A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I've been with my fiancé for 3 years and he has two kids. His youngest just got into pre school so I got a job for the past 3 years he didn't want me to work just to take of the kids and the house and I was fine with that. But since she started school I got a part time job well after a month he wanted me to quit. He was scared I was going to chest on him,. Since I quit work he won't buy me anything but spends all kinds of money on his self. Just last month he spent over 700 on his self. He got a bow and a new German shepherd pup. I needed personal items for my monthly and he wouldn't buy them for me. It was less than 5 bucks, I had to take some cans off just to get the money to buy them. I have to pick his kids Up from school and he only gives me 5 dollars a week for gas. He acts like I'm doing stuff that I'm not. I feel like his personal unpaid house keeper and baby sitter. He treats me like I'm a prisoner. What should I do about this? Should I leave him cause their more problems then this. He treats me different since His kids mother got out of prison. I'm totally confused. And getting tired of the BS. Can sometime help?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (15 November 2013):
 Yes you should definitely leave him. As others state, this is an abusive relationship. The longer you stay in it, the weaker you'll get so leave now. Good luck, keep safe.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): You have made some very bad decisions to end up in this situation.You have forfeited your own money (job) to raise someone else's children, and be dependent on that person to want to give toy money simply out of the kindness os his heart (which he has none) because legally there is nothing to say he owes you any money.If you were married then the court will back you up in getting money from him (if you divorce). By not being married there is no legal reason he has to give you any money tor anything. After all it is a free country if you don't like his selfishness and don't like that he isn't giving you enough money to live on, you are free to either get a job of your own (no matter what he wants) or leave. You are the one in control of your own life. You and only you are responsible for steering the course ot your life. You are right not shirking that responsibility by saying it is all his fault. Yes he is a jerk. But you are making the decision to be associated with him and participate in the arrangement. That is on you. Sorry but there isn't anything that can be done to "make" him financially support you. There is no legal contract between you (that's what a marriage is). There is no law that says he has to do anything in return for all you have done for him and his kids since you are basically giving out favors for free. You should definitely get a job and be financially independent I believe every healthy and able bodied adult who is capable of having a job, should have a job at all times. Money is needed for basic living. To depend on another person for it is so dangerous. I believe this to be true even for married women who choose not to work and rely on their husbands for money. The husband can still divorce or die or lose his job.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 November 2013):
 Hope you can read through the typoes, its not easy to write on my phone. I normally dont, but it was important to answer your question.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 November 2013):
You are ruining you future. Use your head! You are not married, so none of his money is yours. Had you been married, and left him, hed have to sipport you since you dont work. Also, you hsave wasted years not getting work experience, not being able to save money etc. So while HIS fortine increases, because you work for free for him, YOU are left with absolutely nothing. The solution is not to marry him, tge solution is to leave him before you waste any more of your life and before you dig yourself deeper into a hole. You have been set back several years, vut you can work your way back. You just need to start thinking with your head here . You need your own money, you are not married. He is nkt ynder law to provide you with anything. You have let yourself be used, and this was a big mistake. For your own future, leave this man now. Then never ever work for free like this again. Think of yourself and where this will take you in life! Think of what the consequenses are of you nit working.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): The best thing you can do for yourself is be independent and it upsets me that women (and men too in some cases) aren't ever taught this. You need to get yourself out of this situation safely and quickly.
This person is very controlling and the situation will only get worse. There is nothing wrong with having one person work and one person stay at home to look after the children but when he won't give you any money for the basic necessities or says things like you have to quit your job because he doesn't trust you not to cheat, these are red flags for domestic abuse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2013): So there his kids, they're not yours?? Why would you want to be with a man that treats you like that.. I'd pack my stuff up and leave right now
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 November 2013):
 Based on the information here, definitely leave him. If you feel you can't leave safely, please call this number 1-800-799-7233 or go to this website http://www.thehotline.org for help in ending this relationship.
Call family and friends for help, they are probably very worried about you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2013): You list all the terrible things he does to you. Why do you stay? Are you a glutton for punishment? Into S&M? Bondage?
He can't do anything you won't let him. Are you afraid to live on your own, or afraid of what he'd do if you tried to leave? We know how he treats you, but don't have a clue why you continue to stay?
I will explode, if I hear the excuse of how you love him; in spite of abuse. That isn't love. That is being a willing victim of abuse. You go to a women's shelter or seek abuse- counseling to get the strength to get out!
The only good advice anyone can give you; is to tell you to get out of there, and get some help. You'll need abuse-counseling; so you will not end up in another abusive relationship, and to help you to heal from the damage he has done.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2013):
 My question is this WHY do you let him dictate your life? He doesn't OWN you. IF you want a part time job then GO GET ONE. If he doesn't like it that is HIS problem.
What's next? Chain you to the stove or basement?
Why are you allowing this? Why not walk away? It's not going to get better AFTER he puts a ring on your finger.
Nothing about your post is OK! It shouldn't BE OK.
YOU are the unpaid maid, servant, baby sitter & cook. What do you think will happen AFTER the wedding? He will be nice and share? Let you have some kind of freedom & life?
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