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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 18 September 2012: I am sending this article to a truly Dear friend today who I know is grieving today. Suicide leaves such a cruel legacy for those left behind.
Today I feel my wonderful Dear friend might benefit from this article.
If you are suffering, havin... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 1 June 2012: Thank you Maverick494 for your very understanding feedback. I truly appreciate your comments. Your post made me very reflectful. And that was, originally all I was going to say. But you inspired me to say more.
Interesting that you observed... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 10 December 2011: Hi Anonymous123 the feeling is mutual.
I know what a wonderful contribution you make to Dear Cupid too. Your really great advice is clearly appreciated by so many.
Best Wishes
Abella... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 4 December 2011: thank you Tisha, for you are amongst the wise people I refer to, when I think of inspiring wise people, who I have inspired me with their wisdom, logic and good commonsense.
Such people include two long term friends, a Nun, and of course my grea... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 3 December 2011: Christmas can be a tough time, for some. Especially the elderly, those far from home, those who have just split with a partner, or just suffered a tragic experience.
Remembering who is not around to share this time with you. The media feed you imag... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 2 December 2011: hi Jonas
No I don't believe in retribution nor in Karma.
Because if I did I would have to conclude that the 'plan' was cruel.
And I don't believe in 'everything happens for a reason' for that too would lead me to question what 'reason' cou... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 2 December 2011: hi Jonas,
I feel terrible that I did not respond earlier. The first time started to read your response and the second one I was so over-whelmed that one family could have to face so much. And I had to go back twice before I finished reading the ... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 4 August 2011: Hi Dodds,
I found your response moving too.
Thank you,
Your lovely understanding meant a lot to me,
Regards
Abella... (read in full...)
Flatmate is driving me nuts! how do I deal with it?
Q. Not exactly a relationhsip question, but I am having a problem with my flatmate. She is a really good friend of mine, and we have lived together before, but for the last few months she has done nothing but complain constantly, about everything. She ...
A. 4 August 2011: What a tiring person to live with.
You need to look after you, so that she does not drag you down to her level.
She may be depressed but you cannot make her go to the Doctor and you have already tried that.
And moving out still costs you money an... (read in full...)
I cant ever imagine getting divorced over this, but I am not attracted to my wife! What should I do?
Q. I don't know who to turn to for advice because this is such a sensitive subject. Over the last couple of years I have been losing attraction to my wife and even finding her repulsive at times. I am not a superficial person but it has been building ...
A. 3 August 2011: thank you for your follow up. Sounds like it is time to proudly take your wife out, hold her hand, and show her affection. Who knows how much it might lift her spirits? Well done for considering Thyroid as an issue and for considering relaxtio... (read in full...)
I need him to own up to the abuse....
Q. I have been abused by my husband a couple of times. The last incident I ended up in the hospital,I never told anyone the he did it. I kept him out of jail. After a year of the incident I finally told his boss and his family what happen because I ...
A. 2 August 2011: Is he out of your life completely or just idling by the side? He needs to be your Ex, not someone you hope might reform.
Reform seems most unlikely.
I bet he has belittled you, embarassed you, found fault with every little thing? Undermin... (read in full...)
I cant ever imagine getting divorced over this, but I am not attracted to my wife! What should I do?
Q. I don't know who to turn to for advice because this is such a sensitive subject. Over the last couple of years I have been losing attraction to my wife and even finding her repulsive at times. I am not a superficial person but it has been building ...
A. 2 August 2011: You feel you are at the CrossRoads. And that now is the time to work out if you stay or if you go? This is a terrible situation to be in. And you must feel seriously conflicted. Do you like who you are? And are you proud of how far you've come at ... (read in full...)
I'm sick of this situation with his uncle! I even think my love for my boyfriend is fading because of this, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend and i are now arguing because of this problem. He lives with his uncle who is an idiot. He is aways taking money from my boyfriend and saying he will give it him back but never does. Its not just that the guy is a bad drinker and very ...
A. 1 August 2011: hi, The Uncle sounds like a man making some very unwise choices in life. And you cannot categorise the Uncle as a practising Muslim as drinking Alcohol is unacceptable in that religion. Besides it is now Ramadan, so both your boyfriend and yo... (read in full...)
Married 4 years and we still have a communication problem
Q. me and my wife have been married for 4 yrs and we seem to still have a commucation problem. we can talk and if i say somthing she dont like she gets mad. I try to be understanding but i tell her what i think in a well tone mannor. but when it comes ...
A. 1 August 2011: Some people "fight dirty" in my view and then their relationships suffer. Perhaps your wife has developed a way of communicating that is not the same as yours. and perhaps you hate conflict in the first place. I know I do dislike conflict and wou... (read in full...)
Am I just insecure? Will it make a difference if I lose weight? I want to attract a G/f.
Q. I'm really not crazy about the way I look and I'm trying to find a girlfriend. I've never had one before nor even kissed a girl. I feel that something is stopping me. I'm a nice guy, and outgoing, the problem is that I am very insecure when it come...
A. 1 August 2011: Congratulations on losing 40 pounds. That shows commitment, drive and energy to meet goals. Any girl ought to be impressed about that magnificient effort. And you are not ugly in your opinion. Another plus for you. And you are an actor so s... (read in full...)
His friend likes me but I don't like him...is that holding him back?
Q. So in my acting class there is a boy I like named tyler, he is tall and blond, charismatic, gorgeous, but he is white and im black!! Sometimes but very few times I have caught him looking at me and when I give him big smiles he smiles back! ...
A. 31 July 2011: Absolutely spot on! Both Tyler and his friend have spotted you. Tyler's friend was the first to identify his interest and so Tyler held his tongue. Though Tyler's friend doesn't have a chance, obviously. Nice guys will hold back from showing too... (read in full...)
His friend likes me but I don't like him...is that holding him back?
Q. So in my acting class there is a boy I like named tyler, he is tall and blond, charismatic, gorgeous, but he is white and im black!! Sometimes but very few times I have caught him looking at me and when I give him big smiles he smiles back! ...
A. 31 July 2011: thank you for your follow up. That helped clear up that one! Sounds like you need to re-register your profile in DearCupid to avoid more confusion in the future? I'll now go back to the original question and consider my response. Thanks, Abella ... (read in full...)
It was supposed to be our time, but he had ended up having to work!
Q. I have to admit I am a little annoyed just now. Me and my bf booked our annual leave some time ago and it started yesterday, two weeks. He broke his leg some 6 weeks ago and has been off work since, but it worked out that he needed to go back to ...
A. 31 July 2011: hi
Losing the first five days (together) really would be upsetting.
The upside is that your lovely guy recently earnt a promotion. You must be so proud of him. And the little extra he now earns will make it easier to pay for your home togther,... (read in full...)
What is going on with my ex? Do I have another chance with her?
Q. So my Ex girlfriend I dated over a year ago just broke up with her boyfriend a cple weeks ago, and lately shes been askin me to hang out quite a bit, but the last few times have been different than just a couple of friends hangin out. The other ...
A. 31 July 2011: Hi, She is in the right place now. To reconnect with you. IF she is treating you as a short term temporary Rebound then I would be very concerned. But I don't think that is the case. I DO think she is interested in you and wants to re-conne... (read in full...)
I love him but he can't seem to keep a job...
Q. I'm currently in a long distance relationship for almost a year and a half. I'm 25, he's 26. We have both decided to save some money in our current jobs, get things together and then move in together. Originally we thought he would move to where I ...
A. 31 July 2011: this is HIS problem, not yours. He is old enough to have already have his life on track. In the same way as your life is on track, and as your brother's life is on track.
Break with this guy, with the following conditions:
1. In the next 12 month... (read in full...)
His friend likes me but I don't like him...is that holding him back?
Q. So in my acting class there is a boy I like named tyler, he is tall and blond, charismatic, gorgeous, but he is white and im black!! Sometimes but very few times I have caught him looking at me and when I give him big smiles he smiles back! ...
A. 31 July 2011: hi
I am a little confused about your profile. Are you in the process of changing from a guy into a girl?
You say this guy called you a 'girl'.
Is this guy a Gay guy or bi?
You mention that he shows interest in girls.
But he also shows interest ... (read in full...)
Why do girls think that all men are scum just because they weren't treated right by a guy once?
Q. It really bothers me when women say that all men are pigs and all men are scum. When I hear girls say that, it kind of offends me. I am a nice guy. Every time I'm around a girl, I'm always a gentleman. (Hold doors open for them, pick up things when ...
A. 31 July 2011: Some guys are wonderful. Some guys are not. Some are shallow. Some are not.
And girls are just the same.
I have always tried to side-step from guys who are shallow and totally enjoy inter-acting with intelligent, funny, interesting guys who are ... (read in full...)
Do shallow people lead better, easier and more fun lives?
Q. I have been wondering for some time about some of my girlfriends who I think are somewhat shallow. I mean, they don't reflect on anything, they just pursue what they want (sex, money, relationships) and don't much care who and what they damage in ...
A. 31 July 2011: hi,
You sound like an insightful person. There are some wonderful things that insightful people have achieved in the world.
If stranded on a desert island I would rather be surrounded by insightful caring people who demonstrated empathy than by ... (read in full...)
He's not offering any support -- am I overreacting?
Q. I'm very upset with my boyfriend and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting or being a jerk. My grandfather was recently hospitalized and has been in and out of congestive heart failure. I am 20 and still living at home. My parents have decided to fly ...
A. 31 July 2011: it is entirely reasonable that you are feeling stressed and in need of some empathy and support. Your grandfather is seriously ill with heart problems. Your parents are concerned and caring enough to visit him.
Your parents have asked you to acce... (read in full...)
My sister and I have the worst relationship imaginable!
Q. My sister and I have the worst relationship imaginable. We argue constantly and I'm not saying it's always her fault but she does bring on the majority of our fights. Ever since we were kids she's been a total control freak, everyone says I'...
A. 30 July 2011: hi,
First off you don't need to take on the role of parent. If you Mom can't handle being the parent and your Dad is away so much then your Mom and Dad need to seek out some counselling to strengthen their parenting skills and how to better hand... (read in full...)
My friend is WAY too clingy and is getting on my nerves! What do I do??
Q. Hi, Basically, I have a friend that I've been studying with this past summer, since we are both taking the same summer class. He'd ask me to study a lot, and I would be fine with that at first, since it would force me to study. However, I'm st...
A. 30 July 2011: hi It sounds like he needs some more hobbies and some other interests. And you need to set some boundaries, just for your own protection. You also do not have to explain where you are going, nor who you are seeing. It is also ok for you to hones... (read in full...)
I'm addicted to eating at McDonald's and I need to cool it!
Q. hey everyone i have quite a weird problem im ADDICTED TO mcdonalds !!! its all i think about and im relly spending hell lots of money on that shit per month but im loving it really !! especially that where i live they have delivery service so its e...
A. 23 July 2011: post script Also learn to make some really great soups. The following is a favorite at home: Saute 1 diced brown onion, half sliced leek, 2 stems of diced celery, diced dessertspoon of bell pepper / capsicum. Add in a liquid cup of beef stock or... (read in full...)
I'm addicted to eating at McDonald's and I need to cool it!
Q. hey everyone i have quite a weird problem im ADDICTED TO mcdonalds !!! its all i think about and im relly spending hell lots of money on that shit per month but im loving it really !! especially that where i live they have delivery service so its e...
A. 23 July 2011: first of all can you share the love? And try Subway? Or pizza?
But truly it can work out expensive, and Boring, if you never vary what you eat.
And learning to cook at home can save you heaps on money.
Plus cooking at home is fun.
Cooking at ho... (read in full...)
My girfriend doesn't respect her parents. Ethically, how can I get her to see this is wrong?
Q. I was born outside USA and so notice some cultural differences in how my girlfriend relates to her parents. I have had an American girlfriend for the last 2 years. We seem to have been hitting the spot ever since we got off to a good start. But I do...
A. 23 July 2011: this problem is a great opportunity to explore where your values and attitudes are in sync and in what areas the two of you may need to do some work on accepting, tolerating, aligning or resolving any differences.
she may, in your view be disre... (read in full...)
He said he had a great time with me, yet he ignored me for nearly two months. Why contact me now?!
Q. Any insight as to what is going on in this guy's head would be fantastic. I'm pretty confused. In early April, I was an active member on a dating site. A guy messaged me and we began chatting rather frequently. After a few weeks of messaging bac...
A. 23 July 2011: he was not prepared to take it further when he had the chance. In fact he may have even decided to play it cool, until he had confirmation that you were really interested enough to make it easier for him to make a connection, when it suited him. He ... (read in full...)
Is my ex paying enough child support?
Q. hi im not sure if my ex is paying me enough child support? He works 60 hours a week fitting solar panels, Im not sure of his actual job title and dont know how much he earns per month. He only started the job last month and said to me this eveni...
A. 23 July 2011: make discreet inquiries with the www.csa.gov.uk as this will not cost you legal fees and they would be experienced at advising you in situations where he has recently started self employment.
He may already be paying a reasonable anount or he may ... (read in full...)
I really love my GF and don't want to lose her but how do I deal with all the insecurities?
Q. hi i am in a relationship with my gf more than three years.we both love each other a lot.But recently we hav started fighting a lot.these may be the reasons first of all she is not that expressive she only says i luv u when i say no initiati...
A. 23 July 2011: Not every relationship is meant to last nor will last for the lifetime we hope it will last.
Every relationship is a learning experience, and in some relationships love blossoms and grows. While in others love falters after a small challenge or a bi... (read in full...)
What topics are important to talk about on a first date?
Q. I'm going on my first date, and I need to know which topics are important to talk about for future dates so I get a good idea of what sort of person he is. Things like future goals, etc. Any advice?...
A. 23 July 2011: It's a first date. So don't bombard with many questions. It's not an inquisition. So try to keep it light and friendly. Flirt with your eyes. Listen to him as the most important guy in the room and don't interrupt. Listen more than you talk. Ask O... (read in full...)
My mother is preventing me from seeing my ex-bf, whom I love soooo much!!!
Q. Hey Guys , I was with my boyfriend for over a year and a few months ago he broke up with me, he recently has told me he wants to give us another chance and I'm soo happy because i love him so much and the past few months have been horrible without...
A. 23 July 2011: please ask your Mom for some time to quietly discuss something important with you. Tell her you need to hear her calmly give you some advice and her wisdom.
Ask if she can please keep calm as there maybe something about your question that will set ... (read in full...)
I think he discussed me not giving him a blowjob with his friend, does this mean he was just using me?
Q. Im a sixteen year old girl, and hes a few months younger than me. But he goes on like hes a lot older because of the company he keeps. And i know all his best friends as theyre my friends also. I was kinda with this guy for a few months, but we ...
A. 22 July 2011: I know we don't like it, but guys tell guys everything. Until they become mature enough to realise how disrespectful it is. At his age he's still flexing his muscles, so to speak, as far as relationships and sex. He should not be pressuring you o... (read in full...)
What should I do, if anything?
Q. An acquaintance of mine, out of the blue started texting me. We had a few exchanges over about six weeks and saw each other at one social event. How can you get to know someone just by texting? Once, I think there was a slight misunderstanding, ...
A. 22 July 2011: PS: of course texting CAN be very provacative, in the right context.
It works if you are already IN a steamy committed relationship with a special person, as just one more technique to delight your partner.
but my answer given earlier to Y... (read in full...)
What should I do, if anything?
Q. An acquaintance of mine, out of the blue started texting me. We had a few exchanges over about six weeks and saw each other at one social event. How can you get to know someone just by texting? Once, I think there was a slight misunderstanding, ...
A. 22 July 2011: also keep it light when you text. Just as in real life. Let him know what you've been doing. Show him your personality, who you are.
Perhaps even tell him that you need to discover a little more about effective texting. And can he give you some tips... (read in full...)
What should I do, if anything?
Q. An acquaintance of mine, out of the blue started texting me. We had a few exchanges over about six weeks and saw each other at one social event. How can you get to know someone just by texting? Once, I think there was a slight misunderstanding, ...
A. 22 July 2011: it sounds as if you want a more personal relationship with one to one direct contact with something more than texting.
But at the moment, for whatever reason, he is very comfortable with just texting.
You know he is real, because you have met him ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I don't know what love is
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 and half months my boyfriend is afraid that he is going to lose me i told him no you aren't going to lose me i love him and i want to be with him he trust me and loves me my thinks i don't know what love is ...
A. 22 July 2011: to me love is a whole range of things, but especially it is the feeling that there is no one else who makes you feel so comfortable inside your own skin, when you are with that person, and they feel the same.
Love is not judgemental. You don't have... (read in full...)
Sick of my husband's obsession with fashion and the fact that he is constantly trying to get me to lose weight
Q. Dear All, This is a really complicated situation, but i have been with my husband for three years and we are still in love although there are a few things i really hate about him and a strange thing he did yesterday. Some background, 1. Fashion ...
A. 17 July 2011: What an impossible load of 'his insecurity' is being dumped on you and that is entirely unreasonable.
His complete rudeness and his act of attempting to humiliate you with an unjust allegation of 'jealousy' really took things too far. Your sist... (read in full...)
I feel like telling them all the truth about their partners!
Q. I used to never care and never get angry. Now everything irrtates me. I can't stand half of my friends. I used to be chill and let people act however they wanted, but now I just don't care. I'm actually revangful now. Kind of feel like getting back ...
A. 17 July 2011: Hi
you definitely need a better class of friends. But I would not waste time acting in revenge for their actions to you. I would instead walk away from them. Can you move to a new area? Or just join some groups that involve things they are not inte... (read in full...)
How can I learn who I am and change who I was?
Q. Ok. Being at age 33 I have learned that what I have done with my life just isn't enough. I have a decent job that I love helping people. I make decent money. After having been broken up for months with the same kind of women that I have dated for ...
A. 16 July 2011: hi Interesting terminology, which I will try to get my head around. Please let me know if I have mis-understood anything along the way?
So you have a good job, at the hospital. Your co-workers like you and respect you. They invite you to soci... (read in full...)
How can I learn who I am and change who I was?
Q. Ok. Being at age 33 I have learned that what I have done with my life just isn't enough. I have a decent job that I love helping people. I make decent money. After having been broken up for months with the same kind of women that I have dated for ...
A. 16 July 2011: hi Interesting terminology, which I will try to get my head around. Please let me know if I have mis-understood anything along the way?
So you have a good job, at the hospital. Your co-workers like you and respect you. They invite you to soci... (read in full...)
I need opinions on the way I approached her. Was my way too aggressive? Did I scare her away?
Q. There's a girl who works out the same gym I do, and we were flirting visually (or at least I believe we were flirting as we often had eye contact), never mind it, one day as I was leaving the gym and she was arriving ,we usually work out at the same ...
A. 16 July 2011: hi Vini, follow ups are lovely, and very appreciated, thank you, regards, Abella... (read in full...)
Advice on how to have a relationship with my family that is emotionally safe for me?
Q. God I feel so pathetic writing this. I am a grown woman, in my early thirties! And I am writing a message like some emo teenager about how hurt I feel by the behaviour of my parents! I recently went through a divorce. I left an abusive partn...
A. 14 July 2011: Hi
I tried to find some relevant aricles, looking at AnonymousMale1 first of course as he is so reliable for good articles.
Not sure if any of these three articles will resonate. But hope they help
Regards
Abella
http://www.dearcupid.org... (read in full...)
Advice on how to have a relationship with my family that is emotionally safe for me?
Q. God I feel so pathetic writing this. I am a grown woman, in my early thirties! And I am writing a message like some emo teenager about how hurt I feel by the behaviour of my parents! I recently went through a divorce. I left an abusive partn...
A. 14 July 2011: Stop putting yourself down. You are not pathetic at all. You stoically put up with the abuse. Suffered alone. You know not to put up with abuse again. And you know not to suffer in silence ever again.
You demonstated empathy by 'doing it alon... (read in full...)
When do I tell my boyfriend that his decision to not have any more children is a deal breaker for me? I want to end things
Q. My boyfriend and I were due to get engaged. We’d talked through the important matters, one of which was that we would have only one child together as he already has two from a past relationship. (I don’t have any) Then he called last week and as...
A. 12 July 2011: Way too much stress for you, i agree. And he can't (will not?) support you either. He's very self centred and does not listen.
He certainly has his problems. But does he exacerbate the problems by his poor comunication skills and his nega... (read in full...)
My GF wants me to remove a tattoo from my chest which spells my late sister's name, because my ex had the same name, and my GF doesn't want to be reminded of my ex!
Q. My twin sister died a few years ago in a car accident. I was really affected by her death. She wasn't just my sister but my best friend. I got a tattoo of her name on my chest so that she'll always be next to my heart. I have been seeing a...
A. 11 July 2011: definitely do not get it removed. Twins grow up very close to each other. Losing a twin is a very big trauma. Your G/f may not always be your G/f but your sister will remain your sister.
Your G/f should attempt to resolve her rese... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 5 July 2011: One DC person has made comment about this article. And needing to know more about how the second relationship progressed after losing my first husband and about going from being a widow with a child and how did I handle introducing a new man into my ... (read in full...)
I need opinions on the way I approached her. Was my way too aggressive? Did I scare her away?
Q. There's a girl who works out the same gym I do, and we were flirting visually (or at least I believe we were flirting as we often had eye contact), never mind it, one day as I was leaving the gym and she was arriving ,we usually work out at the same ...
A. 27 June 2011: Hi Vini,
I am sorry it did not work out. But there are millions of lovely women out there and one of them will grow to adore you and you her. So patience.
Best wishes
Abella... (read in full...)
I need opinions on the way I approached her. Was my way too aggressive? Did I scare her away?
Q. There's a girl who works out the same gym I do, and we were flirting visually (or at least I believe we were flirting as we often had eye contact), never mind it, one day as I was leaving the gym and she was arriving ,we usually work out at the same ...
A. 24 June 2011: hi, she may be on vacation. She may been shifting house, she may be assisting someone at home who is ill, she may have been sent on an assignment or had a heavier load of work.
There may be other reasons, but her absense is about her prio... (read in full...)
I need opinions on the way I approached her. Was my way too aggressive? Did I scare her away?
Q. There's a girl who works out the same gym I do, and we were flirting visually (or at least I believe we were flirting as we often had eye contact), never mind it, one day as I was leaving the gym and she was arriving ,we usually work out at the same ...
A. 20 June 2011: I like your sense of humor. (about the business card) That great sense of humor will stand you in good stead with any girl.
Sorry for me assuming re a business card - they are so useful and unobtrusive.
I think you are well on track with this gir... (read in full...)
I need opinions on the way I approached her. Was my way too aggressive? Did I scare her away?
Q. There's a girl who works out the same gym I do, and we were flirting visually (or at least I believe we were flirting as we often had eye contact), never mind it, one day as I was leaving the gym and she was arriving ,we usually work out at the same ...
A. 20 June 2011: i don't think your approach was wrong at all. Guys approach girls like this in the gym all the time. And sometimes it's well received - It's when one sees them lingering longer at the drink fountain, or making a b-line for side by side treadmills. ... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 12 December 2010: Thank you C Grant (love the photo! Well chosen Avatar). You made my day on seeing you post. Your comments very much appreciate, regards Abella... (read in full...)
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