A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure whether to go to my friend's birthday night out?I know this isn't much of a problem, but i'd like some advice. My friend has invited me to her birthday night out next week. The place we are going to is a restaurant and a nightclub. I like going to restaurants, but I don't like going to nightclubs. There will be a group of people going. I don't know any of my friends other friends that are going. I sometimes feel nervous around people I don't know. I also don't like getting really dressed up, but you have to, as it's a nightclub. I've also heard that you need I.D for the nightclub. I think you need it even if you are over 18. I'm not sure what I can use as I.D. I don't have a passport or Driver's Licence. We are all supposed to be getting a mini bus together, so I don't know if I can just go to the restaurant and leave early, instead of going to the nightclub, as I don't want to travel home alone. I would need to get the train home alone if I leave early, as I think the minibus will only pick everyone up at the end of the night. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): I am going. I didn't mean that I don't want to get drunk. I just don't like it when men are really drunk. I don't like the way they behave sometimes when they are like that. I've seen some creepy men in clubs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): You don't have to go, but it would be nice if you did. May be you will have fun, who knows. I would go even if I didn't like the music, a mean, if she was a friend, not just some aquantanance .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): You do not have to go, but it will look very bad on you especially after having agreed already. It might make this friend not want to turn up to see you in future.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 November 2013):
 You obviously do not want to go, you've put up quite a nice little list of obstacles. Are you socially anxious and feel awkward in groups? Then don't go if you don't have the coping skills. You'll make yourself miserable and no doubt bring the mood of the group down.
As for the passport thing, you should ask your dad for it and get it dealt with, you will need ID for something eventually and it's stupid not to have it.
If your friend visits your town you could treat her to a meal as an apology for not following through on your acceptance of her invitation.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2013):
 I have to say that since it is her birthday you should go along with what she wants, rather than ask her to do something you want. You can do what you want on your own birthday! If shes actually a friend then go. I would actually find it rude to ask her to give you special treatment and celebrate an extra day with you doing what YOU like. It gives the impression its all "me me me" with you. You might find yourself friendless if you arent going to make any sacrifices or compromises for anyone. People dont want or like selfish friends who only care about themselves... Or worse: act too good for their choice of activity. You are basically saying you dont like her friends, her music, her choice of activity, her clothes etc.
If I was her, and you told me what youve written here, I dont think Id like to hang out with you much, since its all on your terms.. Id definitely not invite you along to anything again. So be carefil.. Is your personal comfort really more valuable than friendship?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 November 2013):
 You can't do this for a friend?
The evening is NOT about you, it's about your friend who is CELEBRATING he birthday. Go celebrate!
And I agree with iAmHereToHelpYou - having a valid ID on you is ALWAYS A good idea.
You can go and have fun, no one says you have to get drunk of your skull and bad things will happen. GO HAVE fun, it IS possible without alcohol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): You DO NOT have to go. Your friend would not want you to be getting yourself so worried/ unhappy about her fun night. If it will not make you happy, don't go- just make sure that you give her a sincere apology and wish her a good night.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): YOu must go . You can leave after the dinner. You said you'd go so don't be shady now
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): it doesn't matter about the expiry date although do apply for a new one. All they check is the date of birth, that is all they care about. You can show your bank card if htey don't believe it is you, but i'm sure they will, bouncers are used to it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): When I said I don't have a passport, I meant it has expired, and I look totally different on my passport photo to how I look now. You cant even recognise me!. It was taken 11 years ago. My dad had it, but I don't live with him, so it depends if he can find it.
I'm not very close with this friend. We have known each other for a long time, but we haven't met up that much, as we live in different areas.We do have other things in common though.
I don't like nightclubs as I don't like it when people are very drunk, and it can be dangerous. Some people try to chat you up and are only after one thing, and i'm not that kind of person. I also don't like certain types of music that are played in nightclubs. I don't like heavy dance music, and I prefer music from the 80's , and earlier than that.
I think I will either try to leave after the meal, or I will tell her that I cant make it at all, and meet her for her birthday on a different day. I sort of wish I hadn't told her I would go now. She is having the night out in a city that isn't that close to where I live. She also likes coming to my hometown though. We both like going to a place that plays 80's music here. Maybe I could suggest that we go there sometime instead?.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): If she's a good friend I think you should go. It's her birthday so she gets to plan the night and everyone else should be happy to go along with it for her (provided it's not dangerous or ridiculously expensive or something like that). As for the ID, I agree with the previous aunt who says you should get a provisional licence from the DVLA. I've needed photo ID for lots of things over the years, even applying for jobs, so it's a good idea to get one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Stop making excuses and go,I mean bloody hell your friends are going even if they're bringing other friends. Man up. You'll have people u know around u and it's not about u it's about ur friend. And to u not having a passport I call bullshit, it's at your mum's or other family members get them to send it tracked post.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Why don't you just go for dinner and leave afterward, before the clubbing begins?
Let your friend know that you'll be joining for dinner but leaving afterwards. Give whatever reason you want (I don't like clubs, I have to get up early, etc etc.)
If you go end up liking the club, you could always change your mind and stick around for longer.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 Is this a good friend that would note / regret your absence ? then push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone, be a good sport and go. It's her birthday after all, she gets to choose location transportattion dress code etc,- when it will be yours , you'll do it the way YOU like.
What's the bsolute worst than can happen, that you get terribly bored ? Well, get bored then ! , it's one night in your life , it's just a little sacrifice that one can surely do for a good friend.
If instead you are using " my friend " as it is often used, as a shorthand for " person with whom I am vaguely in social relationship with but basically we do not give a f..k about each other ", then my advice changes, - no need to put yourself through what for you is a bit of an ordeal just to be politically correct. Decline, politely and well in advance, but decline- and send her anyway a nice card or gift or both.
Sorry, I don't know what to say about the I.D. question, where I live it could not happen because everybody gets non-driving IDs from their municipality from 15 on- hopefully some British aunt will step in.
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