A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you think men feel after having a long term affair on their partner? Do the feel regret? Do they even care? What if their current relationship was on the rocks and they were together "for the kids".... would there be less guilt?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (3 December 2013):
 That is a really big question for such a short question, and bits and parts of the answer are here.
It has les to do with men vs. women than you think. What I have seen says that male cheaters have much the same feelings as female cheaters. For the purpose of this advice I will refer to wayward partner (wp) and betrayed partner(bp). One other thing, even though it is not completely true we don't blame the BP for the WP's actions. There is always a better choice than an affair.
The WP may end a long term affair for many reasons. Getting caught is probably the worst. They feel bad about getting caught but not guilty for what they did and chose to do over and over. The other person, the affair partner, may have broken off the relationship. In this case the return is likely to be a matter of convenience until a new affair becomes available. They may feel genuinely sorry for what they have done but the addiction to the thrill of getting away with it for so long is still there and likely to strike again. Thy may quit the affair themselves out of guilt or fear. This is somewhat hopeful, but still negative emotions to build a positive relationship on. Sometimes rarely in the case of long term infidelity a WP will return because they realize how stupid they are and really love their partner.
So to answer your question. Yes men feel guilt , but it's more complex than that. Generally the guilt has been overridden by the thrill of the affair for so long that they have developed very effective ways of subduing that guilt. Your second question is more important. If the WP is still blaming the BP for his/her actions then reconciliation is much less likely and a return to the wayward life is much more likely. In other words, a person will not work hard to fix a problem that they think and believe in their heart is someone else's fault.
FA
A
male
reader, M Proops  +, writes (3 December 2013):
To have an affair means something is missing in the relationship for either partner.If the love you feel for your partner has gone then there is no guilt.Most stay together for the sake of the kids(if there are any).If you love someone then you will not cheat.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 December 2013):
 I agree with Honeypie. It's down to the individual man.
I guess I could see a situation where a man could rationalize a longterm affair. Maybe his wife went from 150 to 400 lbs and he's been waiting for her to find her healthy self again but doesn't know how to help her? Maybe she's a narcissist who thinks only of herself? Of course, he could be a selfish asshole himself, with an inflated self of entitlement.
If the guy is a narcissist, I'm pretty sure they don't suffer from the 'affliction' of guilt or regret.
Would the guy you are thinking of be more palatable as a human being if he professed guilt or regret?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2013):
 I think it all comes down to the man and what KIND of man he is. Everything else is really speculation.
I don't really think there is a GOOD excuse or justification for cheating. Staying for the kids or rocky marriage doesn't mean that cheating become OK or less hurtful/destructive.
But then again, if a man (or woman) is willing to cheat they are most likely willing to grasp at any "excuse" to make it seem less horrible.
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