Like what
he writes?
... Add *erspicacious to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *erspicacious a private message | | | *erspicacious's profile:I'm 39 and live in the north of England.
I have 2 children, a lovely girlfriend (and a less than lovely ex-wife!), and have experienced many of the ups and downs that life throws at us.
If you have want some advice it is usually better to ask on the main site - the link is below.
Some people do like to contact me privately for advice, which is ok and I do try and answer all questions I get that way. But, please remember it may take me time to reply (perhaps a day or two) whereas posting on the main site will hopefully get you some good answers much much quicker! |
|
I wish I was asexual.
Q. Is there any cure to help me with this disease that's called "hetrosexuality"? Can it be cured by medication or psychotherapy? This is not a joke, I hate my sexuality. During my teenage years I often thought about being castrated, to cu...
A. 8 September 2009: Can your sexual urges be prevented by medication? Yes - this is called a chemical castration.
However, doctors would traditionally seek to cure your hatred of your sexuality. If this is causing you real distress then maybe they would consider... (read in full...)
My sister is faultless... but I still can't stand her! How can I help but resent her?
Q. Right, where to start?! My problem is probably one that a great number of people suffer from - for every family with more than one child there is usually a form of rivalry... mine has just gone too far! The fact of the matter is that I am extre...
A. 7 September 2009: This really isn't about your sister - It's about you. We are all different, and all of us have our faults - even your sister. But you seem to be idolising her, while putting yourself down.
What are your strengths? Your successes? What are the thin... (read in full...)
My son has admitted that he likes to wear womens clothing, but I have no idea how to deal with this!
Q. Last night my 19-year-old son admitted to us he had a secret which was shocking, but that he needed to get off his chest. We were worried what it was going to be - but his response shocked us. He said he liked wearing women's clothing, explai...
A. 7 September 2009: You did absolutely the right thing in not ignoring it when he told you. However much you might wish it would, this issue is not going to vanish.
Your worries about his safety are valid to an extent, but you have to balance that against other fa... (read in full...)
Should I marry her?
Q. Hi everyone, Been in a relationship with a woman now for about 10 months. Everything up until now has been pretty fantastic in the relationship. We both seem to give each other all the love we need. For me personally, i feel she constantly meets...
A. 7 September 2009: If you have doubts and hesitations about marrying her, then you should wait before proposing and resolve those issues first.
To my mind, her drinking is the most serious issue that you mention. The good news is that she has admitted it is a proble... (read in full...)
Should I stay in this violent marriage?
Q. hey there i am after a bit of advise...iv never done anything like this b4 so i hope it goes ok lol. basically i got married at a very young age i had only just turned 19, im 22 now and my other half is 20. since the wedding he has become violent ...
A. 7 September 2009: If your husband is abusive, controlling and violent then you should get out.
It's not about "noticing other guys" or even "living your life while young", it's about your own personal well-being and safety.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Does my best friend love me, or am I being used?
Q. does my best friend love me? i met a guy on an internet website last year. We were talking for about 3 months before we met up. he is 24 and i am 32. he is an artist and draws naked women as well as being extremely intelligent (he has two degrees ...
A. 6 September 2009: He likes you a lot, that is clear. But it also seems pretty clear that he doesn't want to make any commitment.
Is that because he isn't over his ex yet? Maybe. Because he is worried about the age gap? Possibly. Because he knows he is moving a... (read in full...)
What are we?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. But before I start telling you why and all you must know our past. We met in highschool(our bestfriends were going out). I'm 1 year older then him. So we started hanging out and we became ...
A. 6 September 2009: The fact you have "broken up" clearly hasn't stopped you talking or ended things - in many ways it just highlights that you have a serious problem to solve in your relationship.
If, as it sounds, you both still love each other and you broke up... (read in full...)
Dosent my boyfriend trust me?
Q. Hey! I have a problem with my boyfriend. When I ask him what's wrong with him when he's mad, he starts to tell me but then he says never mind. This whole week he's been upset and he doesn't tell me a thing and I'm starting to get so upset that it ...
A. 6 September 2009: As you have no idea what is wrong with him, it could be anything. It's probably not that he doesn't trust you, but that the problem is something personal to him.
Give him time - Sometimes the best thing we can do is just be there for someone ... (read in full...)
Looking to much into nothing?
Q. Ok so i have texted just a few times this guy that i like and i noticed something verry small but i wondered if it really mean anything or just me over analyzing it. Anyway he does no that i like him because i have told him. When he knew that it was ...
A. 6 September 2009: I think you are trying to over analyse this.
"Hi" is maybe a little more friendly, while "hey" could be a bit more general (as would be expected if he didn't know who it was!), but many people use them both equally without giving it any thought.... (read in full...)
Three's company or Three's a crowd?
Q. I am not sure if I did the right thing. For the past year I have been in a very emotional love triangle. To make the story short, I had been dating this guy for almost 4 years when we decided to break up because of the different paths we were ...
A. 6 September 2009: Throughout the time you were having a relationship Erik wasn't willing to "go public" about it. At best, this shows he valued his friendship with Brian higher than his relationship with you, at worst it suggests he was never that serious about you ... (read in full...)
I like masturbating to transexual porn, and I think this may be stopping me from losing my virginity...will things change?
Q. Hi i wrote a question in a while ago saying that i had a problem because i was very confused as i'm striaght but i am attracted to transexuals. Last time i wrote in i sed i was finding myself wanking over transexual porn and hardly ever over ...
A. 6 September 2009: You are still young, and haven't lost your virginity because you haven't met the right person for you yet. Only you can know who it is you are attracted to, and if that is girls then I'm sure you will find someone special soon in the normal way.
... (read in full...)
Trying to find someone from school, how do I ask his possible friend without giving him the wrong idea?
Q. I have been searching for a boy(now he is a grown man)who we had a crush on each other in 1992-1994.We both went to the same elementary school.I was in second grade and he was in third grade.We also was in the same school bus.He would stare at me ...
A. 6 September 2009: Why don't you tell him you are trying to track down people from school and the bus to see how they are doing, and ask if he is in touch with anyone.
If "B" is the one from the bus, his answer to that should let you know.... (read in full...)
My mom wrote a very hurtful message on my facebook and now I hate her
Q. Hi all. I really need help here. I have a Facebook account, and I posted that I was interested in women and men for friendship and networking. I never thought deeply about it until a week ago when my mom sent me the following Facebook message...
A. 6 September 2009: It seems that your mother has read your preference settings and added a whole new meaning to them!
I'm not sure I would agree that this makes her a "cruel and insane bitch" however, and because the message she posted is very hurtful you are poss... (read in full...)
I want to talk after sex, he doesn't!
Q. when i have sex with my boyfriend i love it but when we get done he is always tired and it seems like he never wants to talk after we do and i love to talk after im a romantic girl that likes to talk about it after its over. he is always tired i ...
A. 5 September 2009: I'm afraid that you're getting mad at your boyfriend for something he has little control over.
Not only can sex be physically tiring, but during orgasm all kinds of chemicals get released in our bodies and some of those chemicals trigger sleepine... (read in full...)
I want to get to know him--is my plan 'stalkerish'?
Q. I have a crush on a bartender at the hotel I used to work at. The last time I talked to him he was blatantly flirting with me, but I had a boyfriend at a time and I deflected his advances although I was attracted to him. I haven't worked at that ...
A. 4 September 2009: I don't think going in one evening as a customer would appear stalker-ish at all. Perhaps going in every night for a fortnight would, but that's another story!
Of course, you'll have to have prepared a reason for being there as if you do strike u... (read in full...)
I'm ready for having sex but I'm really ashamed of my body!
Q. Basically I have a guy friend that I used to (and still do) fancy quite loads, and recently we've started to talk more which I love. All of a sudden, we started getting onto the subject of sex - which I really, really don't mind at all! After a ...
A. 4 September 2009: Before you do anything I think you need to stop for a minute and consider exactly what "friends with benefits" actually means.
Basically it means two people who get on, both deciding that as they don't have a romantic partner they will use each... (read in full...)
Can a person change after cheating/hurting you?
Q. Hey, Last month I organized a home party for my birthday, to which my girlfriend was invited as well (obviously). The thing is, she had way too much drinks, after which she did some things with another guy I didn't like at all. In my own house. Un...
A. 3 September 2009: It seems that your girlfriend needs to learn how to drink responsibly, and that is something we all have to learn how to do at some point in our lives.
Hopefully she has now learned her lesson, and in the future will be able to enjoy going ou... (read in full...)
Is his cannabis really any worse than me having the occasional fag socially on a night out?
Q. Hi - really just looking for some opinions and advice. I've recently got back with my high school sweetheart after 5 years apart and everythin is gonig really well, however I've recently learned that he smoke cannais maybe once every one to two ...
A. 3 September 2009: Alcohol, cannabis, cigarettes, hookah... the truth is that none of these are good for you. But then, neither is a burger or a chocolate bar.
There are plenty of things that can be enjoyed in moderation, and that don't cause any real problems... (read in full...)
How do I accept my boyfriend is a crossdresser?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and have lived together for a few months. Recently I found out he was wearing ladies underwear, not because he told me but because I found them. I confronted him about them and he told me h...
A. 3 September 2009: The first step to accepting something is to begin to understand it. Men that crossdress fall into two broad categories, and their motivations are very different.
If he does it because it turns him on then he is a fetish crossdresser, whereas ... (read in full...)
Date raped and now pregnant..don't know what to do!
Q. Ive struggled to barley even say this, so i really do apolagize if it gets a little long. Ive just run out of people to turn to! And i need to talk to someone. Sorry. Im now 17, and i was with a guy for almost 18 months, aged 14-15, but at 15...
A. 3 September 2009: What a terrible situation to find yourself in. Words posted here don't seem adequate to express how sorry I am that this awful situation has happened to you.
But, as much as you need sympathy you also need some clear advice about what to do now. ... (read in full...)
How to get through to financially irresponsible fiance?
Q. I love my "fiance" to death, but since we have been living together, and especially now that I have a ring on my finger, I have been taking our problems more seriously. Here's my thing.. my parents raised me to be responsible. I always keep on t...
A. 2 September 2009: I suspect there is nothing you can do to get him to "grow up". The normal advice would be to let him learn from his own mistakes and to stop helping him avoid them, but it sounds like in his case his parents would just bail him out anyway.
Besid... (read in full...)
Been with my gf for a year but we only have sex once every two weeks!
Q. i've been with my girlfriend for a year now and everything is going great apart from one thing, we hardly ever have sex im a 19 yr old man and feel i should be haveing sex more than once a fortnight, ive tried talking to her plenty of times but she ...
A. 2 September 2009: Libidos are funny things, they can go up and down depending on things that seem to have nothing to do with our relationships and partners.
If your girlfriend is not working, has nothing productive to do all day, and wants to sleep a lot it could... (read in full...)
Update on text cheating husband...
Q. Hi everyone, This is an update on the situation with my text cheating husband which I posted about a few times. We have recently returned from a cruise which was completely marred by 'her' and spent nearly every day arguing because I kept b...
A. 2 September 2009: It sounds like you have spent over a year trying to put this affair behind you and to learn how to trust your husband again, yet all you have managed to do is drive yourself to distraction with worries and theories.
In the meantime, your husband ... (read in full...)
After we became sexually active he told me he just wants to be friends!
Q. I just royally screwed up. I started seeing a married man. I told him it was over because I knew it was wrong after we became sexually active. Now the feelings of love wont go away. When I didnt care he did. Now I care and he is distant and ...
A. 2 September 2009: There is one big issue here that you can not lose sight of - he is a married man. You may have made a mistake by having an affair with him, but you did the right thing by stopping it. Even trying to be "friends" now will be playing with fire. T... (read in full...)
I think my step dad may be cheating on my mom
Q. My mom has been married 4 a while now and i never liked the idea of marrying some one other then my dad soo now its been 9 years and i have gottten over it but now i feel my stepdad is cheating on my mom and don't no 4 sure but it sure does seem ...
A. 31 August 2009: What is it that makes you think that he is?
If it's just a feeling then it would be best to keep it to yourself for now. It would be unwise to cause problems in their marriage without having a very good reason to do so!... (read in full...)
Trying to make amends for what I did wrong...
Q. Hello, my name is Mr Castillo. I have been married for 2 years to a very beautiful, wonderful woman and our connection is beyond the effort of having it verbalized. We make ourselves feel so alive in ways that are surreal, and most of all she is my ...
A. 31 August 2009: In time you will develop the strength to forgive yourself, and with that forgiveness the pain will begin to heal.
You will probably always regret what has happened (that is natural), but you will be able to take strength from the way you have rec... (read in full...)
Was it a one off, or could it be more?
Q. I bumped into this guy I've known vaguely for a while. We'd never spoken properly but we got chatting and exchanged numbers. He text me that week and we arranged to do something the following weekend. Which we did and ended up sleeping together, I ...
A. 31 August 2009: While there certainly are some guys that are just after sex, it would be unfair to begin to think that all guys are.
He was probably quite taken aback when you said that you wouldn't be seeing him again, and possibly was left unsure about what you... (read in full...)
Do I put out vibes to attract losers?
Q. Thank you in advance to those who help me with this question. Went to a party last night with a friend. It was more of a get together and I did not know the people but they seemed nice enough. Everybody was pretty drunk but I was not as I needed to ...
A. 31 August 2009: I'm sure you don't put out loser vibes.
When we are sober and surrounded by people that have had a drink or two we can really notice how silly their behaviour has become.
More worryingly, it can makes us realise that we probably act jus... (read in full...)
Should I leave my ex a message to let him know I'm still thinking of him?
Q. i was with someone for over 3 years...rather than rehash all the tiny things that made me insecure, jealous, just didn't feel right etc...i can admit i was wrong on some of those things and reacted too jealous at times and should have been more ...
A. 29 August 2009: If you are ready for the rejection (he might have moved on, met someone else etc) then it sounds like a good way of going about things. After all, leaving one simple message isn't going to hurt either of you and you never know what might happe... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a guy to not look at other women when he's in love with his girlfriend?
Q. My boyfriend of three years has been telling me all along that he never looks at other women, and has no interest in anyone but me. I never asked him not to, or expressed a desire either way but he believes it is so fundamental in his beliefs that ...
A. 29 August 2009: Just because a lot of guys do check out other women, it doesn't mean that all do. I've never been one to do it either, so at least two of us exist! I don't think there is much wrong with it, but if he believes that it would be wrong to do so t... (read in full...)
Married & upset that younger lover has someone else
Q. I met my husband Jack about 15 years ago, he was my first love and first relationship, I loved him for years, but he could not take a decision about us, being afraid of comitment and financial pressure. we were young by then, early or mid 20s...
A. 29 August 2009: You say you "love drama and eternal love" and your post reads like one of those novels where the aristocratic girl falls for the stable boy, but in the end rejects him to marry to rich lords son and they all end up miserable and unhappy. Life isn'... (read in full...)
I really like this man, but I can't help feeling disappointed that he is impotent
Q. Ive recently started dating a new man. He is 5 years older than me. After a couple of months I have discovered he is impotent and I don't know what to do. He didn't tell me when we first met and I can understand that, but after ending my long ...
A. 29 August 2009: When two people have different expectations about what a relationship will involve then sooner or later it is going to cause problems. If you are not happy with what he is able to offer you then it would be better to part now while the relati... (read in full...)
Knowing whether to use advice or not?
Q. I have asked a e few questions on here now and always got mixed answers though I think its a great site just to air your feelings. . . . . My question is with the fact you get so many mixed messages is a case your just getting what people are ...
A. 29 August 2009: Although there are some questions posted where the answer appears obvious to every respondent, in most cases they will provoke a variety of replies. The replies will differ because (to pick a few amongst many reasons) they may have read someth... (read in full...)
I'm confused! I don't want to be gay!
Q. Dear ppl, Lately I've been thinking about my sexual orientation, I used to watch porn and I stopped because I hated it and I felt disgusted every time I do it. I watched lesbian porn and It turned me on but I HATED it afterwards. Straight pornogr...
A. 29 August 2009: Everyone has sexual fantasies, and they don't mean anything. Indeed, many times they would never want to act out their fantasies for real and if they did they would find the experience quite horrifying. For example, some women fantasise about ... (read in full...)
Is being with a drunk better than being alone?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship w/ a man off and on for 9 years. He's cheated in the past, been very emotionally and verbally abusive. Recently, he's been trying to make up for the past, however, he expects me to trust him again overnigh...
A. 29 August 2009: From the age displayed it would appear that you have spent your entire adult life trying to make this relationship work. Where has all that effort got you? Clearly your partner has problems of his own, and the only person that can begin to solve t... (read in full...)
Why do you think my abusive boyfriend is stalking me?
Q. Sorry-it’s a bit of a long story. It started 3 years ago-me and my boyfriend had a physical fight and I had bruises, a few days after that I started seeing him in places he shouldn’t have been-like near my mum's when I never took him there I kept ...
A. 28 August 2009: This sounds like a really unhealthy relationship, and one you would be well advised to get out of. He sounds like he is abusive and controlling. Many people who are need to feel like they "own" their partner, which can mean (amongst other t... (read in full...)
She didn't tell me her ex is drunk-dialing -- am I making a big deal over nothing?
Q. Is it your responsibility to tell your significant other if an ex is attempting contact with you? I have been living with my girlfriend of 2 years for about 1 year now. her boyfriend prior to me broke up with her about 5 months before we starte...
A. 28 August 2009: To be honest, I think you are over reacting. She probably thought the first call was a one off, that she had dealt with the situation, and that would be the end of the matter. It is not too surprising that she thought it wasn't worth bothering ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I'm gay or bi or what?
Q. i know i have feelings for girls but the thing is dunno if im bi or gay. i think guys are nice looking but not attractive really. i've never been totally comfortable wit kissing guys either. so.. am i totally gay? i dont wanna b a freak...
A. 28 August 2009: Gay, straight or bisexual - No matter who it is that you find you are attracted to it won't make you a "freak". If you are thinking it will, you could probably benefit from discussing your feelings about it with an expert - there are lots of LGB ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend completely overreacted when I couldnt send her money! What should I do in this situation?
Q. Hi viewers. I have this problem. My girlfriend and I are in our relationship for six months and we have had our ups and downs. Until one day last week, she was robbed at knifepoint while she was in the Philippines with her family. When she told me ...
A. 28 August 2009: In light of the additional information you have provided, I would like to draw your attention to the final part of my original answer: You hear so many tales of people being scammed for money especially by 'online girlfriends', that if you don'... (read in full...)
Why would my wife be taking testosterone?
Q. For the past 5 weeks my wife's been getting moody, irritable and fed-up and I've had no idea why. Talking didn't help, she just ranted. I, however, found out why, on a day I had off from work (it was a training course, but I didn't need to att...
A. 27 August 2009: While testosterone is primarily associated with men, females do need and produce it too (although at much different levels to men). Therefore, there are medical situations where a doctor would prescribe testosterone injections for a woman.
As ho... (read in full...)
My girlfriend completely overreacted when I couldnt send her money! What should I do in this situation?
Q. Hi viewers. I have this problem. My girlfriend and I are in our relationship for six months and we have had our ups and downs. Until one day last week, she was robbed at knifepoint while she was in the Philippines with her family. When she told me ...
A. 27 August 2009: It does sound like your girlfriend has over reacted to the situation, but I think you need to be a little understanding as to why she might have done so. Being robbed would have been a terrible experience and left her feeling very vulnerable. She ... (read in full...)
| *erspicacious's friends
These are mutual friends, so *erspicacious has
added them and they have added *erspicacious!
|
