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How can I approach this sensitive subject?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 February 2014) 5 Answers - (Newest, 13 February 2014)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

So this is not a dating question, but it is a very sensitive subject that I'm not sure how to approach. I go out of town for business quite a bit, and I have a friend, a former coworker, stay with my dog when I go. He works in the area, but his home is about an hour away, so it works well for him, as he doesn't have to commute. I get the benefit of having a dog sitter for free. And my dog LOVES him.

Okay, so this is disgusting, but...once I returned home to find that the dog had gotten into the bathroom garbage and had chewed up a bunch of toilet paper that had been shoved in there. The toilet paper had poop all over it. I figured, for some reason, this guy had put his used TP in the trash bin instead of the toilet (my toilet functions fine, so this is especially odd), and maybe he'd forgotten to take the trash out when he left.

Being a sensitive soul, I mentioned to him, the next time he stayed with the dog, "She's been getting into the trash lately, so, make sure that you don't put anything in there that she would want to chew up."

Diplomatic, I thought. Slick, even.

When i got home, there was no TP in the bin, so, I thought, "Success!"

Alas, my perceived success at getting my point across was short-lived. The following time this guy watched my dog, I again came home to an excrement-TP-filled trash bin. However, this time, he just folded over the trash bag, so the dog wouldn't get to it. Vile.

So, keeping in mind that this guy watches my dog for free, and is otherwise very kind, patient and accommodating, what should I do? I don't want to embarrass him by outright saying, "Hey, don't leave your poopy toilet paper in my trash can. It grosses me out," but what can I say?

Thanks, and I REALLY apologize for how disgusting this is.

View related questions: co-worker

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (13 February 2014):

Tisha-1 agony auntAs you are saving so much money on not having to board your dog and find this too difficult to broach, then the solution is to get a hygienic disposal system in place.

http://www.rehabmart.com/product/akord-diaper-disposal-system-35984.html?gclid=COC-iYH9x7wCFWwV7AodmUsAZg

Or a system for diaper disposal.

Just put those in the areas where you've found the offending items in the past. No need to explain, other than to tell him that you had to change the bins as the dog was getting into them and chewing up the poopy TP.

Or you could just say that the dog seems to find a way to find the toilet paper that finds its way into the bins and that you prefer all soiled TP is flushed instead.

Is it possible he is having company who is not up to date on the current system of TP disposal?

He may have a different septic or waste disposal system than you do.

Of course, if this is so gross, you could always simply board your dog so you don't have to deal with it at all.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014):

My mum has two homes, in the house I grew up in we always flush the toilet, but in her other place she tells everyone to put it in a bin because she says the plumbing is bad and if she has any problem there isn't any plumber around but I said I find it quite revolting specially when there are a lot of people in the house I don't want to see anybody's poo and blood!!! so just go straight to the point and say, I don't like it when you don't flush the toilet paper, tbh I find it a bit gross.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (13 February 2014):

Honeypie agony auntTry live in the South. It's VERY common that people don't flush paper (Toilet paper that is). Specially, if they have an older in/or above ground septic tank.

My advice double or triple the bags in the can before you leave and ask him to please empty it on the last day he is watching the dog, so the dog can't have any chance of getting into the trash - or.. simply REMOVE the trashcan from the bathrooms.

Or just ask him if there is a reason he doesn't flush the TP.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He is Korean, but he has been living in the U.S. a long time (since he was 13 years old, and he is older than I am). That may be the way he was raised, I just don't know.

The thing is, he could have taken the restroom garbage out before leaving, so as not to leave it for me to clean up.

Still, I don't want to embarrass him. It's just SO gross, I don't think I'll have a choice but to bring it up specifically.

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A male reader, Gauntlet France +, writes (12 February 2014):

Gauntlet agony auntIn fact in a lot of countries, people don't throw their TP in the toilet pan, but in a trash bin. I myself didn't know about it before living in Asia. In Japan where I lived, no problem, but in some other part of Asian like Hong Kong, Taiwan or Pekin, that's often required to throw ones TP in a trash bin because their pipes and drainage are very old and can be easily obstructed. Is your friend an Asian ? Is it an ecologist way of life, in order to use less water ? There must be a reasonable reason behind that behaviour, at least I hope so.

Anyway, you should ask your friend why he does throw his used TP in a trash bin instead. Here lies the answer to your question...

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