A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Alright so this isn't really a question but more of a combination of a question and a rant. It might be really long but I really need help with this. Its kind of a long storyso last year was my first year in highschool. my first semester instead of having gym, I had health class. There were people I knew in my class, considering we were are all in the same grade, so I guess the class was not a complete bummer.. anyways so our teacher mrs. Wilson put us in alphabetical order, and I sat next to this guy named chris. I thought he was really cute, and was actually pretty excited about the class.He started talking to me daily, and when we had group work he always volunteered to be my partner.One day he asked me for my number so we can talk after school, and maybe hang out some time, so of coarse we exchanged numbers. So now the flirting went to not only at school, but also when we texted each other out of school. We also had a cooking class together after health everyday, where we were also able to talk to each other.Me and chris used be able to talk about anything together and it would never get weird, and considering the fact that he was somewhat immature our convos were usually really amusing lol. Everyone knew we liked each other, even our teachers, and most were just waiting for the announcement that made it official. This went on for about a month... but later things began to get awkward.One night we were texting really late, id say to about 2 am, and I was getting really tired,but he begged me to stay on. We were talking about this rumor that apparently his best friend hooked up with a senior or something like that, and we started to make jokes about it. He was acting really perverted but that was normal for him, and I knew that. And then somehow we got into a convo about pictures. AND THEN he asked me to send him a nude of me. Naturally, I said hell no, and thankfully he dropped the subject and we both went to bed.However, this is when things began to get touchy. At school he began to touch and slap my butt, which at first I was like haha ok stop it; but he never did and it was starting to get really annoying. Then he kept giving me hugs, and once even held my hand. Everyone at school now thought that we had a thing.A couple weeks later he brought up the subject of a picture again, and I always said no. I tried to be like "oh why me, and why not someone else, or just look one up on your own;and he kept telling me that I was beautiful, and he wanted to see me. I never bought it.If he thought I was pretty, and he liked me, why wouldn't he just ask me out already. (the thought cam about social statuses. He was semi popular, but most definitely not at the top, and wasn't a nerd either, but I wasn't as popular as he was). Pretty soon, he began to ask me for a photo almost everyday. It got to the point where he wouldn't even text me at least hi first. He'd just say Pic?. All during this time I was, like any other teen girl in this situation would do, absolutely telling only my closest friends what was going on. They kept telling me to drop him, before things got worse, and I got hurt, but I didn't listen. How could I? This was a guy, that actually liked me, that had never happened before; and plus he wasn't so bad looking himself either. But that was the biggest mistake I could have possibly ever made.He had never stopped asking, or getting touchyat school. It had gotten to the point where he began to beg me at school. But im a smart girl, I never gave in. Time had flied by and pretty soon It was already almost half way through in the school year. Chris had gone out with a girl in 8th grade for like 3 weeks, but their love soon disappeared. Shortly after middle school, the girl (KATHY) had started catholic school; so she no long attented our school. In December she moved back to public school. IN JUST 3 DAYS OF HER BEING BACK she and chris started going out, and were official. That broke my heart. After all of this time of leading me on, and telling me what he said, and spending time together at football games, and school dances; he just got back with Kathy, as if I had never existed. However, during their 2 week relationship, he never stopped touching, or asking me for the picture, which just proved how faithful he was. Once they broke up, things went back into full swing once again. Soon he would only ask occatinally, and our convos got really awk, and seemed to loose interest in me, but I was the total opposite. I fell in love with Chris. I felt like a princess around him, and I felt like we could talk about anything. I even would talk about him to my parents. I was sure he felt the same way. Towards the end of the year, he would only talk to me about only like once a month. My feelings never changed, but he wasn't satisfied. Once school had ended I promised him id send him a picture of me going to the beach, which I thought was perfectly acceptable, because it was just a bikini, and it was summer, so it was fine. That didn't stop him tho, he wanted more, but I refused. Once summer was over it was time to go back to school. We currently do not have any classes together but we see eachother in the hallway at least 4 times a day, and its really awkward.He has only talked to me like once this year, and all he did is say hi and we talked about school. I see him everyday and each time, my heart breaks even more. Idk if I was the one who ruined it btwn us because I didn't send the picture, or was it his fault. Im really depressed because of it. Chris has a current girlfriend of a week, and I think she knows some of what happened btwn us, because everytime I see her she stares me down, or gives me weird looks.I know he still has feelings for me, he always tries to walk as close to me as possible when in the hallway, and his friends have told me, that he still occasionally mentions me when talking to them. I now honestly do not know what to do with my life. Im not popular so therefore, its not like I get guys like its an everyday thing. I still have feelings for him, and my friends do not understand me. They think I should just forget about him. I really want to get back what we had together. and I want that sense of happiness one more time. PLEASE HELP. I need advice. What should I do?
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best friend, broke up, depressed, exchanged numbers, fell in love, flirt, immature, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2014):
 I hope you were able to resolve this, did you tell your parents or a counselor about his creepiness?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2014):
I'd take all those messages he sent you straight to your parents and the school counselor. He's a bully, an abuser and what he's asking for from you, he's probably also trying coerce from other fearful girls in school.
The best way to battle a bully is to out him with help. Go to your parents and the school counselor or a trusted teacher.
This guy is bad news and will only go on to harass you more. He's a creep.
Good luck with being brave. And good for you for not caving in!
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A
male
reader, crushed_by_love  +, writes (17 February 2014):
You don't need this creep in your life or anywhere near it.By not kicking him into touch you're putting yourself at risk from far worse attentions from him than asking for a nude photo or touching your ass.This is potentially how rapists start out.As for female anons answer, that's a crazy attitude. No attention of this kind is something to be grateful for!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Pardon me anon female but that's a curious observation. A nude pic ( for Chris at least ) has exactly the same function as porn. It is masturbation tool. The fact that the body belongs to a girl he knows may actually make it " dirtier " and " kinkier " for him than anonymous porn. I doubt that Chris wanted the OP's nude pic because he thinks her is the most beautiful body around, he probably just thought it was easily obtainable with a little insistence, so I don't see how this attention should be flattering or something to be very grateful for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): Don't give in to anyone who asks for a nude pic but be VERY grateful for the attention in this day and age where porn is so prevalent.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 February 2014):
What do you need to do ? I hope you don't mind a it of tough love, but you need to wake up, and grow up ! Of course you are very young, but you are not totally oblivious, you are capable to make to plus two four, right ?, and to draw inferences from people's behaviour over a consistent period of time. This is evident in various passages of your post. So , open your eyes already , and do not keep telling tales to yourself.
You did not ruin anything with Chris, because there was nothing to be ruined. He did not want YOU, he wanted your nude pic to use as wamking material ( and be glad that you refused because a ) you being underage, that would have been exchange of pedipornographic material, it's a felony b ) you can bet Chris would have told all his friends and maybe invited them over for a grou wanking session over your pic.
As you are noticing yourself, if he had liked you, he'd have asked you out, it's not that he was shy, or that he was afarid to be rejected. He has gone out with other girls in the meantime, and reserved to you the role of romping around buddy , and of plaything. He's an hormonal teen biy, and he sure likes having at his disposal a girl to paw , and butt slap , and touch and fondle, just for fun, - and then he can date other more " popular " girls in his league, and leave you high and dry panting after him.
Did you wonder why he reserved this touchy feely , butt slapping behaviour to you ? Not because of special feelings, but because other girls would not have let him got away with it, you did. Other girls would probably would have told him . Yo , Chris, you need to cut it out right now . If you like me, cool, let's go on a date and let's see what hapens. If you don't, leave me the hell alone, I am not your ragdoll, and next time you touch me inappropriately, I'll break your wrist.
You do sound like a smart girl, just terribly hungry for attention and validation. Which maybe is natural at your age, but , while you work on your self esteem and to stand up for yourself, try to keep that hunger on check, so that you don't look desperate , and do not give your heart to people who is only interested in your pubic area. And not even IRL, but just on pics.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): Good girl by not sending the picture . You sound like a very smart girl and your actions (not sending the pic) proves it for sure. He may have been interested in you as more then a friend but his actions were very immature towards you. My advice to you is to NEVER send a nude picture to anyone --- ESPECIALLY IN HIGHSCHOOL. Remember he can keep the photo and show everyone and RUIN your life! I know that sounds extreme but it IS pornohtaphy and you are underage and schools take this very seriously. Nevermind the social repercussion. You are hurt now, but time will help you mend your wounds. As for now, when you see him around walk with your head high, smile as if your having the time of your life and LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. You seem like a fantastic girl!!
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Agreed with Honeypie - you do not need this guy in your life.
Do not blame yourself for "ruining" anything by not sending him a picture of you naked - which would have been CHILD PORNOGRAPHY, by the way, as you are underage!
One hundred percent of the fault here is his, first for feeling entitled to a sexual photo of you at all, and worse, for pushing and pressuring you to forget your values and send him one when you declined the first request. Be proud of yourself for not letting yourself be manipulated like that.
IT DOESN'T MATTER what kind of feelings he claims to have had for you. Those are words. His actions toward you show that you were basically a piece of meat to him and when you didn't give him what he wanted, he showed you how much your "friendship" really meant to him by not talking to you anymore.
Now, and for as long as you are dating, it's important to watch what guys DO as well as what they say. You will avoid a lot of scumbags simply by paying attention to whether a guy's actions and words match up. When they don't, run the other way. Someone who has true feelings for you will never intentionally hurt you, demean you, or pressure you into things they know you don't want.
Please do not feel any guilt or regret for not sending him that picture. Exchanging nude photos is in my opinion a bad idea EVEN when in a committed and loving relationship. There are entire websites dedicated to "revenge porn" precisely because those originally private photos don't always stay private when someone decides to be nasty during or after a breakup. In your case, he wasn't even your boyfriend, and all you had was HIS WORD (which clearly isn't worth s**t) that he wouldn't share it with his friends or put it online and use it to bully you.
You did the right thing and are much better off without his so-called friendship.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
female
reader, Anellina  +, writes (17 February 2014):
hey honey, you do have a weird situation in your hands... well this guy doesn't sound too good, but as you said you have feelings for him... First of all, it was a Smart move to not send him a Picture, you can see that he is not the type of person you can trust and you wouldn't want half the school having seen that pic.
Now, to the current situation... he has a girlfriend and she might know about things between you and him so i'd suggest waiting for a while before trying to talk to him again or start texting again... when they break up (i don't think it will last, he doesn't seem mature enough for a long-lasting relationship) you can try talking to him again at school and see how things go...
But before you do that make sure this is the right choice for you... i mean, he is immature, unfaithful, pushy (and if he is pushy about a Picture, just think about how pushy he is gonna be about sex if you start going out)...
Also don't think that you can't get guys, don't think of him as the only choice... you can have any guy you want so pick a nice guy, cute but most of all nice and respectful. Best of luck to whatever you decide to do, be happy :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 February 2014):
 YOU need to tell him to go FLY A KITE, and then you need to STOP texting him and stop talking to him. UNLESS it's REQUIRED (as in with school work)
They guy is not accepting that you told him NO - which means he has NO absolutely NO respect for you. He wants a picture of your naked body and he thinks because he was nice & friendly towards you he DESERVES one. HE DOESN'T - and certainly not one of you in a bikini either NO PHOTOS.
Secondly he touches you and you told him no? Again, NO respect for you. Next time TELL him if you slap my ass I will slap your face, got it? And then STAND UP for yourself.
YOU are so busy trying to please this little immature HORNY kid. Why? because you thought he LIKED you? Well, DON'T do things you KNOW is a DUMB idea, JUST to please a guy IT WILL come back to bite you on the ass, got it?
You can't get back what you had. Want to know why? Because THIS (how he is acting now) is WHO he is. NOT the guy you first met. The guy you first met was trying to get on your GOOD side, and well, it worked didn't it? He is a little douche-bag in training. YOUR friends are right. They are not telling you to stay away from him because they are jealous but because they see what kind of buttwipe he is.
Come on girl, use your common sense. You know he isn't the NICE guy you want him to be.
Move on. YOU CAN DO BETTER then him.
NO means no. Right? Don't let some horny brat try and convince you that NO doesn't mean no. You KNOW better (I hope).
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