are showing that you are the rebound and he really wants his ex back. the fact he claim to be have been drunk is no excu... (read in full...)
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