A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I've been having some issues lately and don't really know what to do anymore.I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months, he had a very serious girlfriend before me. They had been broken up about 8 months or so when him and I started dating. She was his first love, his first everything. She was really his only girlfriend that he had ever had. He was crazy in love with her, they were together for several years. He told me that he found out she cheated on him and was dating another guy behind his back. He was really hurt and everything, and they ended up breaking up because of that. Even when they broke up, she continued dating the guy she cheated with.When him and I first started dating, they talked all the time, I think he still had feelings for her back then.Now that it's been several months later, I still can't help but to think that he still misses her and that he will never love me nearly as much as he loved her, etc.He says he's over her and doesn't want to be with her, but even that doesn't change the way I'm thinking about this.Has anyone been through something like this? Any advice or opinions on this?
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female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 It's entirely possible he had lingering feelings for her at the start of you two's relationship. However, any feelings he may have had were probably just a familiarity type thing, meaning since he'd never been with anyone else, he couldn't imagine her not being in his life, hence the talking to her. The fact is she destroyed what they had by cheating on him. It's over and done with. It can't be undone. You haven't betrayed him. He'll see you as better than her for that reason alone. Not that it's the only reason, but it's the first reason. He's had time to get to know you over the last several months, and he cut contact with her, which is definitely a good sign. He realized he doesn't have to keep her in his life just because she was his first love/everything, and that he's better off without her. Has he given you any reason RECENTLY to believe he still has feelings for her? Did you tell him to stop talking to her, or did he make that decision on his own? If he stopped on his own, then he stopped because he no longer wants her as a part of his life, and wants to move on WITH YOU.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2013):
 Who pursued whom at the start of this 5 month old relationship?
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 November 2013):
 Try to stop worrying, you have to. Believe your boyfriend. Just because she was his first doesn't mean he can't develop something greater with you. If you have to, then ask him again if he is really over her, and if/when he says yes, let that be the end of things. Focus on the future you have together instead of his past. Worrying about this will not help your relationship.
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