A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I think I am doing something wrong when it comes to dating. Every time I am with a girl I seem to screw it up or the circumstance won't let me advance further. For example, the other day I was in a party and I was hanging with a girl who seemed to be attracted to me, but for some reason she had to live early so I couldn't make a move with her (maybe I waited too much). Then, a couple of days ago at another party I tried to pick up this same girl. She was being approached by many guys but I was able to take her away and get her attention only to me. However, at some point she just walked away making an excuse. I thought she liked me but now I doubt it. I feel there is something wrong I am doing that doesn't let me close the deal with girls (as it has happened other times with other girls as well). Any help with this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 Sorry, I didn't realize you had followed up.
The process of dating is to get to know each other. Sometimes there is no chemistry, as you have discovered already in the conversations that fizzle out.
In the one instance from a long time ago that you cited, where she suddenly went cold in the middle of the date, I would guess that you said or did something that she considered a major turn off and she simply stopped being nice because she wanted to get the date over with.
What that turn off is, we would have no idea. It could range from you using bad language, or showing a bias about something or your political views or making a sexual suggestion or or, the list is endless.
If you get puzzled a lot and shut down a lot, you will need to become more self-aware and pay attention to what you are saying at the time the woman turns cold. Whatever you just said or did at that moment or a few moments before is the problem, if this happens often.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2013): Well I take girls to the movies or for dinner, sometimes if there is a special event nearby I go there with them. Sometimes we strike conversation nicely and are going along greatly, others we don't have much chemistry. I remember one time we were doing great, laughing and flirting a lot, but towards the end of the evening she just became cold, didn't joke around any longer and resisted any form of physical contact. This happened a long time ago, but I was really puzzled.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2013):
Just list the experiences with the last 5 women you have asked out on a date.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2013):
So what do you talk about on the dates? Where do you take them on the dates?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 Are you simply looking for an evening of fun or hoping to get to know them better?
If it's the latter I'd say parties are probably not the best way to meet women. Too much competition, too much noise, too many distractions. And many of them will probably assume you're only looking for one thing and/or that you're drinking and therefore likely to forget all about them the next day. It doesn't inspire their confidence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): My question is not exactly about this particular girl, but is more about how similar things happen to me in different situations. I can be in dates with girls who seem to be attracted to me at first, but then that attraction seems to cool off...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 December 2013):
Have you tried asking the girl you are interested in out on a date? Or are you just trying to hang out, pick her up and take her home?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): Thank you to all the answers. First of all, I didn't really take her hostage, I politely told her to come and speak with me in a different place where all those guys hovering around her wouldn't be. I was talking to her, I wasn't silent or anything. Maybe she just lost interest. Second, I'm sorry if my language makes it seem that I am just after sex. In this case I wasn't really, since I am interested in this girl actually, but in any other case I don't really see the harm in a man looking for sex. Not every woman you meet will be relationship material, but if there is sexual attraction between the two sex is not a bad option. I say this in the most respectful way possible.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (3 December 2013):
Dear OP,
Rejection IS part of being a man and approaching women, that's just how it is. If you pity yourself and hide every time it happens, you won't get anywhere.
It also sounds as though you're quite indecisive around women. You gain their attention and then.. what do you want? A kiss? A phone number? To go home with them? To just get to know them?
Figure out what it is that you want. If you just wanted to have sex with the girl, maybe she sensed that and she just didn't feel like it. So she walked away with an excuse. Which is totally okay, I guess. I do that a lot at parties or else I'd be having an awful lot of probably bad sex with people who barely know me (and that's just not my style).
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 December 2013):
Yeah, you definitely took her hostage, that was a mistake unless you had a brilliant idea to go along with it.
I don't agree that you should make friends first, that's not always an option and when you find the right person you shouldn't let the opportunity get away. The best relationships I've ever had began with people whom I might have never seen again had I not made a move.
Don't appear desperate or like you're just trying to score. That's a turnoff for most women. You should act natural. In my opinion they like to feel special and that's why you should go after someone who you think IS special.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 December 2013):
 What do you mean exactly by "close the deal"?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): You sound like you are only interested in sex and 'closing the deal'. Girls don't like that - that's what you're doing wrong.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 Yes, you're certainly doing something wrong. You firstly need to begin respecting women instead of "making a move" or trying to "pick up". Your language itself betrays your disrespectful stance and women probably sense it and lose interest in you. Get to know women as friends first instead of trying to hit on them from the word go. Only when you're truly interested in a person for their own sake (and not just for sex), you'll find friendship and more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): Maybe she just got bored with the fact that you stood there holding her hostage, and not really saying anything. You had her attention, but had know idea what to do with it.Dating is hard if you have no self-confidence and you give in to awkwardness. People lose interest if you're nervous and babble on endlessly just to keep their attention.Calm down, relax, and just introduce yourself. Let conversation flow naturally and smile. Don't grin, that's scary.Compliment her outfit, ask her if she attends university.Let her tell you little things about herself, and just be charming. Tell her about your hobbies. Ask her what she considers exciting and what she likes to do for fun. You are acting clumsy and nervous. That's what you're doing wrong.
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