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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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I'm tired of paying for her daughter's clothes!
Q. Ok, my girlfriend and I have been with each other for 10 months but are not living together. She has a 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage living with her. When she takes her daughter with us shopping I'm expected to pay. When I complain ...
A. 15 November 2013: Hi Ted, you've had 15 answers from aunts here, do you any any follow up information? :)... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 15 November 2013: And to second what EWO just posted, I was so thankful for my mother's suggestion that I use her as an excuse not to do something I knew I didn't want to do. "Oh sorry, my mom would has said she would kill me if I did x y or z." Full well knowing ... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 15 November 2013: Hey, FA, I have to say 'thank you' for asking a very personal and compelling question here at the site where you offer insightful and thoughtful advice. I hope this strengthens and enhances your relationship with your son. Good luck.
P.S. I thin... (read in full...)
All I want is someone to love me! I need some advice!
Q. Here we go, I am going to try and do this without breaking down into tears . I have only been divorced since May of 2012 however my husband left in 2008 I met this man and started seeing him and at the time i didnt know he was married because he ...
A. 15 November 2013: Change the locks ASAP! Make sure he hasn't taken anything of yours. Go through the house, record everything he may have damaged or taken of yours. Ensure your computer is clean and has no viruses or tracking software, take it to a qualified and ... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 15 November 2013: Have a good cry, snuggle down and just wallow for a day or two or three. Then, get up, make yourself a nice breakfast with tea (or coffee, I'm partial to coffee) and… get on with your life, one day at a time. You'll be fine. In fact, you may be ... (read in full...)
He treats me like I'm a prisoner
Q. I need some advice. I've been with my fiancé for 3 years and he has two kids. His youngest just got into pre school so I got a job for the past 3 years he didn't want me to work just to take of the kids and the house and I was fine with that. But ...
A. 14 November 2013: Based on the information here, definitely leave him. If you feel you can't leave safely, please call this number 1-800-799-7233 or go to this website http://www.thehotline.org for help in ending this relationship.
Call family and friends for help... (read in full...)
His track record of one-night-stands really showed when we finally got intimate
Q. Hi aunts, Some advice would be great! Around 8 months ago I walked away from my 4 year relationship after not being happy for a long time. It was the right decision for myself and the relationship I feel. Around 5 months ago I met anoth...
A. 14 November 2013: Aren't you one half of this sexual encounter? Don't you have a voice? So slow him down. "Oh baby, no no, not so fast, I want to see you a bit, let's not rush this. We have all night and I want to enjoy every square inch of you."
"Wait, before we g... (read in full...)
I'm a package deal beauty and brains. Guys should like me right?
Q. I am 14 and I'm single my parents say i have the package beauty and the brains I'm a straight A student is there something wrong with me? Guys should like me right?...
A. 14 November 2013: Assuming there are guys who are intelligent and aware enough to appreciate you., I doubt there is more than one or two in your social circle.
Don't worry too much, if you are all that and a bag of chips you'll be just fine. I know it's hard to thin... (read in full...)
Am I the only one who is not interested in sex?
Q. I have very little interest in sex and it has become a huge problem in my marriage(understandably). I honestly do not care if I ever have sex again... it's just not important to me and I really don't get much out of it. I really have never had an ...
A. 14 November 2013: If you aren't comfortable with sex why did you marry?
"I just can't keep forcing myself to do something I don't want to do, especially something so intimate." Most people would agree that being intimate with a spouse is what keeps the marriage toge... (read in full...)
New to oral and looking for some tips
Q. Hi guys, need some advice…I feel a bit of a soppy fish at the moment….I have recently started dating this woman, we have slept together a few times and shes more experienced than me but I find it difficult to 'go down on her'. I'm not really sure ...
A. 14 November 2013: Lol, SVC, I know, but there were a couple of aunts who answered as though the OP was male so I thought I'd remind the aunts that the poster of the question is female and is asking for oral sex tips so she can pleasure her female partner. :)
... (read in full...)
New to oral and looking for some tips
Q. Hi guys, need some advice…I feel a bit of a soppy fish at the moment….I have recently started dating this woman, we have slept together a few times and shes more experienced than me but I find it difficult to 'go down on her'. I'm not really sure ...
A. 13 November 2013: Psst, aunts, it IS a female asking for help here, lol.... (read in full...)
I'm tired of paying for her daughter's clothes!
Q. Ok, my girlfriend and I have been with each other for 10 months but are not living together. She has a 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage living with her. When she takes her daughter with us shopping I'm expected to pay. When I complain ...
A. 13 November 2013: Don't bring anything but your driver's license when you go shopping with them, until you sit down with your girlfriend and explain your feelings. If she gets angry, she gets angry. If she's a reasonable person, she'll get over it and understand your ... (read in full...)
A beauty you fancy turned out to have had major plastic surgery done. Would it bother you?
Q. Right so this is a toughie. I'm hoping you guys can help me...cause I really need it!! I met a girl several weeks ago at a club. A real stunner. Beautiful green eyes, blonde hair, lovely figure, very high cheekbones, full lips. She was chatting...
A. 13 November 2013: Is it the bait's fault the fish fell for it?
She had plastic surgery on her hair? Wow, never heard of a haircut being called plastic surgery.
Anyway, to analyze your reaction to the physical appearance in the photos you saw:
"This girl had bru... (read in full...)
I feel like he'll never love me as much as he loved her
Q. Hi all, I've been having some issues lately and don't really know what to do anymore. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months, he had a very serious girlfriend before me. They had been broken up about 8 months or so when him and I started dating...
A. 13 November 2013: Who pursued whom at the start of this 5 month old relationship?... (read in full...)
He's gone off sex and I don't know why
Q. My partner has suddenly gone off sex and I don't know why. We've been together for a couple of years and up until a few months ago we would have sex 3-4 times a week. Now all of a difference its once a week maximum. He says hes tired every night. ...
A. 13 November 2013: Why would asking your partner of several years why this big change has happened make you paranoid or clingy? He has gone off sex, that's a fact, I would tackle it at as health issue.
What are your choices here, honestly? You let this keep going for ... (read in full...)
Is this just cold feet?
Q. Do I just have cold feet? I'm finishing a divorce-just waiting for the final decree. It wasn't a good marriage, and I have no feelings left for ex. I've met a wonderful man, at least I think he's wonderful. We've been dating about 6 months...
A. 13 November 2013: Maybe just keep dating? Or if you are this conflicted and find him mostly meh…. then take a break.
I would say that 6 months in you should be in a happy honeymoon period, if you keep thinking about shutting off communication and never look back then... (read in full...)
He suggested I share the cost of having his vasectomy reversed
Q. Is it wrong of me to feel like he shouldn't expect me to chip in for the cost of his vasectomy reversal? Things have been getting serious with my boyfriend, we've talked about marriage/kids/etc. He had a vasectomy about 8 years ago. I've read t...
A. 13 November 2013: How old is he? I'm curious as he had a vasectomy 8 years ago, he must have felt strongly then about not having any more children.
As for "I've read that after 10 years, your chances of pregnancy drastically decrease." Isn't that the point of a vase... (read in full...)
Can she never trust me again?
Q. I was caught a few times on dating sites by my beautiful girl. I did deny it at first, but now I have owned up to all of them, what she knew about. I have not been on them for a while, but she wont believe that. She is constantly interrog...
A. 12 November 2013: You've owned up to all the ones she knew about, or all of them?
You went on dating sites, then you tried to deny it, and have only partially told the truth? No wonder she has trouble with trusting you.
She has got it in her head that you had sex ... (read in full...)
She freaked out a little when I said she was my everything!
Q. Hi guys, I'm in a real pickle with the girl I love. We have been together for about 6months now and slowly but surely she has become the centre of my happiness. When ever I'm with her I feel electric and alive. I have had a couple of long term ...
A. 12 November 2013: Read that book cover to cover before you go on the holiday. Good luck.... (read in full...)
Drug dealer boyfriend. Advice needed!
Q. Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. We're the same age, don't live together, and spend weekends together. We've had a serious relationship where we've talked about getting married in the future and having kids. When I met him he tri...
A. 12 November 2013: Lie number one: he tried to hide the fact he smokes weed
I let it be as it's his life and at that time it wasn't causing me any problems (ostrich approach to the situation)
Lie number two: I found out he was doing "trades"
it's still his life and... (read in full...)
She freaked out a little when I said she was my everything!
Q. Hi guys, I'm in a real pickle with the girl I love. We have been together for about 6months now and slowly but surely she has become the centre of my happiness. When ever I'm with her I feel electric and alive. I have had a couple of long term ...
A. 12 November 2013: If you told her you could see her being your everything then she knows you have extremely strong feelings for her.
If you keep pushing on her, you will push her right away.
Take a deep breath, a big step back and pick up that book I referenc... (read in full...)
Should I tell a new boyfriend about my fake teeth?
Q. Ok here goes, when I was younger I got best by my bf at the time and he messed my teeth up really bad. It was to the point where they couldn't be fixed so I had to get dentures. Don't get me wrong I love my dentures and ppl that doesn't know me ...
A. 12 November 2013: Eventually what you will need to disclose to the new boyfriend is how you came to have your teeth removed. Being beaten so badly by a boyfriend must have been a very traumatic experience and I expect any decent new boyfriend will be more concerned ... (read in full...)
She freaked out a little when I said she was my everything!
Q. Hi guys, I'm in a real pickle with the girl I love. We have been together for about 6months now and slowly but surely she has become the centre of my happiness. When ever I'm with her I feel electric and alive. I have had a couple of long term ...
A. 12 November 2013: One thing that will feed her suspicions that you and the October 4 post from your account are from the same person is the use of the contraction "iv" instead of "I've", it would be a big coincidence that you both would use that same contraction in ... (read in full...)
Can't orgasm with women
Q. I've had trouble coming to an orgasm with women. I've been sexually active with two girls.. One we just did oral and the other I've had sex with. When the first girl gave me oral I had trouble reaching orgasm and finally after having to take control ...
A. 12 November 2013: Never ever 'take control' of a girl's head while she's giving you oral unless you have express permission to do so. That is so not okay, you have no idea.
There seems to be an epidemic of young healthy men unable to achieve orgasm unless it's by t... (read in full...)
She freaked out a little when I said she was my everything!
Q. Hi guys, I'm in a real pickle with the girl I love. We have been together for about 6months now and slowly but surely she has become the centre of my happiness. When ever I'm with her I feel electric and alive. I have had a couple of long term ...
A. 12 November 2013: Hi Jadakiss, it is interesting when I hear that people allow others to use their accounts. It means that you had to give him your password here and that any responses "he" received would have been sent as a notification to your email account.
S... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 12 November 2013: Hi FA, I'm a lot of years out of my teens but I tried to recall my romances of the time.
I found it very easy to write lovey-dovey notes to my boyfriend than to actually say any of those words directly out loud to him. I had no intention of gett... (read in full...)
She freaked out a little when I said she was my everything!
Q. Hi guys, I'm in a real pickle with the girl I love. We have been together for about 6months now and slowly but surely she has become the centre of my happiness. When ever I'm with her I feel electric and alive. I have had a couple of long term ...
A. 12 November 2013: Jadakiss, I have admit to being confused by this question. Only a little over a month ago, you posted a question in which you stated you were single: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-you-were-me-would-you-try-and.html
There, you have a crus... (read in full...)
Anyone else take this long to get pregnant?
Q. Hi Folks, Thank you for replies in advance. I am a 30 year old woman, I have been with my partner for 8 years and 7 or those 8 we have being trying for a baby. Every month is a disappointment, both of us have got tested and apparently health...
A. 12 November 2013: I'm surprised they didn't start by testing him. It's so much easier to count sperm and watch them swim than to do all the ultrasounds, exams and bloodwork on the female.
Of course he should be tested. Just because he sired a daughter years ago does... (read in full...)
I'm hurt he ignored me!
Q. Hi OK so i just don't know what to do in this situation and who's right and wrong really. :/ I was seeing my boyfriend for 5 months. We started off lovely, then after about a month he backed off and said he wanted to take it slow. I respec...
A. 12 November 2013: He's a lazy guy who can't be bothered and is happy to take what others offer. Be thankful you didn't invest more time and cash into this one. I'm not surprised he has ignored you, he doesn't have the stones to actually relate to you in a mature ... (read in full...)
I'm a student nurse with not a lot of money and he has a good job so why is it up to me to pay for the hotel room?
Q. I am a student nurse so not on alot of money and my boyfriend works in IT up in the city, has a good job,we have been together a few months but we decided to spend some privacy time together in a hotel room,so he wants me to book it up,arrange the ...
A. 12 November 2013: You seem very focused on 'is it right?' If you can afford it, why shouldn't you pay for it? If you can't afford it, then you need to have a discussion about that with him. If you are intimate enough to be having sex with him, you are intimate enough ... (read in full...)
I'm a student nurse with not a lot of money and he has a good job so why is it up to me to pay for the hotel room?
Q. I am a student nurse so not on alot of money and my boyfriend works in IT up in the city, has a good job,we have been together a few months but we decided to spend some privacy time together in a hotel room,so he wants me to book it up,arrange the ...
A. 12 November 2013: Who suggested the hotel in the first place? Why not simply meet at his place or yours?
You could try to pass it off to him, "babe, you're the guy in IT and can navigate the hotel booking sites better than I can, I'm busy with school, would you mind... (read in full...)
He has this friend who really has a thing for him and who would like me out of the picture
Q. I've been seeing this guy I met online since July (about 5 months), very casually, on and off. I like him a lot, I enjoy being with him, and the sex is phenomenal. He's a bit of a commitment phobe and so am I, so neither of us is rushing toward a ...
A. 12 November 2013: He's dating a "psycho" and she's in a "crazy phase" and he's all blase about it, kept her around for years and blah blah blah.
Definitely stick around if you want more psycho stalking from her and denial from him.
There are plenty of other guys out... (read in full...)
Dealing with his pain
Q. I don't know how to feel right now. My boyfriend and I broke up Friday night and it was a pretty bad fight for something really stupid. It always happens. We fight and make up. We were together for a little over a year and a half, and we were pret...
A. 11 November 2013: You aren't "supposed" to feel a specific way. You feel what you feel.
What can you do? I think it's time to change your number and cut contact.
You are supposed to take care of yourself. He needs to find his own way to feeling better.
... (read in full...)
I'm too scared to break up with my boyfriend
Q. I am in a bit of a sticky situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now in a relatively stable relationship. Because of my job I've had to move away for a while and my boyfriend is still back at home and now I rarely get to see him. ...
A. 11 November 2013: To me, it sounds as though you are a couple of years overdue for the inevitable breakup.
If he's not willing to visit you, not willing to discuss things calmly and rationally, and emotionally blackmails you into staying with him, well, then ther... (read in full...)
Anyone else take this long to get pregnant?
Q. Hi Folks, Thank you for replies in advance. I am a 30 year old woman, I have been with my partner for 8 years and 7 or those 8 we have being trying for a baby. Every month is a disappointment, both of us have got tested and apparently health...
A. 11 November 2013: You need to see a specialist, first your partner, for sperm count and motility assessment, then yourself if his screening tests show him as able to produce healthy sperm.
h... (read in full...)
Is this penis envy?
Q. I am not sure where to start. I guess I should be straightforward. I have been feeling real envious more so lately of the male anatomy, well, the penis. Yes penis envy probably. Anyway, whenever I masturbate I have to think of my partner getting ...
A. 11 November 2013: I don't what to 'label' your current thinking process about the penis. It does sound like envy, I guess, but maybe it's just that you're not enjoying orgasms as you could because he focuses on his penis and so do you. If you'd take a look at your ... (read in full...)
Why can’t girls just say no when they don’t want to go out with you?
Q. I asked this girl out recently who I actually thought liked me back, given all the back and forth flirting, but as soon as I asked if she wanted to go out, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know, I have to think about it, maybe later, ...
A. 11 November 2013: Honeypie is right, girls and women are socialized to be 'nice' and to avoid looking like a bitch. We are not supposed to be mean and were told to be polite at all times.
It doesn't feel good to reject someone with a firm 'no' so many women go with... (read in full...)
All I want is someone to love me! I need some advice!
Q. Here we go, I am going to try and do this without breaking down into tears . I have only been divorced since May of 2012 however my husband left in 2008 I met this man and started seeing him and at the time i didnt know he was married because he ...
A. 11 November 2013: If it's your computer then cut off his access to it. Don't let him add any expenses to your life. If he owns a home then he can go there and invite you over.
There is a big difference between being supportive and becoming a doormat. I hope that the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is out of town... messages me...then does not read my reply or answer back!
Q. Hi all. I am a bit upset. Not sure if I should be or not. Hope you can give me your opinions. My boyfriend is in the U.S helping his dad get back on his feet following a surgery. He messaged me on Facebook the day after he arrived and he t...
A. 11 November 2013: I don't know if you have ever had to be a caretaker to someone post-surgery or chemo but it is freaking EXHAUSTING and EMOTIONALLY DRAINING. I would cut this guy a break for now, do not react, do not flip out, it's likely he logged in briefly and ... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 11 November 2013: Go get a copy of this book ASAP: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD.
For now, lay off the demands and clinginess and immerse yourself in learning about courtship and how yours is playing out.
You have made your expectations abundantly clear, n... (read in full...)
Which man do I choose? Passion or security?
Q. Hello! I have to make the biggest decision of my life and I need some advice! I love two very different guys that have different things to offer and I don’t know who to choose. With Guy # 1 I will be able to stay home with my future kids and be the ...
A. 8 November 2013: Can you explain why you have to choose right now?... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 8 November 2013: I think the consensus is that you stop hitting him and you go into counseling so that you can overcome whatever is leading you to physically assault another person. No matter how frustrated you are, hitting is not the solution.
Seek counseling for ... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 8 November 2013: Both his parents have cancer and you wonder why he's absorbed in his own world? Really? He's stressed beyond belief and you add to that by actually physically hitting him. And you fight everyday.
Stop trying to work this out, you obviously have no i... (read in full...)
I'm not sure whether to go to my friend's birthday night out?
Q. I'm not sure whether to go to my friend's birthday night out? I know this isn't much of a problem, but i'd like some advice. My friend has invited me to her birthday night out next week. The place we are going to is a restaurant and a nightclub....
A. 8 November 2013: You obviously do not want to go, you've put up quite a nice little list of obstacles. Are you socially anxious and feel awkward in groups? Then don't go if you don't have the coping skills. You'll make yourself miserable and no doubt bring the mood ... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 8 November 2013: "Because I don't understand why people like this never regret it." Some people are jerks. Some people are mean.
It's pointless to expect them to suddenly turn around and say "aha! I've been a meanie! I need to apologize!" They are not going to do i... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 7 November 2013: Hi Meccamega, I see you are still grousing about your ex and his treatment of you. Aren't you in a new relationship and pregnant by the new guy? If I recall correctly, you are about to have a baby.
I wonder why you are so fixated on this person who ... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 17 October 2013: Nope, you are not asking too much! So why are you settling for so little?
Move on, move on.
And take steps to deal with your financial problems so they don't hold you back in the next relationship, which will be with a guy who isn't still married ... (read in full...)
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