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... Send *DinCali a private message | | | *DinCali's profile:I've had a lot of experiences with people and places so far, in my first 30 years; a lot of ups a downs with lessons learned. I'm a very empathetic person with a good nature and honest with life.
I try to be a good Agony Aunt, treating others with the kind of honesty that I'd like to receive. I enjoy helping others with struggles and do my best to give a perspective, that maybe they haven't conceived of. By no means am I perfect, so you'll see me post questions as well as answering them. Just like when in love, we all get blinded at times and sometimes a strangers advice is the light bulb that's needed to go off in our gray matter.
I believe life is about enjoying what we have and surviving. It's about having the courage to overcome our fears and challenges, creating strength in our intestinal fortitude, so we can make the decisions we need, for the betterment of ourselves and those we love. Even if that means to move on if we need to. Advice is, at times, the push we need to put our words into action.
As a single Mom, Medic Veteran, Massage Therapist and now Nursing student I've been privileged to a lot of education and experiences which gives my words credibility. I've had to learn huge lessons in humility, perseverance and patience. I've also had lot of moments in my time to examine my past.
I hope my words help you and I'm looking forward to reading yours. Take Care and Be Well.
J.D. |
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Boyfriend signed up on dating sites
Q. I just found out that my boyfriend is signed up for a few dating site and signed up recently. I know from our past he's just gonna say it was for point for some game he's playing but am I the only one that thinks is disrespectful and sneaky? This is ...
A. 14 June 2012: I've been in your shoes and its not good. You're right! It's disrespectful and sneaky. Obviously this guy is all about himself. A better man is an honest one.
... (read in full...)
How do you safely have sex twice in a row while using condoms?
Q. This might be a little TMI, but that's why I'm here rather than asking a friend. So my partner and I rely on condoms and we frequently like to go twice in a row. I get REALLY nervous trying to put on the fresh condom on the second time. There's ...
A. 14 June 2012: Maybe you'd be less nervous if you wore a condom (AKA femidom)?... (read in full...)
I can't get her 'number' out of my head!
Q. My girlfriend of about 9 months now just recently revealed her "number" to me not too long ago. She is 22, and has only been having sex for two and a half years. When she first told me, it was 9, and that I was her 10th. Then it got got brought up ...
A. 14 June 2012: Considering her number is the only issue you have, she sounds like a catch. Maybe you two should try to move out of her hometown, somewhere with out her previous partners walking around. Good luck! ... (read in full...)
I looked in my boyfriend's email and guess what I found!
Q. I am 21 and have been with my current bf for over two years. about six or seven months ago I found a questionable email in my bfs email. it was dated at least two years prior to meeting him and it was from a guy in the email my bf asked this guy to ...
A. 12 June 2012: The fact that you felt the need to snoop through his e-mail is your intuition throwing up red flags. Now he's not being truthful with you...that's grounds for ending the relationship.
Without communication there isn't trust and once there's lies... (read in full...)
I can't get her 'number' out of my head!
Q. My girlfriend of about 9 months now just recently revealed her "number" to me not too long ago. She is 22, and has only been having sex for two and a half years. When she first told me, it was 9, and that I was her 10th. Then it got got brought up ...
A. 12 June 2012: What she had with other men isn't what she'll have with you. Just make sure the boundaries are clearly established in your relationship and personal values are talked about. Whats important is how she treats you and that the relationship you... (read in full...)
How do I get him to touch me without being rude about it?
Q. I've started seeing this guy and so far he's really nice and things are great. But there is one problem...he is very shy when it comes to physical contact. When we're making out I like it when guys touch my body all over and he doesnt really do ...
A. 12 June 2012: Teach him :) Maybe, give him a massage on routine. Then ask for a trade, you might not even have to ask by then. After feeling what you're doing, he'll be able to mimic your touch and feel more comfortable about it. ... (read in full...)
What does it mean if a guy places his hand on your waist?
Q. What does it mean if a guy places his hand on your waist? I was talking and joking with a friend and this guy(i kinda like him) from my class who was standing next to me laughed too and placed his hand on my waist(or lower back). Also, what doe...
A. 12 June 2012: Touching your face to fix your glasses is caring and sweet and so is touching your waist.
He wants to be close to you, whether that's in a sexual way or just friendly affection, that depends on his other actions.
If you're interested in him then... (read in full...)
My ex and his mother are both strangers to my son yet they expect me to hand over my son when they come to visit! How can I find peace with this visit?
Q. My son is 3 years old. He hasn't seen his father since he was 18 months old. Suddenly, his father wants to take a visit across the country to visit for a week, (with my ex-mother-in-law), none of whom have kept a relationship going via internet, ...
A. 27 April 2012: Thank you Aunty Bim Bim ;)
I've been feeling such high emotion, its hard to think clearly! I really appreciate the advice and the mental focus you've given me.
I hope I'll prepare well enough.
Gratefully,
JD... (read in full...)
How important is sexual compatibility in relationships?
Q. How can someone gauge sexual compatibility with someone else? Is communication and experimentation in the bedroom the best way to introduce particular likes and dislikes of each partner? A particular question for female answerers: if a guy told yo...
A. 26 April 2012: Seems like he just wants to establish a sexual relationship. You'll have to figure out if that's okay with you. A relationship based on sex won't last long, all honeymoons end.
If he really tries to convince you otherwise, then he's a little conf... (read in full...)
will you always love your first love more than other boyfriends
Q. I'm going to try and make this as short as i can. When i was 16 i lost my virginity to my then boyfriend and got pregnant but suffered a misscariage. This has affected me badly and still 4years on it hurts as much. Me and the dad split up not long ...
A. 26 April 2012: There is something very powerful about losing your virginity, because it's your first experience into a new world and everything else will be compared to it.
Time is the healer in this case, but space is only good if you learn to forgive. Forg... (read in full...)
Two children, one on the way, I'm in the hospital and he's on the internet looking for f-ck buddies and porn!
Q. i'm 25 have 2 girls a 3year old , a 1year old and 5months pregnant, my partner father of my babies betrayd me,hurt my feelings. i was in hospital for a week spend my birthday alone in hospital, the day before my bday i call up my partner 3 hours ...
A. 10 March 2011: The best thing you can do is confront him about this and kick him out (at least for a little while) so some decent sense can be placed back into his head and he'll realize what he's losing, because of his foolish games.
Some people will say that... (read in full...)
I feel like a ghost and my life has been swallowed up by being married, living my wife's dream
Q. I am in my mid-40's, successful, have a pretty wife, 3 kids - but it feels like I am living someone else's dream, not mine. It seems to me that many, perhaps most, of the men in my situation, at least whom I know are in the same boat. We are living ...
A. 9 March 2011: I can relate and have immense empathy! I don't believe you're going through a mid-life crisis. Like you wrote, you miss your wife and your identity, (mid-life crisis, in my opinion, is fussing that you're getting old). Your feelings are completely ... (read in full...)
Will having a child make things worse in the long run?
Q. im 25 and pregnant. Its been a bit of a rollar cosater but i have got over the hurdles of telling my parents etc and i thought i was on the roasd to happiness. But now me and my boyfriend are arguing. I have gone off sex and been feeling a bit ...
A. 9 March 2011: If you want to keep the child try looking-up Women's facilities that protect the abused, maybe a local church can sponsor you, check out government programs, etc. I hope you decide soon!... (read in full...)
My ex is making sexual comments against me
Q. Hello, i hope you can help. two years ago i started dating this boy who kept nagging me (i didnt like him and he was annoying at first) after a while i gave in and gave him a chance as a reslut of this i dumbly fell for him. it was a long year rel...
A. 9 March 2011: The best way to stop unwanted attention is to completely ignore it. Things won't be as fun if you don't play along.
Advise your friend to stay away from him, because he craves negative attention, but don't try to force her away, let her make her... (read in full...)
Its been 2 years since it happened, but my husband talks like my affair happened just yesterday
Q. I was transfered 2 work from a different twon for 6months leaving my husband i got involved with a man whom we even had sex, my husband got 2 find out everthng.its being 2yearz bt he talks lyk it jst happend,i hav no say n the house now its 2much ...
A. 9 March 2011: You may have come to terms with having the affair, but he still feels a lack of trust and probably compares himself to the other man (wondering why he pales in comparison). He has a lot of unanswered questions. So, if you want to stay with him, the... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants us to stay in different rooms for a month!
Q. my girlfriend turned round to me as i was about to get into bed last night and said she wanted us to stay in different rooms and not have sex for a month so she can work herself out and that it wont be a problem if i love her. Someone tell me how i ...
A. 9 March 2011: So she lacks finesse when it comes to communication. She just wants to make sure you love her, or she loves you before you two have sex. So, stick it out; be supportive and profess your love. ;)... (read in full...)
Is it midterms or is she just avoiding me?
Q. Me and this chick seemed to hit it off really well. Hung out a good few times, 4days in a row actually. However now she has big exams coming up so we can't really meet up.. and it's always me that initiates texts. I'm kinda wondering if the midterms ...
A. 9 March 2011: Offer to be her study buddy. ;)... (read in full...)
She lied to me and I was completely honest with her!
Q. Hello everyone, I just need some help and advice. I am m27 engaged to someone I truly love and adore f21. Both of us know each other for last 8 months. I cleared and said everything about my past and she did the same as well. Now 3 days back, i...
A. 9 March 2011: It's very possible that she's humiliated by this affair and didn't bring it up, because she fears your judgment. So, leave it, but if you cant, then talk to her about it.
Tell her that her dishonesty hurt you, but you understand why she wasn't will... (read in full...)
Do I leave my abusive wife or stay and suffer for our kids?
Q. My wife and I are from different religions. We have been married for 16 years and have three beautiful kids together aged 8,10 and 12. Initially things were great but the last eight years have been the most miserable of my life because she has been ...
A. 9 March 2011: Tell your wife you're leaving, because she's emotionally abusive and takes your love for granted. Then, sit your kids down and explain why you're leaving and reassure them it's not their fault, you love them all and will visit often.
Visit them... (read in full...)
How much space should I give him
Q. I have been with my Bf for 4 months, but we were best mates for 3 years. The 1st 2 months were perfect, we went on holiday together evry thing was great then Out of the blue a local girl announced the baby she has just had is his. DNA test been ...
A. 9 March 2011: You've only been a couple for four months, so really he knows you just enough to know that he really likes you. And he doesn't know the mother at all, (that he remembers). No wonder he's confused! Well, at least you can appreciate that he's tak... (read in full...)
Ladies can you tell me what is going on here?
Q. I've known this woman for over a year now, we go to church together at a smaller church. I had left for a bit, and returned, and decided to ask her to coffee. Finally after a week or so we met up, and it was great, and we talked for about 3 hours. ...
A. 9 March 2011: ...I mean, "purity" conflict. lol. oops. ... (read in full...)
What is the answer for a sexually frustrated woman who isnt looking for casual sex?
Q. I am one sexually frustrated woman and don't know what to do! I still think about my ex a lot, and we had a rather sexy convo via e mail last week, and it has happened before. I don't want him back and he lives so far away. I never initiate ...
A. 8 March 2011: I feel your pain. How do you overcome? WITH PATIENCE! lol. Seriously, keep "actively" busy with things that you love to do. Working out helps tons; lots of cardio and strength training to get out your "Grr's" of sexual frustration. Start going to... (read in full...)
Ladies can you tell me what is going on here?
Q. I've known this woman for over a year now, we go to church together at a smaller church. I had left for a bit, and returned, and decided to ask her to coffee. Finally after a week or so we met up, and it was great, and we talked for about 3 hours. ...
A. 8 March 2011: Seems to me that she's regretting all the joking around. Did you joke about sexual things? If so, that's probably it. If you didn't, then seems like she's in a "puberty" conflict. She wants to make it clear that there's no premature sex and that... (read in full...)
When a man sees more than one woman..?
Q. The man I am seeing as another women he sees. I have asked him if he has a gf or sees others and he tells me no. He has no idea I know. So when we are together we have a good time. Laugh cuddle tells me nice things. He acts as if we are in a ...
A. 8 March 2011: Jenta, ... "I have asked him if he has a gf or sees others and he tells me no. He has no idea I know."
He's a liar! Dump him. The horrible thing about dishonest people is that you'll never know if/when they're telling the truth. Stop now before you ... (read in full...)
How can I get her to forgive me....she read an old email that I never sent.
Q. My girl friend recently just looked through my email account, I have never given her my password or permission to look through my account. She saw a draft of an email a while back addressed to her. It was written at a time when we had split up and I ...
A. 8 March 2011: How unfair of her for being an illegal snoop! You have every right to keep a journal/e-mail.
Ask to see her diary and see if she can empathize with you more.
Tell her also that she should be thankful you're a guy who can think before he blasts o... (read in full...)
How do I keep my mind on my studies?
Q. i know this is kinda weird but..here i go my exams are going on,and i just cant concentrate on my studies.i keep thinking about my bf,and i want to keep on talking,any advice?...
A. 8 March 2011: The best thing you can do to fight test anxiety is to put your mind into a positive mind frame. Talk to yourself as if you were your own best friend; tell yourself how well you prepared for your test, you rock and you get this, (if you don't get ... (read in full...)
He's asked me out on a date but he's so effeminate!!!
Q. Hey, I have been talking to this dude for about a week. Get on great with him! Hes lovely, hes really funny and quite ambitious. The thing is, hes quite feminine, haha. I think hes gay like! And he did ask he out on two days ago for a date. Now ...
A. 7 March 2011: Don't settle. If he's not man enough for you then, go for someone else that fits your bill.
You don't want to get into a habit of trying to fix your partners or accepting less than what you deserve; you'll just be disappointed when he emba... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is verbally abusive and I don't know how to make this relationship work....
Q. Hi My be of 2 years constantly abuses me (verbally)/ignores me often. I seem to put up with this without getting angry. I never get angry when he does this, but i do get hurt and i cry my eyes out. We talked several times about his behaviour, b...
A. 7 March 2011: If you cry and he doesn't care, then you need to leave. Don't let yourself be treated this way. The last thing you need is to be around this guy and get pregnant. Then you and your child will have to listen to his non-sense and feel degraded. E... (read in full...)
My ex relationship left me emotionally and mentally drained, and her enjoying her life, what happened?
Q. Dear reader, My ex and I recently ended our 7 month relationship. But it has left me with many unresolved questions and scars in my memory that I still continue to question and figure out myself what really went wrong between us. My ex is ...
A. 7 March 2011: Until someone learns to effectively manage their instabilities, they will cause undue stress in the lives of those close to them. Though you tried hard for your relationship, which is honorable, you can't make someone better.
Someone who is emot... (read in full...)
I feel so unattractive. how can he love me?
Q. I constantly feel fat and ugly, and its effecting my love life, I feel like my boyfriend is getting bored of me because of this. ...
A. 7 March 2011: You say you, "constantly feel fat and ugly". Then you have to change that.
So, in writing this out, now you know that in order for you to feel more self confident about yourself you'll be commiting yourself to:
1. healthier food, 3 days of cardi... (read in full...)
I'm in a mess and I've literally invited all the trouble!!
Q. So, basically I'm a mess. I've been a bit of a screw up at uni and made some bad decisions for various reasons that I wont go into as we dont have hours! but basically I've got a horrible habit of doing things cos I can, Cos I feel bad if I dont and ...
A. 7 March 2011: In order to be happier, you have to change what is not right for you. If your problem is drinking, you have to stop. If your problem is negative attention, then you need to work on being more self confident, (which is taking care of yourself and ... (read in full...)
Should I ask him out or stay quiet?
Q. There's a guy in my college whom i really like but i m doubtfull if he likes me. I m not at all goodlooking i m fat i m dark and i get nervous talking to him . He is really a good frnd of mine and i dnt want to spoil it .we are in the same group an...
A. 7 March 2011: Dear Woman,
First thing that I see in your message is: "I'm not attractive,...I'm fat." So, there is your answer.
First, you have to take care of yourself. You have to become more self confident and do it because, that is what you want for your... (read in full...)
I'm abusive to my boyfriend, help!!
Q. About 8 months ago, I got into a relationship with an amazing guy. He's sweet, caring, funny, and he'd never do anything to hurt anyone. Unfortunately, I have emotional issues that have never been resolved, and a couple months ago, I began ...
A. 4 March 2011: You're not a monster. For whatever reason you've learned to deal with your emotions in a negative way or have just resorted to not addressing your feelings and so you blow up. You're being very responsible for seeking help and it shows your ... (read in full...)
I compare my current BF to my Ex....
Q. Well, I know that it is not right to compare people. But I can't help compare my current bf to my ex. My ex cheated on me before and that led to our break-up but then communication-wise, he never failed to check on me around once or twice a day. Ask ...
A. 4 March 2011: If your current boyfriend and you have decided to have a serious relationship, then there should be no issue about you contacting each other through-out the day, especially before you go out somewhere. These are practices to establish trust in your ... (read in full...)
My family are wealthy. His is not. Should I pay for everything on our first date?
Q. Please give me advice.. I have a boyfriend. He was my friend when i was in junior high school. Now he lives in another city. Two months ago he found me on facebook. We share all. Two weeks ago he said he loves me. And so do i. So we decide to have ...
A. 4 March 2011: You will offend him if you pay for everything. It's important for men to feel like they can provide for their women. Likewise, it important that you know he's willing to support you in any way he can. Considering he's poor, you'll have to apprecia... (read in full...)
Queries about love, long term relationships, choice and looks.....
Q. I had been in a problem of fancying about love a lot.I must say that I am a shy kind of person and short tempered sometimes but get well while flirting with classmate or joking around with mates.I am 22 and had never been in any long relationship ...
A. 4 March 2011: If it feels wrong or very uncertain then he's not addressing your needs or you're not that into him. It's best to find a guy that you chime with well in the beginning; (compatibility helps you get through the rough times).
Try not to flirt in a sexu... (read in full...)
I want strangers to see my wife naked!
Q. i want to show my wife nude body to strangers accidentally plz advice me what should i do?it makes me excited...and is this normal?....
A. 4 March 2011: It's nice you're so proud of your wife, but if she's not as self confident about her body then, you're going to run into trouble. Sure you could leave your window open like one poster does with his woman, but I caution you though. Allowing the chan... (read in full...)
I had sex with my mom's partner!!
Q. Hi, I did something really horrible and I don't know what to do. Basically I had sex with my mum partner and they been out with eachother for 8years. I'm only 18 myself and I don't know why it happend. I'm carrying so much guit with me all around ...
A. 4 March 2011: Is this really the life you want for yourself? You are no longer a child, you are an adult now who needs to put childish games aside. If you wanted your mother to realize that the man she was with is a total creep, you've could have had some in-... (read in full...)
How do I resist the urge to look up filth on the internet?
Q. Hi. It's me again. I have a psychological problem or maybe just a bad habit. I keep looking up pornography on the internet (sometimes vision of drunk women being taken advantage of) and I feel guilty about it later on. I once spoke to an expert ...
A. 4 March 2011: Here's some ideas: Adjust your security settings through your web browser. Such as, Internet Explorer helps you control your security and privacy preferences by allowing you to assign security levels to certain websites you wish to avoid. Ther... (read in full...)
He says I'm crazy and insecure and I need help yet he is the one who cant get over his ex...
Q. I don't even know where to start.:( My boyfriend has this ex who he can't let go of. She has been a big problem in our life. She lives far from us but that doesnt seem to matter. When I found out I was pregant he promised me he was done talking ...
A. 3 March 2011: Seems like your boyfriend hasn't been able to process the end of his previous relationship with his ex. The best thing I can suggest is to try talking respectfully about their past relationship with him (his opinion with why it didn't work) an... (read in full...)
Will having a child make things worse in the long run?
Q. im 25 and pregnant. Its been a bit of a rollar cosater but i have got over the hurdles of telling my parents etc and i thought i was on the roasd to happiness. But now me and my boyfriend are arguing. I have gone off sex and been feeling a bit ...
A. 28 February 2011: You deserve a loving and supportive man! You and your baby do not need the emotional distress this guy is causing you. Every bad feeling you feel, your baby is feeling also. Considering this, as the mother of his child he should have more respect ... (read in full...)
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