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"Always be Kinder than necessary"... J M Barrie

I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)

And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf

“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “

"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."

That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.

And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.

When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:

With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.

Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.

We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.

It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.

In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.

Never underestimate such a person.

Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.

A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.

Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.

The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:

“A leader leads by example not by force. “

And now some less well known quotes:

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”

by Daisaku Ikeda

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

by Maya Angelou

“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”

by Zainab Alsaati

Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')

'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie

I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person

'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,

kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer

'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.

Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie

"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson

“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa

"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt

'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie

what's your favourite quote?

But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.

There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.

They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.

Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.

There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?

Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.

Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.

What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?

Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:

Negativity?

Passive Aggression?

Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?

Envy

Jealousy

For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.

The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.

Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.

Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.

Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.

Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified.

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How do I get these collectors to stop trying to locate my Bf's ex through me at the address where I now live?

Q.   Im receiving mail that belongs to my bf's ex wife. She never lived here with him, so im guessing since she went bankrupt, collectors are still looking for her with my bf's last name. Is there a way to stop these mail or an easier way for me to re ...

A.   7 September 2011: sadly the Collectors may think you are the woman they are seeking - and that you have just changed your name to avoid them. OR, worse, his ex may have been trying to make out she is you (i hope not, for your sake). Just write boldly across the fron... (read in full...)

My mom is having an affair with her married boss!

Q.   Hi readers, I'm typing this, hoping to seek great advice from anybody/everybody. I am 19yrs. old, living with my little brother and mother. My parents are separated. My father does not live with us, although he does live fairly close to us. M...

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My mind says do not go back to my abusive ex. My heart says yes. what should I do? Should I just stay friends and avoid relationships for a while?

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A.   5 September 2011: You are starting to realise how important it is to do the right thing by you. Asking yourself, "is this really a good thing for me?" And just talk to the 17 year old as a friend. There is nothing wrong with having a few platonic friends where th... (read in full...)

Should I confront his mother or just try and grow up right away?

Q.   so me and my boyfriend have been daiting for almost 2 years and we have had sex only once. the other day we were going to again but the night before he told me that his mom didn't want it to happen because she found me immature. she doesnt want it ...

A.   5 September 2011: hi Larissa I never thought you sounded mean. Your boyfriend is being honest with you. Though it would be respectful if he refrained from giving his Mom Too much information about some personal intimate information. Surely his Mom can see that the... (read in full...)

I have so much love to give. But how do I encourage my first Gay love relationship? Also low self esteem is another issue for me.

Q.   Hi I'm 16 and I'm gay. The thing is I've never been in a relationship and I feel so lonely all the time. I really want to be with someone. I'm not desperate, but one of my greatest fears is spending my life alone, and not sharing myself at leas...

A.   4 September 2011: At 16-17 there are some restrictions on where you can go and whether it is OK for you to consider on-line dating. It is a difficult time. But some things are possible and I will give you some suggestions below: The USA youth talkline is 1800 246... (read in full...)

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Q.   My wife has stopped taking her Fluoxetine (Prozac equivalent as an anti-depressant) and so she has become really angry and edgy again. As a result I'm finding it really difficult to sleep and concentrate on work. A little while ago I visited my pare...

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My mind says do not go back to my abusive ex. My heart says yes. what should I do? Should I just stay friends and avoid relationships for a while?

Q.   My ex-boyfriend wants me back. What should I do? He is 26 years old, I'm almost 17 years old. Our relationship was of 3 years. It was a long distance relationship. We met online. I broke-up with him 3 months ago but we still remained in contact on ...

A.   4 September 2011: Three years is a long time for a relationship. And it would have hurt like anything to cause you to break it off. You did the right thing to break it off. And this abusive guy did not even show you the respect of a proper relationship. Wa... (read in full...)

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Q.   I've had an emotional empty feeling for a few years. I can't identify the cause despite but it might have developed from the sadness that was caused to me as a child about things that I couldn't control and being very unfortunate. I do have good ...

A.   4 September 2011: And last but not least I also recommend one of the Great Uncle on Dear Cupid, namely Caring Guy. He has written a very insightful article, repeated below, on teenagers and although it is addressed to parents as well as teens I think it shows a go... (read in full...)

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I know he's a bad boy. Should I be worried that he's rescheduled our date?

Q.   So this guy i like took me out, we had fun, he scheduled a date 3 days later, and then last minute the day of the date he called to cancel he said he was really tired and that he wanted to give me his full attention. he also seemed really apol...

A.   4 September 2011: Always start off as you mean to go on. Yes this is a very very bad sign. If you were really important to him he would reschedule anything else just so he could see you. Words are easy. Look at his actions. Promises, hints? Maybe he will ? All T... (read in full...)

Is this girl, who I love, worth another try, or will I get hurt again?

Q.   My ex-girlfriend and I dated about 11 months before she dumped me. We had a fantastic physical and emotional relationship, we had great chemistry, and often stayed up to the late hours of the night talking and just enjoying the companionship of one ...

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How can I feel less empty and get a girl to notice me?

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Q.   so me and my boyfriend have been daiting for almost 2 years and we have had sex only once. the other day we were going to again but the night before he told me that his mom didn't want it to happen because she found me immature. she doesnt want it ...

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Q.   My mom had me when she was about 19, then 3 months later married my biological father as requested by my grandmother. My mom and biological father got divorced before my first birthday because my mom knew that he was not ready to be a dad. My bio...

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Q.   Hi.! I m 26yr old avg person in every respect. We r the family of 4, my mom, dad and a youger brother. I m doing a readymade garment business in partnership with my dad and uncle. Business is doing fine. My dad is a hard working or I could say a wo...

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A.   30 August 2011: i continue to be in awe of the magnificent contributions of anonymousmale1. His wisdom is immense. Another article I will recommend along with his other wonderful articles. The words are SO TRUE. Thank you Abella ... (read in full...)

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Fiance talks more to her ex than she does to me

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What help is available to give us some support? My Step son is terrorising the family with his behavior.

Q.   This is very long but there is no way to shorten it. I have been in this relationship with my GF for 3 1/2 years now. She has both a daughter (8yrs) and a son(11yrs). My relationship with the daughter couldn't be better. It's the step son. H...

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A.   28 August 2011: He cannot possibly be perfect as he failed to see the true depth of who you are. If he had put more effort into knowing you as well as you know yourself he would have been wowed by your passion you really do feel for him and energy and your spirit ... (read in full...)

The one that got away. Did he care? What could I do to get him back, if ever?

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A.   28 August 2011: Rebound relationships are often fraught with problems. And he certainly had a lot to think about. Can you try to locate where he is living in Australia and book a flightt there from New Zealand. That is if you are still in New Zealand now? rath... (read in full...)

Guys: How To Develop "Swagger" To Attract More Women Part 1

Q.   The way you carry yourself, dress, talk, or even walk, can either attract a potential mate or repel her. In other words you need to have some swagger. So to avoid being rejected before you even say a word, you need to do the following: 1. Carefu...

A.   28 August 2011: I agree that too much cologne is a turn off. If all I can notice is the cologne then a man is wearing too much. There are times when I do not like all his clothing choices, but I need to cope with that as in IHHO he is really good at choosing... (read in full...)

We want to moved in together. How do I tell her parents? They don't know we have been dating.

Q.   Okay, so I've been dating my girlfriend for almost four years now. I'm 19 and she is 18. Everything would be great except that her parents are very strict, in fact they don't even know we are dating since i have been hanging out with her and her ...

A.   28 August 2011: Tallk to your girlfriend first.She msut be part of any solution and she knows her parents best. You can start off by being honest, possibly disappointing her parents. Then trying to rebuild the relationship and the trust between her parents ... (read in full...)

My ex has given me private information. Do I tell this to my friends? Or do I just tell my new Gf? I am worried how my new GF will take it.

Q.   Hi. So I had broken up with my girlfriend last thanksgiving because she just didnt really respect me. After a party one night i was a bit sideways and she was and somehow post break up emotions led one thing led to another and yeah. Needless...

A.   28 August 2011: hi, i am sorry if you did not feel you got your message across as you wanted. If you did not provide a title then perhaps the moderator picked a title. I found it more useful to state my own title when I put up a question. It is not guaranteed it ... (read in full...)

We talk a lot. We flirt even more. But he talks to other girls and will not give me his number. Does he like me?

Q.   The story of my life. I've watched the movie (he's just not that into you[LOL]), I've talked to friends who know the guy, aaaannnd? The end result is that we are all completely clueless as to if he is interested in me or not. So I'm writing to get ...

A.   28 August 2011: Here are my suggestions on editing, you decide which ones might apply? If a post repetitively says the same thing said 30 different ways, then maybe the moderator may decide that the people who answer the questions will 'get it' if the post does... (read in full...)

Why do some people become racist and rude and have a problem with interracial relationships?

Q.   Why do some people have a problem with interracial relationships? There's this guy that I like and he's white and I'm black, Native American, Puerto Rican, and white, but most people just think I'm black and Puerto Rican. Anyway, were at the mall ...

A.   27 August 2011: Ignorance seems to be the most common issue that allows racism to fester. Education is the single most important factor that can address inappropriate racism. Study Sociology and culture and anthropology and people might understand the beliefs ... (read in full...)

Am I being a doormat?

Q.   My partrner of 11 years has started a job good pay , he provides for me and my son , but we have drifted apart the last few weeks as he keeps going to the pub every Friday straight after work, no dinner or no bath, hr cones back drunk as anything , ...

A.   27 August 2011: Is your partner perhaps feeling depressed? Alcohol can often be used by a person to self medicate themselves when they are feeling trapped and depressed. Your guy is binge drinking once a week. This then results in you being subjected to abus... (read in full...)

The married man who I am seeing, accuses me of cheating on him!!

Q.   I am absolutly livid and hope somebody can either 1) Persuade me I'm wrong or, 2) Prove me right! I have been seeing a man who is married for a while now and I have stayed faithfull since day one. He also tells me he doesn't sleep with his w...

A.   27 August 2011: Wow, this married man is a piece of work isn't he? Prepared to cheat on his wife. Still lives with her, so I can guarantee is is enjoying home comforts. Most likely his "agreement" with his wife is that you will never have any other partner, thereby ... (read in full...)

My ex-sister-in-law is planning to attend my father's memorial service and reception, while no one from my family wants her to. How do we ask her to stay away?

Q.   My father's memorial service and reception will be next week and I just found out that my ex-sister-in-law is planning to attend and sit with the family. My father was very angry with this woman for what she did to my brother and their 2 young ...

A.   27 August 2011: Hi Beebeel You can always exclude a person from a funeral by arranging a private funeral where the funeral is arranged privately with no publicity and not announced until after the funeral has been held. And by asking specific people who have been... (read in full...)

Should I leave him, or should I stay and just be a patient girlfriend?

Q.   Hello everyone, I have a little bit of situation here. And i need your advice. 2 months ago i meet this guy from a dating site, and then everything happened so fast and he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes because i liked him. I was ...

A.   26 August 2011: Not at all. You are not being too clingy. It sure sounds like his parents and family like you a lot more than his previous girlfriend. But I think his ex may still have some influence over him. Because if he really cared and was available to you ... (read in full...)

When life's a female dog...

Q.   ... haha sorry about the title. Lame i know :). I also know that this may sound dramatic, emo, cliche, cheesy, etc etc etc... BUT I had a momentary moment of absolute peace when i thought of this... When you're in a situation that just t...

A.   25 August 2011: Hi You are so correct. The best way to to treat any B^^#% is to do the opposite of what they expect. It destablises these nasty people. I agree Smile at them. Another bit of advice I was give was from a relative who said "act like a duck" = all ... (read in full...)

I do drugs, smoke and drink to relieve boredom. I want help to stop before I ruin my life

Q.   Hi :) I'm asking this because im starting to get a bit worried. Im generally a sensible person, but I dont (in my view) have a very exciting life and sometimes I feel really trapped and I have to go out and do something that I wouldn't usually do. ...

A.   24 August 2011: Perhaps this has become a habit because you are surrounded by others who think it is OK. But the fact that you are asking this question tells me that you are recognising that there is a better way. Correct me if I am wrong? If you want to change a... (read in full...)

My ex wants to move near by. Is it to be closer to me?

Q.   I need some advice please guys me amd my boyfriend split up 2 wks ago he moved in wth a friend miles away, now today he told me hes moving up the road with a male friend to be closer to work and the kids, im not sure how to take this as we have more ...

A.   23 August 2011: Hi, he has children? With you or with another partner? The fact thar he is always civil and smile and looks pleased to see you and makes conversation is a very good sign for you. And you only split up two weeks ago, so Yes, he may even want to ... (read in full...)

I keep revealing too much information. What do I do?

Q.   hey, I'm 26 and I've been with my boyfriend for 12 months. Basically I keep beating myself up about my past and don't know why, It's happened before and I've felt the need to tell him things about my past which has caused arguments (obvs) but more...

A.   23 August 2011: Hi, I was perhaps tired when I wrote this. But I thought of adding a PS because of the quote from your message : "I've felt the need to tell him things about my past which has caused arguments " And I thought, if the tendency to come out with... (read in full...)

I keep revealing too much information. What do I do?

Q.   hey, I'm 26 and I've been with my boyfriend for 12 months. Basically I keep beating myself up about my past and don't know why, It's happened before and I've felt the need to tell him things about my past which has caused arguments (obvs) but more...

A.   22 August 2011: hi One way not to be a run away motor mouth is to develop very superior listening skills. Really weigh up all they are saying. Quietly reflect on everything they are saying. Let there be silence. don't feel you have to be 'interesting' And ask t... (read in full...)

Is there anyone genuine on the internet?

Q.   Has anybody met anyone genuine on the internet? I have met some really rude people and am beginning to wonder if it's me. Met one guy who sent me an email with bullet points saying why he didn't want to meet again. Another guy brought 3 con...

A.   21 August 2011: I am sorry you have had such a bad run. Perhaps consider a holiday to an entirely different destination. These guys sound like that they are in a complete rut of ordinariness and I am sure you deserve better than that. Angry disgruntled men too hurt ... (read in full...)

How can one know if he truely loves you? signs? words? feelings? Anything would help

Q.   About a year ago i cheated on my bf with one of his friends, it was a one night thing, he found out, he dumped me. my bf are back together agian, after a year, but how do i get him to fully trust me again, i love him i do, but idk what to do, i re...

A.   21 August 2011: Trust is very important. Trust is earned. Often easily. But Trust lost needs a lot more work. If you cheated, then he dumped you, then he took you back then that tells me he is a forgiving guy who is willing to trust you again. But he will not... (read in full...)

How can one know if he truely loves you? signs? words? feelings? Anything would help

Q.   About a year ago i cheated on my bf with one of his friends, it was a one night thing, he found out, he dumped me. my bf are back together agian, after a year, but how do i get him to fully trust me again, i love him i do, but idk what to do, i re...

A.   21 August 2011: Always look at his actions and do not just look at his words. The same applies to you. Listening. Real genuine, taking notice of what you say. Replying to what you said in a way that demonstrates that he understands you and values what you have to ... (read in full...)

I keep revealing too much information. What do I do?

Q.   hey, I'm 26 and I've been with my boyfriend for 12 months. Basically I keep beating myself up about my past and don't know why, It's happened before and I've felt the need to tell him things about my past which has caused arguments (obvs) but more...

A.   21 August 2011: I think it would be useful for you to explore with a counsellor why you feel the need to open up about things where it may not be the approriate time or place to reveal such things. Just because something jumps into our head does not mean it has ... (read in full...)

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