A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner has suddenly gone off sex and I don't know why. We've been together for a couple of years and up until a few months ago we would have sex 3-4 times a week. Now all of a difference its once a week maximum. He says hes tired every night. Goes to bed early and appears to fall straight asleep. He was never like this before. I cant help worrying if its me hes avoiding? Another thing I don't understand is he told me 3 months ago he wanted to try for a baby so we started trying but now he doesn't appear interested in sex. How do I bring this up with him? I know that sounds like a silly question to ask but I don't want to come across as a paranoid or clingy. Also im scared of his answer as my previous relationship ended as my ex no longer found me attractive after I put on weight so im worried my current partner will be the same.thank you
View related questions:
my ex, says he's tired Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (14 November 2013):
Dear OP,
He says he's tired, goes to bed early and falls asleep right away. Sounds like a reasonable and honest explanation.
If it really bothers you and you're worried, as Tisha already suggested, bring it up. Not in an accusatory way, just ask.
And maybe you can discuss the baby thing, if you want to wait a little longer or not. Having a child is the biggest decision of your life! You can divorce marriage, sell a house, change jobs, remove a tattoo.. but once you have a child together, there is no way back anymore. So if there are any concerns, don't take them lightly and don't try for a baby until you both are a 120% sure you are in on this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2013): Sounds like he is cheating. I would do some investigating.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 I'm wondering if he told you that you could try for a baby but doesn't really want one so his response is to shut down on you.
I'm not saying he's doing it consciously so that confronting him about it won't do any good if he doesn't know that's what he's doing. It's the ultimate passive aggressive move.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2013):
 Why would asking your partner of several years why this big change has happened make you paranoid or clingy? He has gone off sex, that's a fact, I would tackle it at as health issue.
What are your choices here, honestly? You let this keep going for months and worry and wonder. You get angry with him and let him have it. You bring it up in a loving and concerned way and see what he's thinking. Maybe he thinks you've gone off him and is trying to preserve his ego. Maybe he regrets saying he wants a baby and doesn't know how to tell you without disappointing you.
"Babe, I love you and I want you to be happy. I am concerned about this recent change in our love life. I'd like to find out what we can do together to make it better and like it was when we were so sexually and wonderfully connected. I miss you inside me and I want to get back to those really awesomely wonderful sexy times."
If you have put on weight and it's bothering you and you feel unhealthy then do what you need to do to get to a healthy weight. If you are really desperate for a baby then maybe you need to back off and let him decide if that is really what he wants at this time.
I think not knowing what is going on would be worse than being told something a bit unpleasant. Would you rather fret like you are now or would you like to know his take on this?
If you can't bring this up after being with him for a couple of years then you have problems beyond a lack of sex. Woman up, be brave, talk and listen. Listen and listen and listen. And then listen a bit more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2013): He is probably tired like he says. Has he been pulling extra hours? Does he drink after work?You may be overreacting; because of your past relationship. Don't drag old issues with other people into what you have now. That's annoying. You may as well ask him to breakup. That's just how annoying it is. He has no responsibility for how someone else treated you.Sexual excitement does reach a plateau in any relationship.It can't remain intense indefinitely. You get used to each other. If it has been running as hot and heavy as you say it's been; you need to give it a rest until he starts to miss it. I may as well address the inevitable response blaming it all on porn. It comes up every-time there is a question like this one. This question comes up nearly everyday.The responses are often very negative toward male sexuality. Often entertaining; if not flat out insulting. I've been reading the usual "porn-addiction" scares, and male-sexuality bashing in other posts. I expect to see it heaped on this post as well. Men can view porn without becoming pathetic porn-addicted perverts. It is an alternative to cheating, when sex with another person gets boring; or when intercourse is just more work than you're in the mood for. It doesn't always make him desire his woman any less. There are other things like hassles at work, bills, family problems, and health issues, that we deal with that curb our sexual appetites. Aside from an insatiable girlfriend. It's true that passion may die; if a guy is tired of being in a relationship full of insecurity or fighting. Guys don't usually leave you hanging; if he really wants to breakup. Guys like to get it over-with as quickly as possible. Can it with the "it must be me" nonsense. It's not your fault at all. Consider it entirely his problem, if you haven't done anything wrong. He's not superman, and you can't turn him on like a windup toy. He can't perform like the "Energizer Bunny" all the time. There are times when he just doesn't feel like it; or he wants, it when he wants it. You both fall out of sync.Too much of a good thing loses its novelty and "new toy" appeal. You have to leave it alone to let the desire and anticipation build up again. Either that, or add some new moves to spice it up.Women usually don't know how to talk about these things without adding a lot of dramatizing and emotionalizing; which is why men don't discuss their feelings.You should definitely approach your lover; and tell him that you noticed things have cooled off a lot. You would like to know if there is something he needs to tell you. Be a woman, and face whatever he has to say. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Don't jump to conclusions. Get the facts. If there is anything wrong, other than the fact he is tired; he will let you know sooner or later. With, or without the asking. You're just being paranoid; because you're insecure that he doesn't act like he's sex-starved every-time he's around you. That isn't humanly possible, and never will happen with any guy. Guys do get tired, get sufficiently satisfied sexually, and just want to sleep nights. I hope it's just a false alarm, and he just needs some extra sleep.
...............................
|
