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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
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1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 13 July 2014: I agree with Euphoric29, having read parts of this thread and others you have started.
Best wishes to you.... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 13 July 2014: Did you spend any of the past few months actually practicing flirting or talking to women at all?
I provided you two links which would lead you to the manuals you said you wished existed. Did you read any of them?
Good luck, I think you'll b... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 6 March 2014: OP, I could spend hours and hours reading up on how to ski.
Some friends are so scared of skiing that they can't even contemplate going skiing, despite never having tried.
Other friends no longer downhill ski because they are worried that... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 6 March 2014: OP, you have the love life you expect. Once you change your approach and expectations maybe things could be different. But as for now, as long as you read the negative blog things and judge women based on some sort of weird racial profiling, then ... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 4 March 2014: So few options open up when you are in your room all alone reading blogs that support the 'I can't do this' personal credo.
More options open when you actually go outside and start talking to people.
... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 26 February 2014: If you think a manual will help, here you go:
http://bit.ly/1hy5SaU
http://bit.ly/N2s5Vg
It will involve effort and change on your part, reading all the manuals and how-to guides won't change anything unless you implement them.... (read in full...)
I've only known him 2 days, he lives in another city and he's already my boyfriend?!
Q. So 2 days ago I met this guy at a church retreat and we really just clicked and he asked for my number so I gave it to him. By the way he lives in another city like an hour away from me. He texted me yesterday after we got home and we were talking ...
A. 25 February 2014: What did your Mom think about this? We are now more than 2 days out from this situation. :)... (read in full...)
He bugged me and bugged me for a nude picture and I never gave in, but I want what we had back! Advice, please!
Q. Alright so this isn't really a question but more of a combination of a question and a rant. It might be really long but I really need help with this. Its kind of a long story so last year was my first year in highschool. my first seme...
A. 25 February 2014: I hope you were able to resolve this, did you tell your parents or a counselor about his creepiness?... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 25 February 2014: You don't know how because you never tried. Why have you never tried?... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 21 February 2014: Your glass is two-thirds full, yet you persist in believing it is empty. Ah well. When you stop extrapolating the negative from life, you may wake up to find that there is lots to be positive about.
If you want to pay for sex, pay for sex, if that... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 20 February 2014: OP, you've had at least 8 aunts here tell you that the problem is your negativity, and you say "it may have touch some of the truth I never considered" but then you go on to completely discount the advice given.
Your filter is totally out of whac... (read in full...)
I've only known him 2 days, he lives in another city and he's already my boyfriend?!
Q. So 2 days ago I met this guy at a church retreat and we really just clicked and he asked for my number so I gave it to him. By the way he lives in another city like an hour away from me. He texted me yesterday after we got home and we were talking ...
A. 17 February 2014: What did your Mom say when you asked her? I know mine would have probably said, too much too soon, and that at 13, I was a bit young to have a boyfriend, but that was my Mom for you.
Why not just keep him as a friend and not put a label on thin... (read in full...)
He bugged me and bugged me for a nude picture and I never gave in, but I want what we had back! Advice, please!
Q. Alright so this isn't really a question but more of a combination of a question and a rant. It might be really long but I really need help with this. Its kind of a long story so last year was my first year in highschool. my first seme...
A. 17 February 2014: I'd take all those messages he sent you straight to your parents and the school counselor. He's a bully, an abuser and what he's asking for from you, he's probably also trying coerce from other fearful girls in school.
The best way to battle a bull... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 17 February 2014: I didn't say you were antisocial. I suggested that you have crippling anxiety about talking to women.
You have nothing to lose by talking to your doctor about it. Why wouldn't you try?... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 15 February 2014: Wouldn't a better investment of your time and money be to find treatment for your social anxiety? There are ways to help people who suffer from this.
http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-social-anxiety-disorder
http:... (read in full...)
Why is it okay to criticize big boobs?
Q. Every time there is a question about small breasts, I've noticed a lot of people take it upon themselves to criticise big breasts and call them 'ugly' and 'saggy' it's really insensitive, and quite offensive. The latest question I'm referring to is ...
A. 15 February 2014: One person's pointy chin might be another's blunt jawline.
Seriously, OP, if you expressed an opinion and backed it up with your reasons (shallow though they might be) if square jawed Jake with a pointy chin complex takes offense, even though you ... (read in full...)
Why is it okay to criticize big boobs?
Q. Every time there is a question about small breasts, I've noticed a lot of people take it upon themselves to criticise big breasts and call them 'ugly' and 'saggy' it's really insensitive, and quite offensive. The latest question I'm referring to is ...
A. 14 February 2014: OP, with all due respect, if reading some threads online send you into a tailspin about your breasts, it's not so much the blogger/poster than it is your sensitivity.
If you know you are sensitive about your breasts, don't read posts about brea... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a male roommate but the issue was that she lied about it!
Q. When girlfriend was moving to college, she had to pick a place/apartment in consensus with her parents. I always got a bit nauseus before that, when thinking about possibility that she might get a male roommate. Somehow, instinctively, I...
A. 13 February 2014: The relationship isn't going to survive.
Time to move on.
Best wishes.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a male roommate but the issue was that she lied about it!
Q. When girlfriend was moving to college, she had to pick a place/apartment in consensus with her parents. I always got a bit nauseus before that, when thinking about possibility that she might get a male roommate. Somehow, instinctively, I...
A. 13 February 2014: I'm sorry, it's a bit difficult to understand your last post.
"Also, I've concluded I would loose my nerve with this girl, she's ignorantly liberal, she supports single motherhood, promiscuity, drugs, prostitution, whatever, and this is where we p... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a male roommate but the issue was that she lied about it!
Q. When girlfriend was moving to college, she had to pick a place/apartment in consensus with her parents. I always got a bit nauseus before that, when thinking about possibility that she might get a male roommate. Somehow, instinctively, I...
A. 13 February 2014: So, she would be bothered, she said.
If we said you were right, then what is the outcome? Do you break up with her for being a liar? Or do you have something else to be angry with her about?
If we said you were wrong, what is the outcome? Do you s... (read in full...)
My husband's secret porn addiction is driving us apart!
Q. I have been with my husband for twelve years I have recently checked out the history on our co on our computer and noticed a lot of porn sites which he has been on for about a year. I have also looked at his phone which is hardly ever out of his ...
A. 13 February 2014: There is a very good website here http://yourbrainonporn.com that discusses what happens when some overdose on porn. I think if you looked through this site and educated yourself, you will find some answers.
Once you know what is happening with him,... (read in full...)
How can I approach this sensitive subject?
Q. So this is not a dating question, but it is a very sensitive subject that I'm not sure how to approach. I go out of town for business quite a bit, and I have a friend, a former coworker, stay with my dog when I go. He works in the area, but his home ...
A. 13 February 2014: As you are saving so much money on not having to board your dog and find this too difficult to broach, then the solution is to get a hygienic disposal system in place.
h... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a male roommate but the issue was that she lied about it!
Q. When girlfriend was moving to college, she had to pick a place/apartment in consensus with her parents. I always got a bit nauseus before that, when thinking about possibility that she might get a male roommate. Somehow, instinctively, I...
A. 13 February 2014: Um, dark halcyon? You said this about your girlfriend, on a thread about another poster learning his wife had had oral sex with someone she didn't know well: "Fighting an impossible battle with exact thing now. Though we're not married, so because ... (read in full...)
He keeps invading my personal space.
Q. I work on campus in a computer lab, and really enjoy working with the students. But there is this one man (at least twice my age, maybe more) who comes into the lab occasionally, and he is overly-friendly with me, and it makes me uncomfortable. He ...
A. 13 February 2014: Priaz, you have to take the bear and the card to the HR people on campus and explain the situation. You can't confront him on his behavior, that's not your job, that's the university's job.
Go to HR tomorrow and tell them what is happening, take... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a male roommate but the issue was that she lied about it!
Q. When girlfriend was moving to college, she had to pick a place/apartment in consensus with her parents. I always got a bit nauseus before that, when thinking about possibility that she might get a male roommate. Somehow, instinctively, I...
A. 12 February 2014: Hi, do you know what your reaction would have been? If you had been in your girlfriend's shoes, would you have wanted to go through your reaction for 3 months?
I think you are right, she probably did know about it and lied to you to avoid your reac... (read in full...)
How do I find a woman who is serious?
Q. Why do women flirt pointlessly? I have had many situations where I meet a woman at her work and she is friendly and flirty. She will tell me things about her son/school/friends/whatever and after awhile I give her my number so we can talk some more ...
A. 12 February 2014: OP, please read what Euphoric29 wrote very closely and carefully. And then read it again. Print it out and reread it when you start to get negative about this.
And just to say what she said again, "I am worried about your love life and your ment... (read in full...)
How do I find a woman who is serious?
Q. Why do women flirt pointlessly? I have had many situations where I meet a woman at her work and she is friendly and flirty. She will tell me things about her son/school/friends/whatever and after awhile I give her my number so we can talk some more ...
A. 12 February 2014: I second the suggestion of hiring a life/dating coach but only if you are willing to learn some hard truths about yourself.
I agree also that if this is a lifelong pattern, the one constant is you, and thus, it is you who is somehow not navi... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm being rushed into marriage by my boyfriend, my parents and even my friends
Q. I feel like I'm being rushed into marriage by my boyfriend, my parents and even my friends to a point. Last week, during a family meal my boyfriend proposed to me in front of his family(Mum,dad and two brothers and their partners and kids.) I...
A. 12 February 2014: One more thing, do you have close friends? I mean, ones you trust with your best interests?
I ask because I would suggest that you have a heart to heart with one or two of your closest friends about your concerns about his cheating past. Some... (read in full...)
Ladies: have you ever treated a good guy badly because of a past relationship?
Q. MOD NOTE: Words changed a little to make the post easy to understand... Girls, have you because of a past relationship that the guy treated you really bad and was abusive, in all ways he could, hurt a good guy by dumping him? All because you were...
A. 12 February 2014: Gosh, this gets asked a lot by a guy in your age range. Are you struggling to move on?
You got attached to a woman who went back to her abuser. It's a very sad thing that she is not well enough to break free of him, but you do realize that it's also... (read in full...)
If my boyfriend is the love of my life then why can't I stop thinking of the man I dated while we were broken up?
Q. I really need help and if anyone could help me that would be much appreciated. My story is long and complex but I will try to shorten it and summarize it. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now on and off. And when I mean off,...
A. 12 February 2014: You probably feel this way because you haven't sorted though all the history and built-up resentments with the current boyfriend. It's also hurtful to be so rejected by someone that they literally drop out of your life with no more contact. It could ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm being rushed into marriage by my boyfriend, my parents and even my friends
Q. I feel like I'm being rushed into marriage by my boyfriend, my parents and even my friends to a point. Last week, during a family meal my boyfriend proposed to me in front of his family(Mum,dad and two brothers and their partners and kids.) I...
A. 12 February 2014: The only way to "make this right" is to start speaking your part. Start telling him and your family and his family that you have some doubts and concerns. Just because he blindsided you with a public marriage proposal does not mean you have to get ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm freaking out over nothing or if I'm just freaking out over sex.
Q. Ok, umm, I really need some help with this issue. So me and my boyfriend have been together for awhile now and were really happy together but I feel like he's pressuring me to have sex with him or to do anything sexual. Now before you start ...
A. 12 February 2014: Hi, checking in on you to see if you were able to get the help you need. Let us know how that is going.... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm freaking out over nothing or if I'm just freaking out over sex.
Q. Ok, umm, I really need some help with this issue. So me and my boyfriend have been together for awhile now and were really happy together but I feel like he's pressuring me to have sex with him or to do anything sexual. Now before you start ...
A. 11 February 2014: If it still bothers you and you still haven't gotten over it, and you are now in a relationship where you are being pressured for sex, you need to take a big step back from seeing him. You need to see someone to work this through now, so you don't ... (read in full...)
My ex can't cope with me seeing another guy I dated before him
Q. I dated a guy last year for two months who wasnt over his ex and we broke up. We had a great time but I could see he was still hurting over her and bowed out gracefully. Soon after I met a separated guy who was close to divorce after a 4 year s...
A. 11 February 2014: Why are you agreeing with the toxic ex, who is clearly saying things designed to cut you down? You choose your life's narrative, you don't allow him to put over his own sub-titles, you know that, right? YOU are the decider of your destiny. As an EX ... (read in full...)
Is it unusual for a man of his age to take lots of photographs of himself?
Q. This might seem like an odd question, but it's in the context of a lot of other behaviour that I won't go into. Is it unusual for a man in his 30's or 40's to take lots of photographs of himself - I mean lots of him doing activities but a...
A. 11 February 2014: There is a group of people doing exactly what you describe he's doing with the daily planner: http://www.arttothe5th.com/the-documented-life-project-details/
It's an art project, a creative endeavor, a way to be artistic and creative.
It sounds p... (read in full...)
How can I support my boyfriend's family at this time?
Q. So my boyfriends eldest sister is in hospital and it's quite serious, I've told my boyfriend I'm here if he needs anything but I feel like I'm being useless at the minute and I could be doing much more to support and be there for him and his family. ...
A. 11 February 2014: Cooking meals would be a big help, packing meals so that they can take them to the hospital might be something they would appreciate.
Cleaning the house so that it's ready for visitors is another way to help.
Offer to set up a webpage at h... (read in full...)
I am not getting what I need emotionally from my girlfriend. We have already spoken about it; what else can I do?
Q. Hello to all. I'll jump right to the question. I'm gay and have been with my girlfriend just over a year. I love her with my whole heart, but lately, I've not been getting what I need emotionally, and it's causing me some issues. I'm pretty l...
A. 11 February 2014: Best wishes, I hope everything works out for you.... (read in full...)
I am not getting what I need emotionally from my girlfriend. We have already spoken about it; what else can I do?
Q. Hello to all. I'll jump right to the question. I'm gay and have been with my girlfriend just over a year. I love her with my whole heart, but lately, I've not been getting what I need emotionally, and it's causing me some issues. I'm pretty l...
A. 11 February 2014: You're 30 years old and know what you want in a relationship. If you are not getting the bare minimum that keeps it going for you then sadly for you, it's time to say goodbye and wait until you find the next partner who gets it.
Sadly then it's time... (read in full...)
Is he joking and messing about? I don't understand what he wants!
Q. I joined a website about 7 months ago (not a dating website, just penpals) and I met this guy on the site and we hit it off as friends straight away. He's in the military and I'm studying at university. While we was on tour in Afghan, we used ...
A. 10 February 2014: I think you should take a big step back and get on some real ground here.
This guy is messaging about moving and getting married and you haven't met yet? That's a huge red flag. Whoop whoop whoop all sorts of alarm bells going off bing bing bing... (read in full...)
I cant provide money for us since I can't escourt so should I end things?
Q. K this is pretty serious. We've been together almost a year, we are both head over heels in love. I asked him to marry me he said yes. Hes a tattoo artist Im 25 hes 47. We share symptoms, we're twin flames. Recently we have been having some mon...
A. 10 February 2014: If you are this close and engaged and twin flames and all that, what is keeping you from telling him that you want the two of you to find ways to make more money? Not seeing why that is a problem, unless his love for you is based on the cash flow ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 10 February 2014: And here's a guy whose girlfriend vanished http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-girls-suddenly-distance-themselves-from-a.html He never did answer my question about if this was a virtual relationship or a real life one… I'm guessing it was all ... (read in full...)
My crush is sending mixed messages!
Q. Hi thanks for taking your time to answer this. I currently have a crush on one of my new friends here in college. He's just my type of guy which is rare at my college, we get along really well too. Last trimester we had a few classes to...
A. 10 February 2014: Hi, why not just ask him out? He may be so extremely shy that he can't work up the nerve to ask you out. He could be one of those people who are socially awkward and just don't know how to treat someone. Or he may like you as a friend but not enough ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 10 February 2014: Dear OP, I have looked for some posts that will help you put things into context and realize that you are not the only one who has fallen victim to online relationship catastrophes:
h... (read in full...)
Horrible relationship with my mother, what should I do?
Q. Hi maybe somebody here can help. I have a very serious and personal problem. Through out my whole life my mother unfortunately has been into drugs and alcohol, it's pretty bad. With all due respect, my mother is not really a good person because o...
A. 10 February 2014: Here's the website to help you find a meeting: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
I would also encourage you to go to the college counseling service and ask them for help there too. The good news is that you have resources available to you, you just... (read in full...)
I don't think my family likes my boyfriend. How do I deal with this?
Q. I don't think my family likes my boyfriend. It makes me sad. We've been dating for a few months now and in the beginning it seemed like they really liked him but now it has changed I think. I don't know why, exactly. They haven't had any problems...
A. 10 February 2014: OP, you are making a lot of assumptions about what your family is thinking. You are judging them too, aren't you?
I would advise you to be a loving daughter and a loving girlfriend and a loving sister and assume that things are fine unless you have... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 10 February 2014: OP, I think your filter is off on this one. SVC was not being sarcastic, she was trying to make a point by making extravagant claims about herself being the Queen of England. Yes, you are not a child or teenager who needs to be scolded. But you are ... (read in full...)
I sent an embarassing drunk text to my ex. Should I apologize or leave it?
Q. My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. We sometimes see each other in mutual events. We are friendly with each other at the events. Sometimes we talk to each other, sometimes we don't I drunk texted him two times before. The first time was on my b...
A. 10 February 2014: And just to decode something your ex said for you, when he called you a "light-weight." That means that he thinks you drink too much and that you can't handle it. It's not a compliment and it doesn't mean he finds you endearingly adorable when you ... (read in full...)
I sent an embarassing drunk text to my ex. Should I apologize or leave it?
Q. My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. We sometimes see each other in mutual events. We are friendly with each other at the events. Sometimes we talk to each other, sometimes we don't I drunk texted him two times before. The first time was on my b...
A. 10 February 2014: Just saw your followup, OP, it is far more likely that he is thinking this: "oh, lord, she's been drinking again, here we go with the drunken texts."
He's not thinking you are a crazy ex. He's thinking you are someone with a drinking problem.
Did y... (read in full...)
I sent an embarassing drunk text to my ex. Should I apologize or leave it?
Q. My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. We sometimes see each other in mutual events. We are friendly with each other at the events. Sometimes we talk to each other, sometimes we don't I drunk texted him two times before. The first time was on my b...
A. 10 February 2014: Take his number out of your phone so you can't drunk text him anymore.
Stop drinking so much that you do things you have to apologize for later.
Tell him that you are doing these two things the next time you see him in person and then leave it... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 10 February 2014: Gnarly, it sounds like your Mom blamed porn for the problems in the marriage with your Dad? And your Dad blames your Mom for becoming obese and not submissive enough?
Not sure what "numbers don't lie" means… could you be more specific? Thanks! ... (read in full...)
How to stop comparing myself to others and see some good in myself?
Q. As far as Im concerned im a loser compared to other people, Im a gay female and other gay females completely reject me, I have no gay friends(have 2 aquaintances that are very busy) Im not going to go to an event alone and be stared at for being ...
A. 9 February 2014: I had saved this url because it had a very powerful lesson: http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People
Here are a a few of these Habits of Unhappy People:
Loneliness (How you Choose to Socialize)
One of the biggest causes of un... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my personal trainer but am wondering if he's out of my league!
Q. ok this is such a obvious crush, its embarrassing... but i really like one of the personal trainer at my gym. i know, how predictable! and i was just thinking how do i get to know him in causal way. it also got me thinking about people's opinions...
A. 9 February 2014: People with very good bodies at my age have earned their bodies and fitness.
You have to eat right and move and make healthy choices.
You wrote "seeing as people's body size/shape never personally changes if im attracted to someone or not i want t... (read in full...)
How to stop comparing myself to others and see some good in myself?
Q. As far as Im concerned im a loser compared to other people, Im a gay female and other gay females completely reject me, I have no gay friends(have 2 aquaintances that are very busy) Im not going to go to an event alone and be stared at for being ...
A. 9 February 2014: If people wanted to date only supermodel types or those with flawless skin and hair, then most of us would go undated.
The truth is that most of us want to date likable, interesting people who appeal to us, people who make us feel good about ours... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 9 February 2014: Does your therapist know about this current worry of yours? If not, why not?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 9 February 2014: OP, with all due respect, if a relationship that lasted for 2 months online only is going to knock you down in such a way that you will never ever recover from it, you need to be focusing on how to improve your coping skills.
It is a great pity that... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 8 February 2014: What needs to be 'fixed'?
You're talking to a guy via text and know virtually nothing about his real life other than what he's chosen to share with you.
You're not in a crisis because of your phone/data plan, you're in a crisis because you have... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 8 February 2014: He sounds extremely fishy to me. He doesn't answer landline calls. He hasn't called your landline to find out how you are.
Did you try having a friend call his number? If not, why not?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 7 February 2014: Hi, there was an interesting piece in the New York Times about this today, you should be able to read it here: Romance at Arm’s Length http://nyti.ms/1eYR9Tw
I found a couple of the paragraphs very interesting, I'll copy/paste them here so you may ... (read in full...)
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