A
female
age
30-35,
*ovelybird
writes:I don't know how to feel right now. My boyfriend and I broke up Friday night and it was a pretty bad fight for something really stupid. It always happens. We fight and make up.We were together for a little over a year and a half, and we were pretty close. He knows everything about me, and we were thinking of moving in as soon as we graduate from college. We met in college..I a few months ago, I got really drunk and hit him. I ended up going to jail for a few hours. All charges were dropped eventually, and then a few months later, we were fighting again and he shoved me and then choked me. He was "temporarily insane". We love each other, but the pain is too much. It's hard because we don't know how to communicate and every time we break up, we say "yeah okay let's try harder" but it never happens.I am standing my ground, and I'm not getting back with him. He keeps texting and calling me that he loves me and that it's true love and we can just work at it. I keep telling him I don't want to anymore, but he doesn't get it. Last time we broke up, he was a ridiculous mess. He is an extremely emotional person, so he just lost it. He even caught the flu..I have no idea what to say anymore. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I don't want to be with him anymore. What can I do? How am I supposed to feel about this? Am I supposed to just ignore him or make him feel better? This is also very very hard for me, mostly because I know I have issues that I need to work on and I know he does too.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 November 2013):
 HIS PAIN is not your responsibility.
You are wise to know that going back will just be groundhogs day all over again
sometimes no matter how much we love someone we just can't make it work with them. I think you know this.
You feel how you feel... a mixture of sadness, anger, fear, relief, anticipation.... all those things are normal.
I think you can say one last time to him "look I know you are hurting and I'm hurting too but I think it's for the best that we go NO CONTACT at least for now. I will NOT be answering your calls, texts or emails. PLEASE do not come to my home or work and make a scene... let's just agree to disagree and move on"
THEN GO NO CONTACT. If you feel it will bother you... block his info... on your phone, in your email on social media.....
take your time to heal and figure out what pushed your buttons so badly with this guy that you resorted to violence with him.... that's never a good thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): This is an abusive and toxic relationship. You will never grow as a person as long as you stay in contact with him. Cut the cord and set yourself free.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): Go No Contact, move on, and work on your issues.He needs to do the same, for himself.If you stayed together, you would end up killing each other!No regrets, run don't walk!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 November 2013):
 He's a big boy, he can take care of himself. As for you, stand your ground, get help for your drinking problem and don't go looking for another dysfunctional relationship.
Change your number and cut this guy out of your life for good.
You hit him, he choked you...this is a match made in hell.
Both of you need to work on your issues individually and how he deals with his problems shouldn't be your concern anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): Dump his ass! I've had lots of boyfriends who "didn't get" that it was over. They're called control freaks. He's wrecking havoc on your self-esteem and he got physically violent with you but was "temporarily insane" while when YOU got physically violent, you went to jail. I think you belonged in jail, but so did he! Does "temporarily insane" mean that it was decided in court that he was innocent of wrong doings? Either way, once someone puts their hands on the other, it ought to be over with.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 November 2013):
 You aren't "supposed" to feel a specific way. You feel what you feel.
What can you do? I think it's time to change your number and cut contact.
You are supposed to take care of yourself. He needs to find his own way to feeling better.
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