A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:MOD NOTE: Words changed a little to make the post easy to understand...Girls, have you because of a past relationship that the guy treated you really bad and was abusive, in all ways he could, hurt a good guy by dumping him? All because you were waiting for the other shoe to drop? And then wonder if you did the right thing, to the good guy cause you think all guys will hurt you? When the guy was treating you fantastic. An the guy never brought his ex, into your relationship, cause he only wanted to be with you.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 February 2014):
 I have seen your previous posts too and I am sorry you feel you are being treated badly. It sucks when someone you care about and treat well suddenly ups and leaves...but it happens.
There never seems an end to the creative and strange ways that people f**k eachothers lives up when they play the love game.
Relationships are messy and the ones that end, leave untold pain, misery and confusion in their wake.
We all think we need 'closure' these days. We almost feel entitled to answers and to be vindicated and have it all tidied up and sealed with kiss, but it never turns out that way, in fact it's probably a fair assumption that nobody 'evers gets closure' from a crappy break up because the person who leaves/dumps/cheats never wants to admit they did wrong and hurt the other person. As humans we are rubbish at that kind of thing. When i got divorced, it took myself and my ex 8 years to be able to even speak about what happened...we pretty much went to opposite ends of the universe and all communication was cut.
You are asking women why they leave good guys and go back to bad guys...who knows. Some women, even if they have been abused, absolutely cannot give up the challenge of making that person love them...bit like you, not being able to let it go. It's not always about whose good and whose bad...it goes much much deeper than that.
I think Tisha has absolutely hit the nail on the head...you DO need to learn more about the dynamics of abusive and controlling relationships, it might give you a broader view rather than just assuming that just because you were good, she should be with you.
The first thing most people (men and women) need when they come out of an abusive thing is SPACE and TIME to come to terms with whats happened and why it's happened to them.
Jumping into something else right away (even with a good guy) can be very confusing and pressurising, so the odds that these things work out are slim.
Sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it is the truth...it might not quell your frustrations but it might open a small window to understanding and finding peace over this.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 February 2014):
 Gosh, this gets asked a lot by a guy in your age range. Are you struggling to move on?
You got attached to a woman who went back to her abuser. It's a very sad thing that she is not well enough to break free of him, but you do realize that it's also a sad thing that you are struggling with this so much too?
You cannot save her, she has to save herself, alas.
Please go get some counseling, you would benefit greatly as you don't seem to understand the dynamics of abuse and victimization.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-women-ever-regret-breaking-the-good-guys.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-the-good-guys-ever-win-back-the.html
With very best wishes.
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