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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
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Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
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Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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How do I keep screwing up the transition from dating to relationship?
Q. Hi there folks. I'm going crazy over here 'cause it seems that whenever I REALLY like someone (like her in a gf kind of way) I mess it up in some unknown, mysterious way. Other girls I'll have no problem, I'll half-ass it and still have something ...
A. 24 December 2013: It sounds like you aren't compatible due to texting differences. I would let this relationship sink under the weight of unanswered texts and unmet expectations.... (read in full...)
How do I keep screwing up the transition from dating to relationship?
Q. Hi there folks. I'm going crazy over here 'cause it seems that whenever I REALLY like someone (like her in a gf kind of way) I mess it up in some unknown, mysterious way. Other girls I'll have no problem, I'll half-ass it and still have something ...
A. 7 December 2013: How do those clingy girls get your number to text?... (read in full...)
How do I keep screwing up the transition from dating to relationship?
Q. Hi there folks. I'm going crazy over here 'cause it seems that whenever I REALLY like someone (like her in a gf kind of way) I mess it up in some unknown, mysterious way. Other girls I'll have no problem, I'll half-ass it and still have something ...
A. 6 December 2013: Flo Jack, you are the one using the term man-whore. I tried to give you the situation from her perspective.
What other girls did or didn't do doesn't matter with this particular girl. If you react to her with the pasts from other girls ling... (read in full...)
Do you think this relationship has a future?
Q. Hi All, I'm trying to weigh up if my relationship has a future. I'm struggling to sound it up. We have been together for just over 2 years, we did break up for 3 months. we gave it a second go, he broke my trust, he made a lot of personal...
A. 5 December 2013: I have to post again, I have to explain where I found that book I referenced.
A male friend, a co-worker, wound up in a relationship with a woman who sounds a lot like you, and your man sounds a lot like my friend.
They were roommates in a group ... (read in full...)
Do you think this relationship has a future?
Q. Hi All, I'm trying to weigh up if my relationship has a future. I'm struggling to sound it up. We have been together for just over 2 years, we did break up for 3 months. we gave it a second go, he broke my trust, he made a lot of personal...
A. 5 December 2013: It doesn't really matter what we think about your future chances, does it? It matters what HE thinks about your future chances and marriage and children.
My first thought on reading your question is that his answer to the question of having chil... (read in full...)
How do I keep screwing up the transition from dating to relationship?
Q. Hi there folks. I'm going crazy over here 'cause it seems that whenever I REALLY like someone (like her in a gf kind of way) I mess it up in some unknown, mysterious way. Other girls I'll have no problem, I'll half-ass it and still have something ...
A. 5 December 2013: From her perspective:
I met a guy at a friend's party, he was fun and cute, he asked for my number but I wasn't sure about him. When I asked if he had a girlfriend, the way he answered indicated he may not have an official girlfriend, but he defi... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong?
Q. I think I am doing something wrong when it comes to dating. Every time I am with a girl I seem to screw it up or the circumstance won't let me advance further. For example, the other day I was in a party and I was hanging with a girl who seemed to ...
A. 5 December 2013: Sorry, I didn't realize you had followed up.
The process of dating is to get to know each other. Sometimes there is no chemistry, as you have discovered already in the conversations that fizzle out.
In the one instance from a long time ago that... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong?
Q. I think I am doing something wrong when it comes to dating. Every time I am with a girl I seem to screw it up or the circumstance won't let me advance further. For example, the other day I was in a party and I was hanging with a girl who seemed to ...
A. 4 December 2013: Just list the experiences with the last 5 women you have asked out on a date.... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong?
Q. I think I am doing something wrong when it comes to dating. Every time I am with a girl I seem to screw it up or the circumstance won't let me advance further. For example, the other day I was in a party and I was hanging with a girl who seemed to ...
A. 4 December 2013: So what do you talk about on the dates? Where do you take them on the dates? ... (read in full...)
Wife admitted she used to be a prostitute! Should I cut my losses and leave?
Q. My wife and I have been married now for 23 years. When we began dating I realized she was probably more worldly than I was used to going out with. However , I was starting to fall for her, and at 27 I wasn't meeting anyone that came close to her . ...
A. 4 December 2013: "Love is an act of giving and the act of giving is the only place love can be found." --Code Warrior
That was an amazing post by CW and I think his approach was truly inspired and inspiring. Thank you, CW, for a positive and caring approach to a di... (read in full...)
The safe option vs. the one you really want?
Q. Hi, I wonder if any girl has had this situation before? My female best friend I've known for a long, long time. We talk a lot, especially relationships. She asks my opinions on blokes she dates and vice versa. She met a guy two years ago ...
A. 4 December 2013: I don't know what "too scared to be with" means. It sounds like something someone with low self-esteem would say. You wrote about your close friend: "She said she was too scared to be heartbroken by him. She has never been dumped by anyone though. ... (read in full...)
Been set up with this guy and wonder about his insecurities
Q. How do I know if I really like this guy? So my friend and her husband set me up with their single guy friend. He lives in another country and is only 45mins on the plane. I don't mind it. We've been talking on the phone and Skype se...
A. 4 December 2013: He sounds awful. He may be an attractive nice guy to be friends with but being involved with him sounds like the nightmare of an insecure controlling man.
I think I'd skip the meet up. He's already signalled what being with him would be like. Ever... (read in full...)
Aunt died a year ago on the 11th due to cancer, now I'm being tested for it. Advice?
Q. Hello my aunts and uncles! I really could do with a tad of advice as I am slightly worried. I do not expect any medical advice and only wish for some support and general opinions. My aunt died a y...
A. 3 December 2013: Maybe on the one year anniversary of your aunt's death, you could sit quietly and reflect on her life and perhaps that her legacy in your family is that early deaths due to cancer stop now. Because you are all now aware and will now pay attention ... (read in full...)
Aunt died a year ago on the 11th due to cancer, now I'm being tested for it. Advice?
Q. Hello my aunts and uncles! I really could do with a tad of advice as I am slightly worried. I do not expect any medical advice and only wish for some support and general opinions. My aunt died a y...
A. 3 December 2013: Doctors order tests to rule out diseases and conditions all the time. It's standard procedure, so don't put too much time worrying about it.
I say, don't borrow worry. If you have it, well then, you can face it and as you have a massive head star... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong?
Q. I think I am doing something wrong when it comes to dating. Every time I am with a girl I seem to screw it up or the circumstance won't let me advance further. For example, the other day I was in a party and I was hanging with a girl who seemed to ...
A. 3 December 2013: Have you tried asking the girl you are interested in out on a date? Or are you just trying to hang out, pick her up and take her home?... (read in full...)
What about AFTER an affair?
Q. How do you think men feel after having a long term affair on their partner? Do the feel regret? Do they even care? What if their current relationship was on the rocks and they were together "for the kids".... would there be less guilt? ...
A. 3 December 2013: I agree with Honeypie. It's down to the individual man.
I guess I could see a situation where a man could rationalize a longterm affair. Maybe his wife went from 150 to 400 lbs and he's been waiting for her to find her healthy self again but does... (read in full...)
I want to talk things through and she never does
Q. I have a partner that is completely conflict avoidant. She would rather have painful dental surgery I believe, than listen to me address a problem or feeling I have. I realize this is quite backwards for most couples, as the man is usually the o...
A. 3 December 2013: Don't take it personally. She's not doing this because she dislikes you or hates you or because of you. She's doing this because this is how she has dealt with conflict and she is merely continuing the pattern.
So, if you want her to change this... (read in full...)
My husband and I are more like friends than a married couple. Why does this bother other people?
Q. How to deal with society ? The story is that my husband and I became more friends than a married couple. Sex is long not in a picture, which doesn't seem to bother any of us. It's not like it's gone forever, sometimes we do it when get tipsy or...
A. 3 December 2013: I find the best way to handle intrusive questions is to ask questions back. For example, "My Italian teacher already mentioned it several times that I should bring him." You then went on to ask: "Why? I am ok to go without him, why does it so much ... (read in full...)
People tell me she's fake because she had a nose job
Q. So I've started dating this girl who is so beautiful, funny and one of the sweetest girls i've met she's so down to earth and adorably innocent but daring if you understand that. She told me the other day on our second date she's had a nose job, ...
A. 3 December 2013: There are people who don't wear makeup or get their hair cut by a professional. Then there are people who take advantage of every enhancement to achieve a certain look or maintain what they think is a youthful look. In the US, it's common to have ... (read in full...)
I'm 29. How can I have a grandfather in my life if my own have died? Am I asking too much? Or is there another way to fill this void?
Q. Hey guys, This is a question about a family relationship. I'm new to this site but I don't imagine it's ever been asked before. I know it sounds kinda crazy, but I need advice about this desire of mine. Is there any way to make my wish come tru...
A. 2 December 2013: http://www.unitedway.org
http://www.mowaa.org
http://www.nfesh.org
... (read in full...)
I'm 29. How can I have a grandfather in my life if my own have died? Am I asking too much? Or is there another way to fill this void?
Q. Hey guys, This is a question about a family relationship. I'm new to this site but I don't imagine it's ever been asked before. I know it sounds kinda crazy, but I need advice about this desire of mine. Is there any way to make my wish come tru...
A. 2 December 2013: http://elderhelpers.org
I'll post more links as I find them.... (read in full...)
I'm 29. How can I have a grandfather in my life if my own have died? Am I asking too much? Or is there another way to fill this void?
Q. Hey guys, This is a question about a family relationship. I'm new to this site but I don't imagine it's ever been asked before. I know it sounds kinda crazy, but I need advice about this desire of mine. Is there any way to make my wish come tru...
A. 2 December 2013: Hi, I don't think you ever get over missing someone, but you can take action to fill the void in a healthy positive way.
http://www.volunteermatch.org
I never knew my paternal grandfather, in fact he died before my dad was born. It was due to medic... (read in full...)
Should I stop talking to my friend that I have feelings for?
Q. I've started a friendship with this girl whom I've became very close with, we've known each other for about 6 months. So long story short, she started hitting on me and I'm very bad at taking hints that I didn't take the opportunity. I believe after ...
A. 2 December 2013: She doesn't sound very appealing, maybe it's a good thing that she's not your girlfriend. It's possible there's another girl who is interested in you and is waiting for you to notice her!
Good luck with figuring this rather rude girl out. If I we... (read in full...)
Should I stop talking to my friend that I have feelings for?
Q. I've started a friendship with this girl whom I've became very close with, we've known each other for about 6 months. So long story short, she started hitting on me and I'm very bad at taking hints that I didn't take the opportunity. I believe after ...
A. 2 December 2013: How old is this woman, by the way? And how old are you?
... (read in full...)
Should I stop talking to my friend that I have feelings for?
Q. I've started a friendship with this girl whom I've became very close with, we've known each other for about 6 months. So long story short, she started hitting on me and I'm very bad at taking hints that I didn't take the opportunity. I believe after ...
A. 2 December 2013: So, let's review your plan.
You are going to ignore her.
She has told you she sees you as a friend only.
She's given you a present as a friend.
So you think that you will impress her by giving her a kiss? After she has told you that she sees yo... (read in full...)
What's wrong with having meaningless sex with someone you never want to see again?
Q. What's wrong with having meaningless sex with someone you never want to see again. I'm a sexual person who loves being touched by men. Is it bad to have sex with them if you use protection? Why is there such a stigma to meaningless sex? Yes, its ...
A. 1 December 2013: If you feel awful afterwards, then don't do it. If it's a struggle to reconcile your actions with your beliefs, then don't do it. If you can't figure out how to stop doing it, then see a mental health professional.
... (read in full...)
Should I stop talking to my friend that I have feelings for?
Q. I've started a friendship with this girl whom I've became very close with, we've known each other for about 6 months. So long story short, she started hitting on me and I'm very bad at taking hints that I didn't take the opportunity. I believe after ...
A. 1 December 2013: Hi, your follow up is a bit difficult to understand.
Are you saying that you will ignore her for now, until she makes contact and then you will surprise kiss her as your Christmas present to her?
And as far as her hitting on you, it was one nigh... (read in full...)
Should I stop talking to my friend that I have feelings for?
Q. I've started a friendship with this girl whom I've became very close with, we've known each other for about 6 months. So long story short, she started hitting on me and I'm very bad at taking hints that I didn't take the opportunity. I believe after ...
A. 1 December 2013: I had a big crush on a guy, after he had a crush on me, but he never asked me out, so that feeling faded, because I felt rejected. We stayed friends because we had lots of mutual friends and then one day a girlfriend of mine told me she thought he ... (read in full...)
I am in love with a Western woman but I'm in doubt about introducing her to my family. What should I do?
Q. I met an American girl when I was visit Dubai like 8 months ago. We spent 15 days together and after I came back we started doing things on net and said " I love you" to each other. I'm 28 and she is 24. My problem is that she keeps asking m...
A. 1 December 2013: LDRs are tough and intercultural LDRs are even more challenging.
So, what is the general notion of the relationship? Are one or both of you planning to move in order to keep the relationship intact? When do you plan to see each other again?
Ask h... (read in full...)
How can I prove I'm not messing around?
Q. I have met up with this girl. We were getting on fine for a month, then I stayed there one night, and the next morning. She asked me to leave, she said she was unwell. I left and rang her in a hour, she told me that I was cheating on her, while I ...
A. 1 December 2013: I'm sorry, but a man of 41-50 years of age has earned the right to his friends, female or not, and some measure of respect of his privacy.
You cannot prove a negative to a loony-tune. You are entitled to your friends, and if some are female, well... (read in full...)
My stepson says he is in love with me and won't take no for an answer!
Q. Hi I hope someone can help me I'm 29 and I'm married to my 45 husband for 10yrs with 2 beautiful step kids I love very much. Things haven't been good with my husband and I for years a month after we got married he started to abuse me in every way ...
A. 1 December 2013: Hi shorty, it sounds like you've been in an abusive marriage now for 10 years and the stepson has begun to harass you as well. I would go here: http://www.thehotline.org or call this number: 1-800-799-7233 and get a referral for local help.
Y... (read in full...)
Is there really ever a good time to break up with someone?
Q. I've been dating someone for 3 months who has started to get clingy and needy. He's a very nice man and has many wonderful qualities but he is way more into this relationship then me. I'll give some examples of his needy behavior: He tex...
A. 26 November 2013: Good for whom? The breaker-upper or the break-uppee? Obviously, for this guy, 'never' would be the good time for him.
Alas for him, the good time for you is…. now.
You're being emotionally blackmailed and the sooner you end things, the sooner h... (read in full...)
Came home unexpectedly and found husband in strange situation. Is he gay?
Q. Dear everyone, Hi I have been married to my husband since May 11th 2013. We havebeen together for almost 8 years. He has never shown any signs of being bi sexual or gay. Well the other morning he didn't expect me home for awhile but my daughter...
A. 21 November 2013: I have bookmarked some useful links for different sorts of questions. When this type of question comes up, and it sounds as though there is enough information to suggest this might be an issue, I suggest the OP take a look at this website: ... (read in full...)
I took him back but the butterflies are gone
Q. I have a problem. My ex and I just got back together, out of nowhere. He broke up with me in an awful way, he cut me off with no words, nothing, and went to another girl. We finally talked and he said some lame excuses for why he ended it. Well he ...
A. 16 November 2013: The trust is gone. How could this ever possibly work unless you go through some intensive couples counseling?
Don't cheat, that's just piling insult upon injury and will not fix anything.
I think the relationship is pretty well dead. Maybe you took... (read in full...)
We've been tested but my boyfriend doesn't want to use condoms and it worries me!
Q. Hi,I'm a 23yr old female n my boyfriend is 26,we decided to go for an HIV test before we can ingage in sex n the results came back negative,we've been having unprotected sex ever since because even when I suggest we use a condom he tells me he ...
A. 15 November 2013: Tell him it's BS that he can't find a condom that fits. This is such a guy complaint and they are so good at finding ways to coerce their partners into having unsafe sex which transmits more than HIV.
Tell him to sort it out, if he wants to be sexu... (read in full...)
How do I follow up with this girl?
Q. Hello all, I've got another question that needs answering. Last night I got the phone number of a girl I noticed recently. I noticed her because while I was preoccupied with something she asked to see my phone. I didn't really care as it was locked ...
A. 15 November 2013: Hi MrBigShot110, how you just ask her out. See if she'll go have a fancy coffee drink somewhere with you.
The risks, in good news/bad news shortcuts. Good news she says yes. Bad news she says not but then you don't have to think up all sorts of w... (read in full...)
I'm tired of paying for her daughter's clothes!
Q. Ok, my girlfriend and I have been with each other for 10 months but are not living together. She has a 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage living with her. When she takes her daughter with us shopping I'm expected to pay. When I complain ...
A. 15 November 2013: Hi Ted, you've had 15 answers from aunts here, do you any any follow up information? :)... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 15 November 2013: And to second what EWO just posted, I was so thankful for my mother's suggestion that I use her as an excuse not to do something I knew I didn't want to do. "Oh sorry, my mom would has said she would kill me if I did x y or z." Full well knowing ... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 15 November 2013: Hey, FA, I have to say 'thank you' for asking a very personal and compelling question here at the site where you offer insightful and thoughtful advice. I hope this strengthens and enhances your relationship with your son. Good luck.
P.S. I thin... (read in full...)
Does it make any sense to forgive him and try to move on together?
Q. I have posted here before..I really need my awesome aunt and uncles help again. My boyfriend and I just got back together. We were split up for two months. We split up because one day he just wouldnt return my calls or texts. 4 days go by, I delete ...
A. 15 November 2013: Bid him a sad goodbye. He does not have your back, he is not in your corner, he is not concerned for your feelings or well-being. He is not your best friend or lover or a good prospect for either.
Say goodbye and MOVE ON!... (read in full...)
I feel as though I am putting in way more time, love and energy into our relationship
Q. Dear Agony aunts, This is very complicated but here goes. For a little over a year I have been in a long distance relationship. I go to college in one state, and he lives and works in another. When I met him, he was in the process of separ...
A. 15 November 2013: He was married when you met him. "In the process of separation" suggests that it was very early days. "Separated" would be further along and "divorced" woud be as as far along as you can get.
He's an older guy, you're in college.
You knew he was n... (read in full...)
All I want is someone to love me! I need some advice!
Q. Here we go, I am going to try and do this without breaking down into tears . I have only been divorced since May of 2012 however my husband left in 2008 I met this man and started seeing him and at the time i didnt know he was married because he ...
A. 15 November 2013: Change the locks ASAP! Make sure he hasn't taken anything of yours. Go through the house, record everything he may have damaged or taken of yours. Ensure your computer is clean and has no viruses or tracking software, take it to a qualified and ... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 15 November 2013: Have a good cry, snuggle down and just wallow for a day or two or three. Then, get up, make yourself a nice breakfast with tea (or coffee, I'm partial to coffee) and… get on with your life, one day at a time. You'll be fine. In fact, you may be ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of feeling not wanted
Q. So, my boyfriend is 18 and I am 20. We've been together for over a year and I live at home with him and his family (might sound weird, but none of us feel that way, we all get along). For several months I feel like he isn't as attracted to me as he ...
A. 14 November 2013: It sounds as though you have very different sex drives. You are hoping he'll match yours and he is hoping you'll be happy with less.
You look at sex as something to do to take his mind off things but I'll bet it's another stressor in his life, as i... (read in full...)
He treats me like I'm a prisoner
Q. I need some advice. I've been with my fiancé for 3 years and he has two kids. His youngest just got into pre school so I got a job for the past 3 years he didn't want me to work just to take of the kids and the house and I was fine with that. But ...
A. 14 November 2013: Based on the information here, definitely leave him. If you feel you can't leave safely, please call this number 1-800-799-7233 or go to this website http://www.thehotline.org for help in ending this relationship.
Call family and friends for help... (read in full...)
I'm tired of paying for her daughter's clothes!
Q. Ok, my girlfriend and I have been with each other for 10 months but are not living together. She has a 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage living with her. When she takes her daughter with us shopping I'm expected to pay. When I complain ...
A. 13 November 2013: Don't bring anything but your driver's license when you go shopping with them, until you sit down with your girlfriend and explain your feelings. If she gets angry, she gets angry. If she's a reasonable person, she'll get over it and understand your ... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 12 November 2013: Hi FA, I'm a lot of years out of my teens but I tried to recall my romances of the time.
I found it very easy to write lovey-dovey notes to my boyfriend than to actually say any of those words directly out loud to him. I had no intention of gett... (read in full...)
All I want is someone to love me! I need some advice!
Q. Here we go, I am going to try and do this without breaking down into tears . I have only been divorced since May of 2012 however my husband left in 2008 I met this man and started seeing him and at the time i didnt know he was married because he ...
A. 11 November 2013: If it's your computer then cut off his access to it. Don't let him add any expenses to your life. If he owns a home then he can go there and invite you over.
There is a big difference between being supportive and becoming a doormat. I hope that the ... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 11 November 2013: Go get a copy of this book ASAP: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD.
For now, lay off the demands and clinginess and immerse yourself in learning about courtship and how yours is playing out.
You have made your expectations abundantly clear, n... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 17 October 2013: Nope, you are not asking too much! So why are you settling for so little?
Move on, move on.
And take steps to deal with your financial problems so they don't hold you back in the next relationship, which will be with a guy who isn't still married ... (read in full...)
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