A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for twelve years I have recently checked out the history on our co on our computer and noticed a lot of porn sites which he has been on for about a year. I have also looked at his phone which is hardly ever out of his hand and the search history is full of hardcore porn. We have always been a really close couple who are so in love. I had no idea about this he admitted he stared looking about a year ago. I knew something was up as he never comes near me anymore shows no affection to me anymore it seems he prefers to watch porn on his phone all night rather than come to bed with me. Any advice would be welcome.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Well leave him, your relationship is over. Don't try to save it. It wont work, you aren't happy he obviously isn't happy. It's over. If you got kids then maybe your just in it for them, otherwise move on. Sex isn't as good or as frequent as it was or as moving or fantastic, so he has given up and turned to porn, nothing is as good as looking at porn. Its always got a good ending. Is it weird porn or regular, I mean does he maybe want you to strap-on him but cant ask, or is he wishing you were 20ish again. It is something, and it isn't as easy as Tiger Woods wanting a mistress.....its more complicated and you probably wont like the answers he gives you anyways so its over.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 There is a very good website here http://yourbrainonporn.com that discusses what happens when some overdose on porn. I think if you looked through this site and educated yourself, you will find some answers.
Once you know what is happening with him, you'll be in a better position to decide how to tackle this with him.
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 You are the millionth woman to ask us about porn addiction, since the 1rst of January, 2014: congratulation.I'm kidding you but let's be serious for a minute. Women for sure feel rejected, neglected when their husband begin to consume some porn shows.That's their point of view, which is biological linked with the natural insecurity women feel from the day they become sexually able, it's purely instinctive: "fishing" ones man, and never losing it (as other women will surely want to steal it from me). Don't feel weird, it's DNA programmed.NEVERTHELESS, another point of view deserves to be examined, a point of view rarely considered by wives. And to start, if your sexual life was satisfying for you, was it for him ?And if your husband lost his ability to have a concrete-like erection on command as he was used to in his youth, didn't he want just something to boost his libido, sort of a private foreplay before his entrance on the stage ?At that point, he may have been trapped by the beauty of some actresses (at least that's what women usually think) and YOU feel you can't compare with this beautiful women, olympic champions of sex... It may be part of the truth, but that's not all. The real trap for men is to focus on male porn stars performances and features (mostly their penis). Staring at this guys, porn consumers end up to despise their own body. They suddenly find they have a belly swollen by too much beer, lack of flexibility/stamina, are less muscled, are weaker, and above all have a "too small penis" to provide a woman a wall shaking orgasm, a tiny tool they even can't maintain hard 33 minutes in a row.THEY lose their confidence, THEY are ashamed of what they are, regarding these sex-machines who lift and spin their partner(s) like a feather. They basically become unable to have a sex life because little by little they feel like a sub-man (ask yourself why so many men love superman and superheroes, if it's not a problem of virility).Should we forbid porn like before ? I don't know, it's almost a philosophical discussion to have. BUT for sure, men as well as women end up to become victims of the side effects of porn. Like any drug, a little can boost your performances and your imagination, but too much and you lose your performances (sometimes almost irreparably) and you end drained of everything good that was in you.I don't know what is your husband problem, but he might be like you a victim of porn. Help him finding back his confidence, as it will help you getting your beloved life back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2014): i think you need to talk to him about how you're feeling. its not okay that he's adicted and its not okay that he's not giving you the time a wife needs with her husband. so my advice for you would be to talk to him. then he'll know how you're feeling, and hopefully you both can find a way to help him out of this porn addiction. gud luck x!
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A
male
reader, EyesofJag +, writes (12 February 2014):
Are you open to watching it with him? Have you expressed that you either like or dislike porn?
Just an example of my relationship with my girlfriend is that she is very open to watching porn. She even admits to watching it without me sometimes. Before meeting her, I was addicted to porn and wondered if it would affect me in a future relationship. Once I started dating and opening up to my girlfriend, the desire for watching porn constantly was dying down since she was so open to it. I believe because it wasn't something so taboo with my significant other. We don't do everything we see. We even find it funny sometimes and laugh about what we see. Since starting to watch it, we both don't have much desire to watch it, only once in a blue moon. We are fine with it and actually find each other more attracted to each other.
I'm not saying our relationship is perfect, but our sex life felt better because we didn't feel so taboo about it. It also depends on both of your attitudes on how to handle this. If you are open to watching it with him yet he still rather not come to bed, then he might some other issues going on. That would bother me as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2014): I think that you should talk to him, ask him why he isn't as affectionate as he used to be. Maybe there is a valid reason, he could feel uncomfortable with himself and think he isn't good enough for you anymore. If you don't talk to him then nothing will change, everything will stay the same which is not what you want by the sounds of it.
You could also try little subtle hints that you want to talk to him about it.
Hope this helps you :) xx Good luck xx
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