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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: It really bothers me when women say that all men are pigs and all men are scum. When I hear girls say that, it kind of offends me. I am a nice guy. Every time I'm around a girl, I'm always a gentleman. (Hold doors open for them, pick up things when they drop them, etc...) And I realize that there are guys out there who are jerks and they use women. But why do alot of women go for those kinds of guys? I'm a romantic, and would have no problem telling a girl she's beautiful or complimenting her in any way. I also have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. (And I'm starting to think that is exactly why.) But I have female friends that assume that every man is scum just because she wasn't treated right by a guy once. When I know all guys aren't. I go out of my way to do anything for a girl. But, I'm loosing hope on ever finding someone. My question is, why do girls think that all men are scum?
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male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 I think it takes time for someone to learn to appreciate the quieter persons...It's as if you buy into some kind of scam, or eat at restaurant, just because it is cheap and looked attractive, and end up with an upset stomach, and conclude that all restaurants are crap...It just takes time to become knowledgeable in something, and with all the hype, expectations and pressure that there is around dating and sex, it is understandable that people would binge on bad relationships before adjusting their ways. But for the person who is in this situation, it is confusing and painful, hence the tendency for such generalization.It is a good emotional release, but one must grow out of it if they want to feel better.
A
female
reader, bdiehl2001  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 Your question is: why do girls think that all men are scum? I think for the most part is because the girl has a chosen or fallen into the type of guy who tends to treat them badly. They leave that relationship just to fall for another who does the same & therefore lump all men into the same category. Its not that all men are jerks its just the type that they tend be attracted to. Until they can see that and/or see that they deserve better they won't see or find the good guys like yourself.
As for yourself in finding love Abella gave you some ideas of putting yourself out there. Go to different places you haven't before be yourself & best of luck. Remember it really isn't all men that women who call them all jerks it's just what they know & had experienced so far & what they have exposed themselves to & they generalize not realizing it offends you. If they are friends you may want to say something to them that you do find it a bit offensive.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 Hello. Well i to am a girl and i also think it is rather judgemental and mean when a girl ses all guys are scum but at the same time im equally offended as when a guy says all girls are slappers.
Maybe it is because these girls have never been out with a guy like you, and there isnt really anything wrong with guys in general, it is most likely down to their poor type of judgement, or going out with a guy just because they are good looking, or have alot of money or because they have a good reputation from other girls.
Personally i think girls who say that all guys are scum and vise verser with men saying it about girls are extreamly shallow, as if you look hard enough you can find someone who is descent and a gentlemen like you.
I agree with Abella you should maybe go out to a club or something that you enjoy in order to meet up with girls who are more like you and are intrested in a simarlar sport etc. But do not be disheartned about not yet finding a girlfriend as if you hang around with girls who class all guys as scum then surely they do not deserve to go out with "scum" like you right ?
From what you have described you do sound like a lovely guy and i am sure your time will come when you will find a girl who can truely appreciate you for you x
Good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): hi there i am 21 year old female.
i guess i went through my 'guys are jerks' phase too a couple years back. but i am willing to admit it was because i always went for the confident guys who get all the girls.
well just last year i was with a guy. i was a virgin but he forced me to sleep with him and physically hurt me in the process. and i guess i started hating on all guys in general.
i think the problem is that nice guys like you don't come forward enough for us girls to get the chance to know you.
naturally we always go for the wrong type because they are players and are good at getting the girls.
but if i was to come across a guy like you and got talking to you id be very willing to go on a date and get to know you and it would reassure me that not all guys are idiots.
xx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): It is so refreshing to read something like this. If only more guys were like you. I'm sure that someday you will make some girl very happy. But don't forget that the jerks usually pretend to be gentlemen in order to get what they want. Also, be careful because it's seems to be a Murphy's law that good guys like yourself end up finding a bad girl who doesn't deserve such a guy.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 July 2011):
 Some guys are wonderful. Some guys are not. Some are shallow. Some are not.
And girls are just the same.
I have always tried to side-step from guys who are shallow and totally enjoy inter-acting with intelligent, funny, interesting guys who are good conversationalists and who think and can discuss issues and who are NEVER abusive. Just because I know the type of guys I most enjoy talking to, work with, or (in my case) marry.
Of course I meet guys I would not give you a dime for. I don't label them by the terms you mentioned but if, given a choice, then I would avoid them.
Occasionally one has to work with such guys, so one has to be courteous, but also one can be assertive if they go too far.
And I agree - I don't know why lovely capable, intelligent gals choose to stay with rude, cruel, abusive, patronising guys who can't handle their finances and who can't take responsibility for their children and their lives.
But there is a problem here for you. You are a good guy. But have not yet found love.
It could be that you are looking too hard. Or that you are looking in rhe wrong places.
It could be that you are focused on one area too much. For example I know a really nice guy at work, aged late 30s, divorced after a disaster 12 month marriage, who works three jobs, owns two houses, lives with his Mom to save money, is in a strong financial position. But continually loses girl friends after a few months. Why? He cannot recognise that he is too fixated on accounting for every cent of his expenditure and besides has barely an hour a day spare for any relationship and he works at weekemds as well. He thinks he is a good guy. But he leaves no room for a gal to find this out. He is too tense and needs to learn to relax.
I once worked with a guy who read his Bible on the bus, on his way to work daily, read his Bible in the lunch room and read his Bible on the bus home. And attended Church and special study groups whenever he could. But he was thoroughly judgemental, had no empathy for anyone, had slick shallow solutions that showed a lack of understanding towards others. Everyone had to be 'just like him' or they were wrong. He was good looking, and felt that fact, and the fact that he thought he was a 'good guy' were enough, yet he never attracted girls in the way he thought he should.
In your case I think you should stop trying to attract girls. Continue to be the good guy that you are. But add in activities and hobbies that will also put you in touch with thinking girls who are not shallow. Put balance in your life so thay you meet a wider range of different girls. Don't be afraid to ask a girl out for coffee or give a girl your phone number and ask for her phone number. Don't be afraid to join mixed groups doing good in the community.
So try any or a few of the following:
1. Join a gym and attend mixed classes for circuit or spin work
2. Join a swimming club or go swimming where others attend and go at the same time each week to give a girl chance to say hello
3. Join a mixed group of people interested in improving their public speaking skills. And keep an ear open for chances to go out for coffee later after the regular meeting
4. Volunteer to regularly work at a homeless shelter once a month or a soup kitchen for the under priveleged. Other good people will volunteer there too
5. Take a short holiday somewhere interesting and challenging - preferably outside your country. Definitely outside the area where you live.
6. Take a leisure course in a mixed class to learn a new skill - such as painting abstracts - and then join an amateur group where the group will enjoy putting your work in their exhibitions.
7. Join a mixed Yoga class - very relaxing and pleasant.
8. Join a mixed cooking class - where you can socialise once the class is over - and eat together the things you have made.
All the above are about getting you out of your comfort zone, getting you to reach out and meet new people, and about meeting people who are just as nice as you. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): It's normal for women to be attracted to jerks especially when they are younger. Evolution makes them seek aggressive male genes, preferably in a hot sexy guy.
But a lot of women would rather gripe about how "all men are assholes" than take responsibility for their own bad choices in men. That is their problem.
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