A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I know if I really like this guy?So my friend and her husband set me up with their single guy friend.He lives in another country and is only 45mins on the plane. I don't mind it.We've been talking on the phone and Skype sending pictures here and there.But he seems paranoid. He rings me all the time which I think is sweet but he gets upset when I don't answer his calls or gets back to him. He always wants to know who's texting me or calling me. He's really funny and sexy and my friend and her husband swears he's a good guy. He's been single for 2 and half years and they think him and I would make a very good couple.How do I know if I like this guy? I don't know how I feel at the moment. He's really pushing me away with his insecurities.I said I'd fly on in January to see him. He said he had a dream I'd slept with someone else. That hurt when he said that. I've been single for 2years and I'm not that kinda girl.I'm 24 and he's 28.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 RUN Forest RUN!
yeah way too many red flags too early on.
this one is NOT a keeper.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 He sounds terrible OP. Maybe he's a good guy as a friend, because your friends don't know him beyond that but I think he'll make a terrible boyfriend. I'll share my own experience with you on this one.
My cousin was trying to set me up with this guy from her place of work. He seemed great on paper...making good money, respectful of women, decent looking, extremely sweet guy blah blah...you know...the works. I've never met this guy, by the way. She gave him my number and he sent me a message and from then on we exchanged the odd text message. Nothing romantic, nothing even very friendly. I just somehow never got any good vibes about him and he seemed too shy.
Fast forward about 5 years to now, he sees me online on gmail and comes up with the regular..."hi, how are you" stuff. I was cordial, we shared some pleasantries, it was regular chit chat. He then goes on to tell me that he's broken up with his girlfriend and he now apparently wishes that he had met me first. OK, creepy, but maybe he's just awkward, I thought. He knew I'm engaged, by the way. The next thing he tells me is, "I'll kill your boyfriend, lol. Wish you could be mine". That was seriously freaky and out of the blue and I blocked him immediately and deleted him from Facebook. Then next morning at 6:00 I get a message from him saying that "I couldn't sleep all night". I didn't reply to anything from then on, I cut him out of my life and I haven't heard from him since. Hopefully he's got the message loud and clear.
What I'm trying to say OP is, that sometimes a guy might seem great on paper and friends and family who try to set us up with them have no clue about their behavior as boyfriends and partners. Only YOU will know what they are behind closed doors. So think long and hard about this one and follow your gut feeling. If it doesn't feel good, then it probably isn't. If you feel he's coming on too strong, then he IS. Don't feel bad about saying NO and offending either your friends or this guy. Its your life and your decisions after all and you don't ever have to be apologetic about them.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2013):
 He sounds awful. He may be an attractive nice guy to be friends with but being involved with him sounds like the nightmare of an insecure controlling man.
I think I'd skip the meet up. He's already signalled what being with him would be like. Every move you make will be monitored and challenged. Blech. Who needs a prison warden when there are lovely caring men out there who know how to treat a woman? I'd say, 'thanks but no thanks' and stop interacting with him. Let your friends know you weren't impressed by his paranoia and bizarre jealousy.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 No good vibes here.
You've only recently begun a correspondence, you haven't yet met in person and he's already making demands and hurling thinly veiled accusations. Bad sign.
He is very high maintenance and you can't fix what's wrong with him. The man has a hell of a lot of nerve treating you this way, and by the way, there is nothing sweet about ringing a person constantly.
The sooner you get rid of this guy the better. Don't give him time to get even more attached and to allow his bad behaviour to become deeply ingrained habits.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 December 2013):
 Hmm, I think he is a little too much for my taste - thw whole insecurities on his side is kind of controlling too if you look at it, you BARELY know him and he wants to know who you talk to and what you do 24/7?
If there are no other "red flag" with him I would tell him when you see him in person that you don't really like the attitude of him asking who you talk to and text. That If he and you are to date, there needs to be some trust. I would nip this in the bud. This is a new relationship so you do not OWE him to answer your texts instantly or pick up right away, you might *gasp* also have a life. Also the whole *I dreamt you cheated* - how well DO you know him? It's a manipulative move, because it puts you on the defensive and it shows that trust doesn't come easy to him.
The thing is though, have either of you thought this LDR out? Are you willing to move down the line? Is he?
Are you JUST trying this out because he is a friend of a friend?
I would meet him face-to-face (NO SEX) and see how it goes. If he can't handle the "talk" about trust/dating then maybe he isn't for you. If he actually listen (and you like him) then I would try it out.
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