A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiOK so i just don't know what to do in this situation and who's right and wrong really. :/ I was seeing my boyfriend for 5 months. We started off lovely, then after about a month he backed off and said he wanted to take it slow. I respected his space and backed off and after about another month or two it was back to being lovely and he wanted to make it official. Just to mention i have a son who stays with me half the week and with his dad the other half, hes 13 so not a baby. So my boyfriend (now ex) was very keen to meet him and was completely cool with the situation, they met and got on great. So then my B/f mentions going on holiday together and so we all went away and had what i thought was an amazing time and i actually felt like i was falling for him.We've had some issues throughout our relationship though. He only gets a few nights a week off and hes one of those guys that never makes plans, so ive always felt a little bit like im hanging around for him the whole time. Plus, he's always liked other womens photos on instagram, and im talking the hot, posey, selfie kind, not photos of their dogs! So ive said to him once before that i find it quite disrespectful that he does that. I know hes not cheating but i dont see why he has to publicly like these photos. He got quite huffy about it at the time but agreed.Sorry this is a long one but im trying to give context! So we go on holiday, get back and i dont see him for 4 days then when i do, we just didnt have a great night. I had major holiday blues and came back to a LOT of work stress. So i ended up being a bit down and moody with him, plus, i actually paid for the holiday then on the night we saw each other, made HIM dinner! No gesture from him as a thank you either. Then for last two weeks, things have just gone from bad to worse! So after that bad night together, he made no further plans to see me then by the time it got to the end of the week i was just a bit annoyed with it all so asked to talk to him. Every time i bring anything up, he freaks out and starts saying hes just laid back and wants it to be organic and hes happy just making plans on the day etc. I said im not happy with feeling like an afterthought and would like it if he made plans in advance, he just didnt get my point! So we almost break up as he said im too controlling and need to relax and all this other stuff. But then he said he did want to be with me and make it work.So then he said we'd see each other on the Sunday, it gets to the Sunday and i dont hear off him! So i didnt say anything and eventually text him, nicely, to which he responded perfectly nicely but no mention of seeing each other so i didnt say anything to keep the peace.We then saw each twice last week, both times i paid AND he liked a pouty photo of a girl on instagram, after saying he respected my feelings and wouldnt anymore. So it gets to Friday and he turns up, doesnt even offer to buy me a drink after me paying for the holiday AND food and wine that week, so i just blew my top at him. Said he makes no effort, i pay for everything etc etc. I ended up walking off as i didnt want to argue. Then i tried calling and texting the following day and he ignored me. I tried again the following day and again got ignored! THEN, he likes a photo of the same girl he liked the previous night IN A BRA! SO that was it, i text him and said i had been prepared to talk but he clearly didnt respect me or my feelings so it was over. I havent had a response. Im just really confused, i dont think i was being controlling asking him to make more effort? And the instagram thing is just totally childish!More hurtful is that he ignored me, like ive done something wrong and i dont feel like i have.Any advice appreciated!Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2013): Lucky escape for you. Too many red flags. A big red flag is him even letting you pay for everything. At the VERY LEAST, he should INSIST on paying for his share. He was free loading off you, and taking all he could take, without giving back. The meanest thing someone can do, is ignore you. At the very least he needed to respond to say he is not going to discuss this on a text. Few things for you the take from this experience (IMO). 1. When something is annoying you - kindly and calmly talk about it before it becomes so big you explode about it. 2. DO NOT PAY for a guy. Ensure he pays at least half, especially in the first few months of a relationship. 3. Watch to see if a guy puts in the effort, rather than telling him to. If he doesn't, let him know what you are feeling, and see if he makes any changes, but don't tell him what to do. If he doesn't put in an effort - move on to someone that will. 4. If a guy ignores you once...don't follow up on it.... run and don't look back.5. don't have important conversations via text. You are in the honeymoon stage of this relationship, so it is probably hurting you, and you are probably struggling to get over him. But take comfort in knowing that further down the track you would have grown to resent him, as his true colours slowly unfolded. If he was a man worth your heart and time he would have made a huge effort to put things right quickly. It is good you didn't invest anymore of yourself or your money in this relationship.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (12 November 2013):
You were trying to force him to be something that he's not. It's your right, but it didn't work very well. You can call it controlling or not, that's unimportant.
What this comes down to is compatibility, which you guys certainly were not. Don't take it personal, it's not about anything you did wrong here, you were just trying to squeeze water from a rock.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 November 2013):
 this unfortunately is the classic case of "he's just not that into you."
the things you were asking for in the relationship were not too much. they should be things that come naturally when you're really happy and invested. so you're definitely not in the wrong. you expected him to hold up to his end of the relationship and do his part, and when he didn't, you called him on it. then he turned around and made you feel at fault for being too overbearing and controlling.
bottom line is he didn't want to have to be bothered to give what was required for a relationship with you. he liked you, but not enough to do his part.
i know you must be frustrated and hurt being ignored like that. it's really rude to ignore someone. at least have the courtesy to break up with someone properly. don't let this dude make you lose your self confidence. pick your head up and move on. stop calling him and let him go. he's not worth your time anyway.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 November 2013):
 I think you are over reacting a little, with him "liking" photos on Instagram. Who cares? I mean it is rather juvenile to "like" pathetic people's selfies, but it doesn't mean that he LIKED you any less -It's kind of lame and immature (of him), but sorta harmless. You getting so upset over it makes me think you felt very insecure in the relationship.
But THAT aside, he is lazy, he is cheap and he just can't be bothered to put forth and effort to make you FEEL good about yourself and the relationship.
If a guy after 5 months wants to slow down, it's not that he REALLY wants to slow down that is JUST his excuse for not being willing to put forth more effort IMHO.
Don't feel bad.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (12 November 2013):
 Sounds more like he's the one with control issues, deciding on the day whether he sees you, setting the pace of the relationship himself - sounds like you were quite understanding and accommodating.
Same goes with him not responding to you since this row. He holds the cards.
The Instagram thing sounds a bit petty IMO but maybe it represented your feelings of wanting to be more respected in general?
You put up with as much as you could, but he sounds like a pain and I don't blame you for blowing your top. Best thing is to consider it over and done with, which is a shame since he met your family and so on, but you two don't sound compatible.
I agree with Tisha that this guy is not mature enough to have a proper conversation with you to either patch thing up or end things. It's frustrating for you, of course, but I'd try to let it go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes i agree with you and its really helpful hearing it from someone else. He's made me feel like a psycho, controlling girlfriend which I don't think I've been.
Asking to make plans and wanting to feel like you're on an equal playing field isn't controlling in my book!?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 November 2013):
 He's a lazy guy who can't be bothered and is happy to take what others offer. Be thankful you didn't invest more time and cash into this one. I'm not surprised he has ignored you, he doesn't have the stones to actually relate to you in a mature way.
Write him off, get busy with other friends and for heaven's sake, block him on social media so you don't keep watching him act like a teenage boy on Instagram. That's just silly to subject yourself to that nonsense.
Next time, don't ask the guy to make an effort, if he doesn't make an effort, allow the relationship to die its inevitable death.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 November 2013):
 To be brutally honest, I'm thinking it's like the movie title.'He's Just That into you" That might hurt and if so, I appologize but, his behaviour really is wierd for someone that is supposed to have feelings for you. Sorry, just keeping it real as the kids of today seem to say.Good Luck
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