A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various verbally abusive text messages. So why is this psycho now pretending to be the perfect boyfriend to someone else? Why didn't I get treated like this in the first place?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 So what made you snoop on facebook if you were so threatened by him? why were you so curious?
A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (13 November 2013):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have blocked him and unlike him, didn't keep his number etc. I was single at the time and only found out he had a girlfriend because I snooped on Facebook. So who's Thereal psycho?!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Threatened people don't continue to engage their exes. They don't continue to check up and wait for a reply. They don't pay attention to the treatment they give their new girlfriends. If you were threatened, they wouldn't know or care how the next girlfriend is treated. Just be thankful you're not her, because if he's truly horrible, then she's in for hell.
Walk away.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 November 2013):
 "Because I don't understand why people like this never regret it." Some people are jerks. Some people are mean.
It's pointless to expect them to suddenly turn around and say "aha! I've been a meanie! I need to apologize!" They are not going to do it, and it's a waste of your time to try to puzzle this out.
How's that pregnancy going? Baby healthy?
How's your boyfriend, have you asked him these questions? What does he say?
"I don't know why no one suggested to me when this ex psycho kept harassing me, to go to the police?" Why didn't you think of that yourself if you were feeling so threatened? What did the police say?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Would the real psycho please stand up...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Because he sent you nutty, mean, cruel text messages? You block him. You delete him. You have a choice to read the texts or NOT read them. What is the Police supposed to do?
Now, if he is threatening you life then yes, by all means go to the Police. But that is not what you wrote in your original post.
The Police is there to help prevent (or take care of the aftermath) of violence, not to be the "big Brother" and tell people like your ex to grow the heck up and not harass his ex.
By not blocking him from your phone you are letting him "stay" in your life.
And yes, there are definitely times where taking the high road feels like you "lost" and he "won", but in the end, THAT he who he is, you get to choose who YOU are. You already know what kind of games he likes to play, if you don't participate IN his games, he can't play, and can't "win".
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (8 November 2013):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBecause I don't understand why people like this never regret it. Taking the high road often feels like being a doormat, when the other person doesn't see anything wrong with taking the low road. Do you understand? Whenever I've taken the high road with a bully, it's also never worked. I don't know why no one suggested to me when this ex psycho kept harassing me, to go to the police?
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (8 November 2013):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 November 2013):
Hi Meccamega, I see you are still grousing about your ex and his treatment of you. Aren't you in a new relationship and pregnant by the new guy? If I recall correctly, you are about to have a baby.
I wonder why you are so fixated on this person who is of the past, when your future is right in front of you. Maybe you are looking to the past because the future is a bit scary?
I would say, who cares why he did what he did any more, he is an EX and is out of your life and should be for good.
Look forward, there's no point in understand why toxic people do the things they do. If you have a lot of toxic people in your life then maybe you need to examine what it is about you that is inviting them into your life?
You have asked a similar question about this ex here
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-are-dumpers-allowed-to-gloat-and-be.html He is a jerk, you know that, so just remove all traces of him from your life, and don't dwell on it, you're just feeding yourself toxic thoughts by nurturing this resentment.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 November 2013):
He tried to get back with you, you refused, so he moved on. It's quite possible that he matured some and his losing you was a wake-up call to treat his next girlfriend better.
Why are you keeping up on him and comparing his treatment of his new girlfriend to how he treated you? You need to move on yourself! The relationship didn't work, you broke up, and as long as you're focused on what HE's doing, you're not over him. He's moved on and you have not.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2013):
There can be many explanations.
1. he learned from his mistakes and changed his ways.
2. He is still wooing her so on his best behavior.
3. You only see what he LETS you see. It might look all happy happy but that doesn't mean it is. It's really are that a true asshat changes.
You ask why he didn't treat you that way... Well again several explanations. 1. you might have let him "get away" with more shit before putting your foot down. Or, he was and always will be a douche. It's HIS behavior, it doesn't reflect on you. BUT there is always the knowledge that you are in charge of how people treat you. Treat others as you want to be treated and if others don't treat you accordingly, let them go on their merry way.
I wouldn't focus in HIM, he is history. You dodged a bullet with that guy, so stop wasting time trying to figure him out or WHY he didn't treat you better. THAT is on him. Not you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 November 2013):
because he didn't like you as much as the new person
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 Everybody is the perfect bf/ gf at the beginning... when they want to impress ... flaws start showing up a bit later, when they feel they have reeled you in...
Then again, there's also another very simple possibility, although unpleasant to accept : he just wasn't that into you, and he is into this new girl more.
Maybe he feels like doing more effort with her, because he cares more about keeping or losing her.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (7 November 2013):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't accept it and cut him off.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 November 2013):
Probably because you took him even though he didn't treat you very well and maybe the new person won't accept it. OR he's just on good behavior while he's trying to start up something new with the new person and then his true colors will show up eventually.
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