A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, need some advice…I feel a bit of a soppy fish at the moment….I have recently started dating this woman, we have slept together a few times and shes more experienced than me but I find it difficult to 'go down on her'. I'm not really sure what I'm doing as I haven't done it before. I have tried to mimic what she does to me but I find it difficult to open her up as such. She really wants me to do it but I find it hard unless I literally prize her legs apart which I find it very unromantic. Her lips tend to cover completely over and I find it really difficult. So women........what do you like being done to you? And guys what tips do you have? I know everyone is different and its just a natural thing that comes naturally when it happens but I just want to make her feel good Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (15 November 2013):
Dear OP,
Great advice has already been given and got me slightly horny just by reading :).
When I had my first girlfriend, I had the same feeling, like I didn't know what I was doing.
A simple rule of thumbs for me is, there are two things you can do: Lick and suck. And you can vary what you lick, what you suck, how hard and fast you do it etc. So just try out. Me, personally, I love it when somebody sucks on my inner labia, not just the clitoris, because this part is so sensitive that it easily becomes uncomfortable.
I can recommend the book by Lou Paget, too. Or instructionals by Nina Hartley (porn star who played a lot of lesbian sex scenes).
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 November 2013):
 OOOPS! How the heck did I miss that?!
**embarrassed**
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 November 2013):
 Lol, SVC, I know, but there were a couple of aunts who answered as though the OP was male so I thought I'd remind the aunts that the poster of the question is female and is asking for oral sex tips so she can pleasure her female partner. :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 November 2013):
 PSSST Tisha she said she was dating a WOMAN....
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2013):
Psst, aunts, it IS a female asking for help here, lol.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 Do you know what the clitoris is and where you find it? Google search it!
Giving oral to a woman isn't as difficult as you might think, not when you actually want to do it. If you find it unpleasant, I can imagine it will be difficult. But if she's clean, smells good to you, tastes good to you, then it's just a great deal of fun. It's the one thing I miss about having a boyfriend and not a girlfriend, because I love going down on a woman (love giving bj's too for that matter).
I love taking the matter in my own hands and mouth. Spread her legs and position yourself to your liking. You can variate how you position yourself, just do whatever feels natural at the moment. Take control, she'll do what you tell her to. When you're giving oral, YOU are in charge. Then DO NOT think there is a set way to go about it. There isn't. Do what you want to, basically. Lick, touch, poke gently, rub, flick your tongue, lick up and down, circles... Just do whatever you want to. Listen to the sounds she makes. First few times around with a new partner will always include an experimental phase, doesn't matter if you've done oral before or not. Every man and woman is different, look different, like different things. You need to experiment.
But the clitoris is the nerve ending, where it "tingles" the most. The clitoris is the equivalent to the head of the penis, so you can imagine what it feels like to be licked and touched there. Be gentle, but play with it. Remember that it's an intense feeling when you play with the clitoris, so experiment. Listen to her sounds, look at her reactions. Use your fingers while you're at it to give your tongue a break if need be, or just to get a glimpse at how she reacts when you touch certain places.
Personally I love tracing my tongue up and down. Maybe poke a little with my tongue, but most of the sensation (I know, as I am a woman) is on the lips and the clitoris, and the skin around the lips and between the vulva and the anus. If you gently press your finger on various points of her skin down there I am sure you will find her trigger spots quickly. Inside, in the vagina, there is less sensitivity. Besides, trying to penetrate her with anything while giving oral is difficult. So when it hardly makes a difference, just don't bother unless you really enjoy it yourself.
This should be pleasurable for you too, remember that. Don't lose track on what's pleasurable, don't get too mechanical and worries about if you're doing it right. If she enjoys it, and you enjoy it, then you're doing it right.
Oh, and most women don't orgasm easily. It could take you several months to learn her trigger points, or it could just not happen at all. But as long as it is pleasurable, do it, because an orgasm isn't always the end goal.
Good luck! Remember to have fun and enjoy yourself!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2013): I applaud you for asking the question. And for being so keen to please your partner (many aren't). There are some instructive videos on the Internet that aren't porn as such. I won't provide links, but they do exist. Every woman is different. For me, I like the clitoris to be sucked on rather than licked (though licking is good too). It can sometimes get too sensitive so kissing around the area during short breaks is nice. You shouldn't have to prise her legs apart: kiss her gently around her tummy and then thighs etc until she naturally relaxes and is ready. And yes, if you can manage a finger or two inside at the same time as you suck/ lick her clitoris, she'll be very happy. Don't worry, try to relax a bit and don't be too shy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 November 2013):
YouWish is spot on.
although I tend to spread the lips of the vulva so I can tease AROUND the clitoris a bit...
find the clitoris and find a rhythm that works for her... it might be slow or fast
as she gets closer to her orgasm her clitoris should harden a bit or even "disappear" into her body... if it does that KEEP GOING IT MEANS she's VERY CLOSE to her orgasm.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 November 2013):
I'd offer tips but you kind of have to figure it out yourself. Think of it as a learning process. Ask her how she wants you to do it. Have her point or even use her own finger.
I've found that what works wonders on one woman can annoy the next, so tips won't really help as much as patience and practice, not to mention excellent communication.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 November 2013):
All women are different when it comes to oral, and while I applaud you for trying to mimic what she does to you, don't. It's not the same or even close to it.
Say this to yourself a dozen times over - focus on the clitoris, not the vagina. If you're thinking you should "spread the lips" to try and use your tongue to mimic what your penis does, stop right there. No way. The clitoris is just above those lips anyways! A very very basic starter tactic is to use your tongue to slowly write the alphabet in cursive on her clitoris or just surrounding it if that is too much for her, as for some women it is.
Also, if you want to mimic, think about how you pleasure yourself. The clitoris is the female equivalent to your penis, and since it has so many more nerve endings, you must be much gentler than you are to yourself. Your tongue acts like your hand does for yourself, starting very slow and following her lead for speed and intensity. The area will swell and engorge with blood, making what you do more sensitive all over as the feelings build in a woman.
Also, never ever let porn teach you how to do it, because that's there for the image arousing men, not true stimulation for women.
One last thing, once you're down there, DO NOT STOP until she stops you. Some of us are blessed with the ability to have multiple orgasms without that annoying refractory period you men must contend with. You will feel when she orgasms, both by a hardening of the clitoris at that moment, and spasmic contractions of the vagina and anus that will feel like pulsing (again, don't you pulse too?) that slows down.
Sorry to the mods if I'm being too graphic, but there are advanced tactics as well, such as simultaneously using fingers inside of her vagina to stimulate her G-spot in a "come hither" motion while also performing oral on her clitoris, but you've got to start somewhere. Remember, if you have a true desire to satisfy her, true oral on her will be jackpot for you.
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