My friend wants me to fail at being a mum
Q. My closest friend has a 2 and half yr old daughter. I wasnt there for her as much as I would like to have been because I had a bike accident a week after she had the baby and couldnt get out and about for a good 3-4 months, but I did visit as often ...
A. 2 July 2013: she's a toxic friend, also known as a frienemy. Cut all ties. This girl is unhappy and wants you to be just as unhappy as her.She won't tell you this, of course, because something is off in her head. Ditch her ASAP and find sweet supportive friends.... (read in full...)
I can't say no to sex and being labelled by my friends. Please help me, I keep getting hurt over and over!
Q. I have a lot of guy problems, so ill explain where it all came from. Im 17 years old. I lost my virginity at 14. To a 19 year old, it was forced and I was Hammered. I had never even made out with a guy before him. Then i waited nearly a year be...
A. 1 July 2013: 1. No more drinking and drugs
2. Ditch all your friends - they're disrespectful, probably tell these things to guys who then want you for sex because you're 'easy'. I have a feeling that by eliminating this whole group of friends, you will elim... (read in full...)
Whay makes a guy want to have a relationship?
Q. What really attracts a guy to a girl to where he wants a relationship with her? I am an upbeat, down to earth, nice and understanding person. I am affectionate and loyal. I maybe a bit busy with work sometimes and have to cancel a date or two, but I ...
A. 30 June 2013: I just asked my hubby who is 39. We met when I was 25 and he 34. I always thought about why he'd be interested in a 25 year old vs finding a single girl in her 30's. It's a common complaint now from my single friends in their 30's who are ending up ... (read in full...)
Am I the bad guy for making my girlfriend breakdown?
Q. For more info on this, please read (or skim) this question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-believe-my-girlfriend-is-lying-about-an.html. This problem of mine goes back almost a year. I haven't been able to shake this feeling of mine that the...
A. 29 June 2013: Yes, please do break up with her!! God, she needs a healthy relationship. She may say that she agrees that while in the friend zone anything that happens is cheating, but I think it's just to appease you. No normal person would hang around in t... (read in full...)
I'm engaged but my guy friend who's interested in me just wont take no for an answer
Q. Hi there, I have a question about one of my guy friends.He is a sweet guy that would do anything for me.We hang out get along great but are just friends. he has been hinting around that he wants more, but I have a fiance and just want to remain ...
A. 29 June 2013: Yes, I'd also like to know your thoughts about how you would feel if your fiance flirted with other girls/women the way you do with men?? Would you feel loved? Would you trust him? Would you feel valued and respected?? You are not acting lady like ... (read in full...)
Why is this man making me mental? After my miscarriage, now his new girlfriend, I feel awful!
Q. I had been starting to feel so much better about this, but today was hit with a ton of bricks and I'm not even sure why it bothers me. I started "seeing" a guy I had met on vacation to a new school I was going to the next year. "Seeing" is in q...
A. 29 June 2013: When you see her be polite, smiley & play dumb. Keep it short and get out of her presence. It's really time you move on.... (read in full...)
Am I the bad guy for making my girlfriend breakdown?
Q. For more info on this, please read (or skim) this question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-believe-my-girlfriend-is-lying-about-an.html. This problem of mine goes back almost a year. I haven't been able to shake this feeling of mine that the...
A. 29 June 2013: Again,
You were NOT cheated on. You two were not together. How can you not understand this. This is a mad case of retroactive jealousy.
How harsh everyone has been is only a fraction of what you've done to her.
Please end it now. Un... (read in full...)
Why is this man making me mental? After my miscarriage, now his new girlfriend, I feel awful!
Q. I had been starting to feel so much better about this, but today was hit with a ton of bricks and I'm not even sure why it bothers me. I started "seeing" a guy I had met on vacation to a new school I was going to the next year. "Seeing" is in q...
A. 29 June 2013: Okay separate the miscarriage from any emotions you have for him. You would have ended up a cheated on girlfriend/wife or dealing with a deadbeat sperm donor. It was traumatic, but what is most traumatic is what you are doing to yourself.
You'r... (read in full...)
How do I emotionally cope with the aftermath of a C-section?
Q. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and just went for my weekly doctor's appointment. I found out a few things: my baby is already nearly 8lbs and breech and I'm 1cm dilated. I had hopes the entire time of having a natural birth, but the doctors aren't ...
A. 27 June 2013: I think you need to really relax about this. In the US almost 30% of women end up with c-sections - you don't hear them setting up support groups and writing books about the 'aftermath' of a surgery. It's a rather simple surgery - as with any surg... (read in full...)
How much, if any, of the insurance money I got after my father passed away should I be expected to give to my guardian?
Q. Hey everybody I'm getting $37,000 from insurance because my dad passed away, and I live with a guardian. I've been living with her for a year. How much should I give her because I know she wants some of it, she asked me if I was gonna give her...
A. 23 June 2013: $400 per month is sufficient to cover food and the extra cost of having another person live under her roof. Depending on the location (midwest or south) this could even cover rent for a room. For a single girl - you are looking at about $300 in ... (read in full...)
Why does my b/f send me a sweet text when he hasn't talked to me in 2 days?
Q. My boyfriend hadn't spoken to me for two days, but he has just sent me a text message saying " I can't be apart from you too much ". What does that mean, and should i text or ring him back now, or should i make him wait a bit?. I don't know what to ...
A. 1 March 2012: How do you know the text was meant for you and not another girl? ... (read in full...)
We had only slept with each other, but during the 3 months we were apart he slept with 3 other women, including the girl he cheated on me with! What should I do?
Q. please can someone help me, im completely devestated and have no idea what to do :( my ex and I have been dating since we were kids and have been best friends for years. we've had our problems and have often worked them out, but have split up a few...
A. 15 February 2012: Why would you think that you'll 'struggle on without him'? You're going to be struggling more with him than without him. He cheated on you, then slept with the girl again and again in addition to two others. You're going to be dealing with heartach, ... (read in full...)
Why on earth would my partner keep a bottle of 'Dick Lick' from a previous liaison. Eugghhh!
Q. I have struggled with trust with my new partner for some time. We managed to put to bed the things that were troubling me (and they were NOT small I can tell you). All has been good but I have now discovered two more things that are making me ...
A. 10 February 2012: 6 months into dating my now husband I found condoms and handcuffs in his bedroom. Obviously, just like your gf, he didn't get rid of that stuff because 1. He didn't look into that drawer 2. He forgot about it 3. It had no emotional/sentimental value ... (read in full...)
Should I tell the guy I've been seeing I met someone else and gave my number to him?
Q. I've been seeing this guy not too long ago...He is Asian/chinese and I am a Latin/south american. He is younger for 8 yrs. Our schedules are very different..I work nights and he days, we see each other everytime we can make it..can be like 2 o 3 ti...
A. 10 February 2012: Four years ago an Asian guy from my work asked me to go Salsa dancing. I went, but he never showed up! Instead I ended up dancing/ talking to someone else. Four years later we're married! You never know, you might have just met your husband! ... (read in full...)
I think my husband's behavior is strange for a married man but he turns it all on me and my "crazy insecurities"
Q. How do you kill the old demons? I am an educated, confident woman in every area of my life except with my spouse. We've been together 7 years and most of those years have been good. We get along most of the time, have a fairly good sex life etc. My ...
A. 4 February 2012: Hire a private investigator - spend the money on it. What type of pictures does he come back with? Young girls he actually meets? Men who cheat do twist things around, making you think the issue is you, not him. I'd be highly suspicious and worried. ... (read in full...)
Husband (also doctor) addicted to teen porn...just told me he hates me for asking him
Q. My husband has admitted to being addicted to porn years ago but it was never a real issue because he hid it. I recently borrowed his laptop and he had over 89 bookmarks of 'teen' porn and he used the name like 'morgage payments' to hid the sites. On ...
A. 30 December 2011: Well how young are these girls? 18 is a teen, but an adult. Also take note-6 hours per year is only 30 minutes per month....about one 10 minute video per 1.5 weeks. Seek counseling though for his anger towards you and your lack of sex.... (read in full...)
My fiance doesn't want to disown the child that he is said to have fathered with this dubious woman, for fear of hurting the child!! What do I do?
Q. Could anyone who has been through this help. My fiance has a child. It appears that no one in the world believes the child is his. The mother became pregnant within a month of them getting together. It has now surfaced that she was sleeping with ...
A. 30 December 2011: Simple: paternity test. Get or save the mOney and do it.... (read in full...)
We broke up because she is a go-getter and I wasnt figuring my career out quick enough...but now I want her back, how do I show her things will be different this time?
Q. I think the main reason was my wavering mind about my career, and the pace at which I was going in trying to figure things out - more slowly than her. She's a real go getter, and she really wanted me to match her pace, which I wanted to as well, but ...
A. 23 December 2011: I think you're doing an awesome job at applying yourself and heading your career in the right direction. Don't spend too much more time chasing her- before you know it you'll be in grad school surrounded by loads of successful women. In the mean ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left me after I miscarried our baby and now I am furious
Q. Hi. I posted on here a few weeks ago re my situation but things have changed. Me and my bf have always had a tricky relationship but our love seems to hold us together. I have had some mental health issues that go back a long way, back to my ...
A. 22 December 2011: I think first you have to take responsibility for yourself and your mental health. Picking up a drink, throwing glasses and banging your head against a wall are unhealthy decisions YOU made. You did not take control of yourself and act responsibly. ... (read in full...)
Should I have stayed with him?
Q. Me and a guy were seeing each other for a few months and we proposed going slow. I found out just recently that he has 2 children. I found this out from a close friend of his, he didn't tell me. He is a heavy drinker, drinks every nigh...
A. 21 December 2011: Stay far far away. It's just too much baggage and too many red flags. Don't you think you deserve better?... (read in full...)
Is he insensitive or am I too sensitive?
Q. My fiance says I'm sensitive, but I think he's just mean. I won't get into a whole lot of background. We've been together for 7.5 years now and I just get upset with him too much I feel. He just does things that get under my skin and it really sucks ...
A. 21 December 2011: Nope, not too sensitive. It's a difficult life living with passive-aggressive types or people that get very defensive over nothing. My friend recently dumped a guy saying she couldn't imagine living likecthat forever . She'd ask him why the dog was ... (read in full...)
My b/f says that since I have been with others, he needs to have that experience too
Q. my bf and i have been together for 3 yrs now. I was with other men before we got together but i was his first. i love him very much and he says he feels the same but he wants to be with other women. he says that since i have been with other men he ...
A. 20 December 2011: Ask him how he would feel if you wanted to be with him while sleeping with other men??!!... (read in full...)
I don't want my one night stand to be a one night stand!
Q. A year ago at Christmas time I met an interesting man at a party, there as an instant click, spent the evening chatting and flirting and got a cab home together (along with my sister) but he never asked for my number before hopping out at his place. ...
A. 19 December 2011: I think you're getting some poor advise here. Sure, get in touch with him and see if he wants to be in touch. But, for most guys, the conquest of sex is simply the end of the line if there is no true bond forged. No bond & no love = no relationship. ... (read in full...)
Is my wife embarassed by me? She told me "not be obnoxious" when I meet her friends.
Q. We have been married for 13 years and have been together as a couple for over 18, over half of our lives, and have multiple children together. Tomorrow, we are supposed to meet with my wife's friends, maybe some of their husbands, and one friend has ...
A. 18 December 2011: We need a little more information - has she given you examples of how you are obnoxious? I'm sure this isn't coming out of nowhere. Do you have a pattern of being loud or rude or judgmental or instigatory in your opinions/comments in social ... (read in full...)
Bad breakup with my ex, and our engagement is ended!
Q. I need opinions agony aunts and uncles! I was engaged to my recent ex. We were together for 3 years. When I graduated, I went out to eat at the school cafe with the other students to say our goodbyes. The main person organizing the lunch was a ...
A. 16 July 2011: You are better off, because he is abusive and controlling! Its difficult to see where you are in the eye of a hurricane. From the outside, based on your description, you were in a relationship with a very controlling,immature and mentally abusive ... (read in full...)
The fiance and pornographic material
Q. I have a question and maybe someone could answer for me. I am engaged to a wonderful man. It took us awile to get where we're at right now. I moved in with my fiance back in January. He gave me his email password to show me that I could trust ...
A. 21 June 2011: okay seriously girl, let the guy be a red blooded male! Its just pictures! He's not emailing women to send him photos...its just CHAIN emails with pornographic jokes/pictures. Let him be his own human being. You are not the prettiest woman he has ... (read in full...)
Not in love with wife, but lover says she wants to have child with her boyfriend, and no longer wants sex!
Q. I am in quite a complicated relationship, let me explain: 1. I am a married man, no kids 2. In a relationship with a woman 7 years older to me who is living with another man. 3. We work toghether, earlier in the same team now in different teams...
A. 19 June 2011: Imagine if your wife was doing this to you. Would you be hurting 'real bad'?? What you are doing is extremely selfish. Marriage is for better and for worse. I'm sure you do not look like you did 5 years ago either. The fact is, you have some is... (read in full...)
I want our group of friends to know about my husband's affair with another one of our friends!
Q. Ugh. I posted a question April 19 regarding my husband's old secret that has destroyed a friendship and marraige both. In a nutshell, he cheated on me with a mutual friend, lied about it for years, and now thinks I should get over it and still be ...
A. 19 June 2011: His past actions and current actions are SICK. He lacks any type of sensitivity.
I wouldn't mention anything to other people till after you leave. Honestly dear, you are hurting yourself MORE by staying in this relationship. Seeing him/them... (read in full...)
Disappointed in engagement ring, am I being selfish?
Q. I'm interested in your opinions. My boyfriend was engaged before he met me. He bought her a very beautiful $7000 ring, for which he spent all his savings on. The relationship failed and she returned the ring. After us being together for ov...
A. 19 June 2011: No you are NOT selfish. Alot of people will tell you its the thought that counts and the symbolism of the ring. However, it also displays how much the man thinks your worth (relative based on his wages) and his understanding of what will make you ... (read in full...)
Disappointed in engagement ring, am I being selfish?
Q. I'm interested in your opinions. My boyfriend was engaged before he met me. He bought her a very beautiful $7000 ring, for which he spent all his savings on. The relationship failed and she returned the ring. After us being together for ov...
A. 19 June 2011: No you are NOT selfish. Alot of people will tell you its the thought that counts and the symbolism of the ring. However, it also displays how much the man thinks your worth (relative based on his wages) and his understanding of what will make you ... (read in full...)
I seem to have stopped loving my husband entirely. Where have my feelings gone? Why can't I rekindle them?
Q. It's been 10 years since I met my husband, and I've been faithful to him all this time. We've had a difficult relationship. We used to fight constantly. We've both caused each other a lot of suffering and heartbreak. We've lived through poverty ...
A. 18 June 2011: Its because you've been hurt. Its only natural to close yourself after someone has hurt you.He seems to be irresponsible with money, which adds to the frustration when you're contributing more of the household income. Its all too easy to fall out of ... (read in full...)
He is asking my permission to cheat on me (special occasion)
Q. We are dating for around a year now and we still haven't "done it". Well, that's all just because I can't, my mom is really strict (i mean it) and if she said no in that kind of thing, it means "don't do it or i'll kill you both". Well, he under...
A. 16 June 2011: Ask him, if its okay for you to have unemotional anamilistic sex with another man just to "put my mind at ease" also...lets see how fast he will backtrack on his own suggestion.... (read in full...)
I feel like the relationship door is closed
Q. I'm afraid that I am never going to be happy! I would like to share my life but I know in my heart what I'm searching for and I'm afraid that the doors are closed. I'm 32 years old, and an American woman who identifies with Latin culture an...
A. 7 June 2011: No....
But you should be more open to it. We all have preferences, but you are really making it difficult for yourself.
Date everyone, you'll fall in love with whoever you have most chemistry with. Stop judging men based on their ethnicity.... (read in full...)
I'm so nervous about meeting this guy!
Q. Can someone please try to help me keep calm lol ?. I met a guy in a bar last week . We arranged to meet up again tomorrow, but we haven't spoken since Friday, as i told him i would just text him tomorrow to see if he is still going out, as i know ...
A. 1 June 2011: Hun, he should be calling you! after this date, no more calling him to set things up...he should be chasing/calling/asking out!... (read in full...)
Is my plan to propose to her...a bit too cheesy? What do you all think?
Q. Hi all. I just wanted some input on this plan I have. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years (I was 17, she was 14 when we met seven years ago) and she's graduating from her community college to be an RN the day that I come back from...
A. 9 May 2011: Sounds wonderful! Just have a beautiful speech ready for her when you get down on your knee :) Congrats, this is going to be the most exciting time in your life!... (read in full...)
Why do women need to constantly be in contact?
Q. My girlfriend wants some sort of daily contact, but me I'm fine if a go a week w/o so much as a text. Why do women seem to need to remain in constant contact?...
A. 1 May 2011: Because then she would be an acquaintance, don't you think?
People you call ever so often are friends or acquaintances, not people you love and care about who you want to talk to daily and experience life with.
If she doesn't ignite a desire ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about being out of place in life!
Q. I'm 25 years old and will be getting out of the active duty military next week and returning to civilian life. I'll still be serving part time with a reserve unit back home though. Thanks to the GI bill I'll be going back to school in the fall and ...
A. 1 May 2011: Yes, I see where you are coming from.
However, one of the best doctors I work with has a similar background. He was in the army, left at 25. Went to a small college - UC, Santa Cruz I believe. Got a super high GPA and graduated at age 29. Applied ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me not to be happy that my married lover had a baby with his wife?
Q. My lover just had another baby with his wife. I am very sad and disappointed about this. Is this normal? I love the guy so much and he loves me too. We have been together for two years and has been married for three years. I have always respected ...
A. 11 April 2011: Its a clear sign things are going well in his relationship, despite what he might be telling you. He's in a committed relationship with his wife and things are going well enough for them to have sex together and make a baby. He's now committed ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else ever feel this way? Are there any good people out there left in the world?
Q. I need to vent. Does anyone else ever feel like the world is just full of corrupt, crooked, lying people who care about nothing else but money or power or even BOTH? I'm in my late twenties. To think that five years ago I actually looked at the...
A. 11 April 2011: I think what you are truly saying is " I need another line of work". I agree. You need to leave sales. Its making you a bitter and unhappy person.
Further, you need to get a backbone. You should NOT let anyone (even your boss) steal from you. Tim... (read in full...)
Fallen for my doctor - if I tell him how I feel, what would be the consequences?
Q. I’ve been this doctor’s patient for about 10 months now.i see him every 2 month. i’m in my early 20's. For all these months, I never showed my feelings to him. I never even asked him about his personal life other than medical-related questions(I ...
A. 11 April 2011: Ok first, you need to go and read the book "he's just not that into you". Its a great book and will show you clearly how a man treats you if he is interested in you.
What you have described is a crush YOU have on him. However, how does he treat yo... (read in full...)
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