A
male
age
36-40,
*ocust
writes:I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. Sometime I have thought maybe being that study buddy and possibly and hope it could lead to something else but never does. Most college students go on least one date at minimum and least has sex least once. Me I’m zero in all areas and I’m just running out of patience of what to do. I sometime ask myself I must be the ugliest guy on the entire planet. Maybe it’s because I’m mixed Indian and I have Indian features and women see us as butt ugly creatures that roam this world. I’m a person who is active and not fat. I just don’t know what to do anymore so I started to think of escorts and hiring a GFE (Girlfriend Experience), I know yes it won’t be real because I’m paying for her but at this point in my life that doesn’t matter anymore. As long I can experience what it would be like having a girlfriend through ha escort for $ 250.00 per hour then I will. I sometime feel I don’t belong here since nobody wants to be with me. Although I don’t have the money to continuously hire escorts but once I get the career I want I say escorts will be my partners. I think I’m done with dating or even try to date it’s a waste of time and hope, I give up. This is my last semester so I’m just talking to guys and just stay away from women because all that will happen is friend zone and friend zone again and I’m quite frankly tired of it. Some women say they won’t date a man who been with an escort to be honest it doesn’t matter because they still wouldn’t date me anyway if I had not been with an escort. It’s just words. At my age I believe it’s time to hire that girl.As for looks I don’t go for any cute blonds or whatever, as matter of fact I go for quiet, nerdy Asian girl or an Indian girl but never work. I never tried anything outside of those races because I know the answer will be Hell No!! If you saw my picture you would say Hell No too and run for the hill I guess.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 July 2014):
 The OP likes dating you guys apparently.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 July 2014):
 OP, you must be pulling our leg, right ?, I can't believe you are serious.
I made the experiment for you, I googled "San Francisco escorts " and it gives : 5.400.000 results. I checked the first listing and it's an escort agencies ' directory , and it gives 16 names just for the agencies starting with letter A .
Beside that , there are ,I guess, phone directories and ads on local newspapers and magazines.
San Francisco has this reputation for being very gay friendly- it's still a BIG , touristic place where you SURELY are not the only male looking for heterosexual mercenary sex.
You do not need any experience for this kind of search, it's the same as if you were looking for a dog groomer or a wedding planner or any other provider of professional services ! How would you go about that ?.. You'd wait to meet one by chance ??
I think you just wanted some attention, OP, or initiating a debate or something. Which is fine, no problem.
But if you REALLY are so,pardon me , hapless that you feel you do not have the tools to get what you are looking for, then I would advse you to hone your everyday LIVING skills, before trying to solve your sexual problems .
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A
male
reader, locust +, writes (14 July 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I don't know where else to find them. I live in San Francisco so other cities will or might be easier. I cannot go up to someone and say hey are you an escort. Everything is done online these days and since [the site] was shutdown I'm trying to find another site where escorts are at. Its not I'm not trying its because I can't find them. I'm not experience in this stuff.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 July 2014):
OP ! You live in USA, not in the jungle ! Does it necessarily have to be THAT site ? How hard can it be to find escorts in a location reachable to you ? I figure it would be enough to enter " escorts in or around ( name of location ) " and you'd be presented with countless choices.
I am bringing this up not because I am particularly anxious to send you whoring away, but because something makes me think that the way you are dealing with this issue IS the problem in itself, not the escorts or the gfs etc. Your inability / unwillingness to be proactive, to do something for yourself. Your waiting for things to fall neatly in your lap, without you having to decide or initiate anything.
Does this passive, fatalistc attitude spill over in other areas of your life ?... Then, maybe THAT's what you need to fix first, because that's the trouble. The lack of gf or lack of escorts is just a SYMPTOM of what ails you more generally.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (14 July 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ YouWish: The website I was gonna use for escort was shutdown by authorities so now I have to find another site. Not sure where I can find one that is cloest to me. So as of now no escorts. That website has been taken down for a while now.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 July 2014):
 Like others have pointed out, there's no changing the OP's mind, so the "advice" part for me has passed all usefulness.
I'm curious as to why the OP HASN'T already done it. The last contact was back in March, and 4 months is more than enough time to secure the services of a prostitute. So why not?
That's what has me interested, in a person who has made every excuse in the book why he's either disqualified or incapable of a natural relationship, is adamant on visiting an escort for the simple skin-on-skin with some simulated interest, but he hasn't after all this time.
Seems to me that his mind isn't as made up as he says it is.
So what are you waiting for, OP? There aren't usually coupon days in escort-land...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): This is a very long thread so I'm not 100% sure if this has been suggested before but have you considered sexual surrogacy?
It's therapy combined with sessions with a "sex worker" trained in helping overcome problems with sexual intimacy of all kinds.
Of course, you would have to pay for this treatment and it may seem too expensive to consider - but if it's sucessful it will probably be a lot cheaper than a life-time of sex workers.
And, to be honest, I think some therapy or counselling wouldn't go amiss because you are obviously very troubled by your lack of intimacy but have a very negative outlook on being able to do anything different to change it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 July 2014):
You know, once a college mate of mine, early 20s, was bragging that he had bedded more than 60 women. I did not say anything but must have made a strange face, because the guy was really non descript, far from an Adonis... and he was quick to add, very honestly
" And I must have asked way more than 600".
It's a game of numbers, ultimately. For some people it's easy, some others have to sweat it more, and swallow dowm more rejection. I would not advise to go and ask out 600 women before you give up, but, I wonder if you aren't jumping the gun and giving up too soon ? You mention the tennis player and a Chinese girl and an Indian girl, and a vague "others ", but, how many others, in , let's say , the last ten years ? I suspect not many, at least not enough to conclude that you are undatable and unfuckable. In ten years if you had been a little more proactive, and had asked out a girl a month, by now it would be 120 no that you have got, and yes, at this point I'be a bit concerned too , but somehow I feel we are very far from these numbers. Ah, and take the number of rejection and divide it by half, only 50% counts, because for all you know some of them, or many of them may have had other reaosns to say no, like being just out of a breakup, or pining for some other guy who does not like THEM back, or having family/ work/ money troubles... a no does not have to be about you being ugly, some times it is really about timing.
Anyway, whatever you decide to do, just do it ! rather than wallowing in self pity and do nothing.
I mean, Euphoric make us notice that this is a 5 years months old post, when you first said that you wanted to go visit an escort... and you are still mulling it over ?... Normally I'd be the last to encourage people in patronizing escorts, then again if YOU say you need t, and you want to do it, and it will make you feel better etc.etc.... then what's keeping you ? How hard can it be to call up a sexual worker and make an appointment ??
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 July 2014):
 I agree with Euphoric29, having read parts of this thread and others you have started.
Best wishes to you.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (13 July 2014):
Dear OP,
If I leave aside the moral issues here, I feel sorry for you. I can sense that you would actually like things to be different, but you feel like you just don't have any other chance. This makes you sound cynical and takes away your motivation to find love.
I do believe that you are young and you can find other ways than the one you think of. I think it's a shame to be this hopeless and pessimistic at your age. It's not a good outlook on life, to believe you never find anybody. Of course, if you stop trying, you probably won't.
But you know, if you just want to go ahead with a prostitute, do it. You are pondering this question since february, that will soon be half a year of your life, that we are answering to your thread and we don't seem to be able to help you. I think it's a mistake, but I needed to make some mistakes in my life, too, in order to find what really matters. So, before you get stuck in an endless discussion with us, just do the deed and then tell us if we were right or wrong.
And to the male agony aunt from Switzerland.. I am sorry, but your theories are just mysogynistic. You admit that prostitutes are humans and can become friends, why don't you apply this to the rest of us women? We aren't just controlling, baby-crazy idiots. I wish for the OP to meet a woman that will love him and have real pleasure with him, to keep him from becoming cynical and hopeless. Of course I also feel sorry for the prostitutes, but I am here to give advice to the OP, not them.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (13 July 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually I met this one girl I'm untreated in and I asked if she wanted to play tennis and we did. It was not a date of course just hang out and play kind of thing. But the next we were to see each other I was going to ask her then. But it seems everytime I try to set up a day she always jas something else to do. So I just to myself forget it. Every time I'm always shot down before I even get a chance to make a move. So I give up on dating. Yes escorts won't solve anything you are right but least I can get physically touched and have intimacy with a escort who does GFE. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm the ugliest guy and no woman out there is attracted I get it. I started thinking maybe I was never meant to have a relationship so therefore I'm giving up trying. I remember I try asking out a Chinses girl in the past and did not work. I tried other girls and they all act the same way like this girl did. I met a Indian girl duing the semester and I thought I may had a better chance since we are the same background. If a Indian girl is not interested then nobody is and I'm done. I give up. Yeah escorts are fake but what else do I have. It will be better than nothing.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 July 2014):
Did you spend any of the past few months actually practicing flirting or talking to women at all?
I provided you two links which would lead you to the manuals you said you wished existed. Did you read any of them?
Good luck, I think you'll be very disappointed to find that losing your virginity with a prostitute won't magically alter your ability to speak to women and ask them out.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 July 2014):
Your mind is made up, OP, so,what to say ?... enjoy :).
I just fail to see how getting laid ONCE ,against payment ,will solve your problems with women and with socialization, I mean , if ever you want to date , have a gf, ... or even get laid for free, you will have to tackle your problems a little more incisively and realistically , don't you think ?.
Unless you vote yourself to a lifetime of whoring- ... I guess, if we want to be positive , we might see that as an incentive to succed in life and earn a big income... because you'll need it , if you want a regular , fulflling sex life AND you have yo pay for every single time...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 July 2014):
Escort meshcort ...say it like it is. You are looking for a hooker to get laid not escorting someone to a formal dinner party.
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A
male
reader, locust +, writes (13 July 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks man I'm definitely going with the escort. Women just don't understand how hard a man has it. Turning 28 in two weeks so no more waiting for me I'm going to hire a escort as soon one catches my interest.
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A
male
reader, RRRu  +, writes (11 July 2014):
I came here because I like to read what people wrote you and it is interesting to see how women come up with the most incredible strategies to talk you out of it. They have this hollywood belief that if you do something to your personality, you will get love and the most beautiful sex (but they don't offer themselves of course to you). And they are ready to say that prostitutes are all abused battered women infested with STDs, when in reality people that smoke have a better chance of dying and annoying other people than a dude having protected sex in a brothel (massage parlor prostitutes are very strict about condoms, it's proven science). Let's talk from experience and not theory. I lost my virginity to a brothel at 25. Not proud of it but I felt so unloved and invisible to women and I accepted this non perfect solution in a non perfect world. Expect the first time to be mediocre and try to tell the girl you are a bit nervous, she will calm you down. (Start by a massage for example and talk about sports or the weather, they are really human) Anyhow, after a few times I got better at it and prostitutes actually helped me understand how some women think and some even became a friend you do business with. They actually can be quite nice to you, after all people don't normally spit on their costumers face, right? (ok, some do) but they want you to come back.Women that try to talk you out of this plan is because they are programmed to want babies more than sex (we are the opposite, it's natural). They are prepared to pay enormous sums and go to great lengths for an adopted child or artificial insemination from the sperm of a total stranger but you'll get slapped if u try to moralize them about that. Again, they nag about prostitution because it is not in their natural interest. They want to control men and his resources to have babies, even the ones they don't know. There is a rule though, you do not have to tell any girl no matter how much you love her and how many years you are together that you went to a brothel, even if she asks you 50 times or tortures you. It's your life!!! I wish you luck and that you find a gf later on. Don't dramatize, try to do sports, do theatre, dancing, and maybe one will drop in without having to pay. You will be able to compare and contrast like I can. There is more than sex and relationships today, lighten up. It's tough but it's always been tough.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2014):
OP, I could spend hours and hours reading up on how to ski.
Some friends are so scared of skiing that they can't even contemplate going skiing, despite never having tried.
Other friends no longer downhill ski because they are worried that they could break a bone. They have never broken a bone skiing.
Other friends spend their winters on ski patrol and ski school. They have knee issues and have fallen and broken bones.
Guess who is happiest in a snowy winter?
Guess who is best at skiing?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2014):
OP, you have the love life you expect. Once you change your approach and expectations maybe things could be different. But as for now, as long as you read the negative blog things and judge women based on some sort of weird racial profiling, then you will find yourself substandard and the women 'out of reach.'
There's nothing more sad to a bright and intelligent woman than a guy who is stuck in the traps his own mind creates. And that is why you can't find a girl to date. You are stuck.
You are stuck and will stay stuck in the negativity and rather weird racial profiling morass you have put yourself in.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2014):
 CindyCares (as usual) is 100% correct.
Practice makes perfect and you can easily practice on girls that are "above your standard" WOW... so many young women complain they can't get a date because guys won't approach them.
THIS GIRL that you think is above your standard gave you the WIDEST OPENING I've ever seen... if a girl KNOWS when something is due and STILL asks... she WANTS you to TALK TO HER....
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 March 2014):
OP, it's a game of numbers.Practice makes perfect, and you need to practice as much as you can. You need to approach beyond your standards , and within your standards , and ( slightly ) below your standards ( as long as you don't find them unredeemably unappealing of course ). First, because it's not all about physical beauty , but more importantly, because you never know, it's not like a Noah's Ark where everybody is paired equally, the bears with the bears, the turtles with the turtles, the beautiful with the beautiful....
You have no idea, for all you know the average looking Indian girl might already be happily paired . And the good looking Caucasian girl , terminally and unhappily single ( maybe because everybody thinks like you ?, that she is too pretty to be approachable ? ). Maybe the average looking girl only AIMS to a good looking man to make her feel better about herself, while the pretty one has got nothimg to prove to anybody so she is superflexible in terms of looks. The variables are countless.
I'd say that you should just follow the path of least resistance, and, seen your difficulty making contact, if they give you an opening, TAKE IT. If Scarlet Johansson approaches you at the train station and asks you : Excuse me, when does the next train leaves ?... you smile and answer : Who knows, these trains are always so unreliable, isn't it a nuisance. Are you a commuter yourself ?... and so on and so forth.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (4 March 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ So_Very_ConfusedI know if you knew me you probably would slap me, but I couldn't try that Caucasian lady looks were beyond my standards.I think the Indian lady looks were more around My standards.There is lot of guys who chicken out to approach a good looking lady and I know I would be one of those guys.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 March 2014):
So few options open up when you are in your room all alone reading blogs that support the 'I can't do this' personal credo.
More options open when you actually go outside and start talking to people.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 March 2014):
“Well I had a Caucasian lady in my evening class asked if our papers were due which I thought initially was a bit odd because the professor mention it several times the due date.
But I see this Indian girl in there who catches my attention. Maybe I should try talking to her.”
First of all you are not interested in her but the Caucasian lady was giving you an OPENING to get to know her better. IF there is an Indian Girl in your class you are interested in then, talk to her… “weather sucks” or “do you think prof gives us enough time?” or “want to study together” or “how about a cup of coffee?”
So many options when the girl is right there.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 March 2014):
Maybe you shouldn't be waiting around for an email, just walking around campus you'll see flyers and announcements for activities. Get pro-active if you really want to change your life. It's up to each person to make significant changes ithey doesn't come handed on a platter, it takes effort. So much easier to sit back and make excuses or bellyaching.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 March 2014):
Maybe you shouldn't be waiting around for an email, just walking around campus you'll see flyers and announcements for activities. Get pro-active if you really want to change your life. It's up to each person to make significant changes ithey doesn't come handed on a platter, it takes effort. So much easier to sit back and make excuses or bellyaching.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 March 2014):
Maybe you shouldn't be waiting around for an email, just walking around campus you'll see flyers and announcements for activities. Get pro-active if you really want to change your life. It's up to each person to make significant changes ithey doesn't come handed on a platter, it takes effort. So much easier to sit back and make excuses or bellyaching.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 March 2014):
Maybe you shouldn't be waiting around for an email, just walking around campus you'll see flyers and announcements for activities. Get pro-active if you really want to change your life. It's up to each person to make significant changes ithey doesn't come handed on a platter, it takes effort. So much easier to sit back and make excuses or bellyaching.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (4 March 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I had a Caucasian lady in my evening class asked if our papers were due which I thought initially was a bit odd because the professor mention it several times the due date.
But I see this Indian girl in there who catches my attention. Maybe I should try talking to her.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (4 March 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ eyeswideopen
If that is really the case how come I don't know any or hear any clubs going on. Usually all of us students get emails about clubs.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 March 2014):
I'm not buying your " budget cuts so no clubs on campus " excuse. I work at a mid-sized university with budget cuts and there are ALWAYS plenty of activities going on. You are wasting everyone's time. You have a rebuttal for everyone's advice and suggestions. If you really want to improve your life then you will.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (2 March 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncold approach is a slang term that is used to describe men approaching women in non social settings such at bus stop, grocery store, coffee shop and etc...
For me I feel that approach is pretty much my only way because I don't like clubs, I'm not a bar person and don't drink, and at school clubs are cancelled due to budgets cuts. I have heard cold approach is really difficult. I cannot think of any other way to meet women.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 March 2014):
 "'s like I told you go over to that computer write a C++ program that can convert temperature and calculate thermal energy. Well you will need someone to teach you and gain some experience."
No, it's like riding a bike. You will never learn how to ride a bike if all you do is have someone tell you how to and then observe it and then have someone hold you while you ride it. Which is kind of what you would do with an escort.
In order to learn how to ride a bike you need to get up on that bike and start riding it. Sorry, that is the only way, and no matter how much you complain about how difficult it is, and how lomg it will take you, or what terrible luck you will have with it, or how people might laugh if you fall... You know what? If you want to learn to ride a bike then you need to get up on it and do it. Exactly the same with dating. If you want it, you got to start doing it.
Yes, it wil feel weird. Yes, you might get laughed at. Yes, you might not have much luck the first 10 times you try it. But I guarantee you, if you keep doing it, you will get better at it, and in the end you will master the skill and do it just fine. It's just practice practice practise.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 March 2014):
Ive never heard of the term "cold approach", but whatever it is, taking to someone is the ONLY thing that actually works, when it comes to getting to know someone. Anyone. You can't meet anyone at all, get to know anyone at all, unless you speak to them. You choose your circumstances. If you think approaching women at the bus stop is a bad idea, then pick another scene! I never told you it had to be on a bus stop and to a random stranger! You're the one who assumed that.
Btw, I have been approached by strangers both in USA and in other countries in Europe, and even if they dont aways have success, often they do, in the meaning that I take it as a compliment, and if Im actually single I encourage them approaching me. As do all other women I know. My female friend would sit at parties wondering why guys didn't talk to her, she was just sitting there waiting.
So, talking to women doesn't help? You've been wrongly informed, it is the only thing that helps.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (1 March 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just heard cold approaching is bad and never goes well. I'm not a person who goes to bars and clubs to meet people. It's just not my kind of environment. If I was hot like Brad Pitt then I would cold approach every time but when you are not good looking no matter what you try to do as a guy you will never look sexually attractive a woman eyes.
The other girls in the pass I ask to hangout and I did and we do is become friends. That's it. I want to do this but I feel that I don't have the qualifications women want and all whats going to happen is I will become a friend. That is it. Just a friend and never be nothing more.
There are girls I see in my class I would like to get to know but I don't know what to do. I'm afraid they may look at me like ewww. This happen to me when I was in 9th grade during high school. Things in my pass still reflects. It's like a projection I must have initial values to see how things behave in the future. Based on things that happen then I feel will happen again and again.
They have things on Wiki that shows like 30 steps to be taken just to land a date. Just get into a relationships it will take as long as getting a Masters degree. Studying quantum physics is way easier than dating. I'm sure I won't succeed at dating and by the summer I will be 28 so at this point women is going to expect me to have sexual experience and dating experience.
Maybe if I hire escorts for dating and sex then I can gain comfort as well some knowledge of how to ask girls out, how to keep a conversation going with girls, how to keep her interested and how to flirt. It's the only way because I don't know how to do any of those.
It's like I told you go over to that computer write a C++ program that can convert temperature and calculate thermal energy. Well you will need someone to teach you and gain some experience.
I'm NOT MAKING EXCUSES, I'm just explaining my lack of experience, killed confidence and my natural ugly looks.
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female
reader, jls022  +, writes (28 February 2014):
When I was single I was actively waiting for guys to approach me. It's old fashioned yes, but most women are the same. They expect the man to do the chasing because often men don't want the women who pursue them as they label them 'easy'. And even if they say no, you can rest assured that you'll have made her day by asking anyway.In addition, my grandma always says, 'you have to meet people half way'. Expecting everyone else to come to you is both unrealistic and unfair, and sadly as a man you sadly have to make a bit more effort. Otherwise women will assume you don't like them.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2014):
Do you go shopping? do you ever see a lovely young lady in a shopping line and say "i wish I could date her?"
that's where you start... "lousy weather we're having" works great in the USA now.... it's lousy everywhere... then a smile... then "hi I'm [insert name here] and go from there...
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 February 2014):
You assume she must be a stranger at a bus stop. But she might as well be a friend of a male buddy of yours, who you would be supposed to walk over and say hi to anyways... Why do you insist on making things complicated?
So what if she feels "invaded"? Thats her problem, not yours. And, you really DO NOT KNOW what women think, you can NOT read minds! So you can't keep on assuming what she will or will not think, the ONLY way to find out is to actually do it. Multiple times. I don't want to hear any more excuses about this or that. Just do it. No more excuses.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (28 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question"1. Identify a woman2. Walk over to her3. Say , and introduce yourselfThats the basics. The rest is try and fail."I'm not sure if cold approach is a good idea. I'm afraid I might be invading her personal space. I read most women would feel bothered and quite annoyed. I don't see guys approaching some girl at a bus stop and saying hi. But I heard if you go to a country like Russia lot of men said they enjoy the cold approach and very friendly response when you do.Being shy is one component and the other is invading her space. Then the other is I don't know what to say. Me before I approach a girl I try to think of something good and interesting to say and if I can't, which most of the time is the case, I just don't bother. Overall, I think most men would agree cold approach don't work about 80% of the time least what I read.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 February 2014):
1. Identify a woman
2. Walk over to her
3. Say , and introduce yourself
Thats the basics. The rest is try and fail.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 February 2014):
If you think a manual will help, here you go:
http://bit.ly/1hy5SaU
http://bit.ly/N2s5Vg
It will involve effort and change on your part, reading all the manuals and how-to guides won't change anything unless you implement them.
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male
reader, locust +, writes (26 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You don't know how because you never tried. Why have you never tried?"Because I don't know where to start. I need an instructional manual to follow and to guide me in the right direction. If only was there a manual.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2014):
You don't know how because you never tried. Why have you never tried?
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male
reader, locust +, writes (25 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionProblem is I don't know how to flirt and ask anyone out. I really suck at this stuff.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (23 February 2014):
It's perfectly okay to find it scary and not want to do it. Everyone finds it uncomfortable to move out of their comfort zone. But it gets easier as you get used to it. Like bicycling, to use an old metaphor. You can't learn to ride the bike without falling over occasionally. Falling over doesn't mean you suck at bicycling, it just means you're still learning, and there's no shame in that. But you will never be good at it either unless you practice. Flirting is very much the same.
You need to allow yourself to fall off the bike a few times, you can't expect yourself to get it perfect from the get go... It takes practice.
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reader, locust +, writes (23 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Well, I don't sit around and wait, but I know most women do sit around and just wait to be approach, and guys don't have the guts to talk to women (look at yourself as a good example of that), so we end up just sitting there thinking no one wants us. De facto rejected. At least you haven't actually been rejected, you just don't approach anyone out of fear of rejection.
But, don't know know, you not approach women is seen by women are you rejecting them... So in fact, all the women you haven't talked to have been rejected by you, not the other way around."
Interesting, I never thought of it that way. It makes sense if men never approach women then they will feel rejected I guess. I guess I just don't have the balls right now.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (22 February 2014):
My point was not to give you dating tips, but to tell you that women actually have a harder time than men when it comes to this. You think it is easy for women to just sit and wait and wait and then what happens when no guy talks to her? She just sits there and waits and waits.. like so many women do. At least you have the option of choosing yourself who you want to talk, whereas women are supposed to just be approach and have to settle with whomever has the guts to approach us.
Well, I don't sit around and wait, but I know most women do sit around and just wait to be approach, and guys don't have the guts to talk to women (look at yourself as a good example of that), so we end up just sitting there thinking no one wants us. De facto rejected. At least you haven't actually been rejected, you just don't approach anyone out of fear of rejection.
But, don't know know, you not approach women is seen by women are you rejecting them... So in fact, all the women you haven't talked to have been rejected by you, not the other way around.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 February 2014):
I think you actually don't like women or find them attractive at all. Maybe you have been barking up the wrong tree this whole time?
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reader, locust +, writes (22 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Especially if you want marriage and kids."
No children for me, I'm going to end my generation.
I had one guy told me about marriage and he said its not worth the amount of debt. Marriage laws in the USA give women a ton of power to wipe out much of men finances. I know you are going rebuttal this, but he has experience and I don't want to live in debt. He just shared his experience.
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reader, locust +, writes (22 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Have you ever heard of Surrogate Partner Therapy??"
I have not. I heard of surrogate mothers though.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (21 February 2014):
"One thing to realize is that you are women, and you guys have it easy. You guys have the power to either accept or reject him and wait for the next guy."
No, we don't have it easy at all. You're dead wrong. Women are just as desperate for a man as men are for a woman, only difference is we are desperate for relationships/marriage, not sex. But that's got nothing to do with needs and wants, just social training and culture.
Men feel they are not "manly" unless they have sex. This is something taught by society, not human nature. Women feel they are losers unless they are in a relationship, also something taught by society. That's why I get so annoyed when every time they interview a successful woman in a magazine, or paper, or wherever, they ALWAYS have to ask and mention whether or not she is married and whether or not she has kids and how many. They NEVER ask a man that, it is NEVER listed in the interview. Because women are being valued more successful if they have a relationship, if they are married.
Same with men, but for men it is sex, and not relationships. Men are thought(by other men and by themselves) to be worth more if they have sex, and the more sex they have, the more "successful" they are.
But it is the exact same shit, if you pardon my language, and women have just as hard a time with this as men do. Or actually, we have a worse time at it, because while you can just go hump an escort, we can't pay someone to marry us to "up our status".
I hope you will go eat your words now, you have no idea how tough it is for a woman to find a decent man to have a relationship with. You sit there and think it's soooo difficult, but fact is you haven't even tried! And with all the ladies out there desperate for a relationship you'd be having GREAT SUCCESS, if what you wanted was a RELATIONSHIP and not just sex. Women don't want to go around having random sex, because we know it never leads to a relationship, and we need a relationship to up our social status. That's why women don't have one night stands.
So if you want to get laid, have a one night stand, tough luck. Get that prostitute. But if you want a relationship women will be throwing themselves at you. Especially if you want marriage and kids. They'll fight over you.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (21 February 2014):
OH - forgot to mention - you lose your virginity in the program.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (21 February 2014):
Have you ever heard of Surrogate Partner Therapy?? It's "hands on" therapy designed specifically for people like you with social issues who are virgins. You actually have several sessions designed to break down all of the hangups like what you have, and there is sex involved as well as reprogramming the issues that have kept you away from losing your virginity.
You might want to study up on it. The program is tailored around you, so it's not a one-size fits all. I'd put the website on here, but instead, Google the term and you might find that it's to your liking. You live in the US, so there might be a surrogate program near you.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 February 2014):
Your glass is two-thirds full, yet you persist in believing it is empty. Ah well. When you stop extrapolating the negative from life, you may wake up to find that there is lots to be positive about.
If you want to pay for sex, pay for sex, if that is all you want. No one is stopping you.
If you want a relationship, you will have to make some changes. The changes will involve some effort. You are the only one who will be able to decide if the results you desire are worth the effort.
I think on some level you like being resentful and miffed and negative about your life and the lives you think others live. You're just annoyed that resentful negative aura hasn't provided sex.
Here's the bottom line. Your negativity and resentful attitude acts as a woman-repellent.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 February 2014):
Just one more nail in your "logic" coffin
Men outnumber women. http://www.geohive.com/earth/pop_gender.aspx
and if that's too hard to grasp:
http://unstats.un.org/unsd/Demographic/products/indwm/
has breakdowns of:
ratio
size
distribution
OP you have a lovely excuse for EVERYTHING we say...
if you spent HALF the time just relaxing and trying to meet PEOPLE to be friends with instead of seeking WOMEN to have a relationship and lose your virginity with, you would already probably be a married man with a kid...
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 February 2014):
Go ahead and get laid we'll be here waiting for your follow up.
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reader, locust +, writes (21 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut what you guys mention I will seek help on that and any therapy I may need. But then again I want you guys to realize its not easy for what I been through. I feel I have been treated like crap. Again I will seek help but I will still see a escort. I realize the risk of STI/STD but I can catch that from anyone.
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reader, locust +, writes (21 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf you look at the gender in this world, I have read there is more men than women, so that can lead to a net imbalance.Let me ask you guys some questions.Do you think everyone is equal that everyone has the ability to find love especially for a guy? Does he guarantee to find love?Will it be worth his life of effort?I know its mostly women on here replying and I know you guys are trying to steer me away from escorts/prostitutes. One thing to realize is that you are women, and you guys have it easy. You guys have the power to either accept or reject him and wait for the next guy. Where does it leave him? Never was given a chance.This is not easy and you ladies make it seem easy. Yes you guys can find love because men want a sexual companionship so its easy. If was a girl I would said long time ago. I think lot of men on here would agree with men. Its not easy being a guy when I have to do all this BS and I gotta be the guy with a great car, and nice fancy home just to impress someone. You can read lot of the forums out there online women want a guy with ton of $$$$$$, and me I'm just finishing up my last year in college and you think women think I have ton of $$$$$. As for the escort goes I save money for that. If you don't have a good income no woman will consider you and this is why divorce rates are so high in the US. I read couple of NEWS articles of men who had good jobs laid off because of the economy and what happen to his wife. She divorce him and boom she gone.Yes I know a escort won't fix my issues with women and I don't expect it to. But seeing a escort sure can relieve lot of my build up sexual tension. I not expecting wonderland land of roses all over the bed with candle with steamy romance. I don't care about romance. I can do NSA without feeling strange. When you start reaching near 30 years old sometime you don't give a shit anyone and things change because life is short, and average life span of human today is 78 years old. I'm 27 and take that divide by 78 and you get about 35%. 35% of my life is gone. I appreciate your guys help but you guys make it sound easy. Back in 2011 I remember I told this Chinese girl I liked her and she wanted to be was friends. I know women around but they either have a boyfriend or they just want to friend zone me. I met a girl back in fall of 2012 and was hanging around her for 5 weeks and we in a discussion she mention she had a boyfriend. See things like that. How the heck do I know if she single or not. I just feel frustrated because its not going right when I see other guys boom date just like that. But then someone told me just hire a escort and you can enjoy sex for your first time. Since then I just said hell with dating BS game, I will just rather see a escort instead. I just don't have luck. Maybe if I can get a face lift and look like Brad Pitt then I can start getting dates so much easier.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 February 2014):
OP, you've had at least 8 aunts here tell you that the problem is your negativity, and you say "it may have touch some of the truth I never considered" but then you go on to completely discount the advice given.
Your filter is totally out of whack. Your mind is busy making scenarios extrapolated from online forums and continuing to create fantasy scenarios. You are making this stuff up, basically.
Once you get a handle on how your negative thoughts are derailing your social life, you may have a chance at a successful romantic (including sex) relationship.
You are living in the future. The anxiety and panicky feelings arise from within you for imaginary scenarios. Your busy thought processes are busy keeping you occupied while you flounder around.
You have to get a handle on this if you want to be successful. Your busy thought processes will read that line and tell you that you will never be successful.
You have to stop listening to the negative voices in your head. If you had a friend who talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you'd end the relationship, and rightfully so! Your busy mind making shit up is the problem.
I am going to say something that will be hard to grasp: you are not your thoughts.
I have three books on my profile that you should read. Starting with Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and then The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.
If you are too busy caught up in your busy negativity then you are going round and round a little mental hamster wheel. You've grooved these thoughts, these thoughts make you feel pain which you associate now with how life is.
Time to radically shift your thinking. Actually, time to radically stop thinking….
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2014):
OP… we are trying to help you but you only want us to help you the way you are comfortable being helped. This is not going to work for us. And it won’t help you. Part of becoming an adult is learning to step outside your comfort zone.
Your posts are full of excuses that to YOUR mind seem reasonable to us as older more mature adults who have been there done that before it’s just your fear talking.
Women will NOT get creeped out if a nice fellow starts a casual conversation with them. Your interpretation of their response may be off OR you MAY project an aura of creepy depending on how you approach them and carry yourself. A therapist would be able to help you figure out which it is. I tend to think it’s YOUR interpretation.
For example you can’t just walk up to a girl and say “you’re pretty wanna go out with me?” That won’t work.
Let’s say you are out getting a coffee… and you see a girl in line next to you that you might want to get to know… what do you do? If I’m in line getting coffee, I’ll talk to the folks around me… :”the line is so long” or “it’s moving slowly today” or “wow I picked a bad time to want coffee” or lately with our weather (weather is always a good topic to start a conversation with a stranger) you can say “I am SO SICK of winter” trust me, that’s not creepy and it opens the door if the young lady is even remotely interested… the key for this is you need to find some skills in interpreting responses and if they are shutting you down or opening the door… again a therapist can help you with this.
YOU think you look odd so you assume women think the same thing. How about you assume that they have their own tastes and opinions and LET THEM decide if you are odd looking or not. Some may think so, some may not. You won’t know till you try…
Ya know If you want to discuss football with a woman in my home town most of us can talk football. I can even talk what my husband calls “real football” (Americans call it soccer) Hey did you know Barca beat Manchester City this week? WHAT makes you think women don’t have similar interests to you?
I love science and I’m an IT specialist. MOST of my co-workers are women.
Join a bowling league… women bowl….
Your excuses are lousy to be honest.
I’m sitting in class, or on a plane or at Starbucks or standing in line at Walmart and some guy says to me.. “how is your day going?” “ It’s going fine, how is yours?” would be my response…
Just because one young lady got up and moved when you saw a guy speak to her does not mean all will. AND you do not know why she moved or if he’s bothered her before. STOP thinking everyone is the same.
I really think you should take advantage of the mental health services available at your university so that you can get SOME guidance on this.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (20 February 2014):
"These are things I just cannot grab overnight like I can do with a escort. Escort I just make in-call go see her (at her place) for the hour and then leave."
42 different posts on here and you haven't learned a thing. You might as well call that escort and find out that having and wanting are two different things.
You know, fast food is easy and doesn't require much effort either, but it's nasty for you, full of crap that will clog your arteries, and the effects of such a diet are far reaching and ultimately cause bad physical and emotional side effects.
Do you see the comparison? Hire escorts because you don't want to go through the trouble of meeting and getting to know a woman and connecting with her emotionally, and you'll really mess yourself up. The physical side effects of course can be an STI (HIV is making the rounds in the porn industry and the sex industry in a way they haven't seen since the early 80's), possible violence done to yourself, arrest and conviction for prostitution, and many more problems. Emotionally, you'll be worse off because once you start shoveling money for the easy fast food sex, you're going to be less likely to want to put effort into honing social skills.
You better instead be concentrating on getting a high paying job, because escorts cost much more than drugs.
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reader, jls022 +, writes (20 February 2014):
"These are things I just cannot grab overnight like I can do with a escort. Escort I just make in-call go see her (at her place) for the hour and then leave."And there it is - the simple fact is you are unwilling to make the effort. Your biggest issue is not that woman may think you are a creep, or odd looking, or that you have nothing to say to them, it's that you've given up before you even started because it's too HARD.Listen, EVERYONE has to learn how to approach the opposite sex and learn to deal with rejection when they get shot down. The ONLY difference between you and them is that they are trying and you are not. If a random stranger thought you were a creep on a bus (which incidentally is unlikely unless you are ACTING creepy), would it really be the end of the world? No! It certainly doesn't mean that all women will think that. You just dust yourself off and try again. That is where true self-confidence comes into play. A confident person won't LET another person's opinion affect them at all. They realise that they can't be everyone's cup of tea and keep trying. If you really want to go and see an escort, then do it. No-one here is going to stop you. But do realise that it could make your problems a whole lot worse, because what happens afterwards? When your negative thinking takes over and you start to really realise that she didn't like you and she only did it for the money? When you realise you'll never actually know what she REALLY thought of you? I'd guess you'll end up even more miserable than you are now.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (20 February 2014):
Can you count how many negative things you have written in your last update? And how many positive? You are not being honest with yoursrlf about reality. You are lying to yourself, saying negative things over and over. Just like women MAY find you odd, may find you creepy, may move away from you... They also MAY not. Women watch football too. Women play tennis too.
You may die a virgin, most likely? I say most likely not. How can you predict life anyway? You may as well get married and have 10 kids, for all you know. You cant see into the future, and if you are going to just sit there and guess (instead of actually trying and see what happens), then you also have to include the possible positive outcomes.
Anyway, how do men and women meet/start talking? Trying and failing for most part. Without taking the risk of possible failure you can not win anhthing either.
What is so scary about her thinking you are a creep, that you cant dare to see if thst is what she will actually think?
Please, invest in at least three sessions with a therapist to talk about these fears of rejection and negative self image. It is not healthy, and you CAN change it.
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reader, locust +, writes (20 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBase on your guys replies it may have touch some of the truth I never considered. But I'm still thinking of seeing a escort just once to experience what sex is like. There have been stories of men who never found anyone, and for someone such as myself to never experience ever in their life would be depressing. I could very well potentially die as a virgin if I don't visit a escort. However, the odds of me dying single are pretty great.I seriously don't think I can pull this off. I'm in my last semester in college I'm done by the summer, right now I stay with one single parent and I don't own a car. But living in San Francisco technically don't need one but you know how it is. These are things I just cannot grab overnight like I can do with a escort. Escort I just make in-call go see her (at her place) for the hour and then leave.
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reader, locust +, writes (20 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the question"WHAT is so scary about a woman?" They might get creep out. I always hear this from men who attempt to ask their girl out and says he is a creep. So I don't want to feel I'm creeping them out. "WHY do you think women are so magical and mysterious that you can't even bear to have one look at you?"I feel they may think I'm odd looking or something. Anything that is not good.The reason is hard to meet women is because I don't know what to say. With men I can be like "hey did you watch that football game on Monday night?" There we have a discussion about football. I'm a guy who likes science, technology play tennis go bowling and some other things. Imagine if you were in class sitting before class starts and some guy just sits next to you and start talking. I seen that happen to one person before and she got up and moved. When things like that happen I sometime wonder how does men and women even meet each other? How do they even date? To me I find it very complicated. If I sit down next someone lets say riding the bus and start talking to them they may look at me weird and move. I live in San Francisco and people say you can meet wonderful people but I say that is 100% lie. Not true at all. Everyone is in their own little cave. That is why I just walk around with my Ipod and listen to music.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (19 February 2014):
I've read several places that people who think they are amazing have good confidence... You wont get confidence from anything if, at the end of the day, you're going to sit there and talk low of yourself, calling yourself ugly etc.
Confidence comes from the inside, not from the outside. If you want to feel good about yourself the by far best way is to think good thoughts about yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful. Handsome. Gorgeous.
Yes, you might feel it is awkward, but it's just you and the mirror. If you can't do that in front of yourself, then you wont be able to show confidence in front of others either. No matter how many whores you see. And yes, escort is just a fancy way to say whore.
A far better way to get confidence, if you don't feel like doing the mirror thing, is to get yourself to the gym and work on your body, be healthy, eat right, and treat your body like a temple. Exercise is healthy for your thoughts, it keeps depression at bay, it gives you endorphins that make you happy. And yes, it also gives you better health.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2014):
Anything is possible for anyone but the problem is you think that going to an escort will solve your problem when all it will do is make it worse.
Just experiencing sex will not fix your internal issues and may actually make it worse.
Seeing an escort will not give you confidence with real life women... the only thing to do is take them off the pedestal you have them on.
WHAT is so scary about a woman? WHY do you think women are so magical and mysterious that you can't even bear to have one look at you (which BTW if you catch a girl looking at you it may very well be because she LIKES the way you look and wants to get to know you better)?
and why don't you answer my questions? perhaps they hit too close to the truth?
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reader, locust +, writes (19 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI read online some men who had gone to escort gain some confidence afterwards. You guys think its possible for me?
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
OP you are your own worst enemy.
you say you can say hello to random guys and make friends.
what makes women so magical that you can't do the same to them? Have you ever considered just being FRIENDS with a girl? why treat them differently? they are human too.
You say girls look at you but you BELIEVE they look because you are as ugly as quasimodo... guess what... even the Elephant man had love.... I'm betting you are not that unattractive. I work with lots of Indian fellows and some of them are downright handsome.
your belief that Asian girls would be easy... far off the mark....
your belief that blondes would not find you attractive? ever heard of opposites attract?
as for needing viagra at 35.. my 79 yr old dad does not. AND my grandfather was having sex into his 80s without any.
Also OLDER women have higher sex drives...
oh and as for being done at 27
my husband used escorts and was using them when I met him. He was as lonely and miserable and as lousy at sex as a man could be. Porn and escorts do not equal a good lover... guess what.. he met me at 37.. he fell in love at age 38 and a man who swore that marriage was stupid insisted on marrying me at age 39.
very close friends of ours got married about the same time... Bride was 40 first time groom age 52.. mad passionate sex life and blissfully happy.
YOU are making your own pain..... I think some therapy to help you figure it out is in order.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2014):
I didn't say you were antisocial. I suggested that you have crippling anxiety about talking to women.
You have nothing to lose by talking to your doctor about it. Why wouldn't you try?
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reader, locust +, writes (17 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have friends so maybe I'm not that anti-social. I make new friends with no problems I just don't approach women or be the first to talk to them. I can randomly say hi to a dude and become a buddy with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): I know some successful player type guys. Their failure rates would make your head spin. They could ask 10 women out and get rejected by 9, some of them pretty harshly. They don't even care.
Getting rejected 9 times doesn't sound like a big number when you hear this story. But think about how many rejections that is. Imagine 9 different rejections. It feels like the entire female population of the planet if its actually happening to you.
This kind of stupid over-optimistic attitude is just as crucial to getting them laid as good looks or money. Its not the only thing you need to get women but don't brush off how important it is. The rejections will hurt at first but you will get used to it. Keep faking the confidence and the ability to handle rejections until eventually you won't be faking it anymore. Then it will start working.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2014):
Wouldn't a better investment of your time and money be to find treatment for your social anxiety? There are ways to help people who suffer from this.
http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-social-anxiety-disorder
http://exchanges.webmd.com/anxiety-and-panic-disorders-exchange
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/coping-with-shyness
http://www.mayoclinic.org/mental-health/ART-20044098
Go talk to you doctor about this extreme shyness that is crippling you socially.
I think focusing on finding ways to deal with it with the help of medical/mental health professional would be more successful than a one time GFE payment to a person who is basically looking for cash.
Pick up the phone, call your doctor and get started on treatment for this.
Good luck.
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reader, locust +, writes (15 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have friends and made couple new friends from classes but they are guys. I'm just shy to approach women. Sometime a woman may look at me but I shy out a bit and look away. I do that because in my mind I'm thinking she looking me because I'm awful looking. That is what I just think at that moment.
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reader, jls022 +, writes (15 February 2014):
Ok well that is definitely something you need to work on then. I suffer with social anxiety so I know how scary it can be to approach people, and I definitely understand the feeling that you are bothering people by speaking to them. But think about it the other way - would you mind if someone tried to strike up a conversation with you? Chances are you'd welcome it and most other people are the same. You're doing the classic SA thing of imagining the worst about a situation then avoiding it because it seems so terrifying. When in reality, approaching people is much less scary than you've built it up to be. I can say this with confidence because I've been in therapy for almost a year now and it's REALLY helped me come out of my shell. There is also the option of medication too but I've actually found the therapy has been enough so far. I can now strike up a conversation with a stranger relatively easily when the thought of that could have made me feel physically sick before. So if you have not sought therapy before I would really recommend you try it. I was kind if forced into it although I really thought I was beyond help at the age of 27, but it's truly made the world of difference. So it's worth a try right? There will always be escorts if you do decide that's your only option, but I really believe that you can learn the skills to approach women properly and have a living relationship. I've never come across anyone who NO-ONE would want to be with, tastes are so individual, so there will be someone out there for you. You just need the skills to get out there and get her :) Please think about it because you deserve so much more than a fake experience.
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reader, locust +, writes (15 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPost by jls022
"Please tell me if I'm wrong OP - if you see a girl you find attractive, talk me through your next steps?"
Truthfully, I never go and talk to them because I feel in terms of looks they are way out of league. The ones I go for are the ones (who I least think) does not get much attention. I know I'm not attractive so I keep my standards way down.
I hate to be to start a conversation because I don't know what to say. I'm more better as a replier and not breaking the ice.
Again its hard to meet people in the classroom because I will feel like I'm invading their space, they may look at me strange like what the hell, then they may go tell their friends oh this creepy guy in my class is trying to hit on me. In general, its also hard because they so glued to their iphones, have headphones in their ears, its just no way to have social interaction.
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reader, jls022 +, writes (15 February 2014):
OP what have you tried? Befriending a girl or waiting for someone to talk to YOU on an online dating account doesn't count. Most women expect the man to do the chasing, yet you seem to be sitting waiting for women to make the move or tell you you're 'cute' before you'll risk trying.
Please tell me if I'm wrong OP - if you see a girl you find attractive, talk me through your next steps?
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reader, locust +, writes (15 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not really afraid of failing, its tired of failing. Everyone has a limit. It's like if you trying to put together a desk and if you just cannot do it then you give up and you will call someone who can.
Other guys can ask someone out and boom they have a date with one try and one shot and gets a date fairly easy. For me I could end up die trying and never get nowhere is my concern. I feel that if I can least experience sex once then I don't care if I don't experience it again. I could say hey at least I know what its like.
I think we have to face it there is not every person for everyone. Some will always remain single and never find anyone. Just like finding a solution to a math problem. Sometime there is no solution no matter what you try to do to the expression. I believe the same applies for dating. Come on lets be real, a 27 year old guy soon will be 28 this year and still a virgin and still single. Most people I know least would have one girl and a date. I have 0.
I know as many of you trying to tell me an escort route is not good and want me to pull away, its hard to focus when I never had any success. Let's say I had a date and did not went well, well I will still have hope because hey I got accepted least once so I know there is some hope. But not being accepted at all and always friend zone is never good. Just shows tells me no one is romantically interested.
I can keep trying and I guarantee I will still be a virgin at 30 years old. I for sure will hire a prostitute before I even let myself get that far of being deprived of sexual activity. I believe that is why I'm getting some gray hair growing at 27. Do I want to hire a escort? Well not really, but I feel its a last resort for sexual experience.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (14 February 2014):
Dear poster. I hope you can take this seriously for your own health and future. You have a very dark thought process, and are filled with negative "truths" that are not truths at all, but ideas your mind has been feeding you to hold yourself down.
You don't know how to approach women, you ask us how to do that. The reason you don't know is that you have not tried. No one knows how to approach someone else from birth. It is not something someone naturally knows and others don't. Girls do not sit idly by and wait to be approached, plenty of girls come on here asking how to attract a guy because they have no idea how to, and never get asked out.
People learn these things by trying and failing. But you are afraid of failure. This fear has consumed you, and hiring a whore will be a way to avoid failure, in your mind. Because she will not turn you down.
Let me place this negative thought in your mind, because this will probably spin around in your head and make you feel even more miserable. But, it might also be exactly the push you need to seek professional help through a therapist/your doctor: What if the whore looks at your naked body and laughs? What if the whore pities you, and thinks you're disgusting?
Your negative mindset with add these thoughts as a possible failure. And, since you are so extremely obsessed about avoiding failure, because of these thoughts you may not go through with the whore idea. Which I wouldn't want you to, because truth is, women do not go into such business because they like it, and they certainly do not feel good about it, or enjoy it, or like the men they sleep with. They think very low of their customers. And, on a moral level, buying someone elses body is just wrong.
But your negativity spins off in other directions too, not just your dating life (or lack thereof). It concerns how you view yourself, your self respect, your self esteem, and ultimately: how much you are going to enjoy your life, or go through life always struggling, hating yourself, growing a grudge towards women, towards men you deem "successful". A grudge towards life.
A professional will help give you the tools you need to live a happier life. Be a better person. Be content, happy, and how to get what you want in life. All in all, give you the tools to a better life. Please do consider it, for your own health and future. What do you have to lose?
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reader, locust +, writes (14 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn the profile I write just a short simple profile. What I read online for every woman there are 10 men so I'm out numbered. So I'm finding online dating is useless I cannot compete.
I'm in my last semester in college so trying to meet someone will be harder because I won't be in a social environment. My favorite activity is tennis. At the college sports and clubs are cancelled because of budget cuts.
How do you just approach someone? You just can't random come up and say hi that would make her creep out. Also ton of girls got their faces stuffed in a iphone screen. So as I say its very very difficult which is why I'm giving up. Too many obstacles. Plus women not gonna find me attractive. Since i never been called cute proves it right there.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (14 February 2014):
Heh, I think men do more judging towards women who *are* prostitutes/sex workers/porn starts than women do to men hiring them. To me, buying sex is a cop out. What will be accomplished?? You'll still not know what the hell you're doing, and so what, you feel your penis inside a hired vagina for 30 seconds (sorry to be so graphic), and you'll do one of three things:
1. You'll ejaculate in 19 seconds.
2. You won't at all because you'll be too nervous and come out of the experience filled with even more anxiety
3. You'll blow at the first touch of the escort and not even make it to the promised land!
In short, it'll be like an amusement park ride. A couple of thrills, but what then??
By the way, where did you get your ideas about the sex drive dying at 35?!?! Don't let my husband know about this, because he hasn't gotten the memo!
In my opinion, you're not that old, and you would benefit more from a therapist than an escort. You have some serious issues and a really whacked out way of thinking and viewing women, and no visit to an escort is going to fix what ails you.
You live in the US, right? According to your flag?? And you thought Chinese women would be easier?? You watch too much porn. There are a bunch of US women who would be interested. Trust me, I have known guys who *should* have been "Hell No" guys, yet they seem to attract good looking women, and they're actually players! Seriously, they look like shoes, yet their personality/confidence is off the scale.
Stop talking yourself out of being worthy of a relationship. You are your worst obstacle. And don't think it'll be any easier after an escort. If anything, it'll get harder.
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reader, locust +, writes (14 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree they most likely won't fully understand what its like to be a guy struggling. That is because they are wired to always to have the men approach them. Then I hear stories that women say they get freaked out or creep out when a guy approach them.I have accounts on Datehook Up and Plenty of Fish and all they do is view my profile and don't send anything. Some say just see a escort because you only live once. Enjoy it. When I get 35 my sex drive will likely die and I will need Viagra. I seriously don't believe I will be in a relationship, crap I never dated. Everyone I know in their 20's and younger than me have been in more than one relationship and enjoy sex unlike me. inhibiting my sexual desires I believe is unhealthy and I'm becoming stressed out about it. I'm strongly leaning to just hiring a escort/prostitute.
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reader, locust +, writes (14 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI been on Datehook Up and nothing. I'm on Plenty Of Fish and I have some view my profile and nothing no messages. So online dating is not gonna work for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): To put it bluntly I don't think women have any place to judge men for hiring prostitutes.
Any man is capable of being physically attacked in certain circumstances. But does not mean that men really understand what it's like to be a woman alone in a dangerous place.
Any woman is capable of getting sexually frustrated or not finding the partner they want. But that does not mean women really understand what it's like to be a man struggling to get sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): One thing to think about:
When you do finally meet "the one", the love of your life--there's a very good chance she will be upset by the fact that you did this. Her thoughts may be something like, "Why didn't you wait for ME?"
Also, regardless of your virginity status, sleeping with a prostitute places a lower value on sex than most women do. For me, it would be a deal breaker…
Just remember that you might have a wife one day and you'll have to live with whatever decision you make.
Finally--the sex isn't going to be very good. Trust me. You'll probably feel empty afterwards, because you really want to love someone, not just f*** them.
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female
reader, Euphoric29 +, writes (13 February 2014):
Dear OP,
You've only ever dated few women, sometimes under the pretext of being a study buddy. You've limited yourself to date women of a certain race, probably from a more conservative culture. I think there are very few people who would be successful with that low effort of a dating strategy!
Frankly, it just sounds to me like you didn't try hard enough to find a girlfriend or a consensual sex partner.
Did you ever try
- online dating
- online casual dating/sex dating (e.g. adultfriendfinder.com)
- dance classes
- clubbing
- meeting women with the same hobby
- having your friends hook you up with someone
- traveling alone and meeting someone at the youth hostel
- chatting up someone at a café who is there alone to read/study/enjoy the day
- speed dating
etc.
Because that's what singles do! They keep trying trying trying. You sound like you were so scared of rejection that you didn't even try everything you could.
"If you saw my picture you would say hell no! and run for the hills I guess". Yes, OP - you only guess that, you DON'T KNOW! You make it easy for yourself. You're impatient, because the years went by.. and so you say you're "giving up". But the real project and effort hasn't even started OP!
You remind me of those people who hit the gym once or twice because they want to lose weight, then they don't see over night results and quit, blaming their genes or whatever. Getting dateable and finding a partner is HARD work OP, and I suppose you just didn't work hard enough, so far. You hid behind your fears and doubts but you didn't exercise your skills.
My advice is, OP, not to wait until "things change".. but to actively change the way you approach dating. And by that, I don't mean seeing a prostitute, I mean actually working on becoming better at approaching women and seeking more adequate occasions to meet them than the study area.
I wish you good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Hi,
Just some input from me. Many years ago I paid for an escort for my first time when I was 19. I was on holiday, got fed up of being a virgin, wanted to try things out.
The lady was in her mid 20's. For me a fantastic experience but left me empty when I came back home. For years after, i couldn't feel satisfied with any girlfriends. My problem was that the escort was obviously very experienced.
Therefore, I had used her as the marker of the future. So, when I was with a girlfriend of my age, they never came up to that experience. This set me back years before I learnt to love and not think of sex as the be all and end all.
Therefore, I would avoid using an escort if I were you as you are probably emotionally and experience wise not ready.
Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Listen, I know someone who was in the same exact situation as you. He was a virgin til 26 and decided enough was enough so he hired a prostitute (at a strip club). I think he paid about the same, but the experience was lacking. Its completely void of passion and desire and leaves you wanting something real. Dont make the same mistake he did. I seriously doubt you will be forever alone, so dont think that way. Get more confience in yourself and seek counseling that will help with your depressed attitude.
It worked for my friend whos now engaged. Your not alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): First of all, why only women Chinese or Indian? Go for black girls or white, and see what happens, you might seem exotic to them.
Decent escort is going to cost you much more than $250. Remember they are not paid all $250, probably half, and for $125 it's not going to be much effort from them, believe me.
In a long run you wouldn't be able to afford them on a permanent basis.
Being indian has nothing to do with women finding you not attractive. I happened to date for a short time one Indian guy who was amazing and I liked him very much, andi am white redhead with freckelss girl.
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reader, locust +, writes (13 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I will go for the escort and I believe it will make me feel better. I know it won't improve dating ability but least I won't have the constant thought what is sex like. If I have to pay $ 300.00 then I will.
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reader, locust +, writes (13 February 2014):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I don't have a fetish of Chinese women I just thought they would be easier to be with than anyone else.Well it just really bothering me because I never had such experience. Sometime it bothers me where I get grumpy a lot and just not myself, its just so much tension. I cannot always live like this forever. I'm going to be 28 years old and nothing is changing and I'm running out of patience. I feel that I will hire the escort and if it does ruin my chances for a future relationship it really does not matter: it's not like I was going to be in one anyways. It's like saying if you don't do this extra work I won't tip you but were you really gonna tip me? Nope, just a lie to make that person have false hopes.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 February 2014):
Women do not love that job, but do you think there'd be any customers if they told the truth?
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reader, chigirl +, writes (13 February 2014):
It is a question of morals. Paying a woman for sex, or even thinking that it is normal to do so, speaks of a non-existing respect for women, that women are only objects. Are women only bodies to have sex with for your own pleasure? Or are we humans as well?
If you want to work on yourself and if you want a girlfriend, and if you wabt to learn to treat women as equals, then I strongly suggest you use that money to see a good therapist. Or dating coach, or life coach. Use the money on something constructive. Paying women for sex is not right. In fact it is illegal in several countries. Think about it. Do some research. Dont be part of a culture that objectifies and holds women down.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (13 February 2014):
I was thinking similar along those lines. A sex doll would have about the same level of emotion when it comes to you. The GFE takes much more than one hour, and I don't know about you, but I'd miss that kind of money. And not to burst your bubble, but it's going to cost much more than $250/hour for a true GFE, otherwise it's the street mill for you.
Why are you looking for an escort? If it's just to experience what sex is like, well, it will fit the bill. But you won't get any experience. You'll still not know how to relate to a woman.
Not only that, but are you looking for a woman to just use her, or are you looking to connect to one? You're an Indian looking for Chinese/Asian women, and it sounds like you have some sort of fetish going on. What will hiring an escort change for you?
I would not date a guy who went to escorts, for the sheer danger issue of STI's and also I would think that the guy didn't know anything and therefore would suck in bed because he's used to paying to get pleased with zero effort whatsoever. Not attractive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): First off you never have to tell any woman you've been with an escort, it's none of their business and frankly none of them ever ask either. Just say you lost your virginity to a one night stand.
I see nothing wrong with going for a well researched, local girl who is neither trafficked nor an addict. Despite what people say there are plenty of women that love that job, so do your homework.
I don't think it'll solve your problem though. I think you'd be better off just going for a woman with less than average attractiveness in a bar or something, or maybe even online and try that.
You won't have accomplished anything other than to have mechanical sex with a woman who is treating you like a business transaction.
You need to taste the success that is getting a woman, and you need to figure out why you find that so tough. Step outside your comfort zone, try it on with a woman you're not blown away by and keep going.
Ask a girl out, have a few drinks and instead of hoping things will happen go in for the kiss. If it doesn't work try another woman, wait a few more dates before trying to kiss etc. If it's not happening it's because you, the man, are not leading women to that point, you're hoping it'll happen on its own.
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