A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:An acquaintance of mine, out of the blue started texting me. We had a few exchanges over about six weeks and saw each other at one social event. How can you get to know someone just by texting? Once, I think there was a slight misunderstanding, and I texted him that I thought we should actually talk sometime. He texted back "Yes, ma'am." Later I suggested we get together for dinner and some music at a club, which turned out to be one of his favorites. He seemed to have had a nice time, and texted me afterwards that he had enjoyed it. That was two weeks ago. I haven't heard from him since. What gives? Since I initiated our one and only actual get-together, I'd like for him to take the next step. What should I do, if anything?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 July 2011):
 PS: of course texting CAN be very provacative, in the right context.
It works if you are already IN a steamy committed relationship with a special person, as just one more technique to delight your partner.
but my answer given earlier to YOU, refers to where you are NOW. Early days. Getting to know each other.
And I did NOT get the impression that you were doing anything inappropriate.
But the answer above, to you, may be read by others.
So the words below, are to those who may take my words above, to you, 'out of context' and feel I don't understand that texting can be provacative.
Of course I understand that it can be that, and often it is just that.
But being overly sexual too early is often counter-productive.
And derails things before the couple has a chance.
If anyone thinks it OK that sexualised texts, that are given out indiscriminately, to anyone they text to, far too early is 'smart'? well, NO, it is not.
Such too early, too sexualised texts cheapen the interaction. Such texts are likely to have others shaking their head. And the sender is likely to become an object of mirth. As the texts are shown around, for others to shake their head that the sender has such poor judgement.
Hope you don't mind me clarifying that point, within the context of my answer to you earlier?
Regards,
Abella
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 July 2011):
also keep it light when you text. Just as in real life. Let him know what you've been doing. Show him your personality, who you are.
Perhaps even tell him that you need to discover a little more about effective texting. And can he give you some tips?
Don't be too formal.
Inject a little humor occasionally.
You can be cheeky, not provacative.
You can be sweet or gently flirty, without being smutty.
You set the tone of your texts, by the language you use.
You decide the message.
If the texting goes well then you may get the relationship to the next level..
The words you use tell the receiver everything about you, and your intentions.
And just to finish off I will below say the same message, but using different words which alter the tone.
You will see immediately how you control the tone and the message by the words you use. I have not abbreviated as txr spk can be very irritating.
Here are the examples:
1. 'hey good looking, how are you?'
2. 'how's my favourite traffic controller?'
3. 'Hi, just wanted to touch base. How are you?'
4. 'missing you Soooooo much.'
5. 'I got the job! Yes! Want to hear how?'
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 July 2011):
it sounds as if you want a more personal relationship with one to one direct contact with something more than texting.
But at the moment, for whatever reason, he is very comfortable with just texting.
You know he is real, because you have met him in person.
Although with effective texting it is soon obvious when the person is 'real' or not.
If he is more comfortable with texting, and you are more comfortable with more traditional one on one dates then this relationship may have some challenges.
But can you get to know a person, just through texting? From first hand experience I will say yes.
Can you maintain a good relationship with give and take (in terms of communication) then yes, yes and yes.
You can detect how they communicate, attitudes, values and how they think and feel. You can ask for more information if required.
A friend of mine was overseas with her husband. She was missing a game she would have liked to attend. So I gave her regular updates. She added in things about the function she was attending. She felt like she wad at the game. She mad me feel like I was at the dinner.
You can tell so much by what words a person uses.
You can even tell if the person who wrote the post is the person you usually text.
In decades to come I can see texting being used more in many situations.
If you are not comfortable texting, then pease tell him.
Though he gets a big tick from me for using the term 'Ma'am'. Honestly I melt when addressed like that, I love it. It is so sweet, gentlemanly and courteous.
And can people connect via Text - just look at this wonderful site of DearCupid. Many of the questions and answers would be sent or received via a Text message.
i do hope your relationship does work out for you and him. And that texting be allow a good relationship to develop.
best wishes,
Abella
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