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19 October 2012: Just wanted to get my thoughts down. I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and thought I had beaten it. I've just found out that the cancer has spread to my brain and I have 2 tumours. I have just been offered gamma knife surgery to...
Dangers of Porn
This question has 53 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 November 2011: I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
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Why do some people argue that violence against women in porn is rare?
Q. Why do some people argue that violence against women in porn is rare? Especially when recent research has shown that almost 90% of porn shows violence against women . Is it ignorance, because it serves their agenda to not acknowldged it or because ...
A. 2 June 2015: I think you are spot on. If watchers don't agree with your statement, then how can they justify watching it? It is probably about desensitization and violence becoming "the norm". I remember a madame phoning into a local radio show after a woman ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but I've fallen out of lust with him. Will the feelings come back?
Q. Hello everyone Thanks for offering advice I've been married for 10 years like everyone we've had a few ups and downs but the bottom line is we love each other very much and I'd say my hb is my best friend, again like many relationships ou...
A. 23 October 2014: If anyone has seen the film "Saving Grace", there is a poignant moment in there, where Grace, having lost her husband, meets up with the woman she knew he had an affair with. When they talked of sex, Grace says "oh, did you find it was like ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but I've fallen out of lust with him. Will the feelings come back?
Q. Hello everyone Thanks for offering advice I've been married for 10 years like everyone we've had a few ups and downs but the bottom line is we love each other very much and I'd say my hb is my best friend, again like many relationships ou...
A. 22 October 2014: I agree things need to be "shook up" however, I couldn't disagree more with some of the replies. An Uncle described sex in his old marriage as "dull as dishwater" - really?? I have never read such a hurtful remark in all my life. You know why sex ... (read in full...)
My partner looks at other women whenever we go out. It makes me feel insecure. How do I handle this?
Q. Hi I'm a fourth eight year old woman with two marriages behind me. I am currently living with a man who's six years younger who has also came out of a marriage 5years ago but through his years being single or married he watched a lot of hard-cor...
A. 14 October 2014: Yep, talk to him first and find out what is going on. I personally think porn has got a lot to do with this, so thank you for mentioning it. This has to do with objectification and my husband had this problem, or indeed WE had this problem in our ... (read in full...)
He's terminally ill but I have feelings for him. Is it best to walk away?
Q. I have feelings for an older, terminally ill man. It was a crush at first, we both had serious relationships end (his wife left him and I left my boyfriend) so we'd talk all the time. One night, we were almost intimate but stopped...anyway, I get so ...
A. 3 October 2014: OK, I've just read the following : Symptoms of the disease can vary between individuals and even among affected members of the same family, but usually progress predictably. The earliest symptoms are often subtle problems with mood or cognition. A... (read in full...)
He's terminally ill but I have feelings for him. Is it best to walk away?
Q. I have feelings for an older, terminally ill man. It was a crush at first, we both had serious relationships end (his wife left him and I left my boyfriend) so we'd talk all the time. One night, we were almost intimate but stopped...anyway, I get so ...
A. 2 October 2014: I am terminally ill so I'll throw my two pennies in. Can you tell me what form of illness the man has? Is he all alone or does he have family to look after him? Also, how old is he? My answer will depend on your reply. Thank you in advance.... (read in full...)
Am I weird for totally enjoying myself at a strip club with my Bf?
Q. I got drunk with my boyfriend of two years last Friday and suggested that we go to a strip club. It took him a while to come round to the idea but we eventually went. Well even when I was asking him I thought I'd probably end up getting jeal...
A. 30 September 2014: Perhaps you have voyeristic tendencies, who knows. Maybe the alcohol had something to do with it too. I am not sure why you are posting your question - if you were entirely happy then why post? And what did you get out of the experience? Perhaps ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lies and tells me he doesn't watch porn. My self esteem is at an all time low
Q. Me and my partner have regular and amazing sex, we experiment and I have sexy outfits aswell n rolplay......I found out afew months ago he watches porn, I hate the stuff and I've had a lot of bad relationships becuz of it.....he knows how I feeling ...
A. 25 September 2014: Please, don't be encouraged to watch it - it won't help (IMHO). I believe and have some knowledge of the situation, that porn turns a lot of men into lousy lovers. The buzz you feel when watching it is a dopamine hit, like cocaine. So of course, ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my fiance and my friend that I've fallen for his girlfriend?
Q. I have been feeling ill with a current situation I have got myself into. I have been previously married which ended after she had an affair and got pregnant. I eventually found my current partner. I have a close friend whom I have known all my life. ...
A. 24 September 2014: In some twist of logic you are doing the very thing that was done to you and you say you feel guilty and sick. Good, I am glad you do because it means at least there is some semblance of consciousness in there somewhere. When something bad happens ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lies and tells me he doesn't watch porn. My self esteem is at an all time low
Q. Me and my partner have regular and amazing sex, we experiment and I have sexy outfits aswell n rolplay......I found out afew months ago he watches porn, I hate the stuff and I've had a lot of bad relationships becuz of it.....he knows how I feeling ...
A. 24 September 2014: I am afraid I "don't know it all" Aunty J, that is MY opinion. .You said "I honestly don't see why females have such a bad out look on porn & 99% of the time it's because they have never watched it them selves". Where did you get the figure of ... (read in full...)
A stranger came up to tell me he liked me. Is he a threat?
Q. Hello, I was walking to work yesterday morning 7am, half way there I saw a man come jogging around the corner and he suddenly stopped about twenty yards infront of me then continued tonwalk towards me. I have to admit I did feel uneasy in my ...
A. 23 September 2014: Always listen to your gut!! I think this scenario is extremely weird and you were right to be wary. Any man worth his salt will not approach a woman, at that time in the morning, in a relatively quiet and secluded area. That is just not on. And ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lies and tells me he doesn't watch porn. My self esteem is at an all time low
Q. Me and my partner have regular and amazing sex, we experiment and I have sexy outfits aswell n rolplay......I found out afew months ago he watches porn, I hate the stuff and I've had a lot of bad relationships becuz of it.....he knows how I feeling ...
A. 23 September 2014: I am not sure where Auntie J gets her figure of ""I honestly don't see why females have such a bad out look on porn and 99% of the time it's because they have never watched it them selves"". NOT TRUE so please do not bandy around mis information ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be lying about porn for no reason.
Q. Thank you in advance for reading this and answering to whomever answers. I've been with my boyfriend quite a long time now and I found out not too long ago he had been watching porn, I just looked at him and said what's this? And he looked guilty a...
A. 16 September 2014: I hate liars with a vengeance, so if porn has turned him into a liar, then that would explain why I hate porn with a vengeance too. Of course, if your Mum were to ask you what you had been up too, I'm not going to tell her I had a wank. However,... (read in full...)
Is any man excited by an average looking female body after watching porn?
Q. I am concerned that my bfs constant access to a never ending stream of physically perfect women in porn to look at and masturbate to is causing him to get bored with my appearance. He simply doesn't seem excited by the sight of me anymore yet if h...
A. 15 July 2014: He needs to stop the porn - at least for a while. Tell him it is an experiment. The overuse of porn has deadened his desire for you. Go to yourbrainonporn and see this for yourself. His brain has been rewired to get excited by porn only and the ... (read in full...)
How do I accept that my appearance is ordinary?
Q. I've been recently watching porn videos (not masturbating just missing sex) and I'm surprised at how flawless some of the actors are. How can people look like that? This was amateur and she didn't have a blemish on her! How can I accept that I h...
A. 20 June 2014: You have succumbed to the media portrayal of what women should look like and that is very sad. Instead of women celebrating their uniqueness and differences, they have been fed, probably all their lives, images that make them question that ... (read in full...)
Seeing a guy who has a g/f, and also seeing my ex
Q. Soo what do you think about this?.... theres no argument Im clearly crazy! Im a recovery addict who works has teenage children normal looking etc. But this is my problem.... Iv been seeing a guy who has a girlfriend + me he stays at my house 4 ...
A. 23 May 2014: Sorry, what do we think of what? Not sure what the question is but here is my tuppence worth. Have some standards and try and be ethical in your approach, in other words, why are you seeing someone else's man? What a truly unpleasant thing to do, ... (read in full...)
I feel disgusted he saved an inappropriate picture of his daughter's friend!
Q. Hi There, Agh, I am actually a embarrassed to write about this. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to any of my friend about it in the last 3 days. I have this habit of going through my boyfriend's email, phone, etc. It's a bad habit, I ...
A. 15 May 2014: You did the right thing by finishing with him. He is a Loser with a capital L. A grown man keeping a picture of his daughter's teenage friend is not on. And grown men should not be looking at teenage girls in that way, despite what the male aunts ... (read in full...)
Men, porn and lies… feeling let down right now!
Q. Recently I found out my boyfriend still had a collection of porn and naked celeb photos - he told me he had deleted any porn and only looked at my pics. He is a good guy so I feel so sad he has lied to me. Why would he do that? He said doesn't need ...
A. 24 October 2013: To olderthandirt - some women watch porn and some men don't. That is a sweeping generalisation you've made there. Again, you've tried to justify men lying by saying it is in response to false accusations - really???? You really haven't made the ... (read in full...)
I'm an unhappily married man with two small children and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake?
Q. hi everyone. im an unhappily married man with two small children.im wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake? my wife has a short temper and can stay angry for weeks about things without e...
A. 21 October 2013: Me again. I feel some people don't get my "for better or for worse" and a few toys were thrown out of the pram. Let me explain a little more. I married last year and I take my vows very seriously. No matter how bad the ride gets, I'm in for the ... (read in full...)
Men, porn and lies… feeling let down right now!
Q. Recently I found out my boyfriend still had a collection of porn and naked celeb photos - he told me he had deleted any porn and only looked at my pics. He is a good guy so I feel so sad he has lied to me. Why would he do that? He said doesn't need ...
A. 21 October 2013: I have the opposite view to everyone here pretty much. If porn causes men to lie - then it is bad. Has the trust gone out of your relationship now because he lied to you? Everyone seems to justify the lying because you pressed him on a subject - ... (read in full...)
I'm an unhappily married man with two small children and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake?
Q. hi everyone. im an unhappily married man with two small children.im wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake? my wife has a short temper and can stay angry for weeks about things without e...
A. 10 October 2013: Sorry, but a marriage is for better or worse in my book and you should be trying to work on a solution which doesn't involve leaving. Kids don't deserve to pick up on bad vibes, and this is where you need to sit your wife down and have a good old ... (read in full...)
I feel like my wife settled with me and its really bothering me!
Q. Ok here is my story. I met my wife 14 years ago. She was 19 and i was 28. I met her through a friend. She had a daughter and i had 2 daughters from previous relstionships. The first time I met her I asked her what she thought of me and she said I ...
A. 23 September 2013: She was quite young when you met as the fag buying and hickies on the neck/boobs suggest, just saying as it already classes her as a bit of a good time girl, if you know what I mean!! I think you need to sit down with her and bare your soul - tell ... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 19 September 2013: I'd say it probably won't work out, or at least I hope it doesn't. Sex is a powerful weapon and you've gone all out to seduce him using this tool. Has he left his wife yet? No, I don't think so. And they don't even have children so he has no ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend believes a threesome will bring us closer but I've heard horror stories about them
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and recently he's asked me about having a threesome. I'm secure with myself and my sexuality. I'm also confident in our relationship. I've just heard alot of horror stories that follow a threesome ...
A. 12 September 2013: Yes, it is wrong. If you want to know why, then do a search on threesomes and read some of the horror stories. Your bf doesn't love you if he is suggesting this. End of!... (read in full...)
How to tell my sister the disturbing news about her husband that he is player?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need your advice. I had disturbing news about my younger brother-in-law from a friend who works at the same place and I try to digest it. She says that he is a player and emotional seeker. According to her, she plays games to lead the...
A. 12 September 2013: Sorry, disagree entirely with the others who say not to say anything. If someone had an inkling about my husband, particularly a relative, then I would want them to mention it so I could have a conversation with my husband about what was overheard. ... (read in full...)
My friends and family are judging me for having a relationship with a man who is my mother's age
Q. I'm in a relationship with a man that is much older than me. I just turned 18 and I recently met this guy that is 37 years old. He has a son that is 2 years older than me and he is not married. I strongly believe that age is just a number. All my f...
A. 11 September 2013: I don't blame them for freaking out - I would too. At 18, you are failing to see the bigger picture - because you don't have the experience or wisdom. The guy is essentially old enough to be your Father, and I think this is the sticking point. I ... (read in full...)
He goes to strip clubs and told me I'm not as sexually attractive to him as I was 14 years and 2 of our children ago!
Q. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been married for 10 years to my husband, we dated for about 2 years before that and we have two children together ( almost 8 and 4 years old) (he also has two from a previous marriage). I just recently found ...
A. 7 September 2013: Me again. And just one other thing. Think of all the men in the public eye who have cheated on their beautiful wives - Silvio Berlusconi, Tiger Woods etc. It wasn't that their wives were too fat or not attractive enough, their ugly husbands with ... (read in full...)
He goes to strip clubs and told me I'm not as sexually attractive to him as I was 14 years and 2 of our children ago!
Q. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been married for 10 years to my husband, we dated for about 2 years before that and we have two children together ( almost 8 and 4 years old) (he also has two from a previous marriage). I just recently found ...
A. 7 September 2013: Ooooo, I'm as mad as hell after reading some of the replies to you, especially the ones tellings you to work out and possible implants - WTF - are you serious???? Does your husband look like Brad Pitt?? Does he have a ripped toned stomach?? Is he ... (read in full...)
Why is my height so unattractive?
Q. I have been rejected by hundreds of girls offline and thousands of girls online and have lost heart and all sense of my 'physical' self-esteem. It is very difficult to remain confident after that. My track record keeps me from trying now as I have ...
A. 4 September 2013: My brother is smaller than you and he's never had any problem with women. In fact, he positively loved going out with taller ladies than himself. Admittedly he did marry late in life but he is married now with 3 girls and is wonderfully happy. He ... (read in full...)
I feel so betrayed when my boyfriend masturbates
Q. I feel so betrayed when my boyfriend masturbates. Here recently he's been looking at porn just bout everyday even with me being in the same house/next room. I have very low self esteem and I feel like he doesn't want me anymore and when we do have ...
A. 2 September 2013: He is a lazy lover and if you are going 2 weeks without making love, then he is as responsible as you are about this situation. His turning to porn is not sexy and I understand why you feel the way you do - I've no objection to masturbation and he ... (read in full...)
I get physically sick when my boyfriend looks at other women in front me or talks how beautiful women are. What should I do?
Q. I am starting to wonder if I need to seek professional help as I am concerned about my mental and physical state. My reaction to my boyfriends looking at women in front of me and his fixation with a female co-worker is starting to affect my mental...
A. 30 August 2013: Psychology Today article reckons men who do this are borderline sociopaths. If you've asked him to stop and he continues, then he has a contempt for you which is worse than the ogling. Hope the following article helps from psychology today:-
" I... (read in full...)
I feel I'm addicted to having this married man with me, even though he proved to be a liar and a cheater. How can I snap myself out of this?
Q. 2 years ago I met a man whom I fell in love with. We started seeing each other until I found out he was actually married with children (his wife read his messages and contacted me). I was devastated and things ended right there. Since we live ...
A. 14 August 2013: It appears you are chasing something which you cannot have and that I guess can be quite addictive. You are aware that you lack moral fibre and I believe this scenario is more about what you lack, because if you were a grounded person you would not ... (read in full...)
For the men who use porn, why don't you think of your girlfriend when masturbating?
Q. I'm not sure if this has been asked before but here goes those men who use porn when they have a girlfriend, why don't you think of your girlfriend when masturbating? Surely you find them the most attractive so what's it all about, we need this ...
A. 15 July 2013: ChiGirl is so wrong on this - I masturbate without porn as I am sure a lot of women do. So for her to state that "I'm pretty close to absolutely certain, that the women who don't look at porn don't masturbate either". Wrong, wrong, wrong. ... (read in full...)
My partner is obsessed with affairs and with pretty young girls.
Q. My partner seems obsessed about watching television programmes all about having affairs, or men getting one over on women. If it was just a couple of times a week it wouldn't be an issue, but its every night. Our SKY is full of recorded films al...
A. 2 July 2013: Look up the term "sociopath" - I think you are living with one. It's very hard to turn your back on the good stuff in the relationship, but the bad stuff will eventually poison your heart. Try and find a way out. Equally, read the book "The ... (read in full...)
My uncle has cancer and I'm having panic attacks. Please help me this is a lot to deal with!
Q. My Uncle has cancer, how are we all going to get through this?. I live with my Grandparents and my Uncle. My Uncle was diagnosed with cancer a month ago. He has had a few tests, and he will get the results tomorrow. The doctor wants to see him and ...
A. 2 July 2013: I am so very sorry you are at an end of life situation. I believe some people struggle to leave their loved ones, so talk to him and find out if he has any wishes he would like to be carried out. If he has any firm beliefs, eg, religion, then see ... (read in full...)
My uncle has cancer and I'm having panic attacks. Please help me this is a lot to deal with!
Q. My Uncle has cancer, how are we all going to get through this?. I live with my Grandparents and my Uncle. My Uncle was diagnosed with cancer a month ago. He has had a few tests, and he will get the results tomorrow. The doctor wants to see him and ...
A. 1 July 2013: Hi there When you say he will get results tomorrow, do you know what tests they have done? Do you know what treatment they intend to give? The reason why I am asking is because when cancer patients are going through treatment, they tend to look ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my marriage over porn...but I cannot trust someone who will look me in the face and lie.
Q. My husband knows how I feel about watching porn behind my back and lying about it. I don't like him watching it at all because I know that my body doesnt compare to those girls (after having his baby my stomach was severely covered in stretch ...
A. 1 July 2013: It's not "using sex as a weapon" - it is a very real feeling when the intimacy has been trashed to not want to sleep with your partner. If my partner had looked at porn then came to me for sex, having been turned on by the porn, then I wouldn't ... (read in full...)
Should men stand up and get involved for their partners?
Q. I have a question about men standing up for their partners. My husband today told me a story about a woman at a wedding who was being picked on by another female guest. The woman went on and on but the lady who was being picked on's husband did ...
A. 24 June 2013: There should be a certain level of support for you, but you should be able to stand your own ground at your age. Partners should have your back and I'm a bit like YouWish on this one - my husband has to calm me down if anyone crosses him. I've ... (read in full...)
Why are these girls at work so mean to me? What strategies can I try to help me? I talked to my Manager and she said, "ignore them"
Q. Why do these girls behave this way? So I got a new job a few weeks ago and the girls are started with are horrible, We are all temps on the same floor but none of them speaks to me. Is like they have a problem with me. So I stay away from...
A. 11 June 2013: Yes, I entirely disagree with Cerberus. Social isolation is a form of bullying in the workplace and what these girls are doing is bullying. So, as suggested, write down what is said, times etc, and produce this to HR as and when. ... (read in full...)
Do I give up and move on to try to find happiness? Or do I stay? We have 2 children together.
Q. Please help! I will get straight to the point. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together total for 10. In the beginning of our dating and married relationship I tried my best to be the best wife I could be. Obviously I know ...
A. 10 June 2013: If your husband has never really acknowledged what he has done and is dismissive of your feelings, then no wonder you are feeling a bit off towards him. Has he really grovelled and apologised over the affair, allowing you to voice your discomfort?? ... (read in full...)
Why are these girls at work so mean to me? What strategies can I try to help me? I talked to my Manager and she said, "ignore them"
Q. Why do these girls behave this way? So I got a new job a few weeks ago and the girls are started with are horrible, We are all temps on the same floor but none of them speaks to me. Is like they have a problem with me. So I stay away from...
A. 10 June 2013: "Ignore them and do your work". Sorry, but this is a bad manager. Do you have an HR department? If so, you could make a formal complaint about harrassment and bullying. These are very serious issues within the workplace and need to be addressed. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my marriage over porn...but I cannot trust someone who will look me in the face and lie.
Q. My husband knows how I feel about watching porn behind my back and lying about it. I don't like him watching it at all because I know that my body doesnt compare to those girls (after having his baby my stomach was severely covered in stretch ...
A. 28 May 2013: I understand you OP perfectly. You are being honest about withholding sex and I have the same thought process as you. It's not that you are wittholding, it's just that HIS porn use means you have no inclination to have sex with him. It would be... (read in full...)
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