A
female
age
36-40,
*illylightly
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 and half months my boyfriend is afraid that he is going to lose me i told him no you aren't going to lose me i love him and i want to be with him he trust me and loves me my thinks i don't know what love is and i do to i am 25 years old and he is 29 years old i will be 26 in November 24th i have been crying and i am just worrying about my boyfriend he is hurting like i am i know that he is he told me and i can tell in his voice that he is hurting is there any thing that we can do to make are relationship work he wasn't to spend the rest of his life with me i want to do the same for him he means so much to me i wish that i knew what to do to make both sides see that we can make this work i would love to have advice on this so if you would help me i would be great full for that and thanks again every one Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 July 2011):
 to me love is a whole range of things, but especially it is the feeling that there is no one else who makes you feel so comfortable inside your own skin, when you are with that person, and they feel the same.
Love is not judgemental. You don't have to wake up looking like a supermodel, your live will love you all the same.
Love is not unkind. 'Put downs / snide remarks' are not part of what I call love.
But gentle joking and mucking around, with 'taking the mickey' are OK and part of what I call love. Especially if a gentle chiding required.
Love does not impose unwanted physical nor psychological pain nor any other kind of unwanted. Love is not putting you in danger nor imposing unwanted harm on you. That's why Domestic Abuse is Not Love. It is Abuse of Power in a relationship
Love is not imposing Guilt. Love does not try to get out of a person something they should NOT need to do to 'prove' love. Such as 'if you really loved me you would buy me that ....... Expensive xyz.
Love is Trust.
When you love another you completely trust them. And nothing has ever occurred to impact on that - in fact you
Love is being Honest and Faithful.
So infidelity is an immediate barometer marker that one or both of a couple has a problem to resolve.
When you utterly truly completely adore and LOVE your partner then you would not want to betray their trust and faith in you by being unfaithful.
Love is not abuse of that trust. A little I can handle. Sometimes a little lie is needed for good reasons (he was arranging your birthday surprise)
Love is a strong partnership.
Where values, attitudes are strongly aligned even if your interests are not always the same. You respect each other
And value each other and see good in each other.
In a sexual relationship where you both feel love and have consumated a sexul relationship - you both continue to enjoy each other. Share many experiences together. And your sex drives are aligned too.
Love is finding that just seeing your partner again makes your face and you light up with joy. This goes well beyond the early infatuation stage of a possible love relationship.
Love is standing by and standing up (safely)for each other (in safe ways) no matter what is happening all around. Think of that couple in Canada. They guy thought first and foremost of protecting, calming and assuring his girl - Even though the riot police were storming all around and her ankle looked hurt.
There are many more things that is. And when a couple are truly in love, both truly in love with each other, and both are willing to work on it. Because True Love has all the time in the world to honor their commitment to each other and work on their relationship and nurture it to keep growing the relationship.
Not every relationship can go the distance.
But people learn a little more about themselves, and what they need in a relationship from every relationship they are in.
It sounds like it is his own insecurities that are driving this issue he has. It IS his problem and HE needs to solve it. Insist he be more honest and give you examples. Ask him what more he wants or needs from you? And ask yourself 'is this love' when he honestly reveals his fears.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 You could ask him what he thinks love is and when he can't give a very good answer you can let him know that love is an undescribable feeling that developes over time. You may not express what he thinks is love but let him know that every day you spend with him you want to be with him more and more and that is the best way to see why you do love him.
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