A
female
age
30-35,
*mListening
writes:Every time there is a question about small breasts, I've noticed a lot of people take it upon themselves to criticise big breasts and call them 'ugly' and 'saggy' it's really insensitive, and quite offensive. The latest question I'm referring to is http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-smaller-breasts-make-me-less-of-a.html But there is nearly 1000 similar questions with similar answers. In the above link big boobs are compared to 'fried eggs'. A lot of women who have lost weight or been pregnant have to live with boobs that they feel bad about, for this very reason and we feel just as bad about the aesthetics of our breasts as small boobed women. The only difference is men are reaffirming to us that our boobs are unattractive and ugly. I don't understand how some people can be so insensitive. Why is it okay to criticise big boobs?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2014): Its ok to criticize big boobs for the same reason its ok to call beautiful people "shallow," rich people "materialistic," and powerful people "egotistical."
A
male
reader, BadDog +, writes (9 May 2014):
I've noticed the same thing and it is very rude. If it's any consolation I absolutely love big boobs even if they are what some people would consider saggy. Bigger boobs will naturally hang down more than small ones and I find that incredibly attractive.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): It is no good looking for insult where non was meant, although I see the point you are trying to make,just like skinny women get insulted as much as the larger lady. To dwell and pick at these points is futile and only feeds the negative because at the end of the night...who should really give a flying baboons bottom what any one thinks about our boobies,or botties, does it have to dominate our mind, searching for hurt and insult. Insults can be found every where and it's this type of talk that stops natural free expression ( because we are so darn worried about hurting fanny adams feelings, when really she has fxxx all to do with the conversation in the first place, and we have old dick who can't wolf whistle any more because this is insulting to 'SOME' not me though, but that's just my opinion. I am all for protecting peoples feelings but to walk around the houses to express oneself is wrong. People that are full of 'defences' are hard work and heavy causing so much unessesary strife because they want you to know 'THEY HURT', we all hurt in different ways but it serves us no purpose to search it out so we can cry more. None of us are perfect.It's the spirit behind the boobies that count.Hope I have not offended you, here we go, I feel like I have been manipulated into owing you an apology for my free expression.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 February 2014):
 You're laying all of the blame at men's feet but it's been my personal experience and observation that women are, BY FAR, the most likely to offer unsolicited opinions about another woman's breasts.These women seem to assume that because they're women and aren't trying to get into another woman's pants, that their 'harmless' jokes and 'compliments' are somehow acceptable. The other point here is it depends on the circumstances in which these 'criticisms' are made. The example you gave is a post in which opinions were sought. No one published an article here declaring that large breasts were bad or ugly.People have opinions and preferences and they may not always be flattering but it isn't fair or accurate to label them as insensitive for sharing them WHEN ASKED.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 February 2014):
 One person's pointy chin might be another's blunt jawline.
Seriously, OP, if you expressed an opinion and backed it up with your reasons (shallow though they might be) if square jawed Jake with a pointy chin complex takes offense, even though you weren't addressing Jake nor judging him as a person, Jake's response to your opinion is HIS response.
Do you owe Jake an apology for making a case for why you don't find pointy chins attractive to you personally?
No.
Could you please point us to the post where someone said your breasts were totally unattractive? Did someone insult you personally?
If I did a search on this site, I'm sure I could dig up all kinds of posts where I find an aunt's position disagreeable or insulting or otherwise unappealing to me. But if this site was all about one point of view then what would be the point? We'd have one aunt posting and he or she would offer his or her advice and you would not get the various and sometimes deeply insightful and sometimes cliched but always individuals expressing their own individual perspectives on things.
There is no way to express an opinion without offending someone out there in the ether in this increasing connected space called the Internet.
I'm honestly a bit surprised that you never actually took the time to answer the question that sparked this question in the first place.
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female
reader, ImListening +, writes (15 February 2014):
ImListening is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut, why shouldn't this behaviour of criticism be openly discussed, challenged and questioned? Just because you and I are strangers why can't we be accountable for what we say to one another? I do think that if someone gets upset by someone else stating their preference, that they are too sensitive. But, if someone openly criticises someone why shouldn't they be held accountable for what they said? If I answered a question with 'I hate pointy chins because x, y & z reason' & someone with a pointy chin was offended, shouldn't I be accountable for offending them?
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 February 2014):
 I think YOU should give the advice YOU feel is right for the OP, and let the other aunties and uncles give their 2 cents, how they see fit.
I understand the sentiment that not shaming ANYONE would be preferable, but I also think people should give advice from THEIR perspective. Just like ANY OTHER website the people WHO TAKE THE TIME to answer questions, you will find a HUGE variety of people and opinions behind the answers.
So MY advice to you (specifically) is if an aunt or uncle offend you USE the in-site mail system and tell them so. Don't ASK them to start writing cotton candy fluff answers, if that is NOT who they are.
We can ALL agree or disagree with advice posted and that is the whole POINT of DC. You get a VARIETY of answers, YOU get FOOD for thought (hopefully), some good some bad, but HOPEFULLY none that is "useless". You might not LIKE what is said, but if it can make an OP think, seek help, open up, then THAT is the whole point. If it makes someone feel bad about themselves, then maybe THEY also need to consider WHY they react such a way to something posted on the internet by someone who is a STRANGER.
From what I have seen on DC NOT a single aunt or uncle goes out of their way to shame ANY man or woman.
This is not a BIG BOOBS versus SMALL BOOB website.
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female
reader, ImListening +, writes (14 February 2014):
ImListening is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree, it is completely valid to say, if something upsets you don't read it. BUT I don't see the harm in exercising a little empathy to those who might read before posting? Clearly some people don't agree but I think it's just nice to be nice. The issue I have with negativity is it just breeds more negativity. I don't think any criticism is constructive unless it's regarding something you can and want to change. I read some posts on here where there was a lot of negativity towards big boobs & I didn't think that was necessary. So I created a post, & yes this is something personal to me, but I don't think that should cloud the points that I'm bringing up & my questions of what is the logic behind criticising big boobs on these questions? Why is it deemed ok to do so? I understand why Cerberus used it, but there's so many more who criticised the aesthetics of big boobs & I can't, for the life of me, understand the thought process around these comments. Is it just their opinions? Are these people really that negatively minded? I wouldn't dare openly criticise the aesthetics of a man's parts on a forum, I would list what I prefer, but to point out the flaws in the things I don't prefer would just be a bit harsh wouldn't it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): Just to add. In my experience the people who get hurt most by people's opinions of the object of their insecurity are the ones that look for such opinions to provide them with validation.
Validation comes from inside, it comes from learning to embrace what you have as being perfectly fine or even awesome. I have enough self validation that I have never needed anyone else's, the fact that people will provide that is unimportant as there are people who will tear it down too.
I could be an emotional mess about being bald just like many other men, men who read about it constantly trying to find a way they can accept themselves and be told "it's okay to be bald", but why would I bother?
It takes effort for it to be an issue. You have to read about being bald, you have to obsess about it, instead of just not caring. It actually takes more effort to be offended than to be apathetic. I'm too lazy to worry about the stuff I can't change, and it's never had a negative effect on me because I don't let it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): 'hang on, this isn't right, people are getting effected by all these nasty comments'
That's on the person. It's the sensitive person's job not to offend themselves by reading comments they know will contain things that will hurt their feelings.
For example I have to have a pretty thick skin when I read articles about people who are pro-life or American republicans and their bullshit about socialism and stuff. In the wrong mood reading the comments of those people can really make question the world I live in. So I steer clear.
OP, I'm bald, so I get a hell of a lot more stick than you do for big boobs. Everything says bald is bad. Women constantly have to make sure they let guys know how unattractive being bald is, men fear being bald as one of the worst things imaginable. There are ads on TV for hair replacements, in any article involving a man who is bald regardless of the topic there are always comments and jibes at his lack of hair. You know all this stuff, you see it too.
Is your insecurity supposedly worse than a bald guys? It's not, only how you choose to deal with it.
I choose to deal with it by not caring. I like being bald. I don't have hair to wash, I don't need to spend money getting it cut, I can't have a bad hair day, I don't have to style it, I can't get lice, I don't have to spend time drying my hair, I know that even women who supposedly don't like bald men can still be gotten because it's not as much of a deal breaker as people like to believe. I have no problem with something society tells me is a profoundly ugly trait in men, and if I did I certainly wouldn't go looking for comments on baldness or discussions of it's attractiveness. I can choose not to be offended and that's what I choose.
Why would I feed it if it was an insecurity?
I'm also short, that's supposed to be an insecurity, I don't care. I used to be obese, that too was supposed to be disgusting, again I never cared.
Do I find negative opinions on baldness offensive? Not in the slightest. Do I find the fact it's seen as ugliness in society? No, why should I? Why should what other people say or feel or think matter to me so much that it would hurt me?
I'll never get that in people. I think bald jokes are funny. I think criticism of being bald is a good discussion piece, why not?
But I will not tolerate direct abuse from anyone about anything. If people try to use my baldness as a means to abuse me then I destroy them verbally or physically. Because abuse is abuse and I will not tolerate that. But everyone can as many negative opinions of "terrible affliction" as they want, doesn't have any effect on me.
If I'm feeling sensitive to the point where even a minor thing may piss me off I don't go looking for things I know will. So I don't read American political stuff, I don't read about the ethnic cleansing of the Palestinians but I can read people's opinions on baldness no matter how negative all day long. Because the thing I get that you don't, is they're not talking about me or to me.
I'm a lot more than just a guy with a bald head. They're talking about baldness, not me as a person, so why care?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 February 2014):
OP, with all due respect, if reading some threads online send you into a tailspin about your breasts, it's not so much the blogger/poster than it is your sensitivity.
If you know you are sensitive about your breasts, don't read posts about breasts!
I HATE horror movies. They make me uncomfortable and give me nightmares. I hate that movie theatres run trailers for these dreadful pieces of cinematography before a film I paid to see. I could accuse the movie theatres of insensitivity for running these things without first checking with the general audience to see if anyone hates horror movies.
The fact of the matter is that they don't have to. You will see things in your daily world that will be offensive or upsetting or are something with which you vehemently disagree.
You just have ignore it. No one said YOU specifically have ugly breasts. You are extrapolating from a comment made on a blog and are actually trying to build up a head of steam of righteous indignation. How DARE people make negative comments about something that is hurtful to you?
If the world had to silence itself because someone somewhere was sensitive to the subject matter, all we'd hear is crickets and in my case at the moment, the sound of snowplows and distant birds.
It's your sensitivity, you know you have it, so stay away from the subject matter. When those horror movie trailers show up on TV or in the theatre, I divert my attention, close my eyes and plug my ears.
When a post touches on the topic of body image and breasts, go in, give your advice and don't read the other posts if someone's opinion is likely to cause you personal pain. Though why someone who has never seen you would be considered to be commenting on you specifically seems like an odd idea.
How about you insert the PC term in place of the offending term?
Like instead of saying someone is "fat," you would say to yourself "morbidly obese," which is the medical term.
So instead of "saggy breasts" you could say "breast ptosis" which is the medical term. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ptosis_(breasts) (Warning: has a picture of breasts with ptosis, so Not Safe For Work--NSFW) and just insert that into the comments made by posters.
Best wishes.
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female
reader, ImListening +, writes (14 February 2014):
ImListening is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Why should boobs be a more sensitive , delicate issue than shoes or cars ?.... Wait, I guess I know the answer- because probably people don't freak out if you question their sense of style, or their driving choices, they shrug and say " tastes are tastes "- but they may get sour when their PHYSICAL DESIRABILITY is questioned.
Ah. I see... so 1) the OP attaches to her breasts the whole idea , the whole notion of herself as a sexually desirable individual
and 2 )
can't stand the idea that in the world there also may be men that yes, don't find her desirable or attractive, even just one of them... whom she'll never meet or see...
...and this is my fault ?? "
OR Cindy, is it the much more likely option, that you have a CHOICE about what car you drive, what shoes you wear & you're not always in the car or wearing those shoes. When it's something you DON'T have a choice in like a physical feature, that's when it becomes a sensitive subject, especially given that, you can't just leave this physical feature down anywhere and go off somewhere else, like you can with a car or shoes.
I think it's ludicrous the notion that you think I would base my whole being on my breasts, because it's what we're talking about. If it were the other way around and small boobs were being criticised I would be the one posting answers that read 'Thanks for your reply but please keep in mind girls have small boobs too & will be reading this too, it's not nice to criticise something that you can't change :)'
& does the thought of any man not wanting me send me into despair?
Absolutely not. I learnt at a young age you can't be everyone's cup of tea! Everyone likes different things, that's a fact. & like I said before, I'm glad that men who like small boobs are speaking up if women feel insecure about them- I just don't think it's necessary to add stuff like 'because big boobs get droopy and eww' or words to that effect. If you read the second question I included in my below answers, You will see a number of teenage girls, now saying they feel ugly because their boob sizes are D's and some people on there are saying big boobs are unattractive.
There's a reason we censor ourselves in real life- because we do care if we hurt anyone's feelings. But without seeing the people we're hurting over the internet, our freedom of speech takes priority over the need to protect someone's feelings....what some people seem to overlook is the people who do read these posts (and any posts on the internet) are real people with real feelings & some more susceptible to criticism than others.
Outlining preferences and what you see is beautiful in your own eyes is perfectly acceptable and doesn't hurt anyone. But the line get's crossed when someone says negative things about something people can't change, & when that one comment turns into 50 comments, I think it's right to speak up & say 'hang on, this isn't right, people are getting effected by all these nasty comments' .
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 February 2014):
 Yes , let's agree to disagree , it's OK to have different opinions, and as a matter of fact I'd had let it go already if I weren't genuinely surprised, of the bend this conversation is taking.
Sage, don't you realize that " if you can't say anything nice don't say anything " is not valid for every context, again, and for every intention ?!
Don't you realize you have killed , say, fashion journalism, music art and literary critique and anything else that in daily life implies an ESTHETIC, personal, subjective, free evaluation ?...
So, I can't say ( invented examples ) " I do not wear platform shoes ,to me they are hideous " - and note, NOT during a conversation with a platform shoes wearer or maker, but, say, on a forum about fashion - because that's insensitive toward platform shoes wearers ?
I can't say," oh boy, how ugly is it that last Toyota model " - because that's offensive to all Toyota drivers ?!
I guess perhaps I should preface any of my statement with a disclaimer expliciting what is implied : " That's just the personal opinion of I ,me and myself, unqualified and unprofessional, and solely based on private subjective criteria of what constitutes harmony and beauty in my eyes etc.etc "... but people would fall asleep before I have ended saying it.
Why should boobs be a more sensitive , delicate issue than shoes or cars ?.... Wait, I guess I know the answer- because probably people don't freak out if you question their sense of style, or their driving choices, they shrug and say " tastes are tastes "- but they may get sour when their PHYSICAL DESIRABILITY is questioned.
Ah. I see... so 1) the OP attaches to her breasts the whole idea , the whole notion of herself as a sexually desirable individual
and 2 )
can't stand the idea that in the world there also may be men that yes, don't find her desirable or attractive, even just one of them... whom she'll never meet or see...
...and this is my fault ??
I must say, without any intention to be cruel, just of being rational, that the OP reminds me of a friend of mine, who was forever dieting . She insisted to join for dinner our group of friends every Saturday night, and every Saturday night, she ended sulking and getting stroppy when anybody dared to order anything fattier and tastier than green salad or grilled chicken. Because having beside someone eating pizza or cake, was too tempting for her and she ended with ordering it too , or stealing morsels from everybody's plates,- so we were bad friends tryng to sabotage her diet. We suggested that , if every time there were to be tantrums , she needed either to join us AFTER dinner , or to work harder on her self discipline . But no, she could not see it this way. The solution SHE liked was to put 7 or 8 already slim people on a restricted list of foods, because SHE had a weight problem ....
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reader, ImListening +, writes (14 February 2014):
ImListening is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjls022 after reading this:
"If you posted the question 'will men hate my large boobs because they sag a bit?' I GUARANTEE you would get lots of responses saying that men love them big, big boobs rule etc."
I decided to do a search on dear cupid and other sites for 'saggy breasts' and the general responses from are 'A Man wont mind if he really loves you' & 'Boobs are boobs' (Very factual), a far cry from all the praise small boobs receive.
Also, I could name a lot of models, actresses, porn stars etc with small boobs, but not one with saggy big breasts. As far as the media is concerned women shouldn't get saggy boobs until at least 50. Please feel free to tell me what I am missing here because personally, I can't find any positive feedback for saggy boobs.
Cerberus:
I understand it's your right to have freedom of speech,(which is a good thing) but shouldn't people also have the right to wander onto sites, questions like previously mentioned and not leave feeling bad about how they look?
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 February 2014):
 Cerebus: Let's agree to disagree.
You seem to be saying it's OK to blurt out just what one feels like saying, regardless of the feelings/sensitivities of the person hearing it.... (I believe you've said that you would invite that in people who wish to criticize you.)
I prefer that people be polite to one-another.... and that includes saying NOTHING if one doesn't have something nice and/or worthwhile to say.
If one looks back in history, it's quite amusing to read the ways that people insulted one-another in the past.... all the time under a facade of civility...
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reader, jls022 +, writes (13 February 2014):
'I think if you tell someone enough times their attributes aren't attractive, it'd take someone with very thick skin not to start to believe it'I think the biggest thing you are missing here OP is that most (not all but a large portion) of the time, women are still led to believe that big boobs are the 'ideal' and the small boobed ladies are left feeling inferior because of that. This is why we have so many women with small boobs on here asking for reassurance and advice. So this is not a negative prejudice that big boobed women have to face regularly, unless they look for it.If you posted the question 'will men hate my large boobs because they sag a bit?' I GUARANTEE you would get lots of responses saying that men love them big, big boobs rule etc. There are lots of resources online that say big boobs are the best, so why are you paying attention to the negative comments? It seems like this has hit a nerve a little bit which is why it offends you. But if you look in lads mags, big boobs still prevail so I don't know why you're so upset about it? Why keep looking for the negative comments when there are so many positive ones out there?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): "I don't think anyone should have a say on how anyone else lives unless it's hurting someone!"
Exactly but there's also no point in dismissing something that works for people either just because others may not like it.
There can be more than one way of getting through to someone, and for a lot of people negative criticism can be far more effective than positive reinforcement. I am one such person. I would rather people told me directly, without sugar coating things, issues or problems they may have with me or things I am not resolving myself. I find people who tell me I'm great by default or try to comfort me by telling me everything will be fine with no practical critical analysis or solutions to be patronising assholes who aren't helping. That doesn't mean I don't think they shouldn't do that as it's their way, and it will help people with similar sensibilities but in the same token I don't care if people dislike my approach to this kind of thing because it works for me and others like me.
You can see by the responses here that there are a range of varying opinions on this and that's what I think is great. I'm open to criticism of my technique, it has its flaws and they warrant discussion. I just can't fathom how people think their opinion should override others and their sensitivities be prioritised and not be open to criticism. Everything including anything I say should be open to criticism and discussion. Otherwise how can we ever learn the flaws in our thinking? how can you grow as a person if you don't let people challenge your views and contemplate whether they have a point or not?
My point about the fat shaming and bullying which you rightly pointed out how dangerous it can be, is that it has positive results for people who are that way inclined, and people that way inclined don't like being babied and it doesn't work. So we shouldn't get rid of any option on the table and certainly should not demand sensitivity when it's not warranted. Because people are sensitive about everything, their weight, their eyes, cancer, obesity, height, wealth, politics, religion, music, sport, homosexuality etc etc, to take any view is to be in opposition to something and have a critical standpoint of the thing you oppose.
At the end of the day, our posts were directed at a woman with an insecurity about her breast size. Her specific issue and solely meant in the confines of helping her. In that context there was nothing insensitive about it in my opinion. Just a way of tackling an issue. Who knows, maybe my approach completely failed for her and she doesn't like the things I said, or maybe she sees something in what I said that makes her think her problem isn't really a problem, which I hope is the case.
If a woman with large boobs asked about a problem with them, which they hardly ever do because society loves them, I'd take the same approach.
When I attack the idea of being skinny, I attack the concept that it's better, not skinny women. When I attacked big boobs in my response it was an attack on the bigger is better concept, not big boobs. Because frankly sag, stretchmarks, visible veins, large nipples, none of those things actually matter, they don't make boobs ugly or less awesome, but it may be useful to point out some of the challenges big boobed women have to a woman jealous of those in order to perhaps show her they're not "better". What she has is great.
Other aunts took a different approach, which may work better for her or maybe mine would. The joys of a public forum is that you can pick and choose which advice works best for you, some you won't you like, some you may even find offensive but they're almost all useful. The better the variation, the greater the choice and the more chance we have of helping people.
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reader, ImListening +, writes (13 February 2014):
ImListening is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You only have to open a newspaper or magazine to read some inspirational story of a fat person who was bullied enough they got thin. Obviously not an ideal scenario but it worked when everything else they tried failed."
& What about the ones that got bullied enough that they committed suicide? There's plenty of those around too....
& the ones that got thin have had to conform because they're not accepted the way they are? how is this right?
I don't think anyone should have a say on how anyone else lives unless it's hurting someone!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Sageoldguy1465 I think teaching people to be immune to criticism that's not directed at them would be better way of advancing the human condition. Instead of promoting hyper-sensitivity to everything and censoring everything you say because everything is offensive.
I work in a job where I have had to be extremely self-censored. I used to work in a Catholic school and that was a nightmare. They brought in a pro-life group one time to show the kids some lovely dead foetuses, videos of an abortion and paint women who had abortions as murderers and fools. Needless to say when asked by the classes I taught what I thought about it, I told them it was utter bullshit and women have them anyway so it's better they have a safe choice.
I criticised them and guess what, at least one of the people in that class was "offended" by what I said and reported me, so I was put on a warning.
That's the advancement of the human condition you so crave? A world "free" of any form of criticism, a world where we pander those with the weakest sensibilities?
The school I work in now is non-denominational, one where we try foster the idea that thinking for yourself is the greatest lesson you can learn and I have a lot of freedom to discuss topics that are controversial with them. I have a greater opportunity to aswell because I'm a history teacher and can relate everything I discuss to that context.
You see what people don't get is criticism is freedom in its purest from. The very basis of democracy is the ability to criticise and change your government or their policies.
There is massive debate in Ireland about homophobia and freedom of discussion at the moment you may have heard about. Where ultra-sensitive completely homophobic dicks threatened to sue our national broadcaster for being outed as homophobes on air. Take away people's ability to criticise, put any kind of fear in people that criticism is wrong because people can be offended and you quite simply build oppression.
There is a huge difference between criticism and direct abuse which is completely wrong. I can criticise obesity without fat shaming a person and if a fat person is offended by my criticism of obesity, then that's not my problem and I won't let them guilt trip me into making it one either. We can criticise anything we like as long as we don't ever think it's okay to use as a weapon against people or as a means to abuse. But curbing debate by forcing self-censorship on the basis of offending someone is a very insidious notion, one which governments are more than happy to sow the seeds for because it stifles debate.
What's happening in Ireland at the moment is a huge eye opener for a lot of people. We're starting to realise as a country that people are using sensitivity as a means to stifle debate on important issues. They're using their feelings getting hurt as a means to ensure others can't feel free to express an opinion. We, like most Western countries, have been slipping into the oppressive Orwellian nightmare of someone always being able to cut down discussion on the basis that their beliefs are sacrosanct and shouldn't be challenged in case we offend.
Doctors can't even call it obesity any more, they have to be very careful how they word it as an issue because apparently obese people are too sensitive. I haven't met one single teacher who thinks that parents of obese children shouldn't be punished for that. Every one of them I've met sees it as a form of abuse akin to neglect and starvation yet not one of them including me can talk about it that way. So these kids just suffer on with shit parents who get to use the "you can't offend me" line to get out of jail free. They should be criticised at every turn if it does the job and it does with a lot of people. You only have to open a newspaper or magazine to read some inspirational story of a fat person who was bullied enough they got thin. Obviously not an ideal scenario but it worked when everything else they tried failed.
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reader, ImListening +, writes (13 February 2014):
ImListening is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't think my replies were going through so I wrote it 3 times! d'oh!
SVC: I completely agree with you, I think you gave practical advice & spoke about how YOUR boobs made YOU feel. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that. I thought the advice you gave was great.
Female anon: Everyone has their opinions and their preferences, & I think it's great that men are speaking up about their preference for small boobs. But when they go onto say how unattractive big boobs are, and say negative things about them, it's uncalled for. Metaphorically, It's like telling your friend you like her small boobs because you hate how 'saggy' big ones get, when her big-boobed friend is standing next to her.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 February 2014):
It's not. It's also not okay to criticize small boobs, large or small noses, ears, feet, shoulders or any other body part(s). Anyone who would do so is NOT advancing the human condition.... and is revealing, instead, just what a boor they are...
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Ahh, another boob question. People can criticize all they want, they are entitled to their opinion, as I am to mine.
I happened to have big boobs, 36 DD and they grew from 36 C as I got older. Though nothing changed and men still like me for my boobs, one more size andi am going for reduction surgery, as on my frame it's too large to handle. My back hurt, andi look bigger in my clothes, and it's difficult to find a bra.
Big boobs do sag, as it's difficult for them to be up at this weight. As we age lots of things happen to out bodies. Let them critisizing you, everyone has their priorities.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Some people like big boobs, some don't
Some people like small boobs, some don't
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 February 2014):
 I did NOT BASH big boobs. I spoke the truth.
As an adult woman who was a 48DDD (extra long after practicing toddler led weaning with two children) who then lost over 100 pound and required reconstructive surgery to remove excess skin (but not have implants) which took me to a lovely 34B who now, with a bit of bounce back weight gain a 38D I feel 100% qualified to address this topic more so than anyone else.
Because I've had big young boobs. I've had big huge saggy boobs that I referred to as "Knee socks filled halfway with dried lentils" Then I lost weight and I had two DDD boobs with only B cups worth of breast tissue left. I know the pain of huge boobs... even today I have grooves in my shoulders that WIll NEVER go away.
I speak the truth.
BIG BOOBS while MEN love them and refer to them as magnificent (my friend is a 38HH and that's what her hubby says about them)...I know their pain.
Given my choice I could care less what a man wants. I want comfort. I want to be able to wear a button down shirt without pinning it or wearing a cami underneath.
I want to wear cute pretty bras not the over the shoulder boulder holders that were so prevalent when I had my 48DDD.
I hated them. Had I not lost all that weight and required reconstructive surgery to remove over 5 pounds of skin I would still have them and I would still have hated them.
WE always want what we don't have.
pale girls want to be dark
straight hair wants to be curly
curly hair wants to be straight.
brown eyes want to be blue...
NO ONE is ever 100% happy with themselves.
I am a retired La Leche League Leader and as such for years I helped women learn to breastfeed their babies.
BREASTS are decorative and yet functional. The purpose they serve is not to attract men or fill out our clothes... the purpose they serve is to nourish our young.
I will tell you that larger breasted women have an easier time... not because we have more milk but because it is easier to get a baby to latch on to a larger breast AND it's easier to be discreet about nursing in public.
I was very grateful for my large pendulous breasts while nourishing my young. But much like my uterus no longer serves a function, my breasts no longer do either.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2014):
I guess I NEED to add that MY answer wasn't to BASH women who can't or don't breast feed. Or to criticize their choice. It was a simple statement that for ME, my boobs worked as intended. Because if we get down to the nitty gritty THAT IS WHY we have boobs! surprise! to feed our young. NOTHING more. The fact that WE as humans have added on all kind of notions about breast size is a whole other matter.
MY POINT is, MY advice was an answer to ONE question - not to a whole SLEW of different ones. JUST like CERBERUS gave HIS personal opinion and advice about boobs (and YES, he is actually entitled to LIKE what he LIKES) I have no DOUBT that if a woman with big boobs had written a post about how her flat chest sister and mom had a GO at her breast size, he would have found a way to make HER feel better about the situation.
The answer MOST of us "aunt & uncles" give out are specific to the OP's question or cry for help. It's not a blank there - there (pat on the back) answer. Because that would be pointless. Nor are the answers made to OFFEND anyone.
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female
reader, ImListening +, writes (13 February 2014):
ImListening is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses, I was asked to give an example, so I picked the last one I read- My question wasn't solely directed at Cerberus. Here's another example question that probably reflects my point more accurately http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-guys-really-feel-about-small-boobs.html
& I do agree we should all love our bodies and not care what other people think, but I think if you tell someone enough times their attributes aren't attractive, it'd take someone with very thick skin not to start to believe it & I think this should be kept in mind.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2014):
Boobs are boobs.
TasteofIndia put it so simply - we want what we don't have.
Women with smaller boobs want bigger ones (at least for a while) and woman with bigger ones want smaller ones. The age old dilemma.
Ask any man if he can change the size of his penis (or girth) and I tell you.... 90% of them would.
I think instead of worrying about what OTHERS think of your boobs you have a go at accepting what you got, and ENJOYING what you got.
I was a 32B (so, small) before kids and ended up with DD (larger)during pregnancy and for a while after kids. I nursed ALL my 3 kids. Some people think only BIG boobs can breast feed children - they are WAY wrong. They worked as intended.
I AM glad to have my smaller size back, because THOSE are the boobs I have known the longest.
There is NO boob cookie cutter mold we all have to fit into.
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female
reader, ImListening +, writes (13 February 2014):
ImListening is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis isn't solely directed at that question or Cerberus's answer. I was asked to give an example, & I had just read that one, but there are so many more questions like this, with so many more insensitive and harsh answers, so to get my point across, that this isn't just a one-off thing, here another example that probably reflect my point more accurately:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-guys-really-feel-about-small-boobs.html
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): OP here, this isnt just in reference to Cerberus, I was asked to give an example of the questions I was referring to, & I had just read that one. But if you do a 'search' on this site under 'small breasts' you will see what I mean, a lot of men who comment refer to big boobs as 'ugly' 'ewww' and 'sloppy' I have yet to come across one comment where small boobs are being criticised (not that I would like that, but my point is its big boobs that are getting the bashing)
Cindy Cares- I don't think it's okay, because its unnecessary and cruel, people can say they like small boobs, without telling us how unattractive our big boobs are.
Cerberus- as above, question isn't directed solely at you but I was told to give an example.
Llifton - I've never heard or seen a lot of women criticise the size of men's parts on here & if they did I wouldn't agree with that either.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 February 2014):
Why is it NOT ok to criticize big boobs ( ... said by a woman who has very big boobs ) ?
Why the PC police is constantly on patrol, why people should not be allowed, in the due context ( of a discussion about breasts , not about YOUR own breasts ) and with a proper, not malicious intention, ( to show an OP her faulty logic ) to express, even in colorfoul or tongue-in-cheek terms, their personal , individual opinions ?
Why should we always be supposed at all times to take care and not thread involuntarily on the sensitivities of anyone of the 7 billions inhabitants of this planet ?
Why should we all always agree on and praise and validate anything and everything equally ?... All nice, all good, all beautiful ? Boobs, faces, body parts... but then also , I guess, music, books, fashion, sports teams, architecture, food, - anything that leaves room for individual preferences, quirks and foibles ?
Why do women attach such a disproportionate amount of a positive body image to the size and shape of their breasts ? why do they IDENTIFY themselves with their breasts, so that if there's a guy at the other end of a computer screen who says , I am not attracted to big boobs ( or small boobs ) - they have to take it as a personal attack ?...
So Cerberus thinks that all big breasts end up looking like fried eggs. Big deal. It ain't necessarily so , of course ( and I guess he knows that , he was just stressing his point ) - age causes some natural processes to which ALL breasts are vulnerable, and large breasts more so than others, - then again a lot depends from individual genetics, skin texture , tissue elasticity, and sheer luck I guess .
But even if he were absolutely 100% correct- so what , now we know that some men don't like things which look like fried eggs. Uh : heartbreaking, really.... You , OP, and I can always find comfort in the thought that if they 'll look like fried eggs.. at least they'll look like fried ostrich eggs ! :) .
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): I have to admit I did not even respond to the question that you mention because I know this site quite well now and my immediate thought was: that'll be one for Cerberus to go banging on about small breasts again as he loves them.I have very small breasts but had to have breast implants - I didn't really want them but didn't have much choice due to the effects of breastfeeding and a slight deformity in my breast bone. At the time I wrote in asking for advice because I had been very upset about another question on the website where someone was asking about breast implants and people - including Cerberus - were really horrible about them. However, when I wrote in and said how upset I was and explained why I'd had no choice re. the breast implants, Cerberus was extremely understanding and it really helped. Most of the time people on here don't mean harm, but I know what you mean about things sometimes being upsetting.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 I agree with your frustration OP. Just because people want to make small boobed women feel great, doesnt mean they need to trash big boobs. It is the exact same with fat/skinny people. Skinny people have feelings too, and dont like to be called ugly just so fat people can feel goid about themselves. Ive been called and referred to by many names over the years.
I know it is because people think skinny people, or big breasted women, get so much positive feedback it is somehow okay to throw shit at us. "For a change" I guess they are thinking. But guess what, words hurt. You wouldnt go tell a person "omg you are so fat". Just the same you should not tell a person "omg you are so skinny!". Bodies do not need to be commented on!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Seeing as you're pretty much referring to my reply, the answer is simple. You can literally find fault in everything and criticise everything.
The point I was making was to show her the flaws in the things she deems to be better than what she has in order to give her a means into not thinking the grass is greener on the other side.
To show her there are plenty of reasons not to feel inadequate or jealous, by brutally ripping apart the thing that is her issue.
Perhaps it's not the approach you'd take, but it was meant as something helpful to that OP and it was a direct retort to her mother and sister for giving her crap about her size. It wasn't a reflection of big boobs in general and I never said they were ugly either. If a big boobed woman asked me the same question I'd take the same approach because it's how I deal with stuff like that. I gave that opinion in the hope of helping that specific OP and not the intention of offending anyone.
It's not about being insensitive. We may aswell never have an opinion on anything if we have to worry about hurting people's feelings because someone's feelings always get hurt.
The cheater we call a scum bag the OP is here to get help with, the man acting like a child, the alcoholic wife etc. They'd all have reason to feel I was being insensitive to them the way I reply to the people who have problems here.
It's how I live my life and approach problems. I'm vicious, cold but have good intentions.
When it comes to matters of insecurity my approach is to tear down this fantasy land the person lives that says what they don't have is better. I do this by pointing out the flaws of that thing in a pretty colourful and condemning fashion. For one reason and one reason only, to help the specific OP. It's my style and it doesn't work with everyone, but it works with those who have similar attitudes to life as I do. People who hate being babied and find faux reassurance to be patronising.
OP my approach to giving advice is the slap them in face and tell them to snap out of it. It works for some, it hurts for others and they completely disagree. I wasn't attacking big boobed women, I was attacking the concept that bigger is better by pointing out the various advantages she had over them.
As others pointed out all shapes and sizes breasts are great. Men love them all and women should embrace the ones they have. My reply was specific to her problem, crafted in a way I hope helps her. I don't factor in whether I'll hurt the sensitivities of others when I give advice, I focus on that specific person and their needs. Otherwise what's the point?
The cheating scumbag an OP comes to ask us about may be a lovely guy, in the context of his life he may be really good to people and maybe even the OP. But I will tear him to pieces if I think it will help the OP deal with their situation. I know it's quite a cold, clinical thing to say but it's not my problem if people twist the context of the things I say into a reflection of their insecurities when I'm not even referring to them.
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reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 February 2014):
It's not necessarily "OK" to criticize big boobs. But people can criticize anything.
As others have said, they're going to try to empathize and tell you why it's OK to have something or not to have something.
Same with women complaining about being too fat or too skinny. People will try to empathize and use encouraging words (most of the time).
For example. I have a friend who is naturally very skinny. I was standing outside of a restaurant with her when a lady walked by and made a comment to her in disgust, "God, you are so skinny." That's still hurtful and insensitive, yet, it's more "acceptable" than walking by a fat person and saying in disgust, "God, you are so fat."
There are double standards for everything. Having big boobs is what seems to be desired and to make a person with smaller boobs feel better, you can describes the woes for having larger boobs. Same with the desire to be thin and using stupid phrases like, "Only dogs want bones."
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reader, llifton +, writes (13 February 2014):
 Women make jabs at penis size sometimes. So it's not just men criticizing women.
Everyone just needs to treat everyone else respectfully. That's my take.
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reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 February 2014):
 Don't we always want what we don't have?
If you have big boobs, you can tell the world a billion things wrong with them and why small boobs are totally superior.
If you have small boobs, you can do the same - only why you feel like big boobs are better.
You cater to the audience you're speaking to. If a small chested girl is feeling insecure, you'll tell them all the issues that come along with a huge rack, and why a smaller size is much better. But, if you're talking a large chested girl, you can offer the same consolation tactics, only the other way round.
(Straight) guys like boobs. That's all there is to it. If she's there for him and she's naked, he could give a shit what size bra she wears.
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reader, BrownWolf +, writes (13 February 2014):
All boobs are great…big or small. The mentality behind a lot of men’s thinking is “bigger is better”. This is not just with boobs, but most things…penis size, guns, car engines, and so on. When it comes to boobs, most men fail to realize that there are other things involved. I myself do not care about boob size, but I like a woman with sensitive breast. If that fails (because not all women have sensitive breast), a woman who knows how to use her breast as a turn on.
Nothing is sexier than a woman who knows how to be a woman, not just because she has boobs, but because she knows how to use all of her body. Because no matter her breast size, it always leads to what she has further South.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): "We feel just as bad about the aesthetics of our breasts as small boobed women. The only difference is men are reaffirming to us that our boobs are unattractive and ugly"You know, the funny thing is those 1000 other askers felt like guys were reaffirming to THEM that THEIR boobs were unattractive and ugly because they were small.So what lesson have we all learned here lol? We all need to stop caring or wondering what some random guys might be thinking about our breasts! The only guy whose opinion should matter is the one who would love us regardless anyways. I am one of those people that "criticizes" bigger boobs, because after I got pregnant they've been the bane of my existence... but I guess the difference is I don't think they're ugly or anything, I just think they're more to deal with...literally. Personally I think larger boobs have aesthetic perks, but smaller boobs have lifestyle perks. Not really talking down on one or the other though.At the end of the day, we'll reflect how we feel about ourselves, if we're determined to believe we're unattractive, then regardless of boob size or w/e, we will believe it. And if we refuse to let anyone tear us down on appearance, then we'll know we're beautiful even if we have just half a boob :P :)
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reader, CMMP +, writes (13 February 2014):
Because the truth is that men prefer them so they feel less guilty about trash talking them if it makes someone with small boobs feel better. That doesn't make it okay though.
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