A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I asked this girl out recently who I actually thought liked me back, given all the back and forth flirting, but as soon as I asked if she wanted to go out, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know, I have to think about it, maybe later, can I get back to you?”When does that actually mean she will get back to me? As guys, we can tell it means no I’m not interested. But why must girls dress it up and give it some sense of hope? When I was younger, it used to give me some encouragement but I ended up getting rejected further. I’ve learned from MY mistakes!I’m USED to rejection and so should every guy so why can’t girls say something like, “No thanks, but I’m flattered.” Or “I’m seeing someone else.” or something that gives a definite NO.I don’t understand girls and I probably never will.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): personally when I have said straight up, no apologetic comments, just 'no thanks' in the past it has resulted in a confrontation and has been absolutely horrible.
There is also a chance she might genuinely be thinking about it though so give it a few days and then move on.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 November 2013):
 Girls are socialized not to hurt people's feelings. Rather than outright say "no", we try to spare your feelings by saying "not now" thinking it will lighten the blow. It's intended to be a kind gesture and way of letting you down easy. But in turn only winds up giving false hope and hurts guys more in the long run because they would rather hear an honest answer and know the truth rather than be drug through all that crap.
I don't blame you for being irritated. Women should learn to speak their minds better.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 November 2013):
 Well we could take it as a frustrated rant, or we could try to determine who has it worse. Or we could just accept that everyone talks in code.
The frustration behind this rant is not because she gave him a coded rejection, it is because she flirted, back and forth, until he was ready to ask. Then she turned it around and shut him down. Was she just playing for points? Of does she not know what she is communicating with glances and body language and whatever else she used to flirt. The flirting was the lie, whether intentional or not, that led to the frustration.
I have a hobby of playing cards. When I find an opponent who is just there for quick points, I stop playing with them. If the game's not fun for me as well then why would I play?
OP write her off as a bad experience. Tomorrow is a new day live and learn.
FA
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 November 2013):
 Honeypie is right, girls and women are socialized to be 'nice' and to avoid looking like a bitch. We are not supposed to be mean and were told to be polite at all times.
It doesn't feel good to reject someone with a firm 'no' so many women go with the indefinite 'no' by saying 'maybe' or 'I'll get back to you.'
And for what it's worth, it happens to girls too, when they work up the nerve to ask a guy out. Rejection is not nice, whether you are the one being rejected or the one doing the rejection.
I assure you, this girl you asked out? She did not feel good about putting you off, it's just that saying an outright 'no' to you was even more uncomfortable for her than leaving you hanging. There's no win-win scenario here, it's lose-lose either way she played it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2013):
 Neither do I.
But it might have to go with the fact that girls (in general) are raised to be "nice" and "polite" to everyone. We don't like to hurt other's feeling because we tend to emote & feel more (or stronger) then many guys, when it comes to hurting their pride.
I have known girls who do the NO! and girls who do the uh, maybe. And you know what? The girls who is upfront and says NO thanks! was told she was rude.
Sometimes you just can't win, sometimes WE can't win.
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